I Hate People....Occupy THIS!

Ok, so regardless of political affiliations, I think we (people who are rational/normal to ANY extent) agree that it's good to stand up for your beliefs/opinions. However, I think we'd also agree that it's completely ridiculous to be part of a poorly organized 'movement' where everyone has their own agenda, full of individuals who are not regularly showering and enjoy camping in metropolitan areas.

Basically, (and this post is NOT geared toward the left OR the right), these people need to get their acts together and get jobs. Every retail establishment I enter is hiring and working part time at a retail location is better than voluntarily sucking off the gov't and the rest of us who are contributing to unemployment. These programs definitely serve their purpose during tough times.  I know there's a recession, I know the unemployment rates are high and it's very difficult for people to get jobs, especially within the pay ranges needed to live comfortably. I know there has been misconduct by politicians (on both sides) and by corporations....but I ALSO know that many of us are BARELY making ends meet financially....so "Occupiers", explain this to me:









Yeah, that's what I thought...you CAN'T explain that because it's COMPLETELY unacceptable! Are you serious right now? These hippie deadbeats are BURNING U.S. Currency....What the hell is going on here?

First of all, that's illegal...so why isn't something being done about this? It's on film for God's sake! Protesting is legal and well within their rights (even though I think they are mental midgets and completely disagree), but burning money is actually a crime.

Secondly, like it or not, you need cash to pay bills/buy things. SOOOOO, although it's 'weak', and you might want to revert to a barter economy,  it's unacceptable to burn it. I don't know about you, but I need all the help I can get financially. I want to choke this loser and all of his tent dwelling friends! That's logical, hold a fistful of burning paper and shake it like you're having a seizure. Is this guy mentally ill, homeless, or both? I think he probably should have used that money to buy a comb.

It should be noted that there is additional footage of this happening at another protest out on the West Coast. And at this particular protest, there are larger bills involve. Moral of the story? I guess it's easy to burn money and protest anything and everything as your 'full time job' when you're living off the rest of us who go to work and contribute part of our hard earned money to the federal & state unemployment programs.

By the way, I think they should have held off on this currency burning until the really cold weather set in....but given their inability to even have a cohesive mission, I shouldn't be surprised. God knows they'll need all the extra heat they can get as they camp out all winter (which they won't!). I'm thinking the pepper spray will work wonders to keep them toasty come the bitter winter months.


-KC Jones

I Love People....The Maiden Voyage...

So, I've decided to introduce a new series of 'regular' posts to "The Takeover" entitled, "I Love People". Now, I also hate them, so that series of posts might be coming along as well, but after a quick trip to CVS last night, I needed to share the insanity that I witnessed. I figured this little episode would be the perfect introduction for "I Love People".

Ok, so the Christmas spirit is in the air and on full display at all retailers. I go into CVS last night and the holiday aisle is fully stocked with candy, stockings, lights, Santa & snowmen decorations, and plenty of wrapping paraphernalia. I notice this guy standing at the front of the aisle with his son. The little boy was probably 4, tops and his father looked like he just hopped out of an episode of MacGyver (think 1980's attire, leather coat, feathered almost mullet hair--but he also looked like he MIGHT have just come off a bender).

Anyway, the boy is standing next to a 'life sized Nutcracker' (life sized meaning it was the little boy's height) and pulling the lever up and down, making the mouth open and speaking for Mr. Cracker (it should be noted that this particular nut buster was holding a drum). So, then I hear another little voice and I look down the seasonal aisle and see this guy's other son (probably around 6), doing the same thing. The two wooden crackers are conversing, and soon it turns into this:

6 year old: "What are you doing?"

4 year old: "I don't know, I'm a drunk!"

Ummm...So I wasn't sure if I heard it right and doubted myself for a moment, until MacGvyer said, "What? You're a drummer?" (Remember, this Nutcracker was holding a drum). And the boy responded back, "No, I'm a drunk!"...And instead of nervous laughter or trying to change the subject, MacGvyer says, "Well, I guess you could be a drunk drummer!". He was apparently very proud of his own comment as he started to laugh (naturally I did as well), and then he goes into the aisle and grabs another Nutcracker (this time a hand held one) and starts playing along with the kids. Who wants to bet this guy will be drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon with his boys before they are 21? But, in his mind, he'll be supervising, so it's all good.

 This is just a quick little story, but I wanted to share it because it was hilarious and because sometimes, I love people!

-KC Jones

Stuck In My Head

I really like this jam, "I Need a Dollar," by Aloe Blacc.  I doubt KC will like it because its not rap, but it could be the story of ghetto youths.  She once said something to the effect of this to me, regarding the origins of hip hop:  "Hip hop came from the stories of ghetto children."  Not an exact quote there, but pretty close.  This was because I said that hip hop had roots in jazz and she disagreed.

Also, I think with it being the holiday season, I could always use a dollar (or several thousand if someone is feeling generous).  I may take my act to the streets and just get money at stop lights.  Remember that dude in Cleveland with the crazy voice who was begging for money (and probably making like $37 an hour), was discovered and did some stuff for the Cavs?



I don't have that guy's voice, but I am awesome.  I could just do awesome stuff for a dollar, right?  I'll just try not to get drunk and get into a domestic dispute with my estranged daughter after I make it big with all that beggar money.  I'll just make enough money to buy enough cigarettes to last me and my family the rest of our lives.



-Big Ran

Couple of things from KC Jones:

1. I don't remember saying that, but I am sure I did. Don't know why....

2. Big Ran is sadly mistaken as I do enjoy music other than Rap and he KNOWS this, man! (I will always love Boyz II Men).

3. I could use a few dollas....so play on!

Baby Got Back

Fake Doctor Injected Cement Into Woman's Rear, Police Say

PLEASE NOTE THIS IS THE 'DOCTOR', NOT THE 'VICTIM'

MIAMI –  A woman who wanted to work at a nightclub started searching for someone who could perform plastic surgery at a cheap price to give her a curvier body. Police say what she found was a woman posing as a doctor who filled her buttocks with cement, mineral oil and flat-tire sealant.

The suspect -- who police say was born a man and identifies as a woman -- apparently performed the surgery on herself, and investigators say she may have victimized others. Oneal Ron Morris, 30, was arrested

Friday after a year on the lam and has been charged with practicing medicine without a license with serious bodily injury.

Police photos show Morris as a small-framed woman with bee-stung pouty lips, arched eyebrows, oversized hoop earrings -- and a large backside. She was released from jail on bond. A phone listing for Morris could not be found, and it's unclear if she has an attorney.

Miami Gardens Police Sgt. Bill Bamford said Sunday that Morris bounced from house to house for a year, driving a black Mercedes and staying out of investigators' sight "like a ghost." An officer drove by one of those possible houses nearly every day on his way to work and saw the car outside on Friday, and he arrested Morris soon after.

The victim, who is not being named due to medical privacy laws, paid $700 for a series of injections in May 2010. 

She was referred to Morris by a friend.

Morris injected some type of tube in several sites around her bottom, pumping it full of a toxic concoction. Morris reassured the woman when the pain became too intense, police said.

Bamford said Morris told the woman, "`Oh don't worry, you'll be fine. We just keep injecting you with the stuff and it all works itself out."'

Bamford said the victim was reluctant to come forward. She quickly went to two South Florida hospitals due to severe abdominal pain and infected sores on her buttocks accompanied by flu-like symptoms. But she left each time, too embarrassed to tell doctors what she'd done.

Her mother eventually took her to a hospital on Florida's west coast, where alarmed doctors pressed her for information. They alerted the Department of Health.

"The doctors knew no licensed physician in his right mind would ever do this," Bamford said.

The victim is still recovering from the surgery and says it's too painful to work. She also has racked up numerous medical bills.

Authorities believe there are other victims who may be too embarrassed to come forward.

"(Morris) was readily introduced to our victim as someone who could help improve her shape, so we believe (she's) done this to other people," Bamford said.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/11/20/fake-doctor-injected-cement-into-womans-rear-police-say/#ixzz1emH2fk00

Ok, so maybe I'm the worst person in the world, but I don't feel bad for this broad---at all. Seriously? I laughed when I heard it on the radio, I laughed when I saw it on the news, and I'm STILL laughing (but now the rage has set in --- reasons will be noted below). This isn't a 'victim', this is a willing participant. Unless you are going to an actual doctor's office or hospital, then you're asking for it. This is America--we have an elaborate set of checks and balances and regulations to ensure that only REAL doctors are practicing. I can't feel bad for someone like this when there are people suffering through NO fault of their own.

I've highlighted my favorite parts in red and underlined them. 

I'm LOVING the description of the 'doctor'....I love how the reporter throws in, "with a large backside"....yessss..... Question: Did she do this to herself OR was she, as Lady Gaga sings, "Born This Way" and just wanted others to suffer the same plight? Oh wait, she wasn't 'born this way'....she is really a man....what? This story is like a car wreck--you wanna stop looking (reading), but you can't!

Also, this trick's FRIEND referred her to this 'doctor'? Good friend! I can pretty much guarantee that the 'friend' was a victim of this quack and was also disfigured and mad that her friend wasn't. So, to get everyone on a level playing field appearance wise, she recommended this. (Trust me, women are insane---and I know plenty of them who would totally do this to another without thinking twice!). 

Then, the description of the process....honest to God, I am actually full of rage that someone is such an idiot and the article is being written like there is a victim here. Nope, not a victim, just an ass (literally!). And, as for Dr. Demento, I wonder how long she thought she was going to get away with this. I guess after she'd done it to one person and got away with it, she figured, 'why not'.

Finally, I hope that everyone is ready to keep going to work so we can all pay this broad's unemployment benefits and medical bills because now that she WILLINGLY went for black market medical procedures, she's unable to work or pay any of the bills. Yup, that sounds about right. No problem, there's only one thing I love more than paying my own bills; and that's paying OTHER people's bills! 

By the way, I'd be too embarrassed to come forward if I was one of these a-holes as well. Think about this for a second; once the cement dries and hardens, how exactly would one get around? Also, how would the weight and pressure not rip the skin right off of her body? Just thinking out loud here... oh, and one more thing....would the flat tire sealant negate the effects of the cement? So many questions, so little time.


Hey Big Ran, what do you think? Please provide the male perspective; how do guys like the body type shown in the picture above? Should I sign up for my own 'tank ass' today?

-KC Jones

Happy Thanksgving Everyone! Happy Dance Time!

-Big Ran

The Debate Has Been Resolved

Peruvian Mayor Says Contaminated Water is Making His Town Gay

The mayor of a coastal Peruvian town says he’s discovered the reason there are a growing number of gays in his area: the presence of the metal strontium in the local water supply.

“Unfortunately Strontium reduces male hormones and suddenly we’ll be as Tabalosos, as other towns, where the percentages are increasing of homosexuality,” Mayor José Benítez warned the citizens of Huarmey during an opening ceremony for a local water project.

Scientists warn that strontium, which is naturally occurring, can cause bone cancer, anemia and cardiovascular complications in very high doses. No study has ever suggested that it’s tied to sexual behavior.

Benítez’s accusation probably derives from a Peruvian television program several years ago that claimed the population of Tabalosos was predominantly gay. Tabalosos, which is located in Peru’s interior, is the source of water for Huarmey.

Tabolosos Mayor Jorge Luis Vasquez said the myth about Tabalosos has damaged his city’s reputation. He demanded that Benítez either prove his assertion or apologize for it.

“Young people have low self-esteem by this stigma,” Vasquez said.

There was always the nature vs. nature debate, but I guess this settles it, right?  Peruvian water gives you the gays.

Stuck In My Head

I think I may have see that Kia dancing hamster dancing commercial at some point last night, I'm not sure.

The countdown to the 2 PM office closing is on!  T-minus Five hours and four minutes.

-Big Ran

Irrational Rant...Lexus Christmas Commercials

Just when you thought you couldn't hate the Lexus "December to Remember" commercials any more than you do already, they play this one during the Patriots game last night.  ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?  We're in a f*cking recession, we have douche bags occupying everything, and Lexus thinks its a good idea to have a couple hipsters giving each other luxury cars?  F*ck that noise.

Bro, how about you unbutton that top button, change the skinny jeans and get a haircut.  I bet these two a$$holes are graphic and interior designers.  F*ck them.

Who the f*ck buys a car for someone for Christmas other than someone getting one for their kid (and if the kid gets a Lexus, f*ck them too)?  Oh, hey, honey, thanks for dropping 50 large in a terrible economy, so when I get laid off we can continue to have payments on what could be the price of a small home in some parts of the country at super-high interest.  BEST. GIFT. EVER.

In a bad economy, I think they should go in one of two directions...

1.  A waspy couple drives their Lexus to a holiday party and goes into a house, only to have the car stolen and taken to a chop shop.

2.  This f*cking graphic designer loses his job and can't pay for his Lexus, so it gets repo'd.

DECEMBER TO REMEMBER, B!TCHES!!!!!

-Big Ran

KC Jones notes: I couldn't agree with you more Big Ran. Truer words have never been spoken (or blogged). How about option #3: A waspy couple brings the Lexus home and their newly licensed teenage daughter takes it out and gets knocked up in the back seat? Uh-oh, looks like it's time for a trade in and a mini-van....Don't worry Big Ran, as usual, Honda, along w/ a little help from Putty (Seinfeld), puts these ass clowns in their places. Now this is what I'm talkin' 'bout!:



Big Ran Note: YESSSSS! I hadn't seen this Honda commercial, but do I like it? ALL SIGNS POINT TO YES!

Only 2 Days till Thanksgiving Jam

I think I react the same way to work now that I did to school when I was a kid and it was anytime close to a vacation or holiday.  I HAVE NO DESIRE TO DO ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE.

I just want to rock out, so this song will do it.  This is a total jam and has the added bonus of having possibly the most genius video of all time.  Simple, yet perfect.  If you don't think I'm doing this dance at 2 PM when my office closes tomorrow, you are outside of your mind.

-Big Ran

Big Ran's Movie Review: Twilight (The third one? Fourth?)

Like, OMG, I'm like SOOOO in to you right now.

To just go back in time just a bit, my birthday was a couple of weeks ago.  So, my wife says to me, "I'm going to take you to the movies for your birthday."  In my head, I thought, "OK, that's a strange thing for her to say, but I friggin' love movies."  Then it dawned on me (no pun intended, but that worked out pretty nicely):  "Oh man, Twilight must be out."  My wife responded with "Yup! Happy birthday!"

Well, good things come to those who wait because yesterday she delivered on that promise and we saw "Twilight: Breaking Dawn."  

Now, I didn't read any of these books, so there are constantly things I need clarification on in addition to the fact that I never remember what has been going on in previous movies.  What I didn't know until after the movie is that the final book was divided into three sections, so I guess they are making a movie for each part of the last book.  A.  Holy sh!t, there are two more movies.  B.  This movie had a slow ass start; nothing went down until the last half hour or so I'm sure they could have crammed everything into one movie, but that doesn't put my money in the pockets of Robert Pattinson's skinny jeans, so I have to see two more.

The best part of the movie was right after the two main peeps got married, the vampire tells his chick, "I have one more present for you, let's go somewhere a bit more private."  And I said to my wife, "It's in my pants,  and it's my boner."  Definitely the best part of the movie.

So, on the plus side, there were less shirtless dudes in this one than the last one, so there was a lot less 14 year old girls shrieking in the theater.  Also, thank God for smart phones.  I could check my fantasy football team the whole time.

Overall, I give it two out of five stars.  The wolves were cool and less shirtless dudes.

-Big Ran

PS: When you try a google search for Kristen Stewart Br (for Breaking Dawn), you get this:  Kristen Stewart Bra Size.  That's always good on the work computer.