Thursday, May 19, 2011

Forbes Celebrity Top 100

So, Forbes came out with their list of the most powerful celebrities in the world and I just wanted to touch on the top 10 and maybe a few notables in order to avoid doing actual work at my actual job.


10.  LeBron F*cking James

Dude holds a TV special to ditch his home team, admits not being able to carry a team, acts like a total douche and is number 10 on the list.  I must be no lower than nine.  Am I biased.  Of course.  I am biased against dickweeds.








9.  Simon Cowell


I have to admit it, I watch American Idol.  Pretty much always agreed with what he had to say and I thought I would miss him on the show.  Most of the time I don't miss him at all, but the dude is still a big time producer, has a terrible haircut, and rocks mad chest hair.




8.  Bon Jovi


How?  How is he the eighth most powerful/influential celebrity?  I know he owns an arena football team and is buddies with Bill Belichick.  He can still sell out concerts, but I don't get this one.  However, his tunes do give my buddy, Danny, major wood.







7. Taylor Swift


This list is officially not geared toward me.  Remember a simpler time when everything was geared toward white males 19-40 or whatever.  I could not name you one song Taylor Swift sings.  Was she in High School Musical?  That was big, right?  I know she wasn't on American Idol.





6.  Tiger Woods


Again, I'm not sure how on this one.  He banged tons of skanks, tripped out on Ambien, ran his SUV into a mailbox, and now he sucks at golf.  Elin should be higher on the list than he is.


5.  Elton John


Old rock star who married a dude way out of his league, so in that regard, he did it right.  I'm sure he sells out huge concerts, but he's not doing anything for me.




4. U2


I am going to write this and I already know I am going to piss plenty of people off.  U2 is a very good band.  They have some great songs.  Sunday Bloody Sunday is an epic song.  They put on great shows and their Super Bowl Show had to be the best halftime in Super Bowl history. Bono also does a ton for African charities.  They still sell out stadiums.  This is way too high for them.  When a band is this famous, its impossible not to be overrated.


3.  Justin Bieber


Biebs.  Ahh, behold the power of YouTube.  I just can't believe this kid is 17.  I cannot wait until his voice changes.  When his voice starts cracking, I think he may be ranked a wee bit lower.  At least his movie was in 3D.  Again, this list is not for me.





2.  Oprah


I don't watch Oprah, but I don't have a beef with her.  This may be high, but she has had quite a run.  Dave Chappelle's skit about being her baby daddy?  Some of his best work.






1.  Lady Gaga


After seeing the top 10, it is clear that this list is geared toward girls and women ages 10-60.  Not handsome male bloggers.  OK, Gaga has had a couple huge years, but number one seems high to me.  I am not 100% sure she's a woman, and that's cool.  I always hear people say that she is a Madonna rip off, but I am not exactly sure, does it really matter?  I get the impression that she is a very talented musician and probably puts on a great show.  Also, she looks like Marylin Manson.










-Big Ran

PS:  A note to Forbes and every other site that has their lists in gallery or slideshow form...YOU SUCK.  I know you just do it for more page views and advertising money, but can't you just give me a list for the sake of my own time?  If I want to criticize your list and process, let me do it faster!

PPS:  I found a list on their site, so forget what I said.