The Takeover: Monday, June 13, 2011

Crush This Miserable F*ck

On the lone goal in game 5 and the difficulty in making a save on that type of bounce/shot:

"It's not hard if you're playing in the paint," said Luongo. "It's an easy save for me, but if you're wandering out and aggressive like he does, that's going to happen. He might make some saves that I won't, but in a case like that, we want to take advantage of a bounce like that and make sure we're in a good position to bury those."

F*CK YOU, BRO.

Look, I know the quote his been dissected and over-analyzed by everyone at this point, but on what planet is this a smart thing to say about a goalie who has clearly outplayed you in the Stanley Cup Finals? I mean, I know he probably had one foot out the door on the way to a techno club, but you have got to be kidding me.

Look at that suse's ugly f*cking face. He said waht he did because he is clearly jealous of the press Thomas is getting for his outstanding play. Guess what? Thomas wouldn't be getting praised if he had given up 12 goals in two games.

Then, when asked about his dumb ass comments the next day, he comes up with this gem:

Claude Julien and Tim Thomas have had perfect responses for all of Luongo's insecure whining. At this point of the Stanley Cup Finals, should a Vezina Trophy Finalist really need this type of massaging?

Two things are clear to me:

1. This dude loves to roofie chicks at techno clubs

2. This guy needs a serious confidence boost, maybe a life coach or something. I bet he would love to be part of a flash mob.

-Big Ran

Miami Herald Chokes LeBron Style

Atlanta Journal Constitution - And now, from the, “Dewey Defeats Truman” file, we give you: “Congratulations Miami!”

That’s how a near-full page newspaper ad read in Monday morning’s Miami Herald. In the mother of all mistakes — or should that be the “King James” of all mistakes? — somebody in the Herald’s composing department inadvertently slapped the wrong Macy’s advertisement in the newspaper, promoting Miami Heat “championship” T-shirts and hats being for sale at the department store.

It’s common for print publications to have two display ads ready to go in championship events. T-shirt manufacturers do the same thing. But what makes this mistake unusual is the Heat trailed the NBA finals three games to two going into Sunday night’s game and were

The shirts picture the Heat logo with the championship trophy and words like “Champions” and “Raise Another Banner.”not yet in a position to win the best-of-seven series. Only Dallas could clinch the title Sunday night — and did.

Then again, it’s not like most folks in South Florida haven’t been presumptuous about the Heat’s championship aspirations since LeBron James and Chris Boshsigned in free agency and joined Dwyane Wade. Their signings were celebrated at a news conference, complete with pyrotechnics. James, the guy with the, “Chosen 1″ tattoo across his back, himself promised eight championships.

Still waiting for the first.

Maybe everybody can have a collector’s T-shirt as a consolation prize.

UPDATE: The website Poynter.org has picked up on the story and reports: “A.J. Protash of the Herald’s ad department tells me there’s an investigation into how the ad ended up in the paper.”

Bandwagon fans, bandwagon players, and bandwagon city. What do you expect? I guess they figured that since LeBron won two more games than he won during his first trip to the Finals, it was basically the same as winning the whole thing (2:25 mark). A little bit like Little League, they want to make sure Lil' Bron Bron gets a trophy, just like everyone else.

-Big Ran

Irrational Rant...Flash Mobs

F*cking flash mobs. Honestly, whoever started this idea should be convicted of crimes against humanity. This could be a quick list of the worst people ever:

7. LeBron James
6. Creator of Flash Mobs
5. Nicolae Ceausescu
4. Idi Amin Dad
3. Josef Stalin
2. Pol Pot
1. Hitler

Just take a quick look at that video if you can stand it. Look at these smug jerks dancing around ruining a nice day at the park for all those innocent bystanders. Flash Mobbers like to think that they are entertaining people, but they are kidding themselves because they are doing it for their own selfish enjoyment. "Look at me, I'm singing and dancing with a group of people in a surprise location. Everyone loves me."

These people clearly did not receive enough attention from their parents. Maybe they were all neglected middle children, or they all had really high achieving older siblings. Either way, they are now horrible, horrible people who feel they have improved the lives of people around them, when, in fact, they have ruined days and perhaps lives by their terrible singing and choreographed dances. These slobs just want attention, pure and simple. I wish people would just ignore them or treat them like security treats fans who run on baseball fields during games; just absolutely flatten them.

I would love to slap one across the face and try to talk sense into them with somthing to the effect of this:

I think one of the local news broadcasts was teasing a flash mob story yesterday and my wife asked "Why do people even have flash mobs, its so stupid?" I responded with, "They just want attention for themselves and I hate all of those people. They make me want to pee on them." That is from the bottom of my heart.

-Big Ran

WAH WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

-Big Ran

Take That Wit Chu, LeBron

If I had seen this video before the series, I would have bet the mortgage on the Mavs, because LeBron is softer than that cinnamon bun.

-Big Ran

Not 1, Not 2, Not 3, Not 4, Not 5, Not 6, Not 7...

Please allow me to bask in the schadenfreude of LeEgo failing, yet again, to come up big in the NBA Finals. The past year has just been an eye-opening experience in terms of how fragile and out of touch LeBron really is. There was the ill-conceived "Decision," the brutal WWE-style intro for him and the other two stooges in Miami, guaranteeing championships, blaming and bumping his coach (coincidentally, against the Mavs), some epic press conferences, and finally the choking throughout this year's finals.