Menacing-looking artificial vaginas now sold at Walgreens
MSN - Drugstores. They're a great catch-all place for those random things that make errands lists. Things like toothpaste, shampoo or artificial vaginas. Yes, Walgreens is now appealing to the man who wants anonymity in his sex toy purchases, and thus, available only on its website, is the Tenga Flip Hole for Male Masturbation. For only $77.99 ($12 off!) you can own a fake vagina "designed to be the best male masturbator," "deliberately not a simple artificial vagina" and featuring an "astonishing complex inside shape." Shipping is free, so beat a path to the site soon.
I feel like we just covered this. Would a banana fit in there? Because if not, God will be pissed.
At last, a board game that reveals the insanity of perhaps the greatest hoax of our times -- the unscientific "theory of evolution."
"Intelligent Design vs Evolution" is unique in that the playing pieces are small rubber brains and each team plays for "brain" cards. Each player uses his or her brains to get more brains, and the team with the most brains wins. It has been designed to make people think . . . and that's exactly what it does.
"Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron are doing much more than revealing the bankruptcy of molecules-to-man evolution. They have a greater purpose: proclaiming biblical authority and reaching the lost with the precious gospel message. Enjoy this wonderful family game as you also become better equipped to defend our precious Christian faith." -- Ken Ham, President, Answers in Genesis.
Stop the f*cking presses. Let's get this straight. Someone better go into my Amazon.com wishlist and buy me this game before I lose my f*cking mind. Are you telling me I could be learning about the biggest hoax of our times in an Evangelistic, educational, and entertaining way and I'm not? I'm sitting here reading Charles Darwin's "On the Origin of Species," trying my damnedest to disprove it with prayer and hand-wringing when I could be playing a game? Score one for the good guys because it looks like my prayers were answered! Suck it scientists! Who's smart now? I am, because I am learning FACTS like these:
"True or False? Prehistoric man may have sometimes lived in caves." "False. […] Since the first man is mentioned in the Bible's historical record, there has never been a prehistoric man."
Next time you think evolution is, you know, a scientific fact, just watch this video:
BOOM! Ridges of the banana fit perfectly into your hand to make a hilarious and delicious hand gesture for intercourse. Ipso, fatso, fact, no evolution. I don't know how much more straightforward it could be.
So this we are getting the news of Brittney Griner dunking a basketball crammed down our throats because she is the second woman to ever dunk in an NCAA game. Can I just state the obvious here? She's six foot f*cking eight inches tall. The news should be every time she doesn't dunk a basketball. I'm not examining this like the Zapruder film, but I think she got about 12 inches off the ground. I didn't get on Sports Center every time my buddies and I lowered a hoop to eight feet and had a dunk contest. And our sh!t was hot. Reverses, self-passes, off the backboard; everything short of jumping over Kia's.
There is no doubt that Griner is a very unique women's player and a major defensive presence, but let's be honest, anyone who thinks she could play in the NBA is outside of their minds. I don't think a match uop with Blake Griffin would go too well.
