I don't know which one makes more nervous OR sick....
David Bowie
David Bowie...oops, I mean Tilda Swinton
So, just to clarify, David Bowie is clearly a MAN, but he played around with wardrobe, makeup, etc to create an androgynous look, and Tilda Swinton (because the name isn't helping us out at all) is allegedly a woman, but I'm not buying it. Honestly, this sort of thing just makes me angry. What is s(he) trying to prove? So many similarities, where should I begin?
1. Both are pasty, see-through white.
2. Both have elf like ears and features.
3. Both have geometric shaped hair styles.
4. Both are incredibly unattractive, regardless of gender.
-KC Jones
*Big Ran Note: A buddy of mine who LOVES rumors and urban legands once told me that David Bowie and Mick Jagger intercoursed each other. After watching this video, there is to be no doubt about the awkward, 80s style sex they had (I'm not really sure what that means). This video makes the NYC Gay Pride Parade look like a conservative Mormon convetion (if they have those).
Mother-of-four, 28, banned from every nightclub in town for being 'too old to wear skimpy outfits'
Daily Mail - With a size six figure and 36DD chest, this petite blonde thought she would have no trouble getting into a nightclub.
But 28-year-old Lisa Woodman has been banned from every hotspot in her home town - after being told she is too old to wear skimpy outfits.
The furious mother-of-four was barred from three venues in Worcester, West Midlands, because of her low-cut tops, short skirts and knee-length boots.
Ms Woodman, who is 5ft 3in, admitted she liked to flaunt her figure but claimed her outfits were conservative compared with those of younger girls.
She was left in tears on New Year's Eve when doormen at Mode nightclub turned her away and told her: 'You're too old to wear that get-up.'
Ms Woodman has also been banned from the city's other two nightclubs - Tramps and Velvet.
All three, owned by the same company in Worcester, said the ban will stay unless she tones down her appearance.
Ms Woodman, a medical secretary at a hospital hygiene company, said: 'What's wrong with what I wear?
'I'm not hurting anyone, am I? I am covering everything, and I just want to have a good time.
'We never cause any trouble and we've never been rude to the bouncers.
'None of the pubs give me any hassle about my outfits so why do the nightclubs have such a problem?'
She added: 'There were teenagers and girls in their 20s wearing much more revealing outfits but they went straight in.
'When I asked the bouncers why me and my sister weren't allowed in, they just said "You're too old to wear that get-up".
'I couldn't believe it. I'm only 28 and still consider myself young.'
Ms Woodman started hitting the town last year after splitting from her long-term partner and father of her children Josh, 12, Jamie, ten, and daughters Billie, six, and three-year-old Angel.
She had a breast enhancement operation in April and regularly works out in the gym to keep her figure.
'I always like to look sexy when I go out on the town,' she said.
'I split up from my partner last year and I was really upset so I had a boob job in April and got into shape going to the gym and now I just want to flaunt what I've got.
'I normally wear short skirts and one-piece outfits which might be revealing but never show off too much.
'I like my high-heel boots and mini-skirts. I've got loads of them - they usually cost between £20 and £50 but when I let my hair down, I like to look my best.'
Ms Woodman enjoys a night on the town in Worcester once a fortnight with her sister Sarah, 32, and usually try to end the evening at one of the three nightclubs.
Ms Woodman claims some of the doormen have humiliated her when turning her away.
She said: 'One doorman even made me walk up and down and turn around in front of people laughing at what I was wearing.
'I was totally in shock and really humiliated. I look after myself and I'm only 28. I just want to be treated with a bit of respect.
'I rang the nightclub to complain but they just don't listen.
'The door staff told me I was banned for life unless I dress differently. It's outrageous.'
Her sister Sarah, a mother-of-one, said: 'If we were rude to the bouncers, they really would never let us in, so we're always polite and say "Hi, how are you?"
'But it's always the same response - "You ain't getting in tonight, girls".'
Yesterday, nightclub bosses defended their ban, saying they had a 'responsible door policy'.
Dean Hill, director of Nexum Leisure, which runs the clubs, said: 'We expect people to make an effort and we have a dress code of smart casual.
'It is the venue managers who are on the doors - they make decisions on the doors based on our policies.
'They make judgements based on someone's behaviour, their dress, if they're abusive and whether they have ID.
'And that is to make sure all our customers have a good night.
'At the end of the day, it's private premises and we reserve the right to refuse entry for anyone.'
Hachi machi. That's 28? Did she give birth through her face? I guess you can take the girl out of Worcester, but you can't take Worcester out of the girl, huh? Oh, this is Worcester, England? Damn. The term "Sister City" doesn't even begin to cover the similarities, huh? I grew up in Worcester, I can say that. This whole story leads me to this this clip, which I send to a friend of mine on his birthday every year.
Here's the difference: I would NOT love to tap Lisa Woodman's ass. I would NOT tear that ass up. I would be too scared I would turn to stone if I looked her in the face. Ain't nobody mad at those titties though, Lisa.
-Big Ran
PS: Lisa is the perfect name for her. I mean no offense at all to anyone named Lisa, but I think at least 44% of the females at Def Leopard, and Journey reunion tours are named Lisa. That's science talking.
KC Jones Comments: The phrase "Rode Hard and Put Away Wet" comes to mind. And Big Ran, I think this broad would blend in better in Oxford, Mass than even in Worcester. I mean, even the Woo might be a teeny, tiny bit more classy than Ms. Lisa...and per capita, Oxford has more straight WHITE trash. She looks like she rolled right out of a bar and onto Route 20, landing on her face (after she birthed her most recent child out of it, of course!). Centerfolds 2000, watch out now!
I just decided to start a new set of posts on "The Takeover". This set will be called "Twits on Twitter" as indicated above and will allow me to bash 'celebrities' (and I use that term loosely) who I cannot tolerate.
Honestly, there are so many people who I would love to see "put down" if euthanizing human beings was legal. I don't pay much attention to Twitter, as I don't have it, don't understand it, and could care less about it, BUT when I log on to "People.com", they have a live streaming twitter feed, with random 'Celebrities' current tweets scrolling 24/7. I just logged on to unfortunately see this one:
Brooke Burke-Charvet (brookeburke): gross morning. Woke up to a bloody 1/2 eaten dead rat that I almost stepped on in my garage. U know I wanted to tweet it but almost barfed!!
Ok then, just a couple of things:
1. Hey Brooke Burke, how much work have you had done? I can't stand your face! (And all of the plastic surgeries have just made me hate you more!)
2. Um, no one cares. Seriously. Why would ANYONE think that anyone in the world cared to read about this? What, it disgusted you, so you wanted to ruin everyone else's appetite as well? Oh, you "barfed"? Haven't heard that word since I was in middle school or subjected to an episode of "The Simpons"
3. Hey Brooke Burke: You suck on Dancing With The Stars and you suck in the "Sketchers" commercials (really? You've always been passionate about WALKING? Walking really isn't something anyone associates with passion, I wonder if the botulism from your injections is leaking into your bloodstream and going straight to your brain). The phrase "no talent ass clown" comes to mind. Good job posing nude in Playboy to launch your 'career'...which has since been a joke.
4. Oh, by the way Brooke Burke: Did you wake up in your garage? Sounds like it. Good for you. You irk me in a way that I could never verbalize.
P.S. To the producers of "Dancing With The Stars"; please bring Samantha Harris back as co-host, STAT. It would help me forgive you for ruining the show with Brooke Burke AND with the prior season's cast in general.
P.P.S. Dear "Sketchers"; I never thought I'd say it, but suddenly the "Candies" ads with that trash Jennie McCarthy sitting on a toilet are far more appealing than your stupid ads with Brooke Burke. By the way, those shoes are a scam that people playing with a full deck NEVER fell for. Just sayin'
-KC Jones
*Big Ran Note: WHen I first saw this post, I thought KC wrote "Twats on Twitter." That would also work.
As much as I thought I may need CPR at the end of the Pats game yesterday and as happy as I was that they won, I felt equally as bad for Billy Cundiff. I mean did you see his face and body language as soon as he kicked that ball? Did you see the reactions of his teammates? When you have Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, and Ed Reed on your team, there is a 78% chance Cundiff was murdered in the locker room immediately after the game. There is also a chance he was thrown off the team plane 35,000 feet over Delaware.
