Big Ran's Sh!mixtape:
1. Nickleback - Photograph
2. Barenaked Ladies - One Week
3. Dido - Thank You
4. Aerosmith - Don't Wanna Miss a Thing
5. Creed - With Arms Wide Open
BOOM. Game, set, match, Big Ran.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Big Ran's Sh!tmix Tape
1. Nickleback - Photograph
2. Barenaked Ladies - One Week
3. Dido - Thank You
4. Aerosmith - Don't Wanna Miss a Thing
5. Creed - With Arms Wide Open
BOOM. Game, set, match, Big Ran.
KC's Sh!tmix Tape
Ok, so, using Big Ran's rule that it's not the 5 worst songs of all time, but perhaps the 5 songs you'd be most embarrassed to drive around bumping from your ride, here I go--this is SO difficult though...:
1.George Michael: "Monkey"
2. Madonna: "Santa Baby"
3. Bobby Brown: "Humpin' Around"
4. Culture Club: "I'll Tumble For Ya"
5. Olivia Newton John: "Physical"
-KC Jones
Irrational Rant....Fill 'Er Up!
This is a rant that's been a long time coming, and since I have a little time to sit and spit hot fire right now, here we go!
Ok, so, most of us drive cars and therefore have to go to the gas station on a weekly basis. If you're like me , it's not one of your favorite stops to make, but sitting on the side of the side of the road with an empty tank of gas is even LESS of a good time! Anyway, what usually happens is that I'll end up stopping in the morning on the way to my POE. And, because I'm a beast in the morning and it takes me 17 hours to get out of bed and get going, I am usually running late. So, my plan is to pull up to the pump, throw my card in, pump my gas, and get the hell out of Dodge.
Sadly, things don't usually go according to plan and at one point two weeks ago in the frigin artic temperatures, I had the most infuriating experience ever, prompting this rant!
On the day I'm referencing, it was about 30 degrees and windy, and of course I didn't have my mittens or gloves out as it was only October (and had probably been in the 60's the day before). I hop out of my sweet ride and notice that I pulled up on the wrong side. (I just got a new vehicle and naturally, after years of conditioning to pull up with the left side facing the pump, I now have to somehow remember it's the RIGHT side.....remember the saying "You Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks"? Well, woof, woof!) So, ok, that's user error and I hop back in and fix the problem. I then get back out and the wind is whipping my face and I'm freezing. I put my card in the machine and suddenly, I feel like I'm in an interrogation room in a jail. The machine begins to display the following questions/commands (all I want to do is fill up my frigin tank!) and I'd love to share them and my inner monologue with you:
1. Please enter zip code....I oblige, and really think it's ridiculous. Will I get a better price or favorable treatment if my zip code one set of numbers rather than another?
2. Please insert your Shaw's Rewards Card...I don't have one with me...I hate Shaw's anyway....and now I'm cold and late....why do I have to have 17 plastic rewards card to get a frigin fair deal anyway?
3. Is this a Debit Card?....Hell no, I'm not giving you fools access to straight cash homie...I'm using my AAA credit card to get the cash back since I'm getting screwed due to step #2.... can I please pump my gas now? My hands are cold.
4. Do you want a car wash?....No, this is a gas pump, I want a tank of gas...although I might need a hot shower for myself once this ordeal is over...Wait, maybe this is my reward for entering my zip code...never mind, it's going to cost $2.99---maybe my zip is a reflection of how much they think I can pay for the wash...did I mention my hands are cold?
I begin pumping the gas about three minutes after it says I can start because the frigin thing is so damn slow...and of course, throughout the mission, there are random hiccups where it clicks and stops pumping.
5. Do you want a receipt?...Sure....since I've been here for 10 minutes now, I'll take one....assuming it's going to print out right from the pump anyway...what's 2 more seconds?
6. Please go inside for receipt....Naturally! So then I go inside and stand in line. Another 5 minutes as Nana is in there trying to decide what scratch tickets to select (Hey Lady, how about I give you $5 to get out of my way and we'll call it even...I mean, you're not winning more than that anyway).....
And 15 minutes later, I'm on my way to my POE. Seriously? Why does filling up have to be a clusterf***??
Moral of the rant: Running out of gas and waiting on the side of the road for AAA to bring you some is probably easier and takes just about as much time....
-KC Jones
Ok, so, most of us drive cars and therefore have to go to the gas station on a weekly basis. If you're like me , it's not one of your favorite stops to make, but sitting on the side of the side of the road with an empty tank of gas is even LESS of a good time! Anyway, what usually happens is that I'll end up stopping in the morning on the way to my POE. And, because I'm a beast in the morning and it takes me 17 hours to get out of bed and get going, I am usually running late. So, my plan is to pull up to the pump, throw my card in, pump my gas, and get the hell out of Dodge.
Sadly, things don't usually go according to plan and at one point two weeks ago in the frigin artic temperatures, I had the most infuriating experience ever, prompting this rant!
On the day I'm referencing, it was about 30 degrees and windy, and of course I didn't have my mittens or gloves out as it was only October (and had probably been in the 60's the day before). I hop out of my sweet ride and notice that I pulled up on the wrong side. (I just got a new vehicle and naturally, after years of conditioning to pull up with the left side facing the pump, I now have to somehow remember it's the RIGHT side.....remember the saying "You Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks"? Well, woof, woof!) So, ok, that's user error and I hop back in and fix the problem. I then get back out and the wind is whipping my face and I'm freezing. I put my card in the machine and suddenly, I feel like I'm in an interrogation room in a jail. The machine begins to display the following questions/commands (all I want to do is fill up my frigin tank!) and I'd love to share them and my inner monologue with you:
1. Please enter zip code....I oblige, and really think it's ridiculous. Will I get a better price or favorable treatment if my zip code one set of numbers rather than another?
2. Please insert your Shaw's Rewards Card...I don't have one with me...I hate Shaw's anyway....and now I'm cold and late....why do I have to have 17 plastic rewards card to get a frigin fair deal anyway?
3. Is this a Debit Card?....Hell no, I'm not giving you fools access to straight cash homie...I'm using my AAA credit card to get the cash back since I'm getting screwed due to step #2.... can I please pump my gas now? My hands are cold.
4. Do you want a car wash?....No, this is a gas pump, I want a tank of gas...although I might need a hot shower for myself once this ordeal is over...Wait, maybe this is my reward for entering my zip code...never mind, it's going to cost $2.99---maybe my zip is a reflection of how much they think I can pay for the wash...did I mention my hands are cold?
I begin pumping the gas about three minutes after it says I can start because the frigin thing is so damn slow...and of course, throughout the mission, there are random hiccups where it clicks and stops pumping.
 |
| Someone took this picture of me at the pump during my ordeal....I WISH! |
5. Do you want a receipt?...Sure....since I've been here for 10 minutes now, I'll take one....assuming it's going to print out right from the pump anyway...what's 2 more seconds?
6. Please go inside for receipt....Naturally! So then I go inside and stand in line. Another 5 minutes as Nana is in there trying to decide what scratch tickets to select (Hey Lady, how about I give you $5 to get out of my way and we'll call it even...I mean, you're not winning more than that anyway).....
And 15 minutes later, I'm on my way to my POE. Seriously? Why does filling up have to be a clusterf***??
 |
| Could be worse...I could be in Iran getting rationed... |
-KC Jones
Inspiration Can Come in Many Forms
This is sneakily one of the funniest things I have ever seen on YouTube, probably in my top five, which could be another blog of it's own. My proposal is this: KC and I each come up with our top five worst mixtape songs and post them up here. These won't necessarily be the worst five songs of all time, but if you had to walk or drive around a city bumping them, what would embarrass you the most?
CHALLAAAANGE!
-Big Ran
Ain't No Party Like a Hibachi Party
Boy, 2, Served Sake at Restaurant
By Dave NethersFox 8 News Reporter
8:43 PM EST, November 15, 2011
JACKSON TWP., Ohio
His mother, Brittany Winter, said during the meal the cook went around the table offering guests a squirt of sake, a Japanese rice wine, from a squirt bottle.
She told police that the first time he jokingly asked their two-year-old if he was legal drinking age, and did not give him any.
Later, she said the cook again offered guests some sake from the squirt bottle.
"He asked K.J. if he was 21and K.J. said yes and opened his mouth because, of course, that's what he sees everybody doing," Winter told Fox 8 News, "and he squirted a mouthful of sake into his mouth."
Winter said the boy immediately started crying and saying his mouth was burning.
Other witnesses said the parents immediately got something else for the boy to drink while the cook started to quickly gather his things to leave.
Winter and the boy's father, Karl Preusser, Sr. left the restaurant and immediately went to see Jackson Twp. Police.
"He's two-years-old, still in diapers. Who would even think about serving him alcohol?" said Preusser, Sr.
Officers went to the restaurant where they were able to confirm the story through other witnesses, one of whom said she had to "do a double take in the direction of the table to make sure it was a child."
In her statement, the witness said, "The cook reached his arm over the grill and squirted sake into the kid's mouth for about three to five seconds."
"It was a little more than a small amount, it was a whole mouthful," said Preusser, Sr.
The cook, identified in a police report as Mingyang Zhu, 26, of Canton, told officers he "attempted to make a movement like he was going to give the child a drink, without pouring any."
He stated when he made the movement, he did, however pour a small amount into the child's mouth.
A manager at the restaurant told Fox 8 News on Tuesday that he had been advised not to comment.
In the police report officers said manager Josh Lin "did advise (the responding officer) that the bottles contain sake," and that "it does contain alcohol."
The police report said "he further stated they sometimes keep smaller bottles with sprite in them for children and that the employees are only supposed to give the non-alcoholic beverages to children."
"He spit it all over his shirt," said Winter, "so he reeked of alcohol when we left."
She told Fox 8 News that the boy was examined at the police department by paramedics and was fine.
The cook was charged with one count of furnishing intoxicating liquor to a minor, a first degree misdemeanor, and was summonsed to appear later this month in Massillon Municipal Court.
"I think this certainly is a strange situation," said Jackson Twp. Police Chief David Zink. "We have never had that, to my knowledge, in the past. Providing alcohol to any child, let alone an infant, is certainly disturbing."
OK, first of all, these parents should be ashamed on several levels. First, their kid is a bold-faced liar. The chef asked him if he was 21 and the kid said yes. On that alone, stop the presses, case closed. Second of all, they should be ashamed because their kid is a pussy and can't handle his booze. He spits it up all over his shirt, then cries about his mouth burning? Child please. When I was younger than that my Dad gave me beer, which I promptly threw up, but I didn't bitch and moan, I manned up, booted and rallied. That's how toddlers should roll.
Also for the parents, I can see using this to score a free meal at you local Ohio Hibachi Restaurant, but going to the police? Really? This Chinese dude doesn't have enough problems being like one of 17 non-white people in Ohio, that you have to bust his balls about a little shot of sake to their kid's grill?
Dad, you've got tats and a Harley Davidson t-shit. How about you teach your son how to be a man?
-Big Ran
KC Jones Comments: I wish I could add to this, but it's clearly perfection and possibly one of the best posts ever written by Big Ran---trying to add to it would be like trying enhance the paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel (sp?)....
Big Ran Note: I think it's the Sixteen Chapel because Leonardo DiCaprio was 16 when he painted it. I think that's right, but now I'm questioning myself.
KC Jones: Well, remember when I said that it was already perfection? That comment really just took it to a new level. I need to start wearing Depends when I read anything from Big Ran.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)