Ok, I know that on Monday we were all thinking that things couldn't get better for our country and for the world. I mean, after all,our real American heroes (sorry G.I. Joe), picked off one of the most evil men in the history of civilization. I, for one, thought we had peaked as far as good news was concerned. But then, the following headline, first announced in March, was confirmed and added to the week's feelings of euphoria:
Bobby Brown Announces New Edition Reunion
That's right! New Edition, INCLUDING one of my favorite headcases, Bobby Brown, is going to be launching a World Tour. I always feel like those of us who enjoy a good old school R&B group are being neglected. After all, we have to hear about The Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block touring together, etc. But now, it's our turn! I'm mainly excited because I am DYING to see what the original fans of New Edition look like now. I'm imagining something like this, by renowned photographer,"MrUndaCova":
Big Ran, you interested? I'm sure Mrs. Big Ran would give you a free pass!
Also, if my Spidey Sense is as accurate as I believe it is, I'm thinking there will be a LOT of Personalized Jewelry on display at these shows.
Regardless, New Edition is just another reason why I'm proud to be an American. And seriously, with videos and slick dance moves (not to mention wardrobe choices) like this, how could you NOT be a fan?
Remember, these are Boston Boys, so we have to give them their props. Michael Bivins is a fixture at Celtics games, so he's alright by me. Additionally each and every one of them had very successful careers after their voices changed as well, whether as solo artists (Ralph and Bobby) or as part of a trio (Bell Biv DeVoe, now you know!)
And, most importantly, without New Edition, who knows if the world would have ever been graced with behavior like this, from a self proclaimed "True American":
Greetings Takeover readers! First, I have to apologize for my lack of committment to the blog this week, but unfortunately the Corporation took over my life with quarter end. That being said, I'm sure everyone is just fine because we all know that NO ONE is funnier than Big Ran and he held it down all week! Every time I think he can't get funnier, BOOM, he pulls something else out of his sleeve.
Anyway, after this extremely long week that once again had me questioning my choice of college degree, I'd like to unwind by presenting you with what is possibly the most ridiculously hilarious thing I've ever seen/heard. As you might remember, a couple of weeks ago, we celebrated all things Ron Artest in order to congratulate him for winning the NBA Citizenship Award. But, sadly, all good things come to an end, and Wednesday night we were all questioning his actions. Ron Ron got ended up getting ejected and given a one game suspension for pulling a WWE move on the Dallas Mavericks' J.J. Barea. There was simply no need for this move and it hurt my heart, because I thought Ronnie was turning the corner. However, just as I was starting to doubt him, I stumbled across this video:
Okay, are you still in shock? I am. I swear that this is NOT a joke. I didn't make this--quite frankly, I'm not creative or awesome enough to come up with something like this. The dude wrote a rap song called "Afghan Women" and that is actually what the ditty is about. I don't even know what to say. I think if I were an "Afghan Woman" I'd be a little taken aback so say the least. I just kept thinking "What?!" over and over again. For real, a man who has had domestic abuse issues in the past is calling attention to the plight of subjugated Middle Eastern women? And then, I start wondering, 'Is he hitting on them with some of these lyrics?' It's rap lyrics set to ballad music and it's simply mind boggling. I don't know whether to throw up dubs or light some candles. Around the 3 minute mark is where I really lost it. I'd like to say this is ground breaking, and it is, but in a demented way. Also, I find it quite appropriate that the video closes out by flashing the words, "THE PAIN" across the screen, because my abs were in a tremendous amount of it from laughing hysterically for almost 4 minutes.
After seeing this video, I don't think anything will ever surprise me again. As a matter of fact, I'm starting to wonder if he'll be making a run for the White House in 2012. At the VERY least, Obama should consider adding him to his administration's cabinet. Clearly, he's well versed in international issues in addition to his domestic commitments. My only question? Who will be his running mate? Oh wait, never mind, I already know:
For anyone who was living in a cave in Afghanistan: This is Mike Tyson.
*And I have a feeling their campaign signs will feature pigeons, and lots of them*
So, the Kentucky Derby is this weekend and obviously, that brings out all the high rolling d-bags. Apparently, companies can get a spot or luxury box or something to that effect at Churchill Downs for $450,000. Seven companies have done this for a total of $3.15 million. For this, I'm sure they get open bar, food, etc, but also VIP bathrools that are capped at 175 people, so $18,000 per person. This is just a touch less than my YEARLY mortgage. I would have to trade living in my house for a year in order to be able to get the chance to go to the Kentucky Derby in the VIP section. Plus, I'd probably have to buy a seersucker suit and go tanning. Deal breaker.
Just kidding, they wouldn't let this poor guy in, they raycess!
I just got a text from someone that I don't know and all it said was "TGIF." I texted back asking who it was, but they didn't respond. I should have responded with something awesome, like, "Damn right, wanna bone?" I didn't because I'm not awake yet.
Here's a little something to get your day started. Party Like a Rock Star, but a piano cover, hey, it's still early and if you crank it in your cube, people will think you're classy.
-Big Ran
Update: I got a text back that said "Sorry, wrong number." I responded with "No problem, TGIF like a mofo anyway."
