Anne Hathaway vs. Carly Foulkes. Go ahead and say it. I NAILED this one. I was thinking of a "Is This Person Good Looking" for Hathaway, but by the transitive property (or something like that) she must be. I just get the impression that Anne Hathaway must be a huge pain in the ass. I have no factual information to base that on, just a gut feeling. I just bet she big-times everyone and has "Do you know who I am?" running through her head at all times. I could be totally wrong. I could say I hope I am wrong, but I honestly don't care at all. I have a wild guess that Anne Hathaway will never effect my life in any meaningful way.
-Big Ran
PS: Shouldn't people that have agents and/or publicists know this should never happen? This made me want to hurt myself:
I think as I get busier and more stressed at work the stranger the songs stuck in my head get. Why on earth would this be in my head at 5:20 AM when my dog wakes me up to go out? That's tough to come back from.
I don't think I have heard this song all the way through since freshman year of college when, for some inexplicable reason, it was popular and played at every bar towards the end of the night.
Just when you think the Sox can't sink any lower or lose in a more frustrating way, they snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Last night was it for me. I'm f*cking done. Hide yo kids and hide yo wife.
Let's tackle the current team and events first. Is there anyone on this team who has any balls? Where's the person that stands up and takes charge of this mother f*cker? theo seems to love assembling a team of proficient baseball players who have little to no personality. Congratulations. When sh!t hits the fan, you need some dudes that will take the team on their back. Was Kevin Millar a good player? No. But guess what...nothing fazed him. Down 3-0 to the Yanks in '04, he talking trash before game four about how the Yanks better sweep them or watch out.
Let's go around the f*cking diamond, shall we? Varitek is technically the captain, but he's a glorified backup now. Salty is in his first year with the Sox, so he's not there yet.
Adrian Gonzalez is a phenomenal player, but isn't playoff tested. He doesn't have a personality and I'm not sure if he has the plums to conquer adversity yet.
Pedroia may be the only guy with the right combo of having enough of a chip on his shoulder, personality, and ability. Say hello to your next captain.
Scutaro is a solid player, but a lame duck, just as every Sox SS has been since Nomar stopped taking roids.
Youkilis is another good player with some guts. I don't get the impression anyone likes him though. I'll take him on my team, but he won't rally the clubhouse.
Crawford. Good Lord. Not playing both ends of a double header in a pennant race because of a stiff neck? Not a good look, dude. Also not a good look? Getting paid $20M per and sucking all year long. Wait till next year for him because this one is a lost cause.
Ellsbury is having an awesome year, but again doesn't seem like he has it in him to rally the troops. What are you gonna do?
Right field is just a mess. J.D. Drew has a foot and a half out the door, just dreaming about cashing in his chips and retiring to rural Georgia. He has to be the most frustrating player in recent memory. Plenty of talent, no heart. Reddick is scary in the field. He may be OK, but he's not ready yet.
Beckett is a high maintenance pain in the ass. On the DL all the time, and everything needs to be perfect for him to make a start. He is typically money in the playoffs, I'll give him that, but to need a personal catcher at this point of his career is somewhat pathetic. I need good seasons out of him more than once every three years. At least he can give a good press conference:
I keep waiting for Lester to get to that next level and be an ace. Maybe he's not an ace. have we thought about that? The dude battled back from cancer to be a great pitcher, so I would love to see him put the team on his back, but he hasn't proven to be a stopper yet.
John Lackey, you are literally, the worst starter in MLB and the worst starter in Red Sox history. Congratu-f*cking-lations. On top of all of that, you're ugly and a total dickhead.
The bullpen - Bard and Pap. Bard was NASTY...until he just lost it all in crunch time. He hasn't proven to be able to handle the pressure. Bard is not the answer to the Sox closer question for next season and probably made Papelbon many, many millions of dollars this year. Pap has been very good all year, so this isn't on him.
Tito, please stop starting Kyle Weiland and give Aceves a shot. Maybe even take a bat to the clubhouse and break some sh!t.
The front office needs to get their sh!t together too. How about we sign some free agents that can play in Boston? How about that? The last two off seasons they have thrown approximately $380M at three players; Lackey, Gonzalez (plus three top prospects to get from from San Diego), and Crawford. If they had actually offered Jason Bay, who was a perfect fit for Fenway, to a four year/$60M deal, they could have sign Texiera and probably get Cliff Lee. I even think if they go the extra mile for Texiera, they could have had Matt Holliday and Cliff Lee. I'll take my chances with Texiera, Holliday, and Lee, plus the three prospects they sent to San Diego.
Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent. This was probably more for me than any of our readers.
I wish there was some way I could incorporate "wombshifter" into everyday conversation, but I don't see how this could happen. Based on this interview and his performance on the Charlie Sheen Roast last night, I think Mike is making a push to become the go to for philosophical debates or reflections on current events.
I mean, Iron Mike has made a major turnaround. From the Hangover, to political commentary, to poetry. That face tattoo is still distracting as sh!t though. No matter how many times I see it, I never get use to it.
The more I think about it, Sarah Palin should have, 100%, chosen Glen Rice. Everything may have worked out better for both of them. She could be a news reporter, Glen, would still be a retired NBA player, they would probably still have a son playing starting at guard for Georgia Tech (based on both of their athletic abilities), Palin wouldn't be exposed to be dumb as rocks, would probably actually have traveled outside the US, wouldn't have a a grandson who's father's name is Levi, and Glen would have married his true love and not have to watch his ex-wife on "Real Housewives of Miami," and most importantly, she wouldn't be married to a snow mobile racer or whatever her husband is right now. Win-win all around.
I'll cut to the chase a bit here. Last week reports surfaced that Sarah Palin boned Glen Rice (most random pairing ever?).
"In the book, which will be published on September 20th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.
Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.
A publishing source told The ENQUIRER that McGinniss claims Sarah had a “fetish” for black men at the time and he quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled (Rice’s) ass down.”
A source unrelated to the book told The ENQUIRER, Todd was very much in the picture at the time and the couple married just nine months later.
In the book, McGinniss quotes Rice as confirming the one-night stand."
Now, there are the excerpts from the book that I think comes out today:
"After her graduation, Sarah returned to Alaska and worked on the sports desk of Anchorage television station KTUU. On weekends, she'd sometimes appear on camera, delivering sports reports during the 10:00 PM newscast.
Her attitude toward people of color was evolving. In Anchorage, she even dated black men. A friend says, "Sarah and her sisters had a fetish for black guys for a while."
Each year, over Thanksgiving weekend, the University of Alaska hosted a basketball tournament called the Great Alaska Shootout, featuring some of the country's best teams. In 1987, one of the top squads to visit Anchorage was the University of Michigan, led by six-foot-eight junior Glen Rice, number 41.
Rice would lead Michigan to the NCAA Championship in 1989, appearing on the cover ofSports Illustrated and setting a scoring record for the NCAA tournament that stands today. After graduating from Michigan as the school's all-time leading scorer, he starred in the NBA for fifteen years.
Whether in her professional capacity as a sports reporter or simply as a basketball groupie who'd begun to find black men attractive, Sarah linked up with the Rice during the weekend tournament. One friend recalls, "They went out. I suspect it was more than that. I can't say I know they had sex, but I remember Sarah feeling pretty good that she'd been with a black basketball star."
In one version of the story, Sarah's encounter with Rice took place in her sister Molly's dorm room at the University of Alaska Anchorage. "She hauled his ass down," a friend says, "but she freaked out afterward. Hysterical, crying, totally flipped out. The thing that people remember is her freak-out, how completely crazy she got: I fucked a black man!She was just horrified. She couldn't believe she'd done it."
Glen Rice remembers the weekend quite differently. When I spoke to him by telephone in March 2011, he said, "I remember it as if it was yesterday. She was a sweetheart. I met her almost as soon as we got out there."
Rice does not recall being in a university dorm room. "We hung out mostly at the hotel where the team was staying," he told me. "We just hit off. In a short time, we got to know a lot about one another. It was all done in a respectful way, nothing hurried."
"So you never had the feeling she felt bad about having sex with a black guy?" I asked.
"No, no, no, nothing like that," Rice said. "Even after I left Alaska, we talked a lot on the phone. I think right up until the time she got married. She was a gorgeous woman. Super nice. I was blown away by her. Afterward, she was a big crush that I had. I talked about her for a long time. Only good things. She was a well-rounded young lady. It's amazing the way that's stayed with me. I think the utmost of her and I felt that way from the start."
I can honestly say that if you told me Sarah Palin hooked up with a 15 year NBA player who ended up carrying a major torch for her, I don't think Glen Rice would have ever crossed my mind. Responses to this and more insanity will continue in the next post.
-Big Ran
PS: I wish I could have bought stock in Aqua Net in the early 80s. I could have retired by the time I was 11 and bought all the Reebok Pumps I wanted.
PPS: Initially, there were just reports that Glen Rice confirmed the story and I was thinking, "Of course he friggin' confirmed that story. Who wouldn't?" I would confirm any rumor like that because there is at least some chance I could profit from it. However, seeing those Rice quotes, he was just plain out in love with Palin. Imagine if Sarah Palin married Glen Rice and became a news reporter? Wow. I kind of just blew my mind there. Maybe she would have been the one asking people what newspapers they read instead of being the one who looked borderline illiterate.
I have a vast variety of sources too. Friggin' awesome line. God, I hope she runs for President, Palin is comedy gold.
This song will get stuck in your head for weeks if you hear it. I like this jam, but man, every station has this going 24-7. On the plus side, it always makes me think of Reebok Pumps. How awesome were those when they came out? Remember when Dee Brown pumped it up, then did the eye-covered dunk in the NBA Dunk Contest? Definitely the highlight of 6th grade.
How about Shawn Kemp 50 pounds and 8 kids lighter? I LOVE OLD SCHOOL NBA HIGHLIGHTS!
-Big Ran
PS: What's up with the guitar player of that band being good looking? I like my rock stars ugly and riddled with drugs, not looking like they stepped out of a JCrew catalog. The last thing rock stars need is even more and easier access to chicks.
Two weeks is WAY too long not to post, and honestly, I've felt guilty. It's a shame my job is standing in the way of screwing off at work. Anyway, I need to catch up on a few things that have happened in the last couple of weeks, so even if they are old news, they have to be covered.
I truly can't take it anymore. As you all know from prior posts, Tom Brady just gets on my last nerve (truthfully, with my personality, that's not hard to do, BUT still....).and has ever since he began canoodling with now wife Gisele. He's lost all of his manhood & the Pats haven't won a Superbowl since that whole match made in heaven began. So, I shouldn't be surprised that he has renewed his contract/association with "UGGSs" boots (which, in the United States, are for teenage girls and trendy women). I'm not surprised, but I am just infuriated. Dude, how about becoming a spokesperson for something that "XY" chromosomes are actually into?
I started to do a little research last night, and I've come to the conclusion that his current behavior (acting like a girl) shouldn't be that much of a surprise, especially in light of some of the earlier ads/pictures I've found. Note that they were well before Gisele. So, she can be blamed for his worsening condition, his flowing locks, and his Tommy Hollywood persona, but apparently the tendencies were there all along, just waiting to be released!
Exhibit A: Now, I know this ad campaign was for charity (can't remember, but I think AIDS or cancer), and it's really great that he was involved. I can never fault him as far as his charitable contributions are concerned. However, I totally CAN fault this picture. Nice sleeveless, collared dressy shirt AND, even better---nice placement of the bandanna. Those jeans are even walking a fine line between light blue & possible stone washed. Even if he wasn't responsible for the idea, he was/is responsible for allowing it to happen. I mean, as everyone who loves and defends him says, 'He's Tom Brady, he can do whatever he wants"...WELL, case in point---he did whatever he wanted in this ad. And apparently, his desire was to look a little light in his cleats.
Exhibit B: Ok, so I don't even know what this was for, but I know that it's dead wrong. Again, his feminine qualities are shining through. And it's not because he's cuddling with a baby goat while giving the camera bedroom eyes.....oh wait, that's exactly why. I had never seen this pic before, and quite honestly, it may be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I can see they are trying to make him appear 'manly' by adding a couple of spots of 'dirt' (probably really mascara smeared about), but it's NOT working. And, the gloves? Those are probably to protect his freshly manicured, well groomed hands.
Exhibit C: So, after he didn't get one of the lead roles in "Brokeback Mountain", he agreed to sign on as the spokes'man' for Stetson cologne. Stetson? Really? Come on dude! How about something good that isn't sold at CVS or worn by people's fathers and/or grandfathers. Again, he's doing NOTHING to help his cause here. Thankfully, I don't care about football (I mean, I'm happy for the Patriots when they win, but I have no vested interest), so I don't have to feel disappointed and/or embarrassed by Tommy Boy's choices. However, because I'm a red-blooded American woman, I still find myself very turned off by these things.
Exhibit D: It's all over folks, the full transformation has taken place. He's married and controlled by Gisele, he's fully Hollywood, the team no longer produces the way they are capable of (note, they are producing, and they are still a league leader, but they keep falling short when it matters the most), and Tommy Bundchen, oops, I mean, Brady, has long, flowing tresses & an UGGs spokesman contract now.
Tommy, you still have a chance to redeem yourself as a man (not as a player, the talent is and has always been there and additionally has been backed up with Superbowls, etc), so please, take a look at things and re-evaluate before it's too late. The clock is ticking.....
The NBA Lockout is obviously a very sore subject for me as the only THING I can say that I truly love is NBA Basketball. From the time the season officially ends in June until televised preseason games begin at the beginning of October, I feel like a part of my soul is missing. Usually, I have a bunch of games DVR'd to help get me through the off season, however, thanks to Charter Communications' upgrade this summer, my cache was wiped out. So I sit here anxiously awaiting some news...any news, on when this ridiculousness will be over.
Apparently, I'm not the only one stressed about the situation. A couple of weeks ago, Celtics guard and one of our faves here at "The Takeover" tweeted about the hardships he was facing in light of the lockout. Who you ask? Well, the answer shouldn't suprise you---it was none other than Le-Ego's potential stepfather, Delonte West. I swear to God I'm not making this up. Here is the ESPN article for proof:
Delonte West to Home Depot?
Although he's made over $14 million in the NBA, Delonte West tweeted recently that he is "broke" and has applied for a job at Home Depot.
"It's official.. Pride 2 the side.. just filled out a application at Home Depot.. Lockout aint a game," the Celtics guard tweeted.
West is on probation for a weapons charge and also tweeted that he wasn't allowed to pursue basketball opportunities overseas.
"Can't even get that over seas money," he tweeted. "Judge said it's a no go on leaving the country."
West has battled bipolar disorder during his career and also posted this to Twitter: "Broke down in the ATM line.. 25 cars behind me and I already reached my daily limit... I'm broke n my cars broke.. Where's my therapist???"
Appearing in only 24 games this past season, the 27-year-old West averaged 5.6 points in his second stint with the Celtics.
I'm so sorry Delonte. While some of your buddies are heading overseas to play, you can't leave the country due to some crazy extra curricular activities---and on top of that, your car AND bank account are broke! And, not to rub salt in the wound, but this is all on top of a failed relationship with Gloria James! Well Delonte, they say that bad things tend to happen in threes. Maybe that means it's time for your luck to change! Regardless, good for you for applying at the Depot! A job is a job after all, and you can bet your ass I'll be showing up there weekly if you get it! You'll probably even get a bonus for all of the extra business you'll be bringing into the store! But even if you don't get it, I see another opportunity for you after watching the clip below. Hey, if Ron Artest is on the new roster for Dancing With The Stars, having no experience, and despite his troubled past, I see NO reason why you wouldn't be welcomed with open arms. By the way, notice around the one minute, ten second mark--you seriously look like a little leprechaun doing an Irish jig! And, if DWTS isn't something you'd like to pursue, maybe you and Big Baby could take your show on the road!
Bottom line is this: When it rains it pours D-West...just remember, in the immortal words of Tupac, Keep Ya Head up!
So, I've been watching the news over the past few days & keeping up with Tropical Storm 'Lee' which has been bearing down on New Orleans. So, besides the obvious question of 'Why, after the complete devastation, death, and destruction of Hurricane Katrina, did people stay there and rebuild, thinking it would yield different results?'* (see note at the end for clarification), I started wondering WWKD if there is another bad situation down there. Yup! WWKD--What Will Kanye Do? I mean, in the aftermath of Katrina, he completely figured George W. out, and much to the dismay of Mike Myers, he shared his discovery on national television:
So, if now or in the near future there's another natural disaster in the Gulf Region, is everyone's favorite rapper going to declare that President Barack Obama also does not care about black people? I really hope he comes out with something like that---after all, Barack is half white, so be may be a racist just like G.W.B.... Plus, there is already bad blood between Kanye & Barack ever since he upstaged Taylor Swift during the VMAS....
And truthfully, there is NOTHING Kanye could say or do that would amaze me. But again, I suppose he's just 'misunderstood' and we should all be more accepting of him. Obviously his comments about Bush take the cake, but here other ridiculous rants & crazy comments by Kanye:
And, besides Barack Obama's comments, here are two of my other favorite celebrity reactions to his Taylor Swift VMA shenanigans:
*My money's on 50 here and always....
*Snoop is unreal....and I think he'd be just the one to administer the kick in the ass...
*(yes, I know it is a beautiful place and home to many people, but I just couldn't imagine rebuilding THERE after I lost everything and ran a pretty high risk of losing everything again at some point in the future seeing as though it is below sea level)
**The title of this post is a nod to one of Kanye's song titles....I'm so sharp!
I admit it, I'm a dork, & I've been wasting the afternoon away watching a "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" marathon on E! (I would like to defend myself though because I did go to the gym this morning and had a kick ass workout AND I did some cleaning once I got home). Anyway, I continue having a problem with Kris Humphries....NBA player and now Kim Kardashian's husband (I give it a year....).
First of all, he's just gross & sounds like there isn't a brain in that head of his. He looks like he should have been in "Planet of the Apes" and I'm PRETTY sure he might be the long lost brother of Dirk Nowitzki's lunatic ex-girlfriend Cristal Taylor.
For your consideration:
Cristal Taylor-Queen of the Apes
Kris Humphries-Ape King
Don't you agree? These two are just hideous, both of them...and regardless of my opinion of Kim Kardashian, the fact remains that she is beautiful and could definitely do so much better (both in the personality AND looks department). She is the lesbian crush of heterosexual women everywhere.
Secondly, how can she go from Reggie frigin Bush to THIS? From a woman's perspective, this is just mind blowing and unacceptable. There are so many other men she could get and she chooses a neanderthal. I'm watching him right now on this episode where they are on vaca in Bora Bora and he is making dog noises while in the ocean and whenever he is giving a 'confessional', he sounds ridiculous and he doesn't even look into the camera. Reggie Bush is a phenomenal athlete who has battled through injuries and helped elevate the New Orleans Saints during the 2010 NFL Post Season when they ultimately won the Superbowl. Just like Kris Humphries, right? Ummm...not so much. This dude plays for one of the worst teams in the NBA & despite being the #14 pick in the 2004 draft, hasn't had too much professional success. Granted, some of his stats are decent, and it's not his fault he's been on crappy teams, but the fact remains that Reggie's got it all over him.
Easily two of the best looking people on Earth.
Personally, I think that Kris was just looking for something to do during the NBA Lockout. And sadly, I think our girl Kim took the bait. She's worth more than him, is more well known than him, and is legitimately out of his league! I know it might sound extreme, but I see no difference between Humphries & Sam Cassell, except that Cassell actually has a personality!
The good news is, this marriage will not last long and Kim will have the opportunity to fix her mistake! In the meantime, I will continue singing along to this song that is "Stuck in my Head"....(Sadly there is not an actual video for Sugar Ray's version of the song....btw--I bet Big Ran HATES Sugar Ray....just a feeling)...
(EndPlay Staff Reports) - Lindsay Lohan has added another tattoo to her ever-growing collection. TMZ featured a picture of Lohan showing off her new tattoo, inked on the right side of her ribcage, which she got at her favorite tattoo shop Shamrock Tattoos.
The tattoo is the lyrics from Billy Joel's 1989 song, "I Go to Extremes" – something the 25-year-old actress is known for. The tattoo reads, "Clear as a crystal sharp as a knife / I feel like I'm in the prime of my life."
As for the significance of the tattoo and why Lohan chose those lyrics, a source told TMZ, "It represented where she is in life and everything she's been through … it signifies that she's focused."
There is absolutely NO way that, based on the title of this article, that other people didn't open it expecting to see a tattoo OF Billy Joel ON her body. I mean, this story isn't even newsworthy, and they knew it, so they had to put a ridiculous title on it to lure people (including myself) into reading it. I would imagine that if SOMEONE was going to get an actual tattoo of BJ on their body, it would be Lindsay. I mean, look at her & consider her history. Would you really be surprised? But instead, you read on only to be greatly disappointed when you find out that the ink was simply a couple of lines from one of his songs.
My thoughts on her choice of lyrics? She is HARDLY "Clear as a crystal, Sharp as a knife" and, beyond that, she is FAR past "the prime of her life". There were plenty of other lyrics that would be FAR more appropriate. Some that come to mind quickly include:
1. "It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive...If you don't have it you're on the other side...I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)"- K'S CHOICE, "Not An Addict"
2. "They tried to make me go to rehab, I said No, No, No'"- AMY WINEHOUSE, "Rehab"
3. "I've been caught stealing; once when I was 5...I enjoy stealing. It's just as simple as that. Well, it's just a simple fact. When I want something, I don't want to pay for it."- JANE'S ADDICTION, "Been Caught Stealin'"
4. "Is it my imagination? Or have I finally found something worth living for? I was looking for some action. But all I found was cigarettes and alcohol."-OASIS- "Cigarettes & Alcohol"
5. "I'm a hazard to myself. Don't let me get me. I'm my own worst enemy"-PINK- "Don't Let Me Get Me"
Woman's Erotic Dancing Forces Flight to Turn Back to Russia
(NewsCore) - A flight from Moscow to London was turned back Friday when a drunken female passenger started performing erotic dances in front of shocked passengers.
The 07:00am flight from Moscow's main Domodedovo airport did an about-turn 15 minutes after the take-off because of the 39-year-old woman's antics, Ria Novosti news agency reported.
"The woman was in a state of insobriety, inconveniencing the passengers, taking off their glasses and dancing erotic dances," a spokesman for transport police was quoted as saying.
The passenger was arrested upon landing and sent for a medical examination. The spokesman said she was "in a good condition, but maybe a little drunk," adding that she may have carried alcohol on board.
The report did not specify which airline was operating the flight.
Ok, this article is just awesome. MAYBE I should be disgusted by this woman, but I am actually kind of jealous of her. Could you imagine having the balls (well, not the balls, but you get the point) to get up and act like this? I wouldn't want to do erotic dances on a plane, but she obviously doesn't care what anyone thinks. I know she was drunk, but as they say, "A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts", and I'd have to say the same is true when actions are involved. This can't be chalked up to her being young and dumb as she is 39 years old.
Also, let's be serious, she wasn't 'inconveniencing' the passengers....she was probably the best entertainment they'd ever seen AND I bet there wasn't one person on that flight having anxiety or claustrophobia during that time because they were so focused on her. Maybe she was figuring she could take the edge off of flying by giving the people something to talk about. If she was even REMOTELY decent looking (we're going to have to look into this further to confirm), the guys were happy. And if she was gross? It became hysterical.
I love when the actions of adults are described as 'antics'---it really adds to the insanity of a situation....I bet that people would gladly pay extra for flights if they could be guaranteed an experience like this. I mean, we constantly have to worry about terrorism, etc when flying and they chose to turn the flight around for this? That's the only bad part...they screwed up the flight for the other passengers.
I have a sneaking suspicion that this woman was MORE than willing to subject herself to the pat-downs in the security line...as a matter of fact, I bet that was her opening act. Like it or not, you have to agree that this show was better than any in-flight movie they could have shown....except for "Showgirls"..."Showgirls" would probably rival this as far as cheesy entertainment by women is concerned.
Could somebody help clarify what "erotic dancing" entails? I mean, I'm thinking a strip club type of thing, but there is no mention of her disrobing (thankfully), so I'm having a hard time imagining what this must have looked like. Someone on that flight HAD to have videotaped this using their phone. Now we'll just have to patiently wait and see....
Charter school accused of becoming adult club at night in Miami-Dade
MIAMI-DADE COUNTY— By day, the Balare Language Academy is an A-rated charter school, home to children in kindergarten through middle school.
But when the kids are tucked into bed, Balare apparently becomes a playground of a different kind.
Party fliers, printed and on the Web, indicate that the campus at 10875 Quail Roost Dr. has been hosting raunchy, booze-soaked bashes into the wee hours. One flier for an upcoming party features a voluptuous, scantily clad woman posing with champagne bottles. Another shows a woman in a string bikini bending over suggestively and a man with flashy jewelry sitting on a stack of currency in front of a gold sports car.
Asked if the school was hosting any parties, founder and principal Rocka Malik responded: "Not that I'm aware of."
School attorney Marlon Hill said Balare is investigating.
"The school takes this type of allegation very seriously and with the highest priority," he said, adding that it sublets the space to two churches on the weekends.
Parents at the school were the first to sound the alarm this week.
The school district received complaints from parents who wondered why there were empty beer bottles at their child's school. They also complained about a lingering smell of smoke — and those provocative party promotions advertising Push it to Da Limit Pt-1: The Flossin Edition this coming Saturday.
On Thursday, the district sent the Language Academy a sternly worded letter reminding operators that the property is zoned to be a school and not a nightclub.
The complaint specifically called attention to the fliers.
"All advertisements include the promotion of alcoholic beverages in addition to inappropriate images for school-age children," Deputy Superintendent Freddie Woodson wrote.
There's little the district can do. Charter schools are funded by taxpayer dollars, but run by private or nonprofit boards independent of the school district.
Under state law, the district can close a charter school only if the school is in financial distress or has received a series of failing grades from the state Department of Education.
Balare, which boasts a bilingual curriculum, did receive a failing grade in 2010, and was threatened with closure at that time. When the F turned into an A this past summer, the school got a reprieve.
Malik said people must be using the school's address in their advertisements but planning to hold the parties somewhere else.
If so, they've done it before.
The school district found advertisements for two other parties at the address that took place over the summer: the Elegant Birthday Bash and the Skinny B'Day Celebration.
Photos of both events were posted on Facebook and show hundreds of partygoers dancing in a large space and pouring alcohol in a cramped kitchen. The virtual photo albums say the events took place at 10875 Quail Roost Dr.
Calls to the party promoter — Outlaw Skinny Promotions, which lists its address on Facebook at 10875 Quail Roost Dr. — were not returned.
Hill, the school's attorney, said Balare had already delegated staff to investigate claims that the school is doubling as a party palace at night.
He said staff plans to visit the school over the weekend "to assess whether any unapproved activities are indeed taking place without the knowledge and notice of the school."
Of course the staff plans on visiting the school of the weekend. If "Push It To Da Limit: The Flossin Edition" was coming to my office, you bet your ass I am there. Don't forget about the fact that it is hosted by Jiggy Dre. Let me into this party and let me in yesterday!
How about the Principals response, "Not that I am aware of." That's like being in a Congressional hearing and responding, "I do not recall, senator" to every incriminating question. You know what I think? I think the principal is Jiggy Dre, possibly Carib Flexx.
-Big Ran
KC Jones Comments: This is an unbelievably awesome article. Could you even IMAGINE something like this going on? And yes, Big Ran is right about the principal's response being equivalent to "I do not recall, senator"....and now I'm having flashbacks to the Clinton/Lewinsky debacle ("It depends on what your definition of 'is', 'is').... Good find Big Ran, good find! And, what is wrong with the school hosting raunchy, booze-soaked bashes into the wee hours as long as it's not during school hours? God, with the right cover charges err'body up in the school during the week could be sporting new IPads. If that happens, I bet no one will be complaining when "Soul Train: The Dirty Version" resumes each Friday night....Budget problems resolved!
Since it's Friday, I am out of ideas and I want to avoid actual work I get paid for as long as possible, I figured I throw some sort of list out there. Today I am going to throw up (literally and figuratively) what at least right now are my five LEAST favorite movies. These were all brutally painful to watch and with Netflix and Redbox, hopefully I can help you avoid some clunkers.
The Beach
This one is funny because this is literally, one of my best friend's favorite movies, but since we have pretty much opposite taste in just about everything, I guess that shouldn't surprise me. Watching the trailer is great because it is so dated by the music. Moby, Live, pure late 90s action there. This movie is pretty brutal though, the plot is so thin and it is so overacted, maybe it is worth the unintentional comedy, but not sure.
Australia
Let's put it this way. I fell asleep for 45 minutes in the middle of this movie and I still saw over two hours of it. They tried SO hard to make this an epic Oscar winner by including everything possible: racial strife, class strife, war, forbidden love, terrible effects, everything. So, so bad. This may be #1 on my list.
Just Go With It
You know when you are on a plane and you don't have your own TV, but they are playing a movie so you just start praying that as you flip through the airline magazine to see the schedule that it is something good? I think I was flying from Dallas to Boston and this played. Terrible script, terrible acting, I wanted to punch the children in it, and the other comedian, Nick Swardson, is brutal. The only positives were Brooklyn Decker and Jennifer Aniston in bikinis. However, you know my philosophy: T!ts or GTFO. This movie can GTFO.
Hall Pass
Mrs. Big Ran and I saw this last week and I thought it might be amusing and entertaining enough for a rental. I had no idea the Farrelly Brothers directed this movie, but knowing that they did just illustrates their downward spiral. They should have hung up the 'ol directors chairs after Dumb and Dumber, or at least after There's Something About Mary. Individually, I like the four main actors: Jason Seduksigfhazgklsdjghdf$%& from SNL, Owen Wilson (the Wilson bro with the weird nose), Pam from The Office, and Kelly Bundi. However, it looked like they got the script five minutes before filming and that the script had been finished on the drive to the set. F*cking terrible. I thought funny hi-jinks would ensue. Nothing funny ensued.
It's Complicated
Big name cast with Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Martin (also Jim from The Office), but no support from the script. Just let these people go and it will be fine. Instead their characters were all neutered versions of themselves. The part that set me over the edge was when Streep and Baldwin's characters get back together for a bit, all their adult children freak out. There was a scene where all the adult children were huddled in a bed together because they were so upset. The characters were supposed to be from 21 to early 30s and this is what is going on? You are adults whose parents have been divorced for 10 years. It was at this point I wanted to murder these people.
So, in conclusion, these movies blow, you will not get the time given back to your lives if you choose to watch them. Also, if you have seen these movies and actually like them, I am very, very sorry that your parents dropped you on your head as a child. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
This one's for KC because I cannot get this song out of my head ever since KC mentioned Adele yesterday. Not a bad jam to have stuck in your head, but what really makes it are, once again, the YouTube comments:
Top Comments
i like the part where they say"rumor has it, rumor has it, rumor has it!"
