Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Can We Talk About the 400 Pound Gorilla In the Room?


400-pound gorilla escapes, bites zookeeper at Buffalo Zoo


BUFFALO, New York (Reuters) - A 400-pound adult male gorilla escaped his cage at the Buffalo Zoo on Monday, biting a female zookeeper before being tranquilized and captured in what a SWAT team leader called, "the scariest thing I've ever done."


Zoo officials said Koga, a 24-year-old silverback gorilla, took advantage of an unlocked door in his living quarters on Monday morning and slipped into the space behind it, used by zoo personnel but closed to the public.



A keeper who has cared for Koga since he arrived in 2007 was bitten on her hand and calf, in what officials said was an act of excitement rather than aggression.



"He was probably just as surprised coming face to face with her as she was with him," Buffalo Zoo President Donna Fernandes said.



The keeper, whose name was not released, took refuge inside the habitat of a female gorilla and her newborn baby, Fernandes said. The keeper had a good relationship with the mother who, like Koga, is a West Lowland gorilla, native to West Africa and the Congo River Basin, she said.



Meanwhile, police sent in the SWAT team to secure the area while a veterinarian used a handheld blow pipe to sedate Koga through a porthole.



Visitors to the zoo were moved indoors and stayed there throughout the roughly 45-minute ordeal -- the zoo's first escape, Fernandes said.



"That was the scariest thing I've ever done in my career," said SWAT team captain Mark Maraschiello.



"It's a 400 pound animal that's capable of who knows what. He could rip your arm out of its socket," Maraschiello said.



The sedated gorilla was dragged by zoo staff back to his habitat once the drugs took hold, about 15 minutes after they were administered.



The keeper's decision to lock herself inside the separate habitat likely kept her from being further harmed, according to officials at the zoo. Several locked doors kept Koga from running amok through the zoo and beyond.



Fernandes promised an investigation into how Koga escaped.



"I'm sure it was very dramatic for (the zoo keeper) and for all the keepers. It was pins and needles," she said.



The wounded zookeeper was undergoing an evaluation at a nearby hospital but her injuries were not considered serious.



Koga was born at the Bronx Zoo in New York City and transferred in 1994 to the Memphis Zoo before landing in Buffalo. Fernandes said he has no history of unusual aggression. 

If I was stuck in a Buffalo zoo, you bet your ass I'd do everything in my power to escape too.  Imagine if you were a 400 pound gorilla and you could be in the San Diego Zoo, but you're stuck in Buffalo.  That's like the safety school of zoos.  He had been in the Bronx Zoo, so at least he had sweet nightlife.  Memphis Zoo?  At least that's a party zoo.  Warm weather and slutty sorority gorillas there.  Now he's in the Buffalo Zoo.  28 feet of snow a year and a bunch of female gorillas that just sit around watching the Bills and eating wings.  That sh!t would get old real quick.



-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head



See, I'm telling you, this bro came down with the Kony 2012 fever.  One minute he's coming up with a half hour video to watch on YouTube and become a social activist, next minute he's going Martin Lawrence on all of our asses, you know, except naked.

Listen, it's tough work raking in the money and getting everyone pissed of at Carl Weathers.

Fire it up, Billy!



-Big Ran

Closing Time!

Oprah Winfrey's OWN network is pulling the curtain on "The Rosie Show" after five months on the air.

The show premiered in October to about 500,000 viewers but lost about half that audience within days of its debut.

Recently, it changed the format from taping before a studio audience to a one-on-one interview setting with celebrities such as Kathy Griffin, Chelsea Handler and former Illinois first lady Patti Blagojevich.

In a statement released by OWN, Winfrey thanked O'Donnell. She called O'Donnell "an incredible partner" who worked to put on the best show "every single day."

O'Donnell also was quoted as saying she loved working with Winfrey and in Chicago and "wished" the show had better ratings.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I despise BOTH Oprah AND Rosie the Riveter. I will, however, say that this news made me smile and not despise O-Dog for about .5 seconds. I am hopeful that no one will ever have to see Rosie's Mr. Potato Head like mug on national television on a regular basis ever again. I also hope that Oprah disappears as well, but for now, I'll be happy with this. 

Please enjoy this collection of "Rancid Rosie Photos" I've compiled to amuse myself on this lazy Tuesday:
Getting this for Big Ran as a mouse pad.
Ever hear the expression, "Death warmed over"? 
So much so say, all so inappropriate....

Something tells me NEITHER team wants to claim her...
Really?

-KC Jones