Hey errbody! So I am on vacation this week and had a little date night with Mrs. Big Ran last night. We went to dinner, then saw "Harry Potter 8: The Revenge." I have seen all the Harry Potter movies, not because I am some creepy dude who lives in his Mom's basement (just an aside, the thought of not having a mortgage to pay, makes that pretty appealing), but because I have seen all of them since I got married.
Anyway, I saw the last movie in the theater whenever it was out (last summer? Just researched it, last summer is correct), so I figured I would remember all the things I would need for this latest edition.
Wrong. I had no idea what was going on in the first 30 minutes of this movie. Not that it wasn't well done, I just have the information retention of a four year old. Anyway, I always expect more out of these movies, but it seems to always come down to Harry and that snake-faced dude shooting lasers out of their wands at each other until someone or something gets blowed out. They need more car chases.
Also, this is what I have never understood: Harry Potter is the man in these movies, right? This dude should be balls deep in witch pussy. ALL THE TIME. There is a scene in the movie where he and his buddies go back to their old wizard school and you can see these chicks want a piece of his meat wand. Nothing. Then (SPOILER ALET), after he kills the snake-faced dude, he walks back through the school, which is in ruins, but he should be a conquering hero and have wizard chicks at his beck and call. That's my problem with this movie. In real life, Harry wouldn't settle for that super average red head, he'd be casting spells on big breasted British chicks. I would see that movie.
On the ride home from the movie, I said this (well, some of it) to my wife. She had a lot of great reasons why he wouldn't do that and I realized two things:
1. She pays way more attention to the details of a story/movie more than I do.
2. I definitely have some demented thoughts that run through my head and pretty much come up with my own plot while watching a movie.
So, I give this move 3 out of 5 stars. It would have been 4 if he hooked up with a bunch of chicks.
Just when I thought nothing could shock me, I heard this on the news tonight:
A controversial new doll is leaving some parents wishing for the good old Cabbage Patch days.
A Spanish toymaker known as Berjuan has developed a breast-feeding doll that comes with a special halter top its young "mothers" wear as they pretend to breast-feed their "babies." The halter top has daisies that cover the little girls’ nipples and come undone just as easily as the flaps of a nursing bra would.
The doll — called Bebe Gloton, which translates as “gluttonous baby” — makes sucking noises as it "feeds."
Like many other dolls, Bebe Gloton can cry, signaling she wants more milk. Although many health care providers promote the benefits of breast-feeding, parents around the world have criticized Berjuan, saying the idea of breast-feeding is too grown-up for young children -- and may even promote early pregnancy.
"That's not cool," Lori Reynolds, of El Paso, Texas, told KFOXTV.com. "No, I would never get that for my child."
But other moms said they support the product.
"I think that it’s great that people want to have a doll that promotes breast-feeding,” said Rose Haluschak, also of El Paso. “Most dolls that are purchased come with a bottle. That is the norm in society, an artificial way to feed your baby.”
Dr. Manny Alvarez, managing health editor of FOXNews.com, said although he supports the idea of breast-feeding, he sees how his own daughter plays with dolls and wonders if Bebe Gloton might speed up maternal urges in the little girls who play it.
“Pregnancy has to entail maturity and understanding,” Alvarez said. “It’s like introducing sex education in first grade instead of seventh or eighth grade. Or, it could inadvertently lead little girls to become traumatized. You never know the effects this could have until she’s older.”
Alvarez said breast-feeding reduces childhood infections, strengthens maternal bonding and increases the child’s immune system. But introducing breast-feeding to girls young enough to play with dolls seems inappropriate, he said.
“What’s next?” wrote Eric Ruhalter, a parenting columnist for New Jersey’s Star Ledger. “Bebe Sot — the doll who has a problem with a different kind of bottle, and loses his family, job and feelings of self-worth? Bebe Limp — the male doll who experiences erectile dysfunction? Bebe Cell Mate — a weak, unimposing doll that experiences all the indignation and humiliation of life in prison? "Toy themes should be age appropriate. I think so anyway.”
Ok, so I don't care what anyone else thinks, this is just plain ridiculous. There is no need for it, but at the same time, it's absolutely hilarious. The best part is the English translation for the name of the doll, 'gluttonous baby'. Really? So now, not only are we promoting little girls attempting to breastfeed, but we're also supporting childhood obesity. This is really mind-blowing. The thing is this; if a little girl is playing with a doll and wants to pretend to breastfeed it, they are going to do it anyway. There does NOT need to a be a special halter top with flowers to hide nipples and a baby that makes 'sucking' noises. As for the people who are concerned that the doll will make little girls want to get pregnant (that is what 'speed up maternal urges' means), I'd have to wholeheartedly disagree. Something tells me the "Leche League" is lapping this up and will be milking it for a while! (Puns Intended!)
I hope Santa and his elves are already getting to work, because this is obviously going to be a hot item for Christmas 2011. I mean, at $112 a piece, what parent WOULDN'T want to get this for their child. Quick question; what would the people quoted in the article above say about a little boy playing with this doll? I say YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
P.S. Notice on the picture of the box the Spaniards say "BLUUURP" instead of "BURP". I had no idea Spanish babies made different noises than American babies.
P.P.S Look at the doll, it's just plain scary with it's beady little eyes. It's making me nervous. I'd let it starve before I mock breastfed it.
Well, for the second time in two weeks, Boston has locked up a superlative. Last week, as you may remember, it was decided that Boston was the worst dressed city in the country. This week, it gets better. Not only should Bostonians (made up word?) be featured on the TLC hit, "What Not To Wear", but they are also the reason why the capital of Massachusetts captured the #1 spot in 'least friendly city in the U.S. poll'. This is awesome!
Couple of thoughts on this:
First, after residents of the city had the 'worst dressed' title slapped on them, did anyone expect them to be friendly? I would probably be a little standoffish if my wardrobe was called out as heinous.
Also, with Deval (aka Devolve) Patrick as Governor of the state, the astronomical costs of living residents of "Taxachusetts" face, the Big Dig (and other traffic disasters), the Boston Harbor being a filthy mess, brutal winters, terrible public transportation, and Danny Ainge running the Celtics, what did we expect to happen? If I lived in that city day in and day out, I'd be unfriendly as well.
Boston MIGHT be the most unfriendly city, but the French are still the most unfriendly and rude population, period.
Survey: Boston least friendly city
Updated: Monday, 18 Jul 2011, 2:44 PM EDT
Published : Monday, 18 Jul 2011, 6:55 AM EDT
BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Boston is known for many things, including great seafood, a rich history and our love of sports. But apparently being pleasant isn't one of them, as Boston was named the least friendly city.
Two psychologists took a national survey where Americans measured certain "character strengths."
For each of the country's 50 largest cities, they came up with an average score. Boston came in dead last.
The mayor is not buying the results.
"I think look at here today, everybody's friendly here," said Mayor Tom Menino. "I go to all the events in the city of Boston. People say gee what a friendly city. Ask the cab drivers. They think we have a friendly city also. I don't know who did this poll. I never heard of it. It's one of those polls that some people I don't think there's any credibility in it at all."
A Boston College professor tells the Boston Globe one reason why we might be seen as unfriendly is our history, which has been shaped by periods of discrimination.
Sadly, I'd have to say I agree with this.....but only because they obviously didn't look at Worcester or Springfield while doing their research. Had those 2 cities been included, Massachusetts would have the top 3 seeds locked up and Boston might not have looked quite so bad! Just another reason to consider moving to Providence.
BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Boston is a city known for its rich history, institutes of higher learning and dominance of the sports world, but apparently not sartorial splendor. GQ has named Boston the worst-dressed city in America.
According to the GQ article : Boston is like America's Bad-Taste Storm Sewer: all the worst fashion ideas from across the country flow there, stagnate, and putrefy. To be fair, it's hard to be a fashion capital when half of your population is made up of undergraduate hoodie monsters...
So, in essence, Boston is a bad fashion city because of college kids, mostly not from Boston, dressing sloppily. OK. Maybe we have the most annoying public transportation for the same reason. When does that list come out?
If you're still feeling bummed out about our city's poor couture designation, check out the rest of the list, it's filled with, essentially, every major city in America. Just think of it as another championship for Boston.
Here are the bottom 10 of the 40 Worst-Dressed American Cities
10. St. Louis
9. Miami
8. Salt Lake City
7. Maui
6. Philly
5. Manhattan
4. Chicago
3. Pittsburgh
2. Los Angeles
1. Boston
I was on my way into work this morning and as I was driving by this one house, I noticed that they had Christmas decorations up. It was all out. There was a wreath on the door, and lights were still on the house. The house wasn't abandoned as I saw someone coming out of it. I'm not sure if they are in a time warp or if perhaps they don't know that it's July 15th, NOT December 25th! The fact that we live in Massachusetts and it's been in the 80's and 90's lately is a pretty clear indicator that the holiday season is very far off.
I've never understood people who don't take their Christmas decorations down within an acceptable time frame. For me, the deadline is February 1st, and even that is pushing it. However, given how bad the past winter was, I was even willing to accept lights remaining on people's houses until all the snow went away. People definitely shouldn't be risking their lives climbing onto icy, snow covered roofs in order to take their decorations down. But, as I mentioned above, it is now July 15th and there is absolutely no excuse for this.
"Christmas in July" is appropriate for retailers only, not civilians. Also, it is perfectly acceptable to keep the Christmas spirit alive all year, but there is no place for decorations in doing this. If people are THAT lazy, I don't know what to say. I'm thinking of going after work and 'helping' them. Somebody might be going home tonight with a new Christmas wreath and a few strands of lights!
I'm sure that you're all sad that Big Ran is traveling for work and then on vacation, so he wanted me to keep all of his peeps up to date on his travels and whereabouts...I'm thinking that despite having to fly from Boston to Dallas in order to get to Calgary (riiiiiiighhhhhhhhht), our boy Big Ran is definitely enjoying himself! Canada (aka the hideous growth on the forehead of the United States) has no idea what it's in for! Hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your husbands, cause Big Ran is gon' be harassing err'body up in there!
-----Original Message-----
> From: Big Ran
> Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 10:36 AM
> To: KC Jones
> Subject: TX
>
> Hey if you want you could update the blog with my travels.I am
> currently in Dallas having second breakfast consisting of Guinness and
Okay, so I was driving into work this morning when a car with a ridiculous vanity plate drove by me. Something to the effect of "NETRK" or something like that. Bottom line is that it made no sense and was just stupid. So, I began thinking about how annoyed I get by people who have vanity license plates on their cars. I mean, really? So, in addition to your car payment, insurance payment, the price of gas, excise tax (where applicable--f you Massachusetts!), registration costs, inspection costs, and any repairs, you are CHOOSING to add to your expenses? Good for you. Having money to burn must be so hard. You paid EXTRA to your respective state to get a specialty plate which will allow your car to be more easily targeted if someone wants to screw with you?
Unless you have come up with something ridiculously witty to spell out, these plates are ALWAYS a bad idea. The people that opt for them are either egotists or just plain stupid. Here are a few of the most ridiculous ones I've ever seen the parking lot here at my P.O.E:
1. SNUZER: What? What does that mean? Should it be 'snoozer' and you just didn't have enough room? Do you like to sleep? What else could it possibly mean?
2. NXRBL: I've been trying to figure this one out for years. Again, because we are working with a limited amount of characters, did letters get left out? The best I can come up with is POSSIBLY "Next Rebel", which just makes no sense. However, this car belongs to a very large man who also has a 'nude beach' parking permit on his back window. So, nothing is out of the realm of possibility as far as I'm concerned.
3. MRCPA: Yup! That's right! And this one is exactly what it looks like: Mr. CPA, as in Mr. Certified Public Accountant. This dude is a TOTAL Poindexter, so I shouldn't be surprised that he took the time to acquire a plate like this. The plot gets even thicker when one realizes that his initals are M.R. so, it could either be "Mr." or just his initials. Regardless, he's a dork and he's super cool driving around in his Infiniti.
Maybe Big Ran and I should get matching plates....
We here at "The Takeover" missed a pretty big celebration on Monday. It was "World Population Day". I heard about it that morning on the news and was supposed to blog about it but a little something called work got in the way. So, I'd like to celebrate it today instead. As "they" (who are they?) say, better late than never. So, in the spirit of controlling overpopulation, I'd like to provide a list of the top 10 people I would like to remove from the world population. I know that the Space Program is over for now, so we can't send them into orbit, but I'm open to other suggestions.
1. Charlie Sheen: Clearly, our world would be on a "winning" track if we were able to exile him.
There are no words
2. The Entire Jersey Shore Cast: Martin Luther King, Jr had a dream, and I do too: Mine is that one day, we will have an STD free world and I figure this would be the best place to start as far as prevention and elimination are concerned.
Why America is losing its place as a super power: Exhibit A
3. Heidi Watney: Red Sox 'BROADcaster' extraordinaire! Obviously the dumb bimbo is on NESN because she's a dumb b*tch, but if I were a Sox fan or a baseball fan at all I'd be even more outraged as she's dumbing down the sport. This trick has probably slept with half of the roster and if I ever have the misfortune of going to a Red Sox game, I'll be sure to mention that if I see her. She's actually #1 on my list, but I thought of Charlie and the Jersey Shore trolls first.
"Why are all of these men wearing the same outfit?!"
4. Nickelback: This one is for Big Ran. I do not like them either, although I did a little when they first came out. However, not anymore. They make Big Ran want to punch babies and kick puppies, so we'll have to send them into orbit as well once the next space trip takes place.
5. Amy Winehouse: They tried to make her go to rehab and she said "no, no, no"....well, she doesn't get a choice with us. She and her hair will be going away.
Nope, she's clearly perfectly sober & healthy
6. Al Sharpton: Because, in his own mind, he is part of such an oppressed minority population, I'm sure he'll jump at the opportunity to no longer have to exist within the confines of such an unjust society.
7. The Cyrus Family: Billy Ray, Miley, Trish, doesn't matter, if the last name is 'Cyrus', Imma need you to take your achy breaky hearts and hit the road.
8. Madonna: To quote one of the best movies of all time, "Office Space", I must refer to her as what she truly is, a 'no talent ass clown'. Hey Madonna, you're 50-something: stop trying to act like you're still in your 20's, pick an accent (sometimes she's English, sometimes she's American!), pick a religion (sometimes she's Jewish, other times she's Catholic, and she practices Kaballah as well!), and pick a guy who is in the correct age range, preferable someone NOT named Jesus! The Virgin Mary is weeping having to share a name with you! Also, cover up those veiny, nasty arms. She can't sing, she has nothing intelligent to say, and relied on shock value to keep her career afloat for decades. Sadly, there are many suckers out there who fall for it!
GROSS!
9. Giselle: Hey, since we're NOT going to pass a worldwide mandate forcing mothers to breastfeed and since normal women will continue to experience difficulties with pregnancy & childbirth (unlike her), I think it's time for her to go as well. Ironically, her removal from the general population will greatly increase the Patriots odds of winning another Super Bowl. I wonder why.
Remember when Tom Brady wasn't a fairy?
10. Danny Ainge: You ruined it for everyone this past season.You are arrogant, smug, & DUMB. This is why we can't have anything nice.
Smug S.O.B.
In case you want to read anything more about "World Population Day", click here....
-KC Jones
Big Ran note: Not sure what it is, but I can't stand this broad, Watney, either. It could be because she bangs tons of the players, or some strange shenanigans at her last job, not sure. Objectively speaking, she's attractive, but she chaps my ass. Tina Cervasio was much better, thus her move to NY. NESN should use Katherine Tappen. I bet she wouldn't bang Varitek AND a Fenway security dude.
I'm heading out of the office for a couple of weeks, so KC is going to be holding down the fort for everyone. Who knows, maybe we have some guest writers to switch things up. Either way, you guys win. Rather than my quick-hitting, ADD-style blogs, you're going to get some well thought out and well written ones.
Vaya con Dios, bitches!
-Big Ran
PS: You're welcome for including a picture of myself in St. Bart's last year.
Updated: Wednesday, 13 Jul 2011, 6:37 AM EDT
Published : Wednesday, 13 Jul 2011, 6:34 AM EDT
GARDEN GROVE, Calif. (AP) - Police say a Southern California woman drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed, cut off his penis with a knife and threw it down a garbage disposal.
Garden Grove police Lt. Jeff Nightengale tells City News Service the attack occurred Monday night. He says 48-year-old Catherine Kieu Becker was booked at the Orange County Jail for investigation of aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse.
The 51-year-old victim's name was not released but Nightengale says he is in serious condition after surgery at a hospital.
Nightengale says the woman told responding officers the victim "deserved it."
The woman is due in court Wednesday. A telephone listing for her residence could not be located.
Having been the recent victim of a serial cheater and con artist I cannot say that I blame this woman. We have no idea what this man (now unick*) has done to her. I don't know which charge I like the best, but I find them all awesome. I am not condoning this behavior, I'm just saying that when you hurt someone repeatedly and violate and victimize them, there's no telling when they'll snap. You know what they say, if you mess with the bull, you're going to get the horns! On second thought, I feel like my whole life is "Aggravated Mayhem" (caused by someone else) lately, so that's definitely my favorite charge.
Here are the questions I have after reading this article:
1. Are penises garbage disposal safe?
2. How was she able to do all of this without him fighting back?
3. What exactly IS "Aggravated Mayhem" and why does it sound so funny?
4. If the genital was put down the disposal, what did they do at the hospital? I've never heard of a penis transplant. Even in death, you know the average man isn't going to be donating that to science or others.
5. Is this woman related to Lorena Bobbitt? I'm sure you all remember that incident. *Unick: According to Urban Dictionary.com: Americanized version of the word "Eunuch".
1. A man with his balls (testes) removed. Often used in royal courts to guard female royalty and concubines.
2. A man who is incapable of reproduciton.
3. A guy who doesn't seem to be interested in women, but also excluding homosexuality. They are just not the dating type.
4. A gutless wonder.
5. The third sex. The Non-sex.
"Mike is such a Unick, he's never dated a girl in his entire life!"
See, this is what you can do when you have a championship. In the off season, you can play in the World Series of Poker, wear shades, big headphones, an awesome customized Inglewood hat with a shamrock and your number on the back, and your championship ring. "No big deal, I just happened to win the 2008 NBA Finals for the greatest NBA franchise around and was named MVP of the series. You guys playing poker? Sweet."
R. Kelly fails to pay mortgage for a year on $2.7 million house
US grammy-winning singer R. Kelly faces a $US2.9 million ($2.7 million) foreclosure on his suburban Chicago mansion.
JPMorgan Chase Bank filed the foreclosure lawsuit last month in Cook County Circuit Court. The complaint states that Kelly hasn't made monthly mortgage payments since June of last year.
Crain's Chicago Business publication reports that the Olympia Field home's appraised value fell 26 per cent in a year, to $US3.8 million in 2010. The original 1999 loan was for $US3.5 million
The principal due is more than $US2.9 million.
The R&B superstar's spokesman Allan Mayer declined to comment on the foreclosure. But he said Kelly isn't having financial trouble.
Mayer said the singer now lives in Chicago. Mayer said Kelly's recent tour and 2010 album, Love Letter, have been successful.
Something tells me that I couldn't go a year without paying my mortgage, just a wild guess. However, maybe I could make a video where I pee on a teenager and make some extra money to make the payments, you never know.
KC can attest to the fact that I came up with "Molesta" as a parody for R. Kelly's "Fiesta" way before anyone else. JAMN 94.5 stole my shit!
KC Jones note: Yes, Big Ran did, and he should be getting MAJOR royalties!
StarPulse.com - Gavin Rossdale is set to officially bring Bush back to life in September with the band's first album since it disbanded in 2002.
Rossdale reformed the group for the Epicenter festival in California last year, and the "Glycerine" hitmakers will perform at August's Sunset Strip Music Festival in Los Angeles - and this time they'll have something to promote.
The band's brand new album, "The Sea of Memories," will be released on September 13 through the group's very own Zuma Rock Records label.
Rossdale has also firmed up the members of the new-look Bush after former bandmates Dave Parsons and Nigel Pulsford declined an invitation to be a part of the reunion. They have been replaced by bassist Corey Britz and guitarist Chris Traynor.
September will be a big month for the Bush frontman - his daughter, model Daisy Lowe, will also strip off and grace the pages of men's magazine Playboy.
OK, there is a ton going on for a short article, so let's try to tackle these issues one at a time. First of all, this group went through several guitarists/bassists. They should have just been called Gavin Rossdale and the Bushes. They were big for a few years when there were terrible band names and even worse music. "Bush," really? However, with that said, I did like them and they had some good jams.
These dudes are old now. I mean, I would be old to have a rock band, but these dudes are really old. Look at that new album title, "Sea of Memories." Pardon my language, but that sounds fucking TERRIBLE. That's a Bett Midler album if I ever heard an album title.
See that last sentence, just thrown in there at the bottom? Rossdale's daughter is going to be in Playboy?! This is craziness, so here's more...
Wikipedia - Daisy Rebecca Lowe (born 27 January 1989) is an English fashion model who has modelled for editorial photo shoots and commercial advertising campaigns and has worked as a runway model. She is the daughter of Pearl Lowe, the singer/songwriter turned textile and fashion designer, and Gavin Rossdale, lead singer for Bush.
This is some wild stuff. Like I mentioned about someone else earlier today, if this chick wants to get naked, I'll look at it. She kind of looks like a cheeky, British version of Katie Holmes, minus the crazy husband (I think).
Also, in my internet research on this whole topic (yes, there are topless photos of Daisy, just use google), I ran across this about Gavin Rossdale...
Gavin Rossdale regrets admitting to 1980s gay affair with pop singer Marilyn in Details magazine
NY Daily News - Perhaps Gavin Rossdale should have listened to "Don't Speak," his wife Gwen Stefani's 1995 hit with her band, No Doubt, before he spoke to Details magazine.
A source close to the Bush front man tells us he's "seriously regretting" going on the record with the publication about his 1980s affair with gender-bending pop singer Marilyn (nee Peter Robinson) - in part, because he then had to come clean with his wife.
In the article, which posted on Details' website on Monday (and will be available on newsstands Oct. 19), Rossdale admits to the long-rumored affair after writer Jonah Weiner asks him if the relationship, which took place when Rossdale was 17 years old, was a case of "one-time experimentation."
The rocker responded, "Yeah. That was it." But our source tells us (and another confirms) that after the interview, Rossdale approached the publication's editors and "pleaded with them" not to print the admission. Details chose to run with its scoop.
We hear this has left Rossdale with some 'splainin' to do, as far as his superstar wife is concerned.
According to our source, although Stefani has been aware of the rumors, "Gwen didn't know that Gavin and Marilyn were actually involved. Gavin always said before that they were just friends and that's what she believed, until Gavin had to tell her" because of the interview in Details.
Boy George first wrote about Rossdale and Marilyn in his 1995 book, "Take It Like a Man." At the time, both men denied the relationship, but last year, Marilyn told In Touch magazine that he and Rossdale had been involved for five years.
Marilyn also said that because Rossdale's band, Bush, was "just becoming successful in America" at the time Boy George's allegations were hitting the press. "I agreed to lie against every grain of my being."
Details magazine declined to comment. A spokeswoman for Rossdale didn't get back to us by deadline.
In no way am I judging here, I just want everyone to know how much hot fire I am bringing to you today. Also, fucking look at Rossdale in that photo! I just researched the shit out of this. Rossdale and Gwen Stefani are still married (I couldn't remember), and he is an avid tennis player.
