Wednesday, May 25, 2011

"O" No!

I was thinking about it last night and I think there was just a huge misunderstanding in regards to "The Rapture". Harold Camping must have meant today, May 25,2011 because doesn't the end of "Oprah" translate to the end of the world? I know for many people, it does...Seriously. There are people who have watched this show religiously for 25 years--and many of those years were before DVR! Anyway, the final episode was taped at the United Center in Chicago as it was the only venue large enough to fit her entire ego.


No worries though, her world takeover will continue as she has already started her own television network. So, for now, all you Oprah fans out there just sit tight.  I have a feeling this sabbatical won't last long.

P.S. My prediction: an "Obama/Winfrey"...oops I mean, "Winfrey/Obama" ticket in 2012!


The answer to: What if Oprah was one of us?
Proof that money can buy happiness...
-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note:  I have a co-worker that does an awesome Oprah impression.  I wish she would use that voice all the time, especially because she is like 5 feet tall and white.

Is This Person Good Looking?

To continue on with Big Ran's "Is This Person Good Looking?" section, I'd like to present this person for your consideration (as I anxiously await Big Ran's commentary):

Hilary Swank, looking like an attractive woman
Hilary Swank, looking like Justin Bieber
If you're going to judge based on the first picture, the answer is very clear: she's attractive. However, because she frequently pops up looking similar to the second picture,  I'm inclined to say she's not attractive at all.  I feel like there are two faces on her body and in some lights, you see a sophisticated beauty and in others, you see what resembles a young boy or an evil critter. If you remember, there was a "Seinfeld" episode with a similar premise. It probably doesn't help that she played a trans-gender teen, (a boy who discovers they are biologically a female) very well in Boys Don't Cry. However, even without that, I'm still conflicted.

In Boys Don't Cry- scary, isn't it?

She's very angular, bony, and from certain angles, just appears harsh. I think that for her, the most important accessory is her hair. In the pictures with mid-length/longer hairstyle, her angles are softer and more feminine.  Short is just too severe with her features! Very few women can have short hair, so this isn't an insult. I certainly couldn't, I've just been fortunate enough to have people in my life who wouldn't even let me try it! And it's absolutely crucial that she wear some sort of makeup. She doesn't need to pile it on like the trash found at the Jersey Shore, but a little lip gloss and a soft blush never hurt anyone.On a positive note, she's got a great body and great skin--she definitely takes care of herself. There are just certain changes that need to happen so her gender isn't questioned anymore!
Swear to God, this is him, oops, I mean, her....
Pretty again! See? The right hair length makes all the difference for her!
One final note: I'm not trying to be mean here, because trust me, I'm no prize. I could easily be put in this section with the final verdict being unattractive. However, fortunately for me, this is "The Takeover" and I'm one of the authors and I'm not in the public eye. I can say these things and avoid having bad pictures of myself posted all over gossip mags and the Internet.

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note:  This is a great case for "Is This Person Good Looking?"  Personally, I say no, she is not good looking.  Too mannish for me.  Now, I will grant you that in the first and last pictures she looks great.  However, if it takes an army of people to make you look that way, are you really good looking.  If I wake up next to that third, or even worse, fourth picture, I don't know what I do with the rest of my life, because it would never be the same.