A Sad Day for Comedy

Palin decides not to run for president in 2012

Sarah Palin, whose summer bus tour raised speculation that she would seek the Republican presidential nomination, announced tonight that she will not run, settling the GOP field one day after Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey announced that he would not enter the race.

Palin, the former Alaska governor and 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee, made the announcement in a telephone interview on the Mark Levin Show, a conservative talk radio program.

She said that while she would not seek the presidency, she wants to stay active in the national scene as a supporter of conservative causes and candidates.

“I believe I can be more effective and more aggressive in this mission in a supportive role,” she said. “We’ll see what the future holds in terms of me personally in a political career.”

A Palin candidacy had seemed an increasingly unlikely proposition in recent weeks. Republican leaders had said it would have been very difficult for her to set up a national organization and qualify for the ballot at this late stage in the primary.

The enthusiasm for a Palin presidential run also seemed to wane with the emergence of Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota and Georgia businessman Herman Cain, candidates who also appeal to Palin’s socially conservative, Tea Party base.

But even as the once ubiquitous firebrand seemed to slide from the national stage, she had refused to rule out running for the White House. Her cross-country bus tour of historic sites this summer only intensified speculation that she might run.

Speaking tonight, Palin said she had reached the decision after careful consideration. “I do want to assure you that this has been prayerfully considered,” Palin said.

She said that, by not running, it would be easier for her to speak her mind and “branch out” as an activist. Decrying what she called “crony capitalism,” she said she would remain involved in “this mission to help wake up America to what’s going on in our country.”

How devastated is the, crew, and writers of SNL?  Honestly, if I worked there, I would be poishing up my resume, because now what's the point?  Tina Fey is probably relieved, but her paycheck for the next year will be cut in half.

-Big Ran

The Only Good Thing to Come Out of the 2011 Season

I don't even need to cover the Sox collapse, because really, what's the point?  Looking back on the season, this is the only thing worthwhile to come from it.  This should replace Sweet Caroline.

-Big Ran

F*CK YEAH, TITO!

John Henry...BLOW ME.

Tom Werner...BLOW ME.

Larry Lucchino...BLOW ME.

Terry Francona can manage my team any day.

-Big Ran

The Big Easy Omissions

Man, I forgot a couple good things from my boring New Orleans post.

First of all, if you haven't been to New Orleans, you need to know that open containers are all good there.  So, you can buy drinks in a bar, walk around with them and even take them into other bars.  This freedom caused one of my coworkers to say the following (after several hurricanes):

"I love this open container law.  I feel like its much more green, much less wasteful."

OK.  Whatever pulls your trigger, but it is pretty awesome.  Getting late and you want to go home?  You don't have to slam your drink or leave it at the bar, you have an automatic road soda.

The second thing I forgot to include was how I almost got into a fight, but am so quick-witted and handsome, I was able to avoid it.

So, I, along with some friends and coworkers get to our final stop around 1am on Thursday.  Great indoor/outdoor bar with an awesome band.  I take drink orders, go to the bar, and order.  At the bar is a guy, probably in his mid-to-late thirties and a woman (maybe his girlfriend?).  He comments, "I hope that drink (vodka tonic) is for you."  I repond, "No, it's for one of my coworkers."  This is where it all begins (well, I guess his first comment is where it all began, but I digress).

Guy:  "Man, how does it feel to be in love with your coworker?"

Me (knowing where this is going):  "Nah, just ordering drinks."

Guy:  "I mean, how does it feel to so obviously pine after a coworker?"

Me:  "Listen man, I'm here with some friends and coworkers.  I'm just ordering drinks."

Guy:  "You must be in love with this woman to get her a drink like that."

Me:  "Nah man, just trying to have a good time with some friends."

Guy:  "No, you're in love with her."

Woman:  "That's not what he said at all, he is just getting her a drink."

I pay for the drinks and walk away.

A little while later later, my friends and I are hanging out, rocking to the tunes, just being awesome, when this douche bag walks by and feels the need to talk to me.  So he says the following while I was standing next to one of my female coworkers (I only got her a water, so I must not be in love with her):

"So, is this the coworker you're in love with?"

Now, what this guy didn't expect, was for me to notice the two drinks he was holding: mini High Lifes, maybe 8oz.

I love ripping the High Life when I've been doing something very American and manly, such as roofing or using a chain saw on fallen tree limbs.  However, this is New Orleans, Louisiana.  You don't order small beers.  Ever.  He may have actually pay for these beers with his testicles, because I don't think you can be allowed to have them if you order mini beers.

My coworker and I see these and just start laughing and pointing.  and I respond with, "What's going on, you couldn't handle the full size?"

Guy:  "It's the High Life."

Me:  "They should be bigger."

Guy:  "C'mon, it's the HIGH LIFE!"

Me:  "They should be bigger."

Guy, trying to change the subject):  "So, is this the coworker?"

At this point, I walk up to him, pat him a bit too firmly on the back and get right in his ear and say:  "They should be bigger."  Then, I walk away and this bro looked extremely defeated.  As much as I wanted to slug this guy, I figured getting arrested while away for a conference would not be a good look.

-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head

Double header today.  If anyone can explain the psychology between this pairing running around my dome, you get a free t-shirt.  We don't have any Takeover shirts, so it may be a gently worn t-shirt from my closet, but it's a free t-shit nonetheless.






I can't explain this one, but I may need some serious medication.

-Big Ran