Big Ran's Movie Review: Twilight (The third one? Fourth?)

Like, OMG, I'm like SOOOO in to you right now.

To just go back in time just a bit, my birthday was a couple of weeks ago.  So, my wife says to me, "I'm going to take you to the movies for your birthday."  In my head, I thought, "OK, that's a strange thing for her to say, but I friggin' love movies."  Then it dawned on me (no pun intended, but that worked out pretty nicely):  "Oh man, Twilight must be out."  My wife responded with "Yup! Happy birthday!"

Well, good things come to those who wait because yesterday she delivered on that promise and we saw "Twilight: Breaking Dawn."  

Now, I didn't read any of these books, so there are constantly things I need clarification on in addition to the fact that I never remember what has been going on in previous movies.  What I didn't know until after the movie is that the final book was divided into three sections, so I guess they are making a movie for each part of the last book.  A.  Holy sh!t, there are two more movies.  B.  This movie had a slow ass start; nothing went down until the last half hour or so I'm sure they could have crammed everything into one movie, but that doesn't put my money in the pockets of Robert Pattinson's skinny jeans, so I have to see two more.

The best part of the movie was right after the two main peeps got married, the vampire tells his chick, "I have one more present for you, let's go somewhere a bit more private."  And I said to my wife, "It's in my pants,  and it's my boner."  Definitely the best part of the movie.

So, on the plus side, there were less shirtless dudes in this one than the last one, so there was a lot less 14 year old girls shrieking in the theater.  Also, thank God for smart phones.  I could check my fantasy football team the whole time.

Overall, I give it two out of five stars.  The wolves were cool and less shirtless dudes.

-Big Ran

PS: When you try a google search for Kristen Stewart Br (for Breaking Dawn), you get this:  Kristen Stewart Bra Size.  That's always good on the work computer.