Anyway, I digress....the purpose of this post is much more important than rehashing what happened or talking about love...it is my attempt to stop future couples from ruining their wedding receptions with horrible musical selections. We've all been there---a wedding where horrifically annoying songs are being played, with older people having the 'best day ever', doing "The Chicken Dance", and drunken people attempting the "YMCA", which never, ever, ever should have ever been aired on the radio to begin with.
So, without further adieu, I'd like to present my new playlist that's not really a playlist because these songs should NEVER be played....ever....
"Evacuate the Dance Floor Mix: Songs That Will Ruin Your Special Day"
1. "The Chicken Dance"-I'm pretty sure that if I go to Hell when I die, this will be playing on repeat for all of eternity. There is just NO need for this little ditty, EVER. Honestly, it makes me want to PUNCH and KICK barnyard animals the second I hear it.
2. "YMCA"- Or ANYTHING else by "The Village People". Again, someone should have realized there was something very wrong with this original "Motley Crue". Am I the only one listening to the lyrics? What is going on here? Why do some people rush to the floor like this is God's gift to their eardrums? I can't answer any of the many questions that come to mind. All I know is that I feel like balling up in the fetal position and hiding under the table whenever this comes on at a reception or elsewhere. Sadly, I am unable to link to the ORIGINAL video in all of it's colorful goodness, but this will have to do....1. "The Chicken Dance"-I'm pretty sure that if I go to Hell when I die, this will be playing on repeat for all of eternity. There is just NO need for this little ditty, EVER. Honestly, it makes me want to PUNCH and KICK barnyard animals the second I hear it.
3. "The Electric Slide"-This was cool at middle school dances. After that, we all grew up and realized how stupid it was. If you are getting married & do not realize how stupid it is, you probably aren't old enough to be getting hitched in the first place. If this comes on at any point at any weddings I attend, I am sure to stand close to the dance floor with a couple of friends and make fun of the people who are busting a move to it.
4. "The Macarena" - This is terrible. First of all, it sounds like young girls are singing it, except for the chorus, which is old men (the one of the left looks like Bernie Madoff---adding even more drama to the situation)...therefore, it's essentially a duet between young girls and grown men...so maybe R.Kelly could do a remix of it. The video really adds to the mess as some of the women look like trannies & the lip syncing is just unreal. Apparently they couldn't negotiate the child labor laws to allow the real singers to appear in the video. This song makes me want to hang myself, or at the very least, puncture my eardrums with a sharp object. Rest assured that I will not stand for this at my wedding. (It's also worth mentioning that Big Ran did not have any of this b/s at his either!).
5. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" (and all other songs by Cyndi Lauper)--Truthfully, this should be #1 on the list, because if the DJ at my wedding even ATTEMPTS to play this song, he will be fired immediately. It will be the #1 song on my 'do not play' list and God help the person who cons the DJ into playing it as a joke. I will NOT be a Bridezilla, but hearing this tune would literally ruin my entire day, and possibly life. I despise Cyndi Lauper, she's just terrible, she's gross, and this song (and video) just brings back the 80's---a decade we are all so happy to have escaped from. Note to all brides; if you truly do believe 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun', remember that playing this song ruins the fun for everyone! Also, it should be noted that Miley Cyrus' version of the song is just as bad...maybe even worse!
6. "Cotton Eyed Joe"-WHAT?! First off, how did this song even come into being? Secondly, this would only be appropriate at a hoedown, not a wedding (ok MAYBE a wedding in Arkansas) or other celebration of love. If it were possible to have a fatal reaction to a song, this would be the one that would do it for me. As a matter of fact, I've considered tucking an Epi-Pen away in my purse each time I go to a wedding just in case this starts playing and I stop breathing. Unacceptable.
7. "Achy Breaky Heart"- If your last name is Cyrus, if your genre is country, and/or if your song is associated with a stupid dance, then you're not being played at my wedding. Just so happens that Mr. Billy Ray Cyrus fits all of the above criteria. I don't have to say any more.
8. "Shout"- One word: Stupid. I don't want to see people 'getting low' to anything except the Lil' Jon song, and I think that for the generation that is really into this song, it's far to risky for them to spin down & get 'a little bit softer now'. There's a decent chance they're not getting back up, and an even better chance that an orthopedic surgeon will need to be invited to the wedding.
9. ANYTHING BY "ABBA"- Warning-if Abba is played, there will be a firing squad waiting outside for the DJ. This cannot be considered unfair punishment as it will be CLEARLY listed on the "Do Not Play" list supplied prior to entering into a contract with me. Abba is awful & makes me want to nuke the otherwise awesome country that exported them. Hearing their songs is the equivalent to the horror of what I can only imagine a Vietnam Flashback to be.
10. ANYTHING BY JIMMY BUFFET- Nothing says wedding reception like a Jimmy Buffet song, right? WRONG! Big Ran, as mentioned in a prior post forgot to note this ban on his "DNP" list for his reception, and guess what? One of his awesome friends who couldn't make it to the wedding called in a long distance request for a Buffet song! YUP! I will never forget the look of torture on his face. I'd have to agree with Big Ran....although I do not hate him as much, I agree that there is no place for his songs at a wedding reception.
So, there you have it. This is just a small list----my REAL "DNP" list will be much longer and more detailed. I cannot risk hearing things like "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone" by Paula Cole, or "Constant Craving" by K.D. Lang. In an ideal world, I'd feature rap & hip hop on heavy rotation, mixed with pop, and a little alternative. So what if my husband & I walk into a Linkin Park song and the first dance is to "Yeah!" by Usher & Lil' Jon? As long as my groom can dance, I see no problem with that!
-KC Jones
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