Irrational Rant....Fill 'Er Up!

This is a rant that's been a long time coming, and since I have a little time to sit and spit hot fire right now, here we go!

Ok, so, most of us drive cars and therefore have to go to the gas station on a weekly basis. If you're like me , it's not one of your favorite stops to make, but sitting on the side of the side of the road with an empty tank of gas is even LESS of a good time! Anyway, what usually happens is that I'll end up stopping in the morning on the way to my POE. And, because I'm a beast in the morning and it takes me 17 hours to get out of bed and get going, I am usually running late. So, my plan is to pull up to the pump, throw my card in, pump my gas, and get the hell out of Dodge.

Sadly, things don't usually go according to plan and at one point two weeks ago in the frigin artic temperatures, I had the most infuriating experience ever, prompting this rant!

On the day I'm referencing, it was about 30 degrees and windy, and of course I didn't have my mittens or gloves out as it was only October (and had probably been in the 60's the day before). I hop out of my sweet ride and notice that I pulled up on the wrong side. (I just got a new vehicle and naturally, after years of conditioning to pull up with the left side facing the pump, I now have to somehow remember it's the RIGHT side.....remember the saying "You Can't Teach an Old Dog New Tricks"? Well, woof, woof!) So, ok, that's user error and I hop back in and fix the problem. I then get back out and the wind is whipping my face and I'm freezing. I put my card in the machine and suddenly, I feel like I'm in an interrogation room in a jail. The machine begins to display the following questions/commands (all I want to do is fill up my frigin tank!) and I'd love to share them and my inner monologue with you:

1. Please enter zip code....I oblige, and really think it's ridiculous. Will I get a better price or favorable treatment if my zip code one set of numbers rather than another?

2. Please insert your Shaw's Rewards Card...I don't have one with me...I hate Shaw's anyway....and now I'm cold and late....why do I have to have 17 plastic rewards card to get a frigin fair deal anyway?

3. Is this a Debit Card?....Hell no, I'm not giving you fools access to straight cash homie...I'm using my AAA credit card to get the cash back since I'm getting screwed due to step #2.... can I please pump my gas now? My hands are cold.

4. Do you want a car wash?....No, this is a gas pump, I want a tank of gas...although I might need a hot shower for myself once this ordeal is over...Wait, maybe this is my reward for entering my zip code...never mind, it's going to cost $2.99---maybe my zip is a reflection of how much they think I can pay for the wash...did I mention my hands are cold?

I begin pumping the gas about three minutes after it says I can start because the frigin thing is so damn slow...and of course, throughout the mission, there are random hiccups where it clicks and stops pumping.

Someone took this picture of me at the pump during my ordeal....I WISH!

5. Do you want a receipt?...Sure....since I've been here for 10 minutes now, I'll take one....assuming it's going to print out right from the pump anyway...what's 2 more seconds?

6. Please go inside for receipt....Naturally! So then I go inside and stand in line. Another 5 minutes as Nana is in there trying to decide what scratch tickets to select (Hey Lady, how about I give you $5 to get out of my way and we'll call it even...I mean, you're not winning more than that anyway).....

And 15 minutes later, I'm on my way to my POE. Seriously? Why does filling up have to be a clusterf***??

Could be worse...I could be in Iran getting rationed...

Moral of the rant: Running out of gas and waiting on the side of the road for AAA to bring you some is probably easier and takes just about as much time....

-KC Jones