We May Know the Secret Ingredient in Warren G's Boner Pills

Giant Boner-Inducing Spider Rampages in Supermarket

 Maureen O'Connor — A five-inch Brazilian Wandering Spider—the most venomous spider in the world, which "can also cause priapism in humans"—stowed away in a box of bananas and leaped out in a German grocery store, running through the aisles and causing pandemonium on Friday.

After shutting down the store down for three days, a team of 30 wildlife experts failed to find the spider. They did, however, spray so many pesticides on the premises that they're pretty sure it's dead by now, unless it left the supermarket and is roaming the German countryside as we speak. No injuries have been reported.

Brazilian Wandering Spiders have previously stowed away in bananas destined for Tulsa andChatham. The "aggressive" spider's venom can cause excruciating pain, paralysis, asphyxiation, and painful erections that last many hours and can lead to impotence in humans.

So if you find a corpse with a giant boner and two tiny fang marks in southwestern Germany, know that it is the zombie spider of Bexbach, and it is coming for you next. 

For those of you scoring at home, priapism is when a dude is at full mast for four hours or longer, or so Cialis and Viagra commercials tell me.  On a side note, what's up with the people in bath tubs in the Cialis commercials.  They are always middle aged to old people sitting in separate bath tubs overlooking a farm or something.  I don't understand how that is sensual or boner-inducing in the least.


Maybe Warren G's people just mash these spiders up and bottle it up.

-Big Ran