There are a lot of ways I could start this blog, so I'll just go with a little background, then get right to what could be the possible quotes of the century or the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had.
A couple weeks ago, right after we picked up our new puppy, my wife and I we hanging out on the front porch with our two dogs. Our neighbor and his girlfriend came over to see the dogs and our 2 year old dog started humping the sh!t out of the girlfriend. Now, he was neutered like a year and a half ago, but was still going to town.
My neighbor is ultimately a good guy, just a bit out there. He helped me shingle my roof, he is divorced, and has three kids. However, he is most definitely an interesting character. He was in the Army Special Forces, and has lived quite the life since then. Also, he LOVES Bud Light. Probably crushes at least a dozen a day.
So, a few days later, I see him and he comes over to the yard when I am taking one of our dogs out and he says the following:
"You know the other day when Otis was humping my girlfriend? Well, I don't know if she told you, but she was on the rag. So, Otis probably smelled the furmones. You know, men have hormones and women have furmones. That's why they can't put women on the front lines of the military, especially in a place like Central America where they have jungles and you have to deal panthers and jaguars. Those things would be able to smell those furmones a mile away."
Ver-fu*king-batim. That is exactly what he said and he pronounced it as "furmones" as opposed to pheromones. And I also love how women don't have hormones, they have "furmones." However, all of this pales in comparison to his line that he didn't know if she told me she was on the rag. On what planet is this socially acceptable? So friggin weird. Welcome to my life.
-Big Ran
No comments:
Post a Comment