Why the F*ck Do People Do This?

So I just saw on facebook that a guy I used to work with changed his profile picture to a family portrait where they were all wearing white shirts on the beach (note: this is not the dude's pic, these are just some randos from the www).  I have a question...WHY THE F*CK WOULD YOU EVER HAVE THAT PICTURE TAKEN?  That is seriously the dumbest sh!t I have ever seen.  Terrible.  Awful.  Your kids are going to hate you in a few years and with two adults in the picture, wouldn't one of them have the stones to say, "Yeah, that's a terrible idea and I refuse to be part of it."  My wife would never suggest it and I would never be a part of it, so you have to have two consenting adults, which absolutely blows my mind.

I do want to take a moment to address the above photo, because I would be remiss if I didn't cover all the bases here.

What's the dynamic going on here?  Did Grandma and Grandpa (back row, left and center) want a pic with their kids (I am guessing back row right and front row left), their son's wife, kids, and dog?  Like this is a really weird collection, right?  The dog is the smartest one there because I didn't notice him at first.  You know he was thinking, "Ima get right behind this lady with the khakis and blend in with the sand.  I'm only here because they feed me."  Would the family portrait business go down the tubes if they didn't offer the white shirt/beach combo?  Also, what's up with all the bare foot sh!t?  Nobody wants to see chubs' feet on the front left, that sh!t is gross.

-Big Ran

Fox News, I Mean German Newspaper, May Want a New Headline

Nowitzki besiegt den Ghetto-Basketball

Die Zeit der individuell begabten, aber schwer sozialisierbaren Ghetto-Basketballer ist vorbei. Am Ende dieser Ära hat Dirk Nowitzki einen nicht unerheblichen Anteil.

Nowitzki defeated the Ghetto Basketball

The era of individually talented but difficult sozialisierbaren ghetto basketball is over. At the end of this era Dirk Nowitzki has a significant share.

Well, they may want to rethink most of the article.  If your country was most well known for its ethnic cleansing, wouldn't you go out of your way to avoid comments like this?  Like, totally overcompensate.  I mean I think LeBron is a stooge, but this may be a bit excessive (read: super terrificly racist).

"Dirk Nowitzki and the Dallas Mavericks will be included in an illustrious list of winners and NBA most valuable player "of the Final Series (Most Valuable Player) of the past 25 years. He is the first white MVP since Larry Bird."

"That street ball, threaten Rap and ghetto chic and the commercial success of the sport, has recognized the league itself years ago. At that time the players were still dressed with gold chains and hung in the gangsta look: baseball caps, schlabberige pants, long T-shirts and sneakers were open standard.

The wide - white in the majority - aware American public takes this shoddy outfit but with street gangs and the mainly black rappers scene here. The organization wants the NBA, the basketball bothered as a family sports marketing for all. Therefore, a dress code was enforced. The players must now appear in a suit and tie the game."

Woof.

-Big Ran

Worst Plan Ever? Worst Plan Ever.

 Man seeking sex change tries to fake own death

Investigators say the pair lost custody of their children after their underage daughter caught the ex-husband having sex with a blow up doll.

STILLWATER, Okla. -- A divorced couple in Stillwater is behind bars accused of a strange crime. The pair allegedly tried to fake the man's death to escape arrest warrants and so he could start a new life as a woman.

The couple is now charged with false reporting of a crime.

Investigators say the pair lost custody of their children after their underage daughter caught the ex-husband having sex with a blow up doll.

Late last month, the ex-wife Heather Davis told police she dropped off William Davis at his favorite fishing spot in Lake Carl Blackwell.

Just hours later, Heather claimed William went missing.

When the alleged lakeside disappearance story quickly unraveled, police say Heather came clean.

According to court records, she admitted, "William told her he would give up his parental rights to their children and get a sex change if she assisted him in the faked death."

"He had some outstanding warrants and there was visitation issues. So the plan was to report him missing so he could get a sex change operation. Then he could return to the family with a different identity," Stillwater police Captain Randy Dickerson said.

The couple's neighbors had plenty to say about the ill-conceived custody plot.

"Why give up your kids and mess that up to help him out? I'd have told him to jump in a lake somewhere," RC Cox said.

"That's crazy and to do this for a sex change? That's a bit ridiculous," Rhonda Williams said.

Once in jail, Heather allegedly claimed, "She went along with the plan because she wanted William out of her life."

A day after Heather's arrest, William turned himself in to police.

At first he claimed he had been robbed at the lake and that's why he disappeared.

Later he admitted that wasn't true.


OK, there's a lot going on here, but for the record, I will say that I don't think Will and Heather thought this through all the way.  So, first the couple lost custody of the kids because the dad/ex-husband was caught banging Blow Up Betty.  As a result, this was the plan they came up with?


I hate to bring some logic to this, but here it goes...


After some crude internet searching, it looks like a sex change operation will cost around $25,000 in the US, maybe $10,000 in Canada, and $8,000 in Thailand.  Not to mention the years of counseling and hormone therapy needed for years leading up to the change.  In all, I saw quotes around $50,000 minimum.  I don't think a divorced couple living in a trailer in Oklahoma had $50,000 in cash lying around.  This is an assumption, but watch the video and tell me you disagree.  Also, they fake his death, then how does he either get the operation in a hospital, or leave the country when you clearly need valid ID for either of those options. Overall, just way to many holes in their plan.  Don't get me wrong, I like the commitment and where their heads are at, but if you are going to go for, go all the way.  How about just a touch of research?  This is kind of like our buddy Daniel Vagnini and his fake mugging.  There's some potential with each of them, but the execution was off.


-Big Ran


PS:  They could probably make this a sweet Law & Order SVU.