Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Go and F*ck Yourself Red Sox Report


Just when you think the Sox can't sink any lower or lose in a more frustrating way, they snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  Last night was it for me.  I'm f*cking done.  Hide yo kids and hide yo wife.

Let's tackle the current team and events first.  Is there anyone on this team who has any balls?  Where's the person that stands up and takes charge of this mother f*cker?  theo seems to love assembling a team of proficient baseball players who have little to no personality.  Congratulations.  When sh!t hits the fan, you need some dudes that will take the team on their back.  Was Kevin Millar a good player?  No.  But guess what...nothing fazed him.  Down 3-0 to the Yanks in '04, he talking trash before game four about how the Yanks better sweep them or watch out.

Let's go around the f*cking diamond, shall we?  Varitek is technically the captain, but he's a glorified backup now.  Salty is in his first year with the Sox, so he's not there yet.

Adrian Gonzalez is a phenomenal player, but isn't playoff tested.  He doesn't have a personality and I'm not sure if he has the plums to conquer adversity yet. 

Pedroia may be the only guy with the right combo of having enough of a chip on his shoulder, personality, and ability.  Say hello to your next captain.

Scutaro is a solid player, but a lame duck, just as every Sox SS has been since Nomar stopped taking roids.

Youkilis is another good player with some guts.  I don't get the impression anyone likes him though.  I'll take him on my team, but he won't rally the clubhouse.

Crawford.  Good Lord.  Not playing both ends of a double header in a pennant race because of a stiff neck? Not a good look, dude.  Also not a good look?  Getting paid $20M per and sucking all year long.  Wait till next year for him because this one is a lost cause.

Ellsbury is having an awesome year, but again doesn't seem like he has it in him to rally the troops.  What are you gonna do?

Right field is just a mess.  J.D. Drew has a foot and a half out the door, just dreaming about cashing in his chips and retiring to rural Georgia.  He has to be the most frustrating player in recent memory.  Plenty of talent, no heart.  Reddick is scary in the field.  He may be OK, but he's not ready yet.

Beckett is a high maintenance pain in the ass.  On the DL all the time, and everything needs to be perfect for him to make a start.  He is typically money in the playoffs, I'll give him that, but to need a personal catcher at this point of his career is somewhat pathetic.  I need good seasons out of him more than once every three years.  At least he can give a good press conference:



I keep waiting for Lester to get to that next level and be an ace.  Maybe he's not an ace.  have we thought about that?  The dude battled back from cancer to be a great pitcher, so I would love to see him put the team on his back, but he hasn't proven to be a stopper yet.

John Lackey, you are literally, the worst starter in MLB and the worst starter in Red Sox history.  Congratu-f*cking-lations.  On top of all of that, you're ugly and a total dickhead.



The bullpen - Bard and Pap.  Bard was NASTY...until he just lost it all in crunch time.  He hasn't proven to be able to handle the pressure.  Bard is not the answer to the Sox closer question for next season and probably made Papelbon many, many millions of dollars this year.  Pap has been very good all year, so this isn't on him.

Tito, please stop starting Kyle Weiland and give Aceves a shot.  Maybe even take a bat to the clubhouse and break some sh!t.

The front office needs to get their sh!t together too.  How about we sign some free agents that can play in Boston?  How about that?  The last two off seasons they have thrown approximately $380M at three players; Lackey, Gonzalez (plus three top prospects to get from from San Diego), and Crawford.  If they had actually offered Jason Bay, who was a perfect fit for Fenway, to a four year/$60M deal, they could have sign Texiera and probably get Cliff Lee.  I even think if they go the extra mile for Texiera, they could have had Matt Holliday and Cliff Lee.  I'll take my chances with Texiera, Holliday, and Lee, plus the three prospects they sent to San Diego.

Ugh.  Thanks for letting me vent.  This was probably more for me than any of our readers.



-Big Ran

PS:  F*ck Sweet Caroline.

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