Good Start to the Day

This week I am commuting to work near Boston from the Cape, which means that I am waking up at the crack of dawn in order to avoid traffic, and get to work early so I can leave early and beat traffic on the way back.  The first two days were actually OK, other than falling asleep on the couch by 9 PM after I got home.  This morning was a different situation all together.

First off, my father-in-law is at the Cape house with me and my wife, which is totally cool.  Not only because it is his house, but we don't mind him being there in the least.  This morning he decides to put on New York sports talk radio (WFAN), loudly, about a half hour before I have to wake up.  Realistically, its not a big deal, but you know that feeling when you are forced awake just long enough before your alarm goes off to be irritating?  That was today.

One thing that did go well this morning?  The outdoor shower.  Outdoor showers are the best; amazingly refreshing and invigorating.  It's like being in an Irish Spring commercial (who else see the leprechaun say "YEAH!"). 

I head out on the ride and there is an accident that just totally sabotages the commute and I get to work 45 minutes later than I wanted.  This prevents me from getting a spot in front of our building and having to drive in at the same time as our smug, PITA new hire who makes a show out of checking his watch has some smart ass comment for me.  

So I park, hike towards the office and stop in the coffee shop.  This is where karma starts poking me.  I get to the coffee shop and there is a guy taking his sweet ass time getting coffee.  I have no patience, so in my head I am thinking, "Let's go bro, move your ass."  Instantly, I bump into this hanging wire rack holding t-bags and sh!t.  

After paying I head upstairs and am behind the same slow coffee guy and he sees a guy he knows who looks tired and tells coffee guy that he went out last night.  Coffee guy's response:  "OOOOHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOO!  Good luck today, man."  Again, in my head, I am thinking, "Oh God, shut up and move on."  Then, instantly, my foot slips off a step and I spill coffee on my pants, shirt, and face.  However, I did come up with a good response to it courtesy of "Groundhog Day," and I said, "Ooh, you gotta watch that step, it's a doozy."

This was a long boring blog so I could vent.  I'll bring more heat later.

-Big Ran

Irrational Rant...Flavored Fucking Coffee

 This one is right at the top of my list for being really innocuous, but pissing me off to no end.  Our office has some sort of contract with Green Mountain and we must get boxes full of every variety they make.  Regular coffee?  Great, let's do it.  However, let me run through the flavors we have on a regular basis: blueberry, southern pecan, mocha fudge nut, rain forest nut, Canadian bacon, and vanilla-caramel.

OK, no Canadian Bacon, but they might as well make it.  At least regular bacon, I would actually try that. Blueberry coffee?  Fuck you.  If you like blueberry coffee you really need to reevaluate your life and priorities.  Southern pecan?  I was in St. Louis for a business trip once and went into a bakery and ordered a pecan roll, pronouncing it like any Masshole would, "pee-can."  The woman promptly corrected me and asked me if I wanted a pecan roll (pronounced the right way).  Fuck you, lady.  You've got a stupid arch in the middle of your terrible downtown and Nelly.  That's it.  We've got the best colleges and universities, the best hospitals, and the American Revolution started here.  We fucking invented freedom.  Boom.  Mocha fudge nut?  How the fuck do you put the essence of nut in coffee?  Deez nuts?  I know how you can get that flavor.  Rain forest nut?  What the fuck does that even mean?  This flavor better cure some illness or give me the virility of a viking snorting Viagra because that is a terrible idea for a flavor.  Vanilla-caramel?  Whatever, that's kind of normal, but I still don't want it.

I roll down to get some coffee ion the morning and I am always scared that it will be one of these idiotic flavors.  Just terrible.  I mean, on a day like today, mid-40s and raining, I just want a little pep in my step from the caffeine.  Instead, there is some flavored mess of coffee, I get pissed, won't drink it and spend the whole day feeling like Curt Cobain circa April 5th, 1994.  

Too much?

-Big Ran