Humpday Holla-back

I've been sitting on this idea for a humpday holla-back for a while now, waiting for just the right time. Given that the Celtics are down 1-3, the weather is crappy, and it's still not Friday, I figured we all could use an absolutely amazing video. So, enjoy this wonderful creation from MC Hammer, oops sorry, Hammer, BEFORE he filed bankruptcy.

MC Hammer - Pumps in a Bump

Ok, so I'm writing my commentary under the assumption that you haven't gone blind during the viewing of this video. Have you stopped laughing yet? What is going on here? This makes "Rico Suave" look like a country music video. Obviously, he must have borrowed his phone from Zack Morris and the Saved By The Bell kids, and, I'm not sure WHERE he got the Speedo. It's zebra striped! It's unbelievable! And speaking of the Speedo, what are the odds that it's stuffed with tube socks? Parents complain about how things are so out of control on TV today, but guess what everyone? I think this is probably one of the most 'inappropriate' things ever and I fully support it! (The video and the, well, you know...)

And, even though I firmly believe that Speedos should be outlawed, have you ever seen anyone wearing one with a pair of lifting gloves and black combat boots? Oh, you haven't? Well, you have now! No one will make fun of you as long as you pair the banana hammock with combat boots. What is that move he's doing at the one minute mark? This same move, or variation of it, is featured throughout the video and I'm just not sure what to say. Fortunately, despite the over stimulation caused by all the action and colors,  this video is very simple. Hammer found out he was going to be forced into foreclosure because he supported all his homies and mismanaged his money. So, he figured he'd throw one last party with a mandatory dress code: For women, you could only come if you wore a bikini and pumps. For men, you can't upstage the Hammer's hammer, so you have to wear shorts or be fully clothed. He's the host, he gets to wear the festive Speedo.  And men? Only a few of you could attend, so make sure you get there early!

The bump? I know that he was clearly referring too the women's asses, especially when he spits the hot fire; "I don't like 'em stiggity fat! (No!) I like 'em stiggity stacked (Yeah!) You wiggity wiggity wack if you ain't got biggity back (Awwww!)". However, ironically enough, I think the 'bump' may also be referring to what is so clearly presented in the Zeedo (Zebra Speedo, like that?).

Around the 2:40 mark, a think a call to 911 is in order because that chick is having a seizure. Clearly too much time out in the sun, she must be dehydrated. And at 3:00, the pool party seems to end for the guys as they are all fully clothed, including Hammer. For the women? They have to stay in their bumps and bikinis and wait around for the dance routine performed at the 3:30 mark. Once this happens, EVERYONE can change into their evening wear and get ready to dance the night away.  A++. Beautiful. When is he dropping his next hit?

P.S. If anyone knows where I can get a pair of sunglasses like his and a speedo like that, please let me know. Summer is coming and I'd like Mr. KC Jones to give it a shot. We can find the combat boots on our own.

-KC Jones