The new cast of Dancing with the Stars was plucked from the headlines of show business and sports.
Chaz Bono, David Arquette and Kristin Cavallari will join legal analyst Nancy Grace and soccer star Hope Solo in pursuit of the mirror ball trophy on Season 13, ABC announced Monday.
The 12-member lineup, revealed live during the Bachelor Pad telecast, also includes George Clooney's recent ex Elisabetta Canalis, NBA star Ron Artest, actress Ricki Lake, singer Chynna Phillips, reality star (and brother to Kim) Rob Kardashian, Queer Eye's Carson Kressley, and soap star and Iraqi war veteran J.R. Martinez.
"Doing this show is an opportunity for me to reach a larger more mainstream audience with just a simple message of being transgender is okay and not something to be scared of," Bono, the show's first transgender contestant, tells PEOPLE.
Grace says she thought she was dreaming when she got the call to participate on the show.
"I feel like Cinderella that got invited to the ball. I don’t know how to dance," she admits. "I don't know what I’m going to wear, but I know I have been invited!"
Arquette says that when he asked his 7-year-old daughter Coco what she thought of him doing Dancing with the Stars, "She said, 'Well, my initial thought is no.'"
Laughing, he added, "I talked to her recently after I decided to do it and she said, 'I'm all right with it.'"
The contestants, whose professional dancer pairings will be announced Wednesday on Good Morning America, will square off on the live Sept. 19 season premiere.
Ok, so I have to preface this by saying that yes, I watch this show and I enjoy it (well, at least some of it). But, it's official, it now has NO business being called "Dancing With The Stars". Because the only legit 'stars' (and we're not even claiming they are "A-Listers") are few and far between.
My first grouping contains the 'stars' (a stretch in many instances); people who are in the public eye because of talent, not because of reality television, gossip mags, and/or sex changes after riding the coattails of their parents. Let's examine this list, one by one:
1. David Arquette: Wow David, you better enjoy this, it might be the first and last time that you are considered the biggest star of any group you are a part of. Sadly, that's what we're dealing with here. He's a legit actor (I guess, even though I only know him as "Officer Dewey" from the life changing "Scream" movie series) and obviously his relevance is fading fast, so we'll let him slide with minimal punishment.
Prediction: He'll be gone by week 5.
*I'm excited because I think it's going to be a disaster!
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| Nice 'stache! |
2. J.R. Martinez: Ok, so he's a soap star & we all know that only the best of the best thespians acquire & retain roles on daytime television (can you feel the sarcasm?). Still, he's an actor, a 'star' if you will, and people know him. I would argue that he's a bigger star because he's also an Iraqi War Veteran, and he definitely gave of himself for our country, but that's neither here nor there right now. However, it will get him the sympathy vote. Every season has a contestant placed for the sympathy vote. Once it was Heather Mills and her wooden leg, then it was Marlee Matlin & her deafness, and of course there was Cloris Leachman, who garnered sympathy simply because she was a crazy, demented old cat lady.
*I am happy with this selection
3. Ron Artest: He's legit....not a 'star' in the sense of acting (although some of his antics during his tenure in the public eye as an NBA star are certainly worthy of an award), but a well known athlete. He's got an NBA Championship Ring and is also the recipient of the NBA's "Citizenship Award" for 2010-2011, so I'm fine with him. He's one of the few reasons why I'll be excited to watch. Plus, you know that we're HUGE Artest fans here at "The Takeover".
Prediction: He will make it deep into the competition, but his NBA career will suffer once the lockout ends. Also,he might perform his hit single "Afghan Women" live at some point.
*I am excited by this selection
4. Hope Solo: Okay, I know nothing about her as I know nothing about soccer, but she clearly does have a following and is a 'celebrity' in her own right. She arrived where she is due to talent. Question: Is she related to Hans Solo? If so, there's a bright future in store for her! Big Ran already spoke about her and I still cannot determine if she's hot or not!
5. Ricki Lake: Is NOT legit, but WAS legit many moons ago when she first came out as an actress--a real actress. This was before her real coming out party as host of "The Ricki Lake Show".
Note: She WOULD be in the category below easy had it not been for the real acting gigs in the beginning.
Go Ricki! Go Ricki!
....the buck stops there as far as 'Stars' are concerned. My next tier encompasses those people who aren't 'stars' because they are only on reality TV or variations thereof:
6. Rob Kardashian: I mean, his sisters at least have a clothing store they run, are models for different campaigns, and two are married to stars (Artest's teammate Lamar Odom is married to Khole while Kim recently married Kris Humphries---he plays in the NBA, it's okay if you don't know him, he looks like he could be an extra in "Planet of the Apes"). Rob doesn't have anything except his place on the family's "Keeping Up With The Kardashians". Yes, he's good looking (and yes, I'm a cougar), and yes, I will definitely be checking him out, but he's not a 'star'. He would be acceptable if the title were "Dancing With The Reality TV Stars".....Now I'm wondering who Lamar will be routing for since he's married into the family, but boys with Ron Ron....
*I am perplexed but excited by this selection
7. Kristen Cavallari: Two words: dumb blonde. Another reality TV 'star'. Truthfully, I've got nothing to say about her because I'd like to meet her in an alley with a sock full of quarters. She's the trouble with America today. Dumb b*tches getting attention for being morally vacant.
Note: this further thickens the Kardashian plot as Kristen was linked to Brody Jenner, Bruce Jenner's (aka Mr. Kardashian's) son at one point. As expected, that relationship went very well.
Prediction: She will be bounced early!
*I am disgusted by this selection and am looking forward to a season ending injury ASAP!
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| Brody and Kristen sitting in a tree... |
8. Nancy Grace: Two words for her: crazy ass. I'm sure we've all seen her being mocked in clips on "The Soup", because she is simply insane. She's made a career of browbeating everyone she interviews and I see no place for her in this competition. And, now that she has her own cable show, similar to "The People's Court", she has become an even bigger joke. Hence, her placement in this category. I wonder if she'll be wearing her 'vesty pantsuits' when she performs.
Prediction: She will be the first to go & Joel McHale is going to have a field day with this on "The Soup"!
*I am excited about this selection only because of the prediction above!
9. Carson Kressley: Just because he's on TV fixing fashion-challenged straight men, it doesn't mean he's a star. I, personally, have never seen this show. Most of my friends have never seen it either. I think Big Ran MIGHT watch it to get some fashion tips now and again while he's jamming to Nickelback, but I'm not sure. His show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" is just half a step up from full blown reality television. If they were going to explore this avenue, Clinton Kelly from "What Not to Wear" would have been a FAR better choice. Note: They had to have the token gay guy on the show to help boost ratings. I have no problem with that, but how about a legit gay 'star'?
*Not a star, I am perplexed because many people have no clue who he is!
....that's it for the 'reality TV' star pool is concerned. However, you will find that these people glow in comparison to my next tier..."irrelevant has beens or coattail riders"
10. "Chaz" Bono- I'm sorry, I have put quotes around the "Chaz" because it is so frigin ridiculous to me. What a name! And, it's not like that was an unfortunate incident of parents who had bad taste (well, it was as the original name was Chastity), but he/she CHOSE this as his new name as he decided to become a man. Ok, so he's a coattail rider because the only reason why anyone knows anything about him (or her in his past live) is because he is the son of Cher & Sonny Bono. Otherwise, he'd just be another transgendered individual. If I were him, I would realize that they were using me to boost ratings and I wouldn't be okay with that. Mom has plenty of money to support him, so there's no need...but, sadly Chaz, they've "got you babe"....
Question: Does anyone think he's living proof that you can, in fact, completely transition to the opposite sex without anyone ever questioning your gender? He looks like more of a dude than some men who were born with junk in the first place!
Note: He will also get the sympathy vote as the show will play up his struggles as he decided to become a man.
Prediction: Cher will be performing live as some point (or as 'live' as she can considering she is a breathing wax figure due to a love affair with cosmetic surgery).
*I am disgusted but intrigued by this selection!
11. Chynna Phillips: Two words: Has been. Wilson Philips called, they want their vest wearing, skinny mom jeans wearing lead singer back. Honestly, that group put out one 'relevant' (and I use that term loosely) album (most likely because of their family ties to The Mamas and The Papas) and then faded into bolivian (shout out to Mike Tyson), only to have two members resurface later on. One due to weight struggles. (Carny Wilson with her failed gastric bypass and stint on reality show "Celebrity Fit Camp")& Chynna with her involvement as sister Mackenzie Phillips revealed that their deceased father sexually abused her.
Note: Chynna's husband, Steven Baldwin belongs on the show more than she does, and that's not saying much.
Predictions: Wilson Phillips stages a glorious attempted comeback that will be an epic failure and they'll do it via a live performance within the first couple of weeks as she is being voted off #2.
*I am perplexed by this selection as she appears to have the personality of a wet rag
12. Elisabetta Canalis: YAY! George Clooney's ex! Does she have an identity other than that you ask? Nope! At least not one that is worth mentioning. She's a model, but we'd be completely unaware of her had she not shacked up with G-Clo for a bit. I don't have much to say about her other than she's only on there to fill the 'hot slot' (yup, I just made that up), and she will probably do so very successfully.
Prediction: George Clooney will be in the audience at one point for sure AND regardless of how poorly she dances, due to her body and looks she will advance deep into the competition.Way to get male viewership up DWTS!! She's beautiful, can't deny that, but not a 'star'.
*Not a star, but I bet she'll be good to watch (if I was a man especially!)
-KC Jones
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