After a bunch of rumored deals, David "The Godfather" Stern eventually relented and let the Chris Paul deal go through with the LA Clippers. In the video below you can clearly see DeAndre Jordan, Blake Griffin, and Caron Butler getting fired up for "Lob City:"
Chris Paul looks happy at the press conference and said all the right things. However, there is a bit of a contrast between Chris Paul and his new teammates and the guys he was swapped for...
Chris Kaman, minutes after he was released from a North Korean prison following Kim Jong Il's death.
This picture is downright sad. Eric Gordon (middle), genuinely looks like he is going to cry.
While I don't agree with what Stern did to the Hornets - Lakers - Rockets deal, I am super pumped that the Lake Show didn't get Chris Paul. Not only that, but that had to give up Lamar Kardashian for absolutely nothing. They now have to rely on Metta World Peace as their starting power forward. At least he didn't loose his teeth in his 20s.
-Big Ran
PS: If Melissa Rohlin can get a job with the LA times and go to Lakers training camp, how does KC not have a job for life with the Boston Globe?
God knows I am! Now that the overpaid babies on both sides have finished with their pissing contest, it's looking like a Christmas Miracle will be occurring on December 25th in the form of an NBA Marathon! Yes-sireee! Five games back to back to back to back to back....starting at noon, winding down around midnight EST. While you all know that I am obsessed with the sport itself and have been since I was conceived, I also find the news surrounding the players/coaches/etc extremely entertaining and intriguing as well. So, without further adieu, I'd like to present a partial list of non game related story lines I will be following this hoops season:
The current and former Mr. Kardashians
1. The Kardashian Factor: Now that Kim and Kris have been married and divorced (as I predicted!), and Khloe and Lamar are still going strong (which is actually pretty cool as far as I'm concerned), I'm interested in seeing the interactions between the former and current Mr. Kardashians on the court. I'm also very curious to see if Kimmy shows up at any of the games, and, even better, if the boy crazy middle Kardashian sister will start dating another NBA player (since I have warned her to stay away from my love Reggie Bush). I'm wondering where Kris Humphries is going to end up. I think it would be awesome if he ended up Lamar in Dallas, but Dallas has a title to defend, and God knows KH won't help with that. Does anyone beside me have a feeling that Kris Jenner is probably hammering out a business plan that will allow the family to buy a franchise sooner rather than later?
We've seen his stroke, and it's all flame.
2. Mark Cuban:After years of facing fines and disciplinary action from the League for being the BEST and most passionate owner in the NBA (for God's sake--the dude was on Dancing With The Stars!), I am dying to see how Cuban ups the ante this season after his team put a choke hold on the Lakers in the WCF and then putting the Heat to bed easily in the Finals. Like every championship team, the Mavs are facing the haters/doubters/skeptics, but the difference is, Mark Cuban will play along, baiting them and mouthing off every step of the way. I think I speak for both Big Ran and myself when I say that he's definitely on the list of peeps I'd love to hang out with. As a matter of fact, I might just join Twitter to keep up with some of this guy's awesome commentary....we will be sure to offer commentary after we attend the Celtics/Mavs matchup in January. We are hoping that Cubes will be there. (And Big Ran's hero, Jason "The Jet" Terry).
3. World Peace: Yes, you read that correctly. One of the things I'm always looking forward to are the antics of Ron "Metta World Peace" Artest. Specifically, I am anxiously awaiting his debut this season in what I can only guess will be a jersey with his new name on it. ESPN.com already has him listed under his new name. Between this, the crazy designs/colors he's put into his hair over the years, his general emotional and psychiatric instability, this man should have a reality show. His wife is included in the current installment of "Basketball Wives" on VH1, but the man, the myth, and the legend is nowhere to be found. KC Jones is calling foul!
4. Craig Sager: Every Thursday night, I have a date with my couch (or bed) and the doubleheaders on TNT. I look forward to seeing analyst Craig Sager and all of his ridiculous outfits (specifically his busy/blinding/and borderline seizure inducing suit coats). Every time I think he can't get more ridiculous, he does. And, the night becomes even more special when he's interviewing players who call attention to it. If only the players had taken the cue from Sager when that ass hat David Stern instituted a dress code, we'd all be in a better place right now. Please note that the picture on the left was not in celebration of Easter, Spring, or anything out of the ordinary. This is a completely 'normal' selection for him.
5. The Unveiling of Greg Oden's Birth Certificate: I remember when people were all up in arms about seeing Obama's birth certificate in an attempt to verify citizenship. However, I think a more important birth certificate has been flying under the radar for about 4 years now (specifically since the 2007 NBA draft). There is no way on God's green earth that this man is really only almost 24. Has anyone even SEEN him? I mean, even without his brittle bones, look at him....does this look like a man in his early 20's? At first, I was optimistic that this was a "Benjamin Button" type situation, but the guy is not getting younger as the years pass. Somebody in the NBA League office dropped the ball as far as age verification is concerned...somebody who hates Portland and maybe even the entire state of Oregon. I thought you could only red shirt one year in college? How did this guy get away with red shirting 2 decades? I'm so confused! I'm PRETTY sure any All-Star from the 80's could come back looking younger and with less health issues than this poor guy. (And, on a side note, if you are part of the OKC Thunder organization, how do you adequately thank God on a daily basis for making sure you ended up with Durant?). Anyway, I just have a feeling this might be the season we find out that G.O. is really 42.....dyslexia happens.
**Also, as a side note; what in the world could the city of Portland done wrong to cause the seemingly permanent streak of bad luck they are suffering from? Remember, it's not just the current state of affairs...this dates all the way back to the days of the "Jail Blazers!" (Love you Sheed! xoxo)
The NBA Lockout is obviously a very sore subject for me as the only THING I can say that I truly love is NBA Basketball. From the time the season officially ends in June until televised preseason games begin at the beginning of October, I feel like a part of my soul is missing. Usually, I have a bunch of games DVR'd to help get me through the off season, however, thanks to Charter Communications' upgrade this summer, my cache was wiped out. So I sit here anxiously awaiting some news...any news, on when this ridiculousness will be over.
Apparently, I'm not the only one stressed about the situation. A couple of weeks ago, Celtics guard and one of our faves here at "The Takeover" tweeted about the hardships he was facing in light of the lockout. Who you ask? Well, the answer shouldn't suprise you---it was none other than Le-Ego's potential stepfather, Delonte West. I swear to God I'm not making this up. Here is the ESPN article for proof:
Delonte West to Home Depot?
Although he's made over $14 million in the NBA, Delonte West tweeted recently that he is "broke" and has applied for a job at Home Depot.
"It's official.. Pride 2 the side.. just filled out a application at Home Depot.. Lockout aint a game," the Celtics guard tweeted.
West is on probation for a weapons charge and also tweeted that he wasn't allowed to pursue basketball opportunities overseas.
"Can't even get that over seas money," he tweeted. "Judge said it's a no go on leaving the country."
West has battled bipolar disorder during his career and also posted this to Twitter: "Broke down in the ATM line.. 25 cars behind me and I already reached my daily limit... I'm broke n my cars broke.. Where's my therapist???"
Appearing in only 24 games this past season, the 27-year-old West averaged 5.6 points in his second stint with the Celtics.
I'm so sorry Delonte. While some of your buddies are heading overseas to play, you can't leave the country due to some crazy extra curricular activities---and on top of that, your car AND bank account are broke! And, not to rub salt in the wound, but this is all on top of a failed relationship with Gloria James! Well Delonte, they say that bad things tend to happen in threes. Maybe that means it's time for your luck to change! Regardless, good for you for applying at the Depot! A job is a job after all, and you can bet your ass I'll be showing up there weekly if you get it! You'll probably even get a bonus for all of the extra business you'll be bringing into the store! But even if you don't get it, I see another opportunity for you after watching the clip below. Hey, if Ron Artest is on the new roster for Dancing With The Stars, having no experience, and despite his troubled past, I see NO reason why you wouldn't be welcomed with open arms. By the way, notice around the one minute, ten second mark--you seriously look like a little leprechaun doing an Irish jig! And, if DWTS isn't something you'd like to pursue, maybe you and Big Baby could take your show on the road!
Bottom line is this: When it rains it pours D-West...just remember, in the immortal words of Tupac, Keep Ya Head up!
Well, if you're anything like me, the end of the NBA Season has you depressed and looking for something to fill the void. As I searched for that placeholder, I should have realized that everyone's favorite NBA Citizenship Award winner would definitely do something to make the off-season more interesting.
Yup, that's right, Ron Artest has changed his name to "Metta World Peace". Although we will have to wait until August 26th to find out if the courts will legally recognize this name change request, I have a pretty good feeling it's going to happen.
A Few Questions:
1. When he takes the court next season, what will be on the back of his jersey? "World Peace"? "Peace"?
2. When he gets mouthy, how will the commentators explain it? "World Peace just committed a technical foul".
3. When he is fouled, I can imagine hearing, "A flagrant foul against World Peace".
4. What if he is an All-Star? "World Peace has been selected as a Western Conference All-Star".
5. How will he sign autographs? This is difficult, because his name has been Ron Artest for so long. He might have a hard time transitioning into his new identity...perhaps he'll just start signing by drawing a peace sign.
6. Finally, what if a situation resulting in suspension occurs, like a fight? "World Peace has been suspended". Now that's just scary for all of us.
Seriously. This is pure comedy & I cannot wait to see what ensues. There better NOT be a lockout, I want to enjoy every single second w/ the "Athlete Formally Known As Ron Artest". Big Ran & I are definitely co-presidents of the World Peace Fan Club.
Greetings Takeover readers! First, I have to apologize for my lack of committment to the blog this week, but unfortunately the Corporation took over my life with quarter end. That being said, I'm sure everyone is just fine because we all know that NO ONE is funnier than Big Ran and he held it down all week! Every time I think he can't get funnier, BOOM, he pulls something else out of his sleeve.
Anyway, after this extremely long week that once again had me questioning my choice of college degree, I'd like to unwind by presenting you with what is possibly the most ridiculously hilarious thing I've ever seen/heard. As you might remember, a couple of weeks ago, we celebrated all things Ron Artest in order to congratulate him for winning the NBA Citizenship Award. But, sadly, all good things come to an end, and Wednesday night we were all questioning his actions. Ron Ron got ended up getting ejected and given a one game suspension for pulling a WWE move on the Dallas Mavericks' J.J. Barea. There was simply no need for this move and it hurt my heart, because I thought Ronnie was turning the corner. However, just as I was starting to doubt him, I stumbled across this video:
Okay, are you still in shock? I am. I swear that this is NOT a joke. I didn't make this--quite frankly, I'm not creative or awesome enough to come up with something like this. The dude wrote a rap song called "Afghan Women" and that is actually what the ditty is about. I don't even know what to say. I think if I were an "Afghan Woman" I'd be a little taken aback so say the least. I just kept thinking "What?!" over and over again. For real, a man who has had domestic abuse issues in the past is calling attention to the plight of subjugated Middle Eastern women? And then, I start wondering, 'Is he hitting on them with some of these lyrics?' It's rap lyrics set to ballad music and it's simply mind boggling. I don't know whether to throw up dubs or light some candles. Around the 3 minute mark is where I really lost it. I'd like to say this is ground breaking, and it is, but in a demented way. Also, I find it quite appropriate that the video closes out by flashing the words, "THE PAIN" across the screen, because my abs were in a tremendous amount of it from laughing hysterically for almost 4 minutes.
After seeing this video, I don't think anything will ever surprise me again. As a matter of fact, I'm starting to wonder if he'll be making a run for the White House in 2012. At the VERY least, Obama should consider adding him to his administration's cabinet. Clearly, he's well versed in international issues in addition to his domestic commitments. My only question? Who will be his running mate? Oh wait, never mind, I already know:
For anyone who was living in a cave in Afghanistan: This is Mike Tyson.
*And I have a feeling their campaign signs will feature pigeons, and lots of them*
...I see Paul Pierce's underpants....well, kind of. In another unforgettable move, back in the day when he was still with the Pacers (and throughout his entire career), Ron Artest struggled on court against the Celtics' Captain. When he became frustrated that nothing was working to stop him, he resorted to pulling his shorts down. This also didn't work to stop him. The clip below shows both the incident itself and Artest's priceless apology in song form. I don't know about you, but I love this game.
What could a Toni Braxton video possibly have to do with Ron Artest Day at The Takeover? Well, you'll just have to watch and see for yourself. Wait for it.....wait for it....yup, you're seeing that beast Brooke Hogan as 'the other woman', ruining the relationship between Toni and LA Laker Shannon Brown, but wait a little longer. After Toni says goodbye to Brown, someone appears at the 2:55 mark. Is that Ron Artest? Why yes it is! Here he comes to save the day! This is phenomenal. I am wondering why Ron was the 'chosen one' for this video. We know he's an R&B fan (based on his work promoting Allure), but I would expect to see him in a rap or hip hop video. Like Big Ran said, he's like an onion, many different layers, some of which make us cry! Here's to happy tears and happy endings with Ron Artest:
Some of Ron Artest's most hilarious and puzzling quotes, in no particular order:
-"Having a record company and putting out my own CD. There's clothes and shoes. There's also an upcoming book deal that I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be positive. I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize." -- Ron Artest's comments when asked what he had been doing since his suspension stemming from his part in the "Malice at The Palace" in November of 2004. If you are unfamiliar with the brawl referenced above, please see the following:
-"Hi, Pacers fans, my name is Ron Artest. I'm from the housing projects of Queens, New York. I play tough defense and every night I feel I'm the best." -- Ron Artest, in his diary on Pacers.com This is one of KC Jones' favorite quotes--sounds like he's at an AA meeting!
-"I'm playing like a frog. I've got web hands." -- Ron Artest. In all 32 years of my life, I've never heard someone compare themselves to a frog. We hear you Ron, it ain't easy being green! Also, I just noticed, Kermit doesn't have webbed 'hands'....odd...
-"We gave it all, considering most teams in the NBA have good enough airplanes where they don't break down." -- Ron Artest, on the Pacers performance against the Knicks, after getting to NYC just six hours before tip-off due to plane issues.
-"I didn't hold up no middle fingers. My middle finger is crooked so it sticks out. Maybe that's what was showing." -- Ron Artest.
-"You break it, you bought it." -- Ron Artest, on having to pay for the camera he broke.
-"I like David Stern, I think he's from the hood." Ron Artest on meeting with David Stern after the "Malice"
-“That's gonna be fun, ... I love the tension. I love when everything's going wrong ... In the NBA, they don't promote guys like me. They like guys who like Cheerios, good guys. But I find a way to promote myself.” Apparently if you like Cheerios, it says a lot about your character...how does he come up with this stuff?
-"I'm not a homosexual or nothing like that, but Kobe had no clothes on." Ron Artest commenting on his interaction Kobe after the Finals in 2008.
- Response when a member of the media told him that Coach Rick Carlisle's said that he "compromised the integrity" of the Pacers organization through his actions during the brawl in Detroit: "I dont know what that means". Hey Big Ran, it figures math was his favorite subject in school, and I guessing the verbal section of the SATS weren't his favorite.
-"Stay focused and stay away from unknown females." Definitely words to live by. I'm sure Rasheed Wallace would agree with you Ron, I bet he'd say that 'them cats (the unknown females) are felonious'.
-"I'm not a dirty player. I'm a veteran. I know some tricks. Richard Jefferson's a dirty player. Jefferson punched me in my stomach last year in the playoffs. And the ref saw it and the ref didn't say nothing. He just let him punch me in my stomach. So tell Byron Scott about his player, that Jefferson's a dirty player." -- The end of this quote reminds me of Antoine Dodson at the end of the Bed Intruder Song "So you can run and tell that, Byron, Byron, Byron, Byron"....And, apparently, if you're a veteran, that excludes you from the category of 'dirty player'.
-“I’d buy it and tell him to sign it.” Ron's admiration for Blake Griffin's insane dunking ability and his desire to have a poster of Griffin dunking on him. He also commented, “I hope he dunks on me. His highlights is stupid.”
The video below is an interview Ron Artest conducted with HIMSELF. We learn a lot in the video; his favorite move? Titanic. His favorite singer? Celene Dion. Planet he would most like to visit? Pluto.Major in college? Math.
Who knew?
Ron, near, far, wherever you are, you may be a Laker now, but our hearts will go on. Congrats on your award.
My favorite comment from this youtube video:
"Saw this film in theaters when I was 13. The tragedy always got to me, but the love story never did. I'm 25 now, and re-watched it recently. After so many years of not understanding the love story, I finally did, and ended up crying like a baby. Then again, I had never fallen in love before. It's a beautiful film, and a beautiful love story. To think how many Jacks and Roses were on the real Titanic that night just breaks my heart. And I'm not referring to the social class aspect."
-Big Ran
-KC Jones Comments: First off, I'd like to give Big Ran MAD PROPS for the title he gave this post. Secondly, who knew Ron was so sensitive? And finally, Big Ran, I'm still searching for the person who signed me up for the Celine Dion Fan Club. Are you SURE it wasn't you? I'm thinking it must be the same person who signed me up for the Jalen Rose Fan Club as well.
...Ron Artest. Yup! That's right, Ron Artest is the winner of the NBA's Kennedy Citizenship Award. "The award is named for the second commissioner of the league and honors an NBA player or coach for outstanding service and dedication to the community." (see the full article at nba.com). If you are well versed regarding Ron Ron's history in the league, you are probably sitting here laughing, scratching your head, and wondering how this happened given his ridiculous history. However, it seems as though our boy has turned over a new leaf, taking on the cause of mental illness, something which he is very familiar with as we look back on all of his antics. Despite his troubled past, he's trying to have a positive impact now, and regardless, he is one of the most unintentionally funny dudes in the public eye. That being said, I'd like to declare today, April 27th, 2011, "Ron Artest Day" here at "The Takeover". We will be celebrating the man, the myth, the legend, all day.
I'd like to start by recalling some of his funnier moments:
-After his rookie season playing for the Chicago Bulls, he applied for a job at Circuit City. On the application form, he listed "NBA Player" as his most recent job and then listed the president of the Bulls as a reference. When asked why he did this, he simply stated he wanted to get the employee discount.
-Suspended early on in the 2004-2005 season when he was playing for the Pacers after asking his coach for time off because he was really tuckered out from his efforts in promoting the R&B girl group "Allure". Guess he got what he wanted!
-When he was signed to the Lakers in July of 2009, he chose to wear the number 37 on his jersey. Why? Well this was done in order to honor Michael Jackson, whose album "Thriller" remained at the top of the charts for 37 straight weeks. I'm not kidding--if you don't believe me, head to Google right now.
-When the Lakers lost to the Celtics in the 2008 Championship series, Kobe Bryant was a baby about it. He stayed in the team's locker room, in the showers for a while after the loss drowning his sorrows. When he heard someone back there, he assumed it was a teammate, but instead, it was Ron Artest (prior to his signing with L.A.). According to an article on bleacherreport.com , Ron approached Kobe, stating “I want to come help you, If I can, I’m going to find a way to come to LA and give you the help you need to win a title.”. If you go to this site, you will also see a whole slew of other incidents that we haven't noted here.
-After the Lakers Championship win in 2010, Artest veered off the beaten path of traditional thank yous adding his psychologist and his 'hood warriors' to this very important list. He then took the opportunity to plug his then new single "Champions" while ESPN Analyst Doris Burke attempted to interview him (see below for interview and then "Champions" video).
This is just the beginning of a day long celebration of Ron Artest. Congrats homeboy! Raffling off your Championship Ring in order to raise money (over $500K!) to donate to the cause of mental illness was a great move! Look at you now!!!
Watch this video- it is simply remarkable:
-KC Jones
Big Ran: Pic of Ron Ron with the baseball on his head? Best picture ever.
