Very Nice, High Five...Dumbass

Report: Tyrone officer said no to ‘high-five’ from DUI suspect

Suspect allegedly thanked officer who stopped him

TYRONE - A Tyrone man who allegedly drove up on police without headlights is facing drunken driving charges.

Gerald C. Decker, 27, of 314 Cranberry St. allegedly said, "Thanks, buddy" and tried to "high five" a Tyrone officer who was on foot and flagged Decker down to tell him he was driving without headlights, court records show.

"That's not how it works," Officer Adam Bonsell told Decker before having him step out of the vehicle, according to Decker's arrest papers.

According to police, Bonsell was on the 1500 block of Columbia Avenue about 1:20 a.m. Feb. 19 dealing with an unrelated incident when he was informed a vehicle was headed toward the scene without lights.

Decker allegedly failed several field sobriety tests before he was taken to Tyrone Hospital for a blood test. Police note Decker's blood alcohol content was 0.219 percent, above the legal limit of 0.08 percent.

Decker is charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights, driving on a suspended license and careless driving. An arraignment and a preliminary hearing are slated for March 27.

Bro, probably just a a killer night at Applebee's, having some frozen margaritas, rocked out to some Nickleback, and finally scored fat Becky's number.  Life was on cruise control until he decided to get behind the wheel and high five a cop.  Now he watch his corn hole in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

-Big Ran

Dude, Way to Scare the F*ck Out of Me

So, I just had the crap scared out of me.  I see a name pop up on my work phone caller ID.  I don't recognize the name, but it's in house, so I answer it.  I then hear, in a very serious tone, "Hi, it's Sol from IT..." followed by a deathly pause.  Running through my head is, "OHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT.  I'm done."  I figured with all the bizarre stuff I search for with the blog or for stupid e-mails, I'm finally done.  Or, I started some computer virus that is killing our servers and everyone's computers, just because I am watching pirated television on my computer.

Then the dude proceeds to tell me that he needs to install encryption software on my computer.  I said, "Like, right now?" Because I was actually in the middle of working, had just run a bunch of queries and was separating everything into spreadsheets.  I had a bunch of documents open and I had absolutely no warning.  So I start saving documents, when he apparently gets impatient and I see the box pop up for permission for IT to remotely control my computer.  I am trying to save, and close, while all his stupid pop up boxes are in the middle of the screen and we are fighting over control of the stupid arrow.

Also, yesterday, I happened to be working on my resume and a cover letter for another job.  Awesome.  Of course that thing is still up and I am having trouble closing it and getting the f*ck out of Microsoft Windows Dodge.  F*cking Clusterf*ck.

Finally he says, "This will require two reboots, so I'll stay with you on the phone until that is all set.  When everything gets going after the second reboot, your computer will probably run a little slowly since this software will be in the background.."  I ask if it will only be slow the first time after the reboot, and he says, "You'll see."  WTF does that mean?  Oh, I'll see?  I'll see if the spy software you put on my computer will slow me down while I try to be the Picasso of YouTube?  Bro, you're f*cking IT.  Information Technology.  Give me some God Damned information about your technology.

Also, don't scare the sh!t out of people and maybe give them a little heads up about letting them save their documents and getting job searches off their screen.

-Big Ran

Irrational Rant...Somebody Put Paper in the F*cking Copier

I'm not sure if anyone else feels like this, but I swear to God, every time I go to the damn printer there is no paper in it.  EVER.  I work in a fairly small department and maybe 13 people might possibly use our fancy scanner/copier/printer.  The thing has like four trays for paper and I think each one holds 500 pieces.  How the f*ck can you plow through 2,000 pieces of paper every time I seem to need to print something?  I honestly think that I am the only one in my office to actually have put paper in the printer over the course of the last four years.  Maybe that's why the last guy left, he got sick of trekking down to get paper every time he needed to print an expense report.

I honestly don't know how we even go through a ream of paper in a week?  Do people still actually print that much?  Can't you just forward anything via e-mail or look at an e-mail on your phone?  This brings me to a somewhat related topic, those people that put this in their signature:

P Think GREEN before printing this e-mail

Are you kidding me?  Do you honestly think your e-mail is important enough for me to consider printing?  Why would I print your e-mail?  To have you autograph it and try to sell it on ebay or frame it?  Get over yourself.  I really think these people want to think they are helping the environment, but I have two counterpoints:

1.  You are really doing this for yourself, so people think you care about the environment.

2.  You probably drive a big ass SUV and don't recycle.

There was an Office Space Video here, but it started automatically and was a pain in the ass.

PC Load Letter?  What the f*ck does that mean?

-Big Ran

KC's comments: This is an epic post. I can feel your rage Big Ran and I promise you that I can relate. I, for one, ALWAYS make sure I put paper in the printer. BTW- do you know that trick sitting on the copier in the top picture or did you find her online? hahahahaha....

Irrational Rant...Staying at work until 4:30.

Before people start bitching, let me get this out of the way.  Blah, blah, blah, I know I am lucky to have a stable job.  Blah, blah, blah, I know I am lucky to not work 80 hours a week 52 weeks a year.  Here's my point: if I get all the work I could possibly do today done and I don't have the creative energy left to come up with fancy proposals to save the company $5 million, why do I have to go through the bull shit act of staying until everyone else leaves at 4:30?  Why can't I peace out, go home, and come back a happier employee?  I realize that some companies let you do this.  As long as you finish work, you can head out.  But, let's be honest, that's not most companies.

Today I have done all my work, asked other people if they have anything I can help them with, have actually started working on a project that doesn't even remotely need to be started yet, watched episodes of The Office, 30 Rock, and Communitythat I missed, banged out a couple blogs, cleaned my desk, and checked espn.com like 14 times.

I am wasting electricity, oxygen, and my time.  However, can you imagine what my bosses reaction would be if I said, "Hey, I am all set for the day, I've done everything I can do, so I am heading home early."  I'm guessing that would come up as a negative in the old performance review.

How about I head out an hour early, miss some traffic, walk my dog, work out, make dinner, and return to work more productive and refreshed tomorrow morning? Nope.  That wouldn't be fair to all the people that aren't as good as I am at my job and somehow stretch their work out until 4:30.

Nothing really funny in this one, so here's a video of fat people falling: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=us9v32LLpuQ

Totally worth checking that one out.

-Big Ran

Welcome Back to Work Everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!