Very Nice, High Five...Dumbass

Report: Tyrone officer said no to ‘high-five’ from DUI suspect

Suspect allegedly thanked officer who stopped him

TYRONE - A Tyrone man who allegedly drove up on police without headlights is facing drunken driving charges.

Gerald C. Decker, 27, of 314 Cranberry St. allegedly said, "Thanks, buddy" and tried to "high five" a Tyrone officer who was on foot and flagged Decker down to tell him he was driving without headlights, court records show.

"That's not how it works," Officer Adam Bonsell told Decker before having him step out of the vehicle, according to Decker's arrest papers.

According to police, Bonsell was on the 1500 block of Columbia Avenue about 1:20 a.m. Feb. 19 dealing with an unrelated incident when he was informed a vehicle was headed toward the scene without lights.

Decker allegedly failed several field sobriety tests before he was taken to Tyrone Hospital for a blood test. Police note Decker's blood alcohol content was 0.219 percent, above the legal limit of 0.08 percent.

Decker is charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights, driving on a suspended license and careless driving. An arraignment and a preliminary hearing are slated for March 27.

Bro, probably just a a killer night at Applebee's, having some frozen margaritas, rocked out to some Nickleback, and finally scored fat Becky's number.  Life was on cruise control until he decided to get behind the wheel and high five a cop.  Now he watch his corn hole in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

-Big Ran

Anyone Seen Tim Duncan Lately?

SAN ANTONIO -- Officers are searching Monday morning for an armed robbery suspect who they say left behind a big piece of evidence: his wallet.

Investigators said the man walked into the Planet K Texas in the 5600 block of Evers Street just before midnight on Sunday and threatened the clerk with a gun. The clerk handed over some cash, although the suspect didn't stuff it in his wallet.

Instead, police said the suspect hastily took off on foot, accidentally dropped his wallet in the adult novelty store.

Authorities searched the man's apartment and several vacant apartment with police dogs, but were unable to find the suspect. The man's parents told officers they haven't seen him in months.

Two witnesses were taken downtown for questioning.

Investigators said the suspected robber has warrants out for his arrest for armed robbery and burglary of a vehicle.

First of all, everyone knows you don't rob the porn store right across the street from your apartment complex.  That's like dating someone at work, that's only going to end badly.  You rob the porn shop across town.  Second of all, wouldn't you at lease take some porn while your there?  "Hey, stay cool and nobody get's shot.  Also, while you're back there, give me that french maid's outfit, those edible panties, and a copy of 'Lord of the Boobs 7."  I mean, you've already mustered up the guts to go through with the robbery AND go into a porn shop, might as well enjoy yourself while you're in hiding, right?  Anyone know the whereabouts of KC's boy, TIMMAY!?

-Big Ran

Not A Lot Going on In Athens

Police: Bored men pretend to enforce speeding law

ATHENS, GA (AP) -

Police say two Georgia men tried to fool a motorist into thinking they had a radar gun, then tried to stop the driver near Athens.

The motorist was an off-duty Athens-Clarke County police officer, who pulled them over instead.

Police tell the Athens Banner-Herald the two men in a pickup used a rolled-up magazine to appear they were using radar on U.S. Highway 441 in Oconee County Tuesday. Police say the men "peeled out" after the off-duty officer with their headlights flashing and were mouthing the words "pull over."

The officer called sheriff's officials, who stopped them. Police say one of the men said they got bored, so they decided to try and stop some cars.

The men, ages 25 and 24, were let go with no charges filed.

I've been there.  Not exactly to the point where I rolled up a newspaper and tried to pull people over, but I've been bored.  These dudes need to get together with our buddy John Hughes from Montana and go to police camp or something.  I mean is this really any worse than the time an actual cop pulled my sister-in-law over just to get her name, then looked up her phone number to call her and ask her out?

I think they could come up with something better than a rolled up magazine, though.  If they want to fake people out in the big time cities like Athens, GA, you may need more than this:

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

We haven't had a Super Terrific Happy Hour in a while, so today we'll contemplate the awesomeness of small town police blotters and how these two crimes could be connected so long as monkeys like beer.

First, from Waukesha, WI:

Theft victim says culprit accompanied by monkey

The victim of a theft said the thief had a black "chimp-looking" monkey with them.

According to a Franklin police report:

A saw was stolen from a parking lot in the 7200 block of South 27th Street prior to 7 p.m. Aug. 3.

The victim said the monkey was with the thief or thieves.

The victim was advised to call police if he sees the monkey again.

And, from Baltimore:

Give up your beer!

A word of warning -- give up your beer!

Annapolis police reported this morning:

Robbery – 700 block of Annapolis Neck Rd – 8/10 at 12:28am:  A victim was attacked for refusing to give up his beer.  After he refused, Gerald Jones, a 46 year old male from Annapolis repeatedly struck the victim in the head with a rock and stick and then fled the scene.  Jones was quickly located by police.  Gerald Jones is charged with Armed Robbery, 1st and 2nd Degree Assault, and Reckless Endangerment.  He is currently being held at the Anne Arundel County Detention Center on $500,000.

Police, unfortunately, don't say what kind of beer was involved.

-Big Ran

PS:  I will be out of the office most of the day tomorrow, so I may be a bit light on the old awesomeness.