Super Terrific Happy Hour

I think this is advice all of us can relate to and incorporate into our own lives.

"You can't make a ho a housewife. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Let her do what she was born to do...Ho. Yeah...Ho."

h/t Philly Barstool

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour

Damn.  Sometimes I miss travelling to Asia for work, because, once in a while, you see something so awesome it makes the 18 hour flight totally worth it.

You do you, Japan.  You crazy sons of bitches.

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Hour

Banner day at the gym today.  Not because of my awesome workout (I could barely fit back into my shirt afterwards), but because of some basic unwritten rules being broken at the gym.  First off, this is a gym at work, so I usually see some people I know, but not today.

First, there was a bro in a soccer jersey and Reebok Tennis Pumps there.  I was using a bench, then got up to put the weights down and grab another set.  I turn around to go back to the bench and he has usurped it.  Now, normally, I don't have a problem telling people I was using a particular piece of equipment.  However, this bro had brought over like 3 sets of weights and various weight plates, stacking them, all around the bench.  I needed to see this workout.  He proceeded to talk to everyone that walked into the gym, wandered around, and left the weights at the bench without actually lifting any of them.  Classic move.

Second, we had the classic, work out in your work clothes.  Dude, just doing some reps in his golf shirt, khakis, and dress shoes.  No big deal.  I bet he's gonna smell great back at the office at 1 PM.

Finally, we had soccer jersey bro making his second appearance.  After lifting, I went upstairs to the cardio area, where there are the usual tread mills, ellipticals, stair climbers, etc, in addition to a track that encompasses the entire gym.  My man proceeds to do sprints on the track, looking absolutely ridiculous and I am convinced he thought that would impress the woman jogging on the track.  No doubt that he spotted her running while in the weight room and conceived this master plan.

So, as you head out of work, possibly to the gym.  Please wear actual work out attire, if you take weights off the rack, I suggest actually lifting them (a better work out than talking), and don't try to impress people with your sprinting skills unless your last name is Bolt.

-Big Ran

Watch Out for the Guns

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

In honor of the first Patriots preseason game taking place tonight, let's all get our swole on...









If you don't think Meriweather could at least sing back up for Prince, you're crazy.

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

We haven't had a Super Terrific Happy Hour in a while, so today we'll contemplate the awesomeness of small town police blotters and how these two crimes could be connected so long as monkeys like beer.

First, from Waukesha, WI:

Theft victim says culprit accompanied by monkey

The victim of a theft said the thief had a black "chimp-looking" monkey with them.

According to a Franklin police report:

A saw was stolen from a parking lot in the 7200 block of South 27th Street prior to 7 p.m. Aug. 3.

The victim said the monkey was with the thief or thieves.

The victim was advised to call police if he sees the monkey again.

And, from Baltimore:

Give up your beer!

A word of warning -- give up your beer!

Annapolis police reported this morning:

Robbery – 700 block of Annapolis Neck Rd – 8/10 at 12:28am:  A victim was attacked for refusing to give up his beer.  After he refused, Gerald Jones, a 46 year old male from Annapolis repeatedly struck the victim in the head with a rock and stick and then fled the scene.  Jones was quickly located by police.  Gerald Jones is charged with Armed Robbery, 1st and 2nd Degree Assault, and Reckless Endangerment.  He is currently being held at the Anne Arundel County Detention Center on $500,000.

Police, unfortunately, don't say what kind of beer was involved.

-Big Ran

PS:  I will be out of the office most of the day tomorrow, so I may be a bit light on the old awesomeness.

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Hey everyone, have a great weekend and make sure you take your boner pills, just like Warren G tells you to do.  Make sure to regulate.  Is this real life?









-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

I'm honestly so pumped for all the true Bruins fans out there.  I'm not one, but can absolutely understand how they feel.  I remember how it felt when the Sox won in '04, making all the crap that fans had put up with for so long a distant memory.  Thankfully, for me, it didn't have to go seven games, but it didn't really matter.  I watched the game with my Dad and even though they were up 3-0 in the ninth, he started to lose it when the Cardinals got one guy on in the ninth.  He didn't want any craziness, just an end to the game and an end to the "1918" chants.  A majority of Bruins fans either weren't alive the last time the Bruins won the cup, were very young, or lived through it and deserve another chance to see it and live through the excitement.

So, for all the true Bruins fans out there, enjoy it, embrace it, and I really hope they bring the cup back to Boston for you.

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

In honor of Dice-K being done for the year after opting for Tommy John surgery, he is today's Super Terrific Happy Hour Honoree.  Remember Dice-K mania before he started to suck beyond belief?  I was pumped, the dude had to be awesome since the Sox paid $51.1 M just for the right to negotiate a contract with him.  Think about that.  $51.1 M before they even paid him, which bumped the total bill to over $100 M.  For all of that, the Sox got an amazingly frustrating, inconsistent, average pitcher.

There were always flashes of brilliance that made his inconsistency even more frustrating.  The typical Dice-K game?  5 innings, 403 pitches, every batter went to a 3 and 2 count, and the game lasted roughly 6 hours.  Does he have the ability to pitch in the majors?  Absolutely.  However, the transition was never smooth.  He wanted to throw 200 pitches a game and throw everyday like he did in Japan and that is not how the Red Sox roll...at all.

So, I don't know if we'll see Dice-K pitch for the Sox again and its too bad it never worked out.  I'm just glad it wasn't my money that they paid him with.

-Big Ran

Best picture ever.

KC Jones' Comment: In the first picture, I'm really focused on Theo's facial expression. He's smiling, but he's clearly apprehensive and concerned. It's kind of like they caught the exact moment when he realized the Sox had just made a huge mistake. Also, I'd like the last picture made into a mouse pad asap.

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Prepare for the Rapture, B!TCHES!!!!!!  Don't wait until Friday!

I have no idea how to read this.

Fail.

That dude is right, Bosh's wang?  2 inches.

PS:  If it prevents the Heat from winning an NBA title, bring on the Rapture.

-Big Ran

KC Jones says: Since the Celtics have been eliminated, there's really no point in continuing on, I want the Rapture, where the Rapture at?! I wonder how Mobile, Alabama would react to news of the Rapture?



*Big Ran Note:  I wanna know where the rapture at!  Who else wants the rapture say YEAH!
Good thing I have that special rapture zombie flute passed down from my great great grandfather.  Best gift ever starting on Saturday.

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Well, in a day and age where political correctness is running a muck, I probably shouldn't be surprised by the story below, reported by MSNBC last week. However, I still am. Seriously. Get a life!  Couple of my favorite parts are highlighted and underlined. And below the article, I've listed my questions. Don't worry my Asian friends, we know that most of you are awesome and would be dancing and singing along. Enjoy the video and article below.



Man arrested for singing 'Kung Fu Fighting'
Singer says police questioned him after Asian man filed a race complaint

Simon Ledger, 34, told Britain's The Sun newspaper that he and his band were performing the 1970s classic at the Driftwood Beach Bar on the Isle of Wight off the southern coast of England.

"We were performing Kung Fu Fighting, as we do during all our sets," he told the newspaper. "People of all races were loving it. Chinese people have never been offended by it before."

But Ledger told The Sun an Asian man walking by with his mother hurled an expletive and made an obscene hand gesture at the performers during the Sunday afternoon performance, then took a photo with his cell phone.

"We hadn't even seen them when we started the song. He must have phoned the police," The Sun quoted him as saying.

The man claimed he was "subjected to racial abuse," police told BBC News, and complained to the police the same evening. 'I thought it was a joke' Ledger told The Sun that police called him later that evening — while he was eating at a Chinese restaurant — to arrange a meeting. It was at that meeting that police arrested him, Ledger said.

The BBC report said police released Ledger after his arrest, intending to question him further at a later date.
"An investigation into this allegation is continuing to establish the full circumstances surrounding what happened," a Hampshire Constabulary spokesman told the network.

"I thought it was a joke but they were serious," Ledger told The Sun. "They seemed pretty amazed but said the law is the law and it was their duty. It's political correctness gone potty (a British term for crazy)."
The owner of the bar defended Ledger, telling the newspaper that he doesn't believe the song or the singer are racist, and that there "is no way he would abuse anyone."
© 2011 msnbc.com 

KC Jones' Questions:

1. Has anyone even ever HEARD of a 'race complaint'?
2. How does one "HURL" an expletive? Shouting, yelling, screaming? Yes. Hurling? Not so much.
3. What obscene hand gesture was made? I'm thinking of a couple, but I want a more precise description.
4. Is there anything that Brits say that isn't awesome? I'm definitely going to use the word 'potty' from now on. "I've gone potty".... "Potty training"...."I feel like I'm taking potty pills"...Doesn't really translate the same here in the states--awesome.
5. Does anyone know the local police station's phone number? I have to file a race complaint. As a person with Italian heritage, I've suddenly realized "The Sopranos" is racial abuse.

-KC Jones

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Am I the last person on the planet to find out that Troy from Community raps?  I heard about this a couple of weeks ago, and right now, the dude is on tour.  That shit is crazy.  Not only that, but this dude is really, really good.  On Community, Troy and Abed are clearly the best characters on their (apologies to KC's comedic crush Joel McHale).  Here's a little sampling of their work:

Now here's some of Troy's (aka Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino) tracks:





You know what would be pretty sweet?  If I had some sort of discernible talent like him.

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

This clip is unbelievable. I don't even know how I found it....actually, I prefer to think it found me. It's short and sweet, but ripe with opportunities for commentary. So, take a minute (47 seconds actually) to watch it and consider my thoughts (which will be presented semi-stream of consciousness style):

First off, I'm not a boxing/fighting expert, but I thought there were weight classes established in order to avoid situations like this. This is like watching a butterfly fight an elephant. The only thing better than a svelte little Asian man is a svelte little Asian man wearing dangerously tight, high, WHITE spandex shorts. And, the only thing that has ever made me ashamed to be an American is Mr. Clean (the morbidly obese version) wearing American flag themed trunks (yes, pun intended with my elephant comment). Please wear French or Canadian flagged shorts next time, we don't want you.  Is this even going to be fair? Our precious butterfly has taken a couple of hits already. I hope some paramedics are in the crowd, because he is probably going to get his wings broken. At least he has speed on his side. And then it happens, second 24, watch the way Jet Li just bounces off the ropes and up off the Michelin Man's chest. This is unreal, until he's brought to the ground and Mr. Tons of Fun appears to be getting ready to smother him with this rotund, fleshy belly. After a few seconds of grappling and struggling, Tiny Dancer wins by putting him into a rarely used, completely secret (to this point) submission hold via ankle twist. I've never seen anything like this! Make sure you have the volume up, you can hear Grimace screaming for the last few seconds before the winner is declared. Too bad the clip ends before the crane is brought in to haul Grimace away.  I'm thinking Big Ran and I could make this clip even better (if that's possible) if we were to dub commentary in English over it.





-KC Jones

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

In honor of more playoff hoops tonight, we have a rivalry with a little international flavor.  Skip to the one minute mark and the action picks up.  My favorite part is the description of this video:


it started off with a bad foul from brazil which cause the chinese player a neck injuries,and the referee didnt call a foul on the brazil player
Please subscribe on my channel and give me thumbs up,and have a nice day

Thumbs up, buddy.  Thumbs up.  Super terrific.

In all honesty, this makes the Pistons-Pacers brawl look like a tickle fight.  Imagine if David Stern had been the commissioner and this went down?  He'd still be doling out fines and Ron Artest would have had electro-shock treatment.

-Big Ran

PS: Not sure how my font is all banged up.  Peace out, bitches.

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

PARTY ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has to be the best 80s video of all time.

1:18 - People starting to rock out.
1:20 - Is that a young Amar'e Stoudemire with the shades on?
1:30 - Shirtless guitarist; a must in any 80s video.
2:25 - I can't even do these guys justice.
3:08 - This is when Rick James decides, "Fuck this, they need me on this jam" and starts rocking it at 3:18.

This video really makes me want to travel back to the 80s and do a Scareface-sized mountain of coke with Rick James.  Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Party all the time, bitches! Have a great weekend!

-Big Ran

KC Jones' notes:
1:06-Rick James giving the double clap every time the synthesized beat drops. Eddie Murphy also gets in on this clap back every time it happens. I find myself joining in every time I've ever watched this vid.

1:15-The lady clearly going commando from the waist up, wearing her yellow dress, with the middle cut out. This video was obviously shot before breast implants became commonplace. Also, notice her friend all the way to the left, with his collar popped.....someone in today's rap game owes him major royalties.

Rick James' perm.....I wonder if that hairstyle was a decision made while on a coke bender.

Good pick Big Ran, seriously. Your commentary is remarkable. How does one NOT want to party all the time after watching this?

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

SO much to love in this video.  How sloppy drunk she is, the fact that she slept in a bar, willingness to fight chicks, hatred of communism because she has to pay for HBO and birth control, there's just a lot going on here.

-Big Ran 

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

It's a little early, but we've got a big time winner today I originally saw on Deadspin. Kobe rocking out in a Taiwanese Pop Video.  Here's Black Mamba in Chinese (you're welcome): 黑曼巴.

-Big Ran

*KC Jones is wondering if there's any way the NBA can get these dudes to perform at the 2012 All-Star Game.....

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Here at The Takeover, we are always willing to try something new in hopes of keeping you entertained at work (or, at least keeping ourselves entertained at work).  So, we're going to have a fairly regular Super Terrific Happy Hour, that in the spirit of Seinfeld, will bring you some laughs and some cultural awareness.

So, just in case you find yourself in Japan with a bit of a rumble in the jungle, I hope this video helps.

-Big Ran

*KC Jones hopes that you take the time to check out ALL the related links on YouTube...you will never be the same---Added Bonus: New workout moves as well!