Irrational Rant...Office Birthday Parties

Why?  Why does my office celebrate people's birthdays?  As a little background, my office, once upon a time, celebrated every single person's birthday with a separate gathering, cake, lighting of candles, and singing of "Happy Birthday."  No joke, the whole shabangabang.  There are probably 20 people in my department, so one to two times a month we would go through this excruciatingly awkward process.  Now, we just do one birthday per month, but people are responsible for signing up to make a cake for a certain month.  Fucking brutal.

The scene from Office Space, which I cannot find anywhere online, absolutely nails the pain of this celebration perfectly.  Some people that are WAY too excited for a birthday, the cake that get's passed ALL the way around the room, the sad and pathetic rendition of "Happy Birthday."  It's all brutal.

In all honesty, I don't like most people; mostly because a lot of people are irritating and/or dumb.  I do not want to celebrate the anniversary of you slip 'n sliding out of your mother's birth canal.  Also, I'm 31 years old. I don't want to have people sing to me and have to blow out candles on the day that reminds me I have done nothing with my life other than find awesome stuff on the internet.

Unfortunately, I couldn't embed this video, perhaps because the creator actually takes this seriously.  However, this original co-worker birthday song is SENSATIONAL on every level.

Happy Birthday, Co-Worker!

-Big Ran

KC Jones says: I also detest when I get a birthday card from a large group of people and see that someone has signed it in their native language, generally, that involves symbols of some sort. I have NO idea what this is really saying and it could be telling me to go F myself....and that's fine, but could they say it in English?  I also agree w/ Big Ran, I dislike most people as well. And the more birthdays I celebrate, the greater number of people I will dislike. BOOM!