A Sad Day...I'm Too Old for Beer Pong

I could have actually written this about a year ago during the height of the swine flu epidemic.  That was when I convinced friends at a party to play "Hygenic Beer Pong," which consisted of filling the playing cups with water and drinking your own beer rather than everyone drinking out of the same cups game, after game, after game.  That went well and we still managed to have a good time and get good and hammered.

This weekend, Mrs. Big Ran and I went to a friend's 30th birthday party.  This is a big beer pong crew, so as soon as we walked in, it was on and they had all been playing for about five hours...using the same cups.  Now, I'm not a germ-a-phobe, but I think I hit 30 and didn't want to share cups with an entire party of people anymore.  Remember those lies you would tell yourself in college, like, "Oh, the alcohol inthe beer will kill any germs."  Yeah, that doesn't happen.  I've avoided mono thus far and would like to continue that trend.  It would be fantastic to call into work and say, "I'm going to be out for a while, I have mono.  You know, the kissing disease?"

Anyway, we get to the party and almost instantly get asked to play.  I take one look at these cups and say to my wife: "Yeah, I'm not really interested in drinking out of these."  These cups had been used for like five ours with everyone's hands, lips, and tongues all over them.  I looked at these things and already knew I was going to get sick, but there wasn't much of a choice.  There has only been one other time when I knew the instant I got sick.  Last year, one of my nephews had been sick and at a Christmas party he coughed into my mouth.  Like, right into it; I felt phlegm hit the back of my throat and knew it was only a matter of time.  It was the same realization at this party.  As I was pouring the beer into the cups to play, I knew it was going to happen.

Fast forward to 6 AM the next morning when I wake up with some, let's call it, "intestinal distress."  And this morning I wake up with a sore throat.  This wasn't a hangover since I had like two other beers other than that one game of beer pong.

Thus, a sad day for all Americans on Saturday, when I realized that unless it's "hygenic," I am too old for beer pong.

-Big Ran