Requiem for a Game

Bravo to KC on a few fronts:

1. Having the tickets

2. Having a camera and being really aggressive with it

3. Posting that last blog, love the format

On to my notes...

The food at the Garden blows.  Three chicken tenders for $8:50?  $7.75 for a beer?  Please.  I would be better off sticking frozen chicken tenders in my pants and letting them defrost throughout the first half and using you for your free dipping sauces.

I wish we had pics of the group that sang the national anthem, Jada.  Here's a pic and the descriptoon from their website:

Four extraordinary singers united by a common goal, Jada is the latest iteration of the classic female vocal group. Since coming together six years ago, all four members have devoted themselves heart and soul to Jada. Their self-titled debut marks the culmination of a remarkable journey in which these talented individuals came together to create a beautifully cohesive whole. From the album-opening ballad “Is It Love” to the sassy RedOne/Akon-produced first single, American Cowboy, Jada is a bright and brazen mix of pop, soul, dance, and R&B, spiced by Jada’s characteristic gospel-inspired harmonies. The powerhouse sound is not dissimilar to the girls themselves – soulful and sophisticated, sexy and strong, heartfelt and honest, flirty and fun.

That may be the worst description of a group I have ever read.  When KC referenced "Seats for Trannies" night, she wasn't kidding.  There were more shims in the crowd than I can come up with a funny comparison for.  There were that many.  And they all had good seats.  This Jada group, woof.  First off they sang A Capella (my worst nightmare) and they did that weird hand motion thing that just makes me want to puke.  Plus, their knees were extremely distracting.  You know how you could look at Demi Moore a few years ago and say, wow, how old is she? She looks great!  But then you got to her knees and dry heaved a little bit?  It was like that.  The camera man got off their legs so fast it made your head spin.

Next we had Donatella Versace in the crowd rocking some sort of fur coat over her orange leather hide hanging out with Dennis Rodman in drag and Vince Wilfork's younger brother. When I say everyone in our section was looking and making comments, I am not exaggerating.  Personally, win or lose, I consider that game a success because I was able to successfully make a joke about not making the mistake of getting a transsexual hooker again and the middle aged guy behind me totally went with it.





I think we had a chick wearing pajama jeans in front of us, we had a little kid that was super amped about the game and was really pumped when he had beer spill on him, there was just a ton going on.  The crowd was beyond eclectic.  From what looked like an Amish dude, to tons of Asians hoping to see Yi Jianlian (DNP-CD), to all the trannies, it was a smorgasbord.

I was also pleased because I had the chance to tell Jason Terry that "I seen his stroke and it's all flame;"  I got to yell "ball don't lie" when the refs made a terrible call and the Mav's shooter missed a free throw, a la Sheed,  and we got to yell at Danny Ainge when he walked about 10 feet in front of us, asking him where Perk was.  I bet he never gets tired of that.

-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head

Dudes, really weird start to this video, but it is actually their old school low budget video.

The countdown is on to see the Celts vs. the Mavs with KC tonight.  I think the Cs will win, but KC and I will probably hang out with Mark Cuban, Dirk, and JET after the game.

"I seen her stroke and it's all flame." - Jason Terry

Best quote of all time.  Period.

-Big Ran

Carpe diem, DeShawn Stevenson!

From the tats, to the multiple times he has called out Bron Bron, you've got to love DeShawn Stevenson.  Well, since the Mavs won the NBA Championship, DeShawn has clearly been having a good time.  Well, he was having a good time until about 10:30 PM last night when he was arrested for public intoxication.  The police received a call that there was a drunk man walking around, and later found Stevenson who ALLEGEDLY didn't really know where he was.  If being a millionaire and winning a championship is good for only one thing, it should be the chance to get off of being arrested for public intoxication.  He wasn't driving, didn't seem to be bothering anyone, couldn't the PoPo just have taken him home and told him to sleep it off?  

I don't care, I'll roll with this dude any day.  FREE DESHAWN STEVENSON!  FREE DESHAWN STEVENSON!

-Big Ran

   

Take That Wit Chu, LeBron

If I had seen this video before the series, I would have bet the mortgage on the Mavs, because LeBron is softer than that cinnamon bun.

-Big Ran

Not 1, Not 2, Not 3, Not 4, Not 5, Not 6, Not 7...

Please allow me to bask in the schadenfreude of LeEgo failing, yet again, to come up big in the NBA Finals.  The past year has just been an eye-opening experience in terms of how fragile and out of touch LeBron really is. There was the ill-conceived "Decision," the brutal WWE-style intro for him and the other two stooges in Miami, guaranteeing championships, blaming and bumping his coach (coincidentally, against the Mavs), some epic press conferences, and finally the choking throughout this year's finals. 

@KingJamesLeBron James

The Greater Man upstairs know when it's my time. Right now isn't the time.

8 hours ago via Echofon

Poor Bron Bron.  Who knew it would all start with Delonte banging his mom.

-Big Ran

The Many Styles of Dirk Nowitzki

I rocked this look when I was like 13 or 14.

Clearly done in the locker room.  No barber would let him look like this.

Olivia Newton John would be proud.

Nice pleats, bro.

Crazy thing is that he is standing still here.

Drunk bros.

How psyched is chubbs here?  Right up on facebook.

Clearly his fashion inspiration.

Blue Steel, for softer, catalog work.

-Big Ran

Committment....

Jason Terry knew it before any of us did- 2011 was the year for the Mavericks....he was so sure, he got inked to prove it...yes, you're seeing the NBA Championship Trophy tattooed on his right bicep!

My favorite part of the story, was teammate DeShawn Stevenson calling him crazy for doing this. Has anyone even SEEN DeShawn Stevenson? Take a look at some of his artwork...is he paying homage to Lincoln for freeing the slaves? Just sayin'....

I can't wait to see Stevenson get into LeBron's head....I have a feeling we might be seeing a lot of this:

GO MAVS!

-KC Jones

*Big Ran Note:  I love Jason Terry.  I have looked long and hard for any video or type of  proof that this actually happened, but apparently Al Gore hadn't invented the internet yet in 1999.  Anyway, in the spring of 1999, Jason Terry was part of one of those college basketball all star challenge weekends that brough the best men's and women's players together for some competitions.  The Jet was in the three point contest and made it to the final against a woman.  She ended up winning and when Terry was being interviewed afterwards, the reporter asked him how he felt losing to a woman.  She was obviously looking for him to say something stupid, but he responded with my favorite quote of all time:  "I seen her stroke, and its all flame."  To this day that remains my favorite quote.  Let's go Mavs.

LET'S GO MAVS! LET'S GO MAVS!

Unfortunately, the Heat came back to snatch a victory from the Bulls yet again to win the East and head to the Finals.  At this point, the only thing sane people can do is hope the Mavs go buck wild all over the Heat's a$$es.  I still really wish there had been a game six for the Cs against the Heat and I was in the building.  I definitely would have used the Chappelle line and told LeEgo that his mother wears underwear with d!ck holes in them.



-Big Ran

Nothing I Say Can Top This Photo

In honor of the Mavs winning the Western Conference Championship, we'll bust out this classic photo.  Substitute J-Kidd, Tyson Chandler, and Shawn Marion, and I can see this being last night's celebration.

Remember the love triangle between J-Kidd, Jimmy Jackson, and Toni Braxton.  I always forget about that before realizing that J-Kidd had to return to the scene of that crime when he was traded to Dallas.

Comcast - The Dallas Mavericks were a young franchise on the rise during the mid '90s. That is until Toni Braxton entered the equation. That’s right, while the Bulls were running the Triangle Offense, Jason Kidd, Jim Jackson, and singer Toni Braxton were rumored to be involved in a love triangle. Supposedly Braxton went to the Mavs' hotel to pick Kidd up for a date, only to leave with his teammate. 


The Mavs were actually on their way to being an exciting team back in the mid-90s, then Jamal Mashburn blew out his knee and Toni Braxton had to come between (no pun intended) teammates and force the Mavs to trade Jackson.  Sad times in the Big D.  So we can all rejoice that the tide turned when Mark Cuban bought the team.


-Big Ran

KC Jones had not idea about this rumored love triangle. I wonder if these guys were glued to their televisions during T-Brax's "Dancing With The Stars" stint.....wow....amazing, you learn something new every day!

WINNING!

...and no, this isn't in reference to Charlie Sheen!

Well, in one of the biggest surprises of the NBA Post Season, we'd just like to give a shout out to the Dallas Mavericks for advancing to the Western Conference Finals. The surprise isn't that they won, because they are a strong team. However, due to their epic failures in the Playoffs in past years, most people never expected this. And even fewer expected the sweep and actual beat down the Mavs handed the Los Angeles Lakers, or as I like to call them, "LA Losers"

This is good for both teams (and the rest of the League) for so many reasons:

1.  Phil Jackson is an arrogant douche whose zen is TOTALLY out of whack now..
2. The Lakers are our arch rivals and this gets rid of them.
3. Mark Cuban is awesome and anyone running a team the way he runs the Mavs deserves this sort of success.



Why give the finger when 'the tongue' is much more enraging?

4. Jason Terry, a favorite of both myself and Big Ran.
5. Dirk's in the spotlight for the RIGHT reasons now, not because of his criminal ex-ape, oops, I mean, girlfriend

6. Andrew Bynum and Lamar Odom are wannabe punk bitches and they got what was coming to them.
7. Lamar will have more time to focus on his reality show and building his big bootied empire with the Kardashians.
8. Ron Ron will have more time to focus on his humanitarian work and recording/promoting careers.
9. Derek Fisher, as President of the Player's Association, will have more time to concentrate on the impending lockout. 
10. Kobe will have more time to get another tattoo of Vanessa on his OTHER arm (of course, this implies he's going to cheat on her again with some of this newly acquired free time).
11. Kung Pau will be able to spend some time "Walking in Memphis" and Oklahoma, cheering on his little bro Marc, the successful one in the Gasol family this season.
12. This really mixes things up and makes the Western Conference Finals very interesting

Dirk, don't worry, it's for real, we promise! I guess singing all those David Hasselhoff songs to yourself while taking free throws is finally starting to pay off!! Actually, the Hoff just called and wants to take you out for burgers to celebrate...Can you make it?


-KC Jones