This guy in the FUK LBJ shirt just kills it. If comedy is all about timing, this guy nailed it.
If Delonte wasn't balls deep in LeBron's mom, Gloria would be pissed.
Let's go Bulls. No D-Rose and playing a great game. Of course it will come down to the fourth quarter, but LeBron will be boarding a plane back to Miami as soon as the third quarter ends.
-Big Ran
PS: Is that Zuckerberg in the bottom left corner? The Wiklevoss twins must be sitting up in the nosebleeds.
First, Jeff Green was lost for the Celtics when he had to have surgery to repair an aortic aneurysm. Then, today it was announced that Chris Wilcox, a Celtics forward will be done for the season after it was found he needs surgery for an enlarged aorta.
These are both Danny Ainge guys. He picked up Green in the Kendrick Perkins deal with the Thunder last season that just put a dagger in any chances the Cs had at a title (which were admittedly slim) and Wilcox was a free agent pick up who was paid way too much money based on past health. Both can certainly contribute; at least that was the hope, especially for Green, who was pretty terrible after the trade last year, but was seen as a major building block post-big three.
My questions is this: if you are a free agent after this season and Danny Ainge gives you a call (the Cs will have a ton of free cap space unless they deal expiring contracts before tomorrow's NBA trade deadline), how fast do you hang up? If I saw Danny Ainge pop up on my caller ID, I would toss my phone right out the window of a moving car, or into the ocean. I'll keep my aortas, thank you very much.
To end on a positive note, with Jeff Green sidelined, I have noticed that the man is an amazing dresser. He just has style for days. Maybe he could hook Danny up with some advice.
OK, so Mike D'Antoni will never be confused with Red Auerbach. He's supposed to be an offensive genius, but couldn't make it work with Stoudemire, Melo, and Linsanity. With that said, Stoudemire left his knees and corneas in Phoenix and Melo is a f*cking diva and a coach killer. Fact: the Knicks were 8 - 1 without Melo this year (I think that's right, I don't know if it's a fact).
So, while D'Antoni probably should have been canned earlier, I give him credit for telling the Knicks and Melo to go screw. However, tonight, the Knicks go out and drop 121 points on the Blazers, winning by 42 points. That must just f*cking suck.
I have left a few jobs and while I wish them the best, I want them to miss me desperately. Isn't that what anyone wants? You don't want a place to get better after you leave.
I can totally picture D'Antoni just absolutely hammered, by himself, contemplating what went wrong in his life. I have an idea, he chose to coach the Knicks instead of the Bulls. On the plus side, if they ever film Top Gun 2 and Tom Skerritt is busy, Mike's agent better get on the horn.
-Big Ran
PS: I could also picture D'Antoni just staggering into a bar somewhere in the city and just getting into non-nonsensical arguments with Knicks fans.
Thanks to D(ouche)-Wade, Kobe ended up with a concussion and a busted nose from the All Star game and is now just killing it with the Rip Hamilton face mask. I bet LeBron tries to get Wade to break his nose too, just so he can show people that he can play with a face mask too. It's like when you were a little kid and would just put a band aid on so people would ask you about it or they would think you were cool because you got cut.
Essentially, I will use any vehicle possible to make fun of LeEgo. Bron probably loves this mask because it only covers three-quarters of your face.
Obviously this doesn't have the magnitude of the post season, or frankly, even the regular season, but consider the stage. Once again, on a big stage, LeEgo just out does what LeEgo does...CHOKE. Two turnovers in the waning moments of a tight game. Then he's trying to laugh it off and smile like it doesn't matter. I would pay to hear what Kobe was saying to him. You think Kobe turns the ball over there? Nope, he takes the shot. You think Jordan turns the ball over? Nope.
Bron, make sure you get the change, cause you never need that 4th quarter.
I don't even know where to begin here. Best case scenario? You end up with hep c and broken ribs. Worst case, well, lots of options there, including dead at the bottom of the ocean. If you know anyone going on this cruise, take out a huge life insurance policy on them ASAP. Like one of those shady ones you would buy for a young blonde woman before they go to the Bahamas. You have to finalize everything before Nancy Grace starts yelling about them every day for 3 years.
Forbes - Perhaps the telltale indicator of Iverson’s divorce from financial reality, however, was an anecdote I received via a former teammate of Iverson’s from his days with the Philadelphia 76ers. This player, raised on a far higher standard of fiduciary responsibility, was amused and stunned by “A.I.’s” money habits. He related how on many road trips Iverson refused to carry baggage, evidently seeking to remain as unencumbered from physical things as he was of basketball defenders. Because of this habit, Iverson would buy a full selection of new clothes, shoes, and other expensive items at each new destination with rolls of cash he carried on his person. Moreover, upon departure, he would leave all those goodies behind in his hotel room or just give them away.
OK, so I can't claim to be a boss like AI, but I have done mini versions of this on business trips. Once, I got back from three weeks in Asia and had a few days at a conference in Seattle. I had timed my clothing perfectly in Asia, leaving nothing left that was clean plus, it was hot as hell in Asia, so it wasn't just that the clothes weren't clean, but they were legit sweaty. Two problems with that strategy. First, I had no clean clothes clothes for Seattle and it was like 40 degrees there. I didn't have a sweater or a jacket. So what did I do? I balled like crazy at Old Navy and bought t-shirts, underwear, socks, khakis, jeans, s sweater, a sweatshirt, and a couple shirts. That sh!t is baller and I am proud of it to this day.
Another time I was going to a conference in DC in July. It was legitimately 97 degrees and over 90 percent humidity. I assumed a conference in the middle of the summer in DC would be business casual, so I had khakis and short sleeved dress shirts. Nope. I walk into the conference the first morning and everyone is in suits. The conference was being run by the US State Department, so everyone felt the need to dress up. So, I ended up buying a blazer, a couple dress shirts, and ties. Again. Baller.
I always wanted to not pack on business trips and just buy stuff when I got there, so when I saw that AI did this on his trips, I instantly liked him even more. And, let's be honest; if you don't like Allen Iverson, you need to move to Communist Russia, because that's just un-American.
Ugh, I wish I slacked off at work and posted this earlier because everyone has it up now. Anyway, if I had to guess, I would guess this is fake, but well done, had me for a second. Let's be honest, I'm not re-watching this for what she says. Hey, I may be on a diet, but it doesn't mean I can't look at the menu.
If I am Jeremy Lin, I 1000% get in touch with this broad. I mean, you gotta play the hot hand, right.
I literally yell "Kobe!" every time I throw something in the trash at work. Meetings, lunch, alone in my office, I don't care. That sh!t is comedy gold.
However, is it too much to ask that the Cs pull that game out after the super bowl punch to the gut?
Usually, when you say someone is number two, that's not good, but when it is what number you are on the all time Celtics scoring list, that's pretty friggin' awesome. Congrats to Pierce, who I can honestly say, leaves it all out on the court every time he plays. It is great to see Paul play for a consistent winner after being on so many mediocre and terrible teams. I can't find his epic press conference with the bandage on his head after the 2003 playoff loss to the Pacers, so I'll just post my favorite photo of all time.
The Celtics made their preseason debut on Sunday, only about 2 months late due to the lockout. Anyway, as you all know, I just adore Rasheed Wallace and haven't been the same since he retired. However, I will always take consolation in knowing that he played in Boston for a season and came up big when it counted. However, imagine my surprise when I thought he was back on the court, playing with the Celts against the Toronto Raptors. I was overjoyed, and puzzled...how did I not hear about this? I'm usually on top of NBA news. I didn't hear about it, because it didn't happen....and I realized it wasn't him, sad face.
Chris Wilcox
'Sheed
Nope, it was Chris Wilcox, a new addition to the Celtics since the lockout was settled. I don't have too much to say about 'Cox yet (like that? I mean, we called Rasheed, 'Sheed, so I'm just trying to remain consistent), but I will say that he reminds me of the man who coined the phrase, "Ball Don't Lie"!
-Both played for the Detroit Pistons at one point in their careers
-I've now witnessed each of them pleading their cases with the refs during games
-They look very similar (they aren't twins, but there are STRIKING similarities).
-Notice the 'sun' tattoos on each of their right arms as well....just sayin'....
The words of Big Ran below, after I mentioned my thought to him, clearly validated that, unlike the Ghetto Boys, my mind was not playing tricks on me:
From: Big Ran Sent: Tuesday, December 20, 2011 10:30 AM To: KC Jones Subject: RE: here he is
Also, I saw a replay of the Celts game from Sunday and when Wilcox jumped up from the bench at one point I really thought it was Sheed for a second.
Chris Wilcox
Rashhhhheeeeeeeed Wallllllace!
For me, the NBA Season kicking off on Christmas Day is one of the biggest gifts of all...however, I have to admit, it's slightly bittersweet with Rasheed no longer in the league. Love him or hate him, (and you SHOULD love him), he's one of a kind!
Just a little something to help get you into the holiday spirit!
After a bunch of rumored deals, David "The Godfather" Stern eventually relented and let the Chris Paul deal go through with the LA Clippers. In the video below you can clearly see DeAndre Jordan, Blake Griffin, and Caron Butler getting fired up for "Lob City:"
Chris Paul looks happy at the press conference and said all the right things. However, there is a bit of a contrast between Chris Paul and his new teammates and the guys he was swapped for...
Chris Kaman, minutes after he was released from a North Korean prison following Kim Jong Il's death.
This picture is downright sad. Eric Gordon (middle), genuinely looks like he is going to cry.
While I don't agree with what Stern did to the Hornets - Lakers - Rockets deal, I am super pumped that the Lake Show didn't get Chris Paul. Not only that, but that had to give up Lamar Kardashian for absolutely nothing. They now have to rely on Metta World Peace as their starting power forward. At least he didn't loose his teeth in his 20s.
-Big Ran
PS: If Melissa Rohlin can get a job with the LA times and go to Lakers training camp, how does KC not have a job for life with the Boston Globe?
Cause you know what ain't fun? Mondays and staring down the barrel of another work week. This song has one of my favorite lyrics of all time:
"One for the money, two for the bitches, three to get ready, and four to hit the switches."
You know what also ain't no fin? David Friggin' West choosing to sign a two year contract with the Pacers rather than with the Celtics. Enjoy Indianapolis, homie. Scientifically, here it is in a graph:
Boston Globe Celtics Blog - The Celtics will deal forward Glen Davis to Orlando in a sign-and-trade that will send Magic forward Brandon Bass to Boston, a source tells Marc Spears of Yahoo! Sports. The move would end a four-year run for Davis and the Celtics that started with a with a world championship and ended with questions over Davis' effort and maturity.
The Sentinel also reported the Davis deal would be for four years, and that Davis was on his way to Florida to take a physical.
Davis, a second-round pick by Seattle in 2007, came to the Celtics via a draft-night trade that also brought Ray Allen to Boston. Davis played in 69 games as a rookie and averaged 4.5 points and 3 rebounds. Davis filled in as a starter for Kevin Garnett during the 2009 playoffs and had perhaps his best run in a Celtics uniform, averaging 15.8 points and 5.6 rebounds in 36 minutes per game. During that postseason, however, Davis drew criticism for pushing a young fan in Orlando following a game-winning shot over the Magic. That offseason, Davis broke his hand in a fight with a childhood friend, keeping him out until December.
Davis upped his scoring average to 11.7 points per game last season, but his shot selection was questioned, and he was a virtual no-show in the postseason. Bass, too, has had an up-and-down career, and the Magic are likely moving him for the same reasons the Celtics are moving Davis. A second-round pick out of LSU in 2005, Bass didn't show much in New Orleans before having two productive seasons in Dallas before a disappointing debut in Orlando. Last season, though, his second with the Magic, Bass averaged career highs of 11.2 points and 5.6 rebounds. At 6-feet-8-inches and 250 pounds, he's a more traditional power forward than Davis.
Well, it ain't CP3 or Dwight Howard, but Bass is solid and I would imagine that he will extend Doc Rivers' heart health and sanity a few more years. Big Baby was, at times, a solid role player for the Celtics, but is clearly insane. The fact that he let KG make him cry may have been the end of it for me. Then there was his MMA fighting and the time he broke his finger and missed the start of the season because he was fighting with his friend in his car. Doc may drop Baby off at the airport.
ANyone think David Stern nixes this deal too just because he is drunk with power?
-Big Ran
KC Jones Comment: I thought Big Baby WAS America's Wang......
I hope it stays that way, but I'm not to optimistic. The Lakers can have Heidy Watney, I know KC would drop her off at the airport with a one way ticket, but I would really prefer that Chris Paul and Dwight Howard stay out of LaLa Land.
I wish there was some way I could incorporate "wombshifter" into everyday conversation, but I don't see how this could happen. Based on this interview and his performance on the Charlie Sheen Roast last night, I think Mike is making a push to become the go to for philosophical debates or reflections on current events.
I mean, Iron Mike has made a major turnaround. From the Hangover, to political commentary, to poetry. That face tattoo is still distracting as sh!t though. No matter how many times I see it, I never get use to it.
The more I think about it, Sarah Palin should have, 100%, chosen Glen Rice. Everything may have worked out better for both of them. She could be a news reporter, Glen, would still be a retired NBA player, they would probably still have a son playing starting at guard for Georgia Tech (based on both of their athletic abilities), Palin wouldn't be exposed to be dumb as rocks, would probably actually have traveled outside the US, wouldn't have a a grandson who's father's name is Levi, and Glen would have married his true love and not have to watch his ex-wife on "Real Housewives of Miami," and most importantly, she wouldn't be married to a snow mobile racer or whatever her husband is right now. Win-win all around.
I'll cut to the chase a bit here. Last week reports surfaced that Sarah Palin boned Glen Rice (most random pairing ever?).
"In the book, which will be published on September 20th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.
Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.
A publishing source told The ENQUIRER that McGinniss claims Sarah had a “fetish” for black men at the time and he quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled (Rice’s) ass down.”
A source unrelated to the book told The ENQUIRER, Todd was very much in the picture at the time and the couple married just nine months later.
In the book, McGinniss quotes Rice as confirming the one-night stand."
Now, there are the excerpts from the book that I think comes out today:
"After her graduation, Sarah returned to Alaska and worked on the sports desk of Anchorage television station KTUU. On weekends, she'd sometimes appear on camera, delivering sports reports during the 10:00 PM newscast.
Her attitude toward people of color was evolving. In Anchorage, she even dated black men. A friend says, "Sarah and her sisters had a fetish for black guys for a while."
Each year, over Thanksgiving weekend, the University of Alaska hosted a basketball tournament called the Great Alaska Shootout, featuring some of the country's best teams. In 1987, one of the top squads to visit Anchorage was the University of Michigan, led by six-foot-eight junior Glen Rice, number 41.
Rice would lead Michigan to the NCAA Championship in 1989, appearing on the cover ofSports Illustrated and setting a scoring record for the NCAA tournament that stands today. After graduating from Michigan as the school's all-time leading scorer, he starred in the NBA for fifteen years.
Whether in her professional capacity as a sports reporter or simply as a basketball groupie who'd begun to find black men attractive, Sarah linked up with the Rice during the weekend tournament. One friend recalls, "They went out. I suspect it was more than that. I can't say I know they had sex, but I remember Sarah feeling pretty good that she'd been with a black basketball star."
In one version of the story, Sarah's encounter with Rice took place in her sister Molly's dorm room at the University of Alaska Anchorage. "She hauled his ass down," a friend says, "but she freaked out afterward. Hysterical, crying, totally flipped out. The thing that people remember is her freak-out, how completely crazy she got: I fucked a black man!She was just horrified. She couldn't believe she'd done it."
Glen Rice remembers the weekend quite differently. When I spoke to him by telephone in March 2011, he said, "I remember it as if it was yesterday. She was a sweetheart. I met her almost as soon as we got out there."
Rice does not recall being in a university dorm room. "We hung out mostly at the hotel where the team was staying," he told me. "We just hit off. In a short time, we got to know a lot about one another. It was all done in a respectful way, nothing hurried."
"So you never had the feeling she felt bad about having sex with a black guy?" I asked.
"No, no, no, nothing like that," Rice said. "Even after I left Alaska, we talked a lot on the phone. I think right up until the time she got married. She was a gorgeous woman. Super nice. I was blown away by her. Afterward, she was a big crush that I had. I talked about her for a long time. Only good things. She was a well-rounded young lady. It's amazing the way that's stayed with me. I think the utmost of her and I felt that way from the start."
I can honestly say that if you told me Sarah Palin hooked up with a 15 year NBA player who ended up carrying a major torch for her, I don't think Glen Rice would have ever crossed my mind. Responses to this and more insanity will continue in the next post.
-Big Ran
PS: I wish I could have bought stock in Aqua Net in the early 80s. I could have retired by the time I was 11 and bought all the Reebok Pumps I wanted.
PPS: Initially, there were just reports that Glen Rice confirmed the story and I was thinking, "Of course he friggin' confirmed that story. Who wouldn't?" I would confirm any rumor like that because there is at least some chance I could profit from it. However, seeing those Rice quotes, he was just plain out in love with Palin. Imagine if Sarah Palin married Glen Rice and became a news reporter? Wow. I kind of just blew my mind there. Maybe she would have been the one asking people what newspapers they read instead of being the one who looked borderline illiterate.
I have a vast variety of sources too. Friggin' awesome line. God, I hope she runs for President, Palin is comedy gold.
This song will get stuck in your head for weeks if you hear it. I like this jam, but man, every station has this going 24-7. On the plus side, it always makes me think of Reebok Pumps. How awesome were those when they came out? Remember when Dee Brown pumped it up, then did the eye-covered dunk in the NBA Dunk Contest? Definitely the highlight of 6th grade.
How about Shawn Kemp 50 pounds and 8 kids lighter? I LOVE OLD SCHOOL NBA HIGHLIGHTS!
-Big Ran
PS: What's up with the guitar player of that band being good looking? I like my rock stars ugly and riddled with drugs, not looking like they stepped out of a JCrew catalog. The last thing rock stars need is even more and easier access to chicks.
Yup, that's Zach Randolph holding a sword. Why wouldn't it be?
Zach Randolph Isn’t In Trouble, He Just Hosted The Mansion Party Where Everyone Beat Up The Pot Dealer With Pool Cues
Deadspin - Remember how Z-Bo had a great year, and Memphis decided to lock him up for four years and $71 million, and everyone yelled You fools! It was a contract year! He's going to suck again for the next three years now! and Memphis didn't listen and did it anyway?
Things went bad around four in the morning, which is usually around the time that things tend to go bad at mansion parties hosted by NBA players with their own in-house drug dealer. Apparently there was a "disagreement over price", and four to seven men assaulted Beasley, beating him with a pool cue. For the cherry on top of this shit sundae, Randolph then allegedly took the product.
"He (Randolph) snatched it like basically saying, 'I'm taking your weed," Beasley said.
Beasley told police that Randolph wasn't involved in the beating, which is confusing in the light of his other statements but makes more sense when you remember that Randolph now has $71 million to throw around in order to keep people quiet. If need be. So he's not a suspect, and the league can't discipline him because of the lockout, and if Zach Randolph invites you back to his mansion to race ATVs and shoot guns and party with his "Hoops Family," just don't.
KC can complain about Danny Ainge all she wants, but at least he didn't wrap up someone like Zach Randolf for four years and $71 M.
KC Jones' Comment: Danny Ainge acts like he's a pothead with some of his wonderful decisions!!!
