Stuck In My Head

Dudes, I don't care what you think, this is an f-ing jam.  I think I love it because it reminds me of when the Celts bust out the disco with Gino whenever they are putting the wood to a team in the fourth quarter.



-Big Ran

Lunchtime Look-a-Like

So, if you tuned into the Celtics-Lakers game yesterday, you may have seen New England hero, baby daddy extraordinaire, Tom Brady, rocking glasses.  I am assuming they are for fashion only, but it could explain his less than stellar Super Bowl and pass that was juuuuuuust a bit off to Wes Welker.

Have we done a TB-Biebs look-a-like before?  I'm not sure, I'm to lazy to look.  I do have two questions though:

1.  Is it a good thing if your All Pro QB is following the fashion trends of a teenage pop star?

2.  Is it possible that Biebs is TB's first kid?  TB is 34, Biebs is 18.  So you're saying there's a chance...

I can't find video of it yet, but how bout TB bro-ing it up with Kobe at the game?  Just shaking hands like they are going to hang out later on that night.  Dude, come on, would it kill you to show a little support for the Boston team, and tell Kobe to go back to Eagle, CO?

-Big Ran

I Don't Care that the Lakers Won

 I literally yell "Kobe!" every time I throw something in the trash at work. Meetings, lunch, alone in my office, I don't care. That sh!t is comedy gold.

However, is it too much to ask that the Cs pull that game out after the super bowl punch to the gut?

 -Big Ran

 PS: Nice prenup, chump.

This Could Be U-G-L-Y

Word is that the players and owners are not even remotely in the same ballpark on this one.  Right now the players' salaries absorb 57% of the league's revenue and yesterday they offered to drop that to 54.3%.  Apparently, David Stern laughed that off, thus the probability of a long-protracted lockout, as the owners offered the players 40%.  Derek Fisher, one of the top player reps probably flopped out of his chair trying to draw a foul.

This puts the Celtics in a strange position because in terms of winning a championship with the Big 3 / Big 4, next season is it.  They have that one last run.  On paper, losing part of the season could be good for teams like the C's and the Spurs (warning: KC Jones Sports Bigamy Alert) because there would be less wear and tear on their old legs.  However, when you look at the last strike/lockout shortened year, there were about 50 games, but there were tons of back-to-backs, and three consecutive nights with games.  Not good for the C's.  However, if the entire season is lost, the C's will have a ton of contracts coming off the books and will probably be in pretty good shape to sign a big time free agent (if one wanted to come to Boston; it hasn't happened yet, all due respect to Xavier McDaniel). 

The strange thing is, that Wyc Grousbeck, the Celtics owner, is believed to be one of the owners really pushing to skip the season and install a hard cap.  That should make him not only amazingly popular in Boston, but in their locker room.

On the positive side, we will have many crazy-ass stories about Ron Artest canging his name to Metta World Peace and wanting to play in Finland, or, my favorite, when the NBA players run out of money, like Latrell Spreewell, Kenny Anderson, or Toine, now exiled to Idaho.

-Big Ran

PS:  Scotty Pippen is broke.  Who knew?  Dude bought a Gulf Stream Jet and made some terrible "investments" after making $120 million in his career.  He ended up playing like four games in Finland and Sweden a few years back for $66,000.

No Rapture Last Week, But Proof There is a God

@SHAQSHAQ

Shaq ooout. #ShaqRetireshttp://www.tout.com/9944wo

2 minutes ago via Tout.comFavorite Retweet Reply
Boston.com - Celtics center Shaquille O'Neal announced on his Twitter feed minutes ago that he is retiring from the NBA.
"We did it," said O'Neal. "Nineteen years, baby. I want to thank you very much. That's why I'm telling you first, I'm about to retire. Love ya. Talk to you soon."
Listen, I actually like Shaq a lot and I was OK with the signing last year by the Celts.  Obviously it didn't work out on the court so much since he played 5 minutes after February 1st and his presence was one reason for the Perk trade.
On the plus side, he got to pretend he was a statue in Barbara Square (How he originally tweeted it):

He participated in the pine wood derby contest with some Boy Scouts:

And, just before the playoffs, he rehabbed hard with the help of his wife, Hoopz:

So, Shaq, Godspeed, best of luck becoming a full time volunteer sheriff, and thank you for the chance the Cs have to sign another over-the-hill big man for next season.

-Big Ran

Why Am I Just Seeing This Now?

This is awesome.  Best acting by an athlete ever and he didn't even say anything.  When you see this you really understand how he totally sold the wheelchair routine in the '08 Finals.  Bravo!  Bravo!

In all honesty, I had not seen this before and I can't believe they don't play it non-stop during the playoffs.  The only tough part is that I get more and more disappointed that the Cs were knocked out by the Miami Ass Hats.  Is there any doubt that the Bulls need to activate Scalabrine and have him put LeEgo on lockdown?

LeEgo's worst nightmare

-Big Ran

PS:  Can I touch you?

Do You Want to Go to the Conference Finals or Go Golfing?

Well, that sucked.  Turnovers and no offensive rebounding killed them.  KG going 1 - 10 killed them.  Ray eventually got a little something going, Delonte had a nice game of the bench for the most part, and Pierce was the only person keeping them in it.  I hated seeing it, but LeEgo was great and its too bad the Cs couldn't convert anything off of his late turnover.  There's two ways we can go:  pack it in and hope the Heat lose the next series, or hope that with their backs up against the wall, the Cs bring it back to Boston for a Game 6.  If they take it back to Boston, I'm going to be in the building, its going to be a Friday night and I will personally guarantee a victory.  Time to ride or die, bitches.  I choose to ride.

-Big Ran

Don't Call it a Comback

There is no doubt about it or any reason to mince words.  Tonight's game, just like Game 3 is the season.  This is again, the biggest game of the season.  You cannot go down 3-1 and have game 5 on the road.  The Celtics need to win this game and make it a three game series.  You absolutely sell out for tonight, just like Rondo did in Game 3.  Leave everything, including elbow ligaments on the court.  You win tonight and worry about who's left for Game 5 tomorrow.  I don't know how Rondo will feel, but I bet he tries to play if nothing else.  From John Havlicek returning with a dislocated shoulder, to McHale playing with a broken foot, to Bird returning after bouncing his dome off the court, to Pierce getting Mr. Miyagi treatment after being carted off in a wheel chair, the Celts need to bring every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears to the Garden tonight (BST bitches!).

-Big Ran

If You Can't Stand the Heat...

...You're in Good Company! Just getting psyched for tonight's match up, bear with me...

"I can't believe I forgot my talents in South Beach!!!"

"Why can't I be a part of the REAL Big Three?"

"I'm running out of space, where am I going to put my "Loser" tattoo?"

"Hey Baby Bron Bron, I'm your step father, you listen to me when I'm talking to you!" 

"How do you expect me to concentrate on winning when you've told me there's a huge sale going on at J.Crew AND Abercrombie?"

"Wait, it's a  CLEARANCE sale?"

Oh no you didn't!

"Yeah, the Raptors really were a better fit....I look like one"

"I can't wait to become the spokesman for a prescription anti-depressant in the offseason"

-KC Jones

Miami Feeling the Heat (see what I did there)?

After Chris Bosh's spectacular 6 point, 5 rebound performance at the Garden in game three, we hear that he battled through a stiff neck from sleeping the wrong way (:42 second mark is awesome as the reporter asks how he hurt his neck, then audibly laughs at him).  This came out AFTER we saw Rajon Rondo have his arm bent the wrong way after being assisted to the ground by Wade, come back 15 minutes later and play the entire fourth quarter.  Not seen in this clip is how Bosh let his nerves get to him because of the crowd.  Watch him get up from the table, also a classic moment.  If you are going to the game tonight, I beg of you to go absolutely crazy.  If you have to crush Red Bulls, do a mountain of coke Tony Montana style, whatever it takes to get yourself going.  The Heat cannot handle it.  Bosh especially, but LeEgo can't handle not being loved every minute of the day.  Crush their spirits.

Onto the Dynamically Douchey Duo of D-Wade and LeEgo.  When Bron Bron doesn't like questions from reporters, apparently he resorts to calling them "retarded" like a nine year old (:21 second mark).  In all honesty, Bron is most likely the one who has had retarded social growth and really does act like a petulant nine year old.  I pray that a reporter asks him about that quip at some point, so I can hear what bullshit he comes up with.  I also hope someone asks them if they go sweater shopping together.

-Big Ran

The Greatest Show On Earth

Despite the title, this post has nothing to do with a circus, at least not in the traditional sense. Instead, I'll be talking about the 'circus' I attended last night: Game 3 at the Boston Garden. Every single time I go to a Celtics game I'm left speechless by certain things I see. I feel selfish keeping all of these things to myself, so it's time to share with our loyal Takeover readers. Please note that even if you don't like hoops, you will LOVE this post because it's all about awesome and/or insane people in the general public.

Ready? Ok.

First of all, the fans in Boston are either awesome or obnoxious. And in some cases, they are both.And the experience at the Garden is always full of notable characters and situations.  Here are some pictures I snapped and some commentary about why a Celtics game is much like a circus.

1. Yup! You can actually BUY these giant heads at http://www.bigmugg.com/. I'm getting one ASAP. This couple was awesome. They were such great sports too, posing for pictures with people! I actually got my picture taken with a kid wearing a Shaq BigMugg. It was awesome. But if I showed you, I'd have to kill you.

2. Now, I've never been to another arena, so I don't know what happens elsewhere. I do know that in Boston, the Jumbotron is a source of endless entertainment, even when the game isn't going our way.  In addition to shout outs like the one pictured above, all sorts of awesome fans are showcased up there. BigMugg Mike and Tommy, for example. Even more entertaining are the shots of insane dancing fans played up there throughout the games or people who have no idea they're up there when they are. How about an Eddie Money look a like wearing a sports coat with NO shirt under it dancing as though he was having a seizure? That was awesome. Unfortunately, the picture came out blurry. Sorry!

3. Verbally abusive fans are the best. Boston's fans are the most verbally abusive ones ever. From what I've seen over 8 years as a season ticket holder, Boston would definitely win that award if the league was handing it out. Boston fans have been called classless for years, especially after some showed up wearing 'blood' covered wife beater T-shirts or signs declaring "Hey Kidd, this wife beater's for you" when the Celtics faced the Nets in the ECF's in 2002. I've heard older players harassed mercilessly with comments about nursing homes, walkers, wheelchairs, etc and when the C's used to play the Pacers, signs stating "Someone give Reggie Miller a protein shake" were not uncommon. Some fans are so sharp I don't even know where they come up with this stuff.  Profanity isn't cool because although I find it hilarious,  peeps pay good money to go to these games without having to be exposed to that. (Also, children should never have to be exposed to that). Some of the best in my area during Game 3:
 -"I'm going to punch you in the mouth"-Directed towards referee #26 who was hosing the C's at every chance he got.
-"Hey Lebronnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, you are a LOT like Judas, a LOTTTTTTTTTTT"-Directed towards Lebron during a break in the action. This dude was sitting just a row in front of us on the floor and he was remarkable. He also believed that throwing his green rally towel in the air would result in the Heat missing ALL of their free throw shots.
-"DWade Sucks"-Obviously directed at D-Wade when he 'helped' Rondo dislocate his elbow. There's nothing like 18,000 fans screaming this at a pivotal moment in the game.
-The "BOOS" heard round the world. I've NEVER heard ANYONE booed with more fervor and a louder volume than the Heat's starting lineup was last night.
-There were also random shouts directed towards Baby Bron Bron about him mom and Delonte West. "Lebron, how's your mother?", etc.  Those are always classic. Instant comedy.
So many others, so little blogging time...

4. Mascots. So, not only do we have Lucky the Leprechaun (and thank GOD the current incarnation is MUCH less creepy and cooler than the 'little man'/possible Level 1 Sex Offender before him), but we also have an unofficial mascot named "Aztec Gino" who is at EVERY SINGLE game. This dude also shows up at Red Sox games, on Boston radio stations, etc. I don't know what his deal is except that he's awesome. And yes, he is dressed like this every single game. I went to a game in the dead of winter once and he was wandering around outside in JUST this. No coat, no nothing. Now that's gangsta.
 

My picture wasn't good, so I had to find this one online.

So Lucky and Gino are fixtures at the games, no shock there. Lucky is paid, A.G. does it simply the love of the game because, the NBA? It's a hell of a drug.  However, last night, God proved that He really loved me by placing this very special man in our section who very clearly was on one hell of a drug:

"Say it loud, I'm a C's fan and I'm proud!"

Yup! "Belize it or not" with an "18" in the middle. I've got nothing else to say.

 I don't know who he is, or what he is, and I've NEVER seen him there before. But he was awesome, and I've named him "Blucky the Bleprechaun". (Black Lucky the Black Leprechaun). Dude was dancing around, high as a kite, the ENTIRE time! His eyes were completely glazed over. I tried to get better pics, but he moved more quickly than my camera could capture. At one point, he and Lucky (White Lucky) even teamed up for a performance. Thank God Blucky didn't think he could do back flips or else it may have ended tragically. Bonus: When they started playing Bob Marley at the end of the game, this man was literally in Heaven, swaying back and forth, pointing to the sky. I'm hoping he starts showing up a LOT more often next season, I want to be best friends with him.

5. Asians. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying this in a racist way. I'm giving Asians (at least the ones who were at last night's game) props for being AWESOME. If you need proof read and see below:

Ah, Ray Arren and Kevin Garnett, I love you long time!

Halftime show? Asian woman on a unicycle catching plates on her head! All I can say is show me a white girl with that kind of talent.....ok, didn't think so....I wouldn't be surprised if this woman does perform in a circus somewhere.

And finally, I was unable to capture a picture of this, but it was my favorite. During the game, two signs kept being shown on the Jumbotron. We couldn't see the people as the signs were huge and held in front of their faces. One said "LAKER CAN'T" and the other, held next to it, said "BUT WE CAN". Yup, LAKER can't, not a typo. So, I was wondering why there wasn't an "S" at the end. I wonder this for about 40 out of 48 minutes. Well, the last time they were seen on the screen, I noticed that Asian people were holding them. Awesome. These people make everything THAT much better! They made the Celtics victory even sweeter and, had they lost, they would have taken some of the sting away just by their very presence.

There are plenty of other things as well, but this post is far too long, so I will stop here. Hopefully you enjoyed reading nevertheless. I know that all of these things make it much easier to pay $25 to park,  $5.50 for a pretzel with cheese, and $4 for a kid sized soda.

-KC Jones

Oh What a Night!!

*Ok, so I have a serious post about the Celtics. Serious is something we don't do very often here at "The Takeover". Stay tuned for a more typical post following this one.

When Mr. KC Jones and I headed into Boston last night to see Game 3 of the Celtics/Heat series, I'll admit, I was nervous. Truthfully, after the disasters we witnessed in Games 1 & 2, I can't say that I would have been shocked by another collapse in Game 3. Not because the C's aren't great, but because they are tired, their starters are older and injured, and about half of the roster is completely inexperienced in these situations (thanks Danny Ainge). Anyway, all I knew is that I would have been happy with a 1 point win, in double overtime if that's what it took.

But from the second we entered the Garden (despite looking like drown rats due to downpours), you could feel it was going to be an outstanding night for the boys in green. Now, you all know how the game went, so I don't need to get into it. The Celtics brought it, and they brought it big time. It was a totally different team compared to the one that showed up in Game 2. They played like men possessed, realizing the importance of the task at hand. With an immeasurable amount of passion, determination, and stifling defense (the final score reflected that as the C's were able to hold the Heat to 81 points in 48 minutes), the Celtics put the Heat back in their place and I can guarantee that they will feed off this energy for the rest of the series, and they will emerge victorious.

 Consider what happened: They were down 0-2 and could have folded easily because they truly do have every excuse in the book. Fortunately for Boston fans, they don't use excuses. Shaq returned, and despite injury and age, he was all in. His numbers weren't great, but his presence was. It's the intangibles, which are all too frequently overlooked in sports. Once again, the Celtics were victims of the worst refs in ALL of professional sports. Then, the unthinkable, Rondo's elbow was dislocated with a little help from D-Bag (aka DWade). We were pretty sure that was the end of him for the series, and we KNEW it was the end of him for the night. Guess we don't know anything at all though, because he returned, playing using only ONE ARM...and doing it well, along with a guarantee he WILL be playing on Monday night as well!

So, for all the ribbing I take from Big Ran and others for being a sports bigamist, etc, I just want to end this post by saying the Celtics deserve respect. Like them or not, they are unbelievably hard workers, and, in the words of Tony Allen, they 'nerquit'.  This doesn't mean I don't love my Spurs. This doesn't mean I don't love other players on other teams and love the league in general. But, what it does mean is that the Celtics are where my heart is.

-KC Jones

Now I Ain't Sayin' She a Gold Digger,

Just a quick follow up to Big Ran's post about the Shaqnastics tournament that was being held this weekend with Shaq and his 'girlfriend', "Hoopz":

Hey Shaq, I'd get tested STAT if I were you considering this trick competed for and won the affection of FLAVOR FLAV on season one of "Flavor of Love". Flavor Flav as a grand prize? Seriously, unless she was legally blind and deaf, how could she even STOMACH the hot tub with him (among other things)? Money talks.. and I think she's furthering her fame whore tendencies by 'shaqing up' with you! (pun intended)

No idea who the dude is on the left, but he's definitely better looking than FLAVORRR FLAAAAVV!!

-KC Jones

Big Ran Note:  Love the term "Shaqnastics."  Add that to Webster's ASAP.

F*ck it, Let's Go Back to Boston

It ain't a series until someone loses at home.  Let's see how everyone performs in front of real fans rather than seats wrapped in white t-shirts.  You know what told me all I needed to know?  When the game was over and the Cs were walking toward the tunnel through the stands and there was only one fan talking shit.  Can you imagine that happening in Boston?  No.  Freaking.  Way.  Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and in LeBron's case, hide yo mom too, Celtics gonna be rapin' errbody up in the Garden on Thursday.

-Big Ran

Update:  So game three isn't until Saturday.  That may be a very good thing.  It will give Shaq time to work on his cheer leading routine he was working on a few days ago.  Who cares that he couldn't play in game two.  How's the calf, Shaq?

USA! USA! USA!

So, this morning I was awoken with the following text from KC Jones: "I'll take Osama getting killed over a Celts victory any day.  USA USA USA!"

Truer words have never been spoken.  My guess is that yesterday Obama gave the Cs a call to consult with KG, Paul, Ray, and Rondo about the Navy Seal Mission, so they were really thinking about that and not completely focused on the game.  Game 2?  Watch out Bron Bron, because your playoff hopes are going to be disposed of at sea as well.  Boston Harbor all up in yo sh!t!

-Big Ran

I See London, I See France...

...I see Paul Pierce's underpants....well, kind of. In another unforgettable move, back in the day when he was still with the Pacers (and throughout his entire career), Ron Artest struggled on court against the Celtics' Captain. When he became frustrated that nothing was working to stop him, he resorted to pulling his shorts down. This also didn't work to stop him. The clip below shows both the incident itself and Artest's priceless apology in song form. I don't know about you, but I love this game.



-KC Jones

Two Reasons the Spurs Lost

1.  They are old as f*ck.  Not too old for the earth, but too old for the playoffs.

2.  Tony Allen's haircut:

How could you not be both distracted and mesmerized by that cut?  IT HAS GLITTERY EYES!!!!

I wasn't sure I would ever say this, but couldn't the Celtics use TA right now?  If they have TA, they don't have to trade Perk for 40% of Jeff Green's game, plus you have a lock down wing defender that will be crucial against the Heat.  You can't have Paul and Ray playing 40+ minutes a game and expect them to shut down LeEgo and Dwayne Wayne, while providing offense.

Two quick memories of Tony Allen while he was in Boston...

A few years back, before the current big three, when the Cs were just terrible, Comcast had a commercial with a few guys talking about Celtics tradition.  They were all supposed to say one word that they thought of when talking about playing for the Celtics.  They show Paul, and he says "Tradition."  Ryan Gomes, "Pride."  Tony Allen, "Nerquit."  Dude combined "Never" and "Quit" into "Nerquit."  That's just awesome.

A second story was from when he was being interviewed by someone from the Globe and he couldn't focus enough on the reporter's questions while he was taking imaginary jump shots.  No ball.

Good times.  Keep it real, TA.



-Big Ran

KC Jones comments: That haircut is magical, to say the least. I think it probably played a BIG part in the Spurs Round 1 collapse thus far. I may be a sports bigamist, but Big Ran is a sports Nazi, trying to enforce his views of a 'one team per individual' fan system. BOOM!

Also, if TA were to have written this post, he would have said, " They are old as f*ck.  Not too old for the EARF, but too old for the playoffs."

Another reason why the Spurs lost: Fear of TA....I mean, we all remember what happened earlier this season with him and teammate O.J. Mayo. If he'd tangle with a teammate over a gambling debt, there's no telling what he'd do to an opponent:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=5990552

Big Ran Note:  I just want to make sure KC's comments are clear.  I enforce one team per sport.  I root for the Sox, Celts, Pats, PC Friars, and don't care about hockey, but go Bs tonight.

A couple of years back when the Cs won the title, KC said she was actually torn between rooting for the Pistons or the Cs when that matched up in the playoffs.  That is some serious sports bigamy.  So, I guess she is a sports Mormon, not necessarily a sports communist.  Thank you and have a pleasant evening.

Suck it, D'Antoni

“I’d like to see him play in Minnesota and see how he does."

This was D'Antoni's quote before Game 4 of the Celts - Knicks series when asked about Rajon Rondo. Rondo promptly responded with 21 points on 8 of 12 shooting, 12 assists, and 5 rebounds.  Hey coach, how's your coaching career working out without Steve Nash?

I just think he's insecure about looking like Tom Skerritt circa Top Gun:

Based on D'Antoni's in-game interviews and when he is mic'd up during timeouts, I have never been happier to have Doc Rivers as the coach of the Boston Celtics.

-Big Ran

Welcome to Miami...

I think I speak for both Big Ran and myself when I thank the Celtics for not ruining Easter. While they totally quit at the end of the 3rd and beginning of the 4th, I liked what we saw for the most part. Production from everyone (not just the Big Four, but Big Baby, West, etc.), smothering defense, and toughness. The first half of the game showed what the Celtics are capable of if they commit to winning. I like that team's chances. However, since there is always a chance that they'll regress back to what we saw as a 23 point lead was squandered, I remain nervous and sometimes skeptical. Anyway, in addition to ending the series in 4 games, another positive is the fact that Baby Bron Bron, D-Bag, and Company COULDN'T get it done against Philly today (another Easter miracle!). This means more rest for the Celtics before the next round, which SHOULD (barring a miracle) be a matchup against the Heat. So, in honor of our team's series sweep, let's get pumped for the next series.

P.S. Spike- better luck next year!

P.P.S. Since it looks like we'll be facing Miami, everyone get their masks printed out in honor of the rumored love affair between Delonte and Gloria James. Hey Lebron, you've been bad and your stepfather and his friends will be coming to spank you soon!