Super Terrific Happy Hour

You can't sue us if this causes a seizure. 

 A couple of jams that don't suck for your Valentime's Day.  Have a great night and remember, enjoy the lip tickler.

 -Big Ran

Can a Straight Dude Wish Another Straight Dude "Happy Valentine's Day" Without It Being Weird?

So, about two minutes ago, I get an e-mail from a client.  At the end of the e-mail, he signs off with "Happy V-Day."  I have met this guy before.  Twice.  He's married and has kids, I'm married.  I have absolutely nothing against the gay community, I feel very comfortable with someone who is gay.  However, isn't it weird for a guy to wish another guy "Happy Valentine's Day" regardless of sexual orientation?  I think it's really weird.  We're not talking about New Years, Thanksgiving, or Christmas.  We're talkin' bout Valentine's Day (Allen Iverson voice).

I just thought that was weird and I'm not going to respond to it.  I'm going to pretend it didn't happen.

-Big Ran 

The Love That Could Have Been

Whitney Houston and Osama Bin Laden: The Little-Known Connection

Mon, Feb 13 2012

With more than 170 million album and single sales worldwide, deceased pop legend Whitney Houston -- who died Saturday in her Beverly Hills hotel room at the age of 48 -- had more than a few fans. So it shouldn't be surprising that there would be a few bad apples in the bunch.

Such as, oh, terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden.

Also read: Whitney Houston's Death Could Earn Dolly Parton a Bundle

Somehow lost in the nonstop Whitney Houston coverage since her demise is the fact that bin Laden was a rabid follower of the "I Will Always Love You" songbird -- at least according to poet and activist Kola Boof, who reportedly lived with the 9/11 orchestrator for several months on a Moroccan estate in 1996.

Also read: Whitney Houston Funeral May Take Place on Friday

In her memoir "Diary of a Lost Girl: The Autobiography of Kola Boof" -- which was excerpted by Harper's Bazaar in 2006 -- Boof recalls Bin Laden's fervor for Houston.

Also read: Grammys Honor Whitney Houston: "We've Had a Death in Our Family"

"He said that he had a paramount desire for Whitney Houston, and although he claimed music was evil he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar," Boof wrote. "It didn't seem impossible to me. He said he wanted to give Whitney Houston a mansion that he owned in a suburb of Khartoum. He explained to me that to possess Whitney he would be willing to break his colour rule and make her one of his wives."

Also read: Whitney Houston Didn't Drown, Family Says (Report)

Of course, Houston was already married, to Bobby Brown, but bin Laden had a plan to take care of that, too -- he would simply have Brown rubbed out.

"Whitney Houston's name was the one that would be mention constantly. How beautiful she was, what a nice smile she has, how truly Islamic she is but is just brainwashed by American culture and by her husband Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed, as if it were normal to have women's husbands killed," Boof revealed.

Art one point, bin Laden went into a rage about Boof's braided hair, because -- yep -- Whitney Houston would never wear her locks like that.

"Osama said only monkeys braid their hair. He told me that the singer Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and that she never wore her hair braided," Poof recalled. "'I want you to fix your hair like hers from now on,' he said. 'I can't put my fingers through it when it's braided.'”

Houston was found submerged in the bathtub of her Beverly Hilton hotel room by a member of her personal staff at approximately 3:30 p.m. on Saturday. Emergency responders arrived on the scene to find an unconscious and unresponsive Houston and unsuccessfully attempted to resuscitate her, a Beverly Hills Police Department spokesman said Monday. The singer was pronounced dead at 3:55 p.m.

I have a legitimate question...

Who would have been worse for Whitney?  Bobby Brown, who destroyed her career, got her addicted to drugs, and ultimately led to her death, or Osama Bin Laden, who would her given her a mansion in the suburbs (and maybe still orchestrated 9/11).  Tough to say right?  I mean, he was willing to cross his color barrier for her AND kill Bobby Brown.  That's dedication right there.  Now, granted, there's tons of opium and heroin that would have been easily accessible for Whitney, but at the same time, maybe she makes Bin Laden happy and he doesn't get a bee in his bonnet about the US.  I mean, she did have one of, if not the best, performance of the Star Spangled Banner of all time, so it's possible that she could have swayed him.  Ultimately, the more I think about it, is Bobby Brown at fault for 9/11 AND Whitney's death?  Did I also just insult the entire country?  Possibly "Yes" on both.

Wow.  That really gives me something to think about.

-Big Ran

PS:  This blog was #666 for us.  Kind of eerie how it was about Bin Laden, huh?  Bro ain't getting 72 virgins, that's for sure.

PPS:  Wouldn't you rather have 72 sluts than 72 virgins, anyway?  I would.  WAY less drama and crying.

Happy VD from Heidi Watney!

I just to say this:  If you work within earshot of KC, just listen for her while this video is playing in her cube.  I can virtually guarantee that this will put her in a terrible mood because she hates Heidi Watney with a fiery passion rarely seen.

I don't like her either, never did, and I can't exactly put my finger on why that is exactly.  She just seems to be the stereotypical bimbo sideline reporter, with the added bonus of her boning a bunch of the players.  That's some serious journalistic integrity right there.  Anyway, on to the pics from the night.

I will give Watney this, I wouldn't want to hang out with a dude in a turquoise t-shirt and a scarf no matter what was given to charity.

This woman on the left went for $650.  That's a deal and a half compared to $5,500 for Watney.  Also,  you could Dre the hell out of her dress (also known as a shark attack).  

The last pic is of Heidi and the gentleman that won the auction for $5,500.  That's a lot of cake to hang out with a broad.  I guess since it's for charity, my theory of spending less money for a really high class call girl wouldn't exactly translate.  The date includes batting practice before a Sox game, dinner at Jerry Remy's, and seats right behind home plate.  I would rather do all those things with my Dad, not Watney.  I bet she's just going to yammer the ENTIRE time and use it as a chance to bang out some more players while she's in town.

Have fun with the Lakers, Heidi.  Kobe's single now (not that that ever stopped him...or you).

-Big Ran

Stuck In My Head - Valentime's Day Edition

I really dig this jam, but I hadn't seen the actual video until this morning, yet it is oddly appropriate for Valentime's Day, huh?  Serendipitous or something to that effect.  Mustache Man just traveling through time, looking for love, sharing his lip tickler with the ladies (and lady boys) and chubbs gets the girl at the end.

I woke up at 3:30 in the morning today with this stuck in my head.  Here's my weird ass dream...

For some reason I was helping hippies plant some community garden or something, then was going back to their apartment to hang out.  They were all environmentally conscious, but insisted on driving like douche bags and racing me back.  They also drove a really old, beat up Ford Bronco.  Like OJ style, but spewing exhaust everywhere.  Then we got back to their pad and they told me to put on the radio and this song came on, clear as a bell.  Really friggin' weird.

I hope everyone enjoys their Valentime's Day and ladies, enjoy the lip tickler.

-Big Ran