Birth Control

So this weekend, Mrs. Big Ran and I watched her sister's two boys (four and six years old) Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon.  Let me tell you thin right now, I think that there should be a law instituted that if you are thinking of having kids, you are required to take care of someone else's kids overnight.  In fact, they should force all high school kids to do this.  Forget Sex Ed class, this would do the trick.

My wife got to her sister's house around 1 pm on Saturday and when I headed over there around 5 pm, she looked like a broken woman.  I am going to skip to some of the fun details I experienced myself, but suffice it to say, I got there just in time.  Trying to keep kids away from a stove while you are making them dinner?  Terrifying.  Making sure they finish dinner?  Excruciating.  The six year old was fine eating, but needed me to then play with Legos or Wii with him immediately after he was done.  The four year old, had like three bites of soup before plunging both hands in to play with it for the 6 seconds it took me to put his brother's dish in the sink.  So, the newly bathed and pajama'd kid is now covered in noodle soup.  I give him a paper towel which he puts into the soup, then when it is saturated, into his mouth.  Awesome.

We then go to the basement to play Wii, "Duck, Duck, Goose," and rock out to Bon Jovi before reading and going to bed by 8 pm.  It is 9 pm before they seem to be as asleep.  Ultimately, the four year old ends up sleeping with the six year old.  No prob, their parents aren't home, so that's weird for them.  We go to bed around midnight after the Celtics game and by 1:15 am, the six year old is in our room crying because his brother moves around too much.  So, at this point we now have me, my wife, a six year old, and two dogs in our bed.  My wife eventually ends up in the six year old's bed with the four year old.

Dude, kids move around like crazy when they sleep.  I was literally up every 10 minutes and at one point, his head was hanging off the side of the bed while his feet were in my chest.  At 5:30 am we have the following discussion:

6 yr old:  Can we get up now, it's light out?

Big Ran:  How about we try to sleep a little longer?

6 yr old:  How about 6?

Big Ran:  How about 7?

6 yr old:  OK, I'm just going to play with the dogs.

Needless to say, we got up.  To watch cartoons, and play with more Legos, and have breakfast, and change, and play soccer, and to ride bikes, and to cry.  At one point, the four year old just looks up at me and says:  "I wiped my nose on your shirt."  He sure did, like really yellow snot all over the bottom of my shirt.

If they had high school kids actually take care of kids, they would never have sex.

-Big Ran

KC Jones' Comments: This is priceless. Choice of words, descriptions, etc, everything is superb!