Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Step 1: Build Nuclear Reactor Step 2: ? Step 3: Profit


The Local - Swedish police have detained a 31-year-old man in Ängelholm in western Sweden who was discovered after he sought advice from authorities on the legality of building a nuclear reactor in a domestic kitchen. 

The man began his experiment some six months ago and has reportedly been open about his plans to construct a nuclear reactor in his apartment in the small Swedish coastal town, maintaining a blog of his nuclear adventure.

The man, who explained that his interest in nuclear physics was awakened as a teenager, ordered some radioactive material from overseas and acquired more by taking apart a domestic fire alarm.

Despite the man's frank and full disclosure of his experiment, his activities only came to the attention of the authorities a couple of weeks ago when he contacted the Swedish Radiation Authority (Strålsäkerhetsmyndigheten) to inquire if it was legal to construct a nuclear reactor at home.

The man was told that somebody would be sent to measure the levels of radiation in his flat. 

"When they came they had the police with them. I have had a Geiger counter and have not detected a problem with radiation," the 31-year-old told the local Helsingborgs Dagblad (HD).

The man was arrested by the police and taken in for questioning. He admitted to his plans and was later released. 

He told the newspaper that had he succeeded in building a nuclear reactor, generating any power would probably have proved beyond him.

"To get it to generate electricity you would need a turbine and a generator and that is very difficult to build yourself," he told HD.

The man is reported to have spent around 6,000 kronor ($950) on his project and after all his equipment was seized in the raid, he has confirmed that in the future he intends to focus on the "theoretical" aspects of nuclear physics.

No, no, no!  As Emmitt Smith would say, "Don't give up.  Don't even give up!"  This guy was SO close.  All he needed was a turbine and a generator and he would have had free power for life.  Or blown up the Swedish coast, either way, that's something, right?  I love this dude.  He was completely open about it, had a blog about it, and told authorities about it.  I think its all good, they need to give him his toys back, what's the worst that could happen?  In all honesty, I think I might tinker with a nuclear reactor to save some money.  He spent $950 on materials?  Shiiiiiiiiiiit, I would be saving money inside a year.  Inside three months if I can hook it up to heat and hot water in the winter.

In addition to this story, I may have found my go to site for news:  thelocal.se.  Check out the following stories in addition to this home made nuclear reactor:

  • 'Ass attack' downs Swedish model's blog (1 Aug 11)

  • Family finds strange man in the shower (1 Aug 11)

  • Housing a hedgehog is a crime: Swedish police (29 Jul 11)



  • Now I haven't read them yet, but you can bet your sweet asses I will be soon.  Who knew Sweden could be so friggin' awesome?


    -Big Ran

    Randy Moss: The NFL's Allen Iverson


    At this point, I don't believe that Randy Moss is done.  I think his "retirement" was a way to drum up some business by getting his name back in the news.  He wasn't getting the offers or teams he wanted, so his agent wanted to get the ball rolling.  With that said, Randy and AI have way to much in common not to see the similarities:  strange situations that led to jail time in high school with various run-ins with the law coming throughout their careers.  However, I'm not trying to get all serious here, why these guys are two of my favorites is because they are entertainers.  In addition to being transcendent talents in their respective sports, they were smart when it came to the microphone.  They were people everyone wanted to hear speak.

    Possibly the greatest presser of all time:



    Captain Ahab?





    When these two inspire a DJ to remix their press conferences, you know they have to be good...



    I would put that jam on my iPod and lift a ton of weights.



    -Big Ran

    This is AWESOME



    I always liked KG, even when he was in Minny.  I always dug Dirk Nowitzki's game.  Kevin Durant HAS to be the new face of the NBA when they come back from the lockout.  The players are locked out, guys are talking about playing in Europe (Kobe is demanding $1 million a month), and all KD is doing is balling.  Balling in Rucker Park and just absolutely killing it.  Remember the lockout when Shawn Kemp came back insanely overweight and presumably after impregnating 6 more women?  Yeah, this is the complete opposite of that.

    -Big Ran

    Can Fat Albert and Ochocinco Turn Tom Bundchen Back Into a Man?


    The big news last week was the fact that the Pats made trades for two guys that people have a lot of questions about: Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco.  Haynesworth is fairly risk-free since he came to New England for a 5th round pick and he can be released at any time.  Ochocinco is a goof ball, but isn't a bad guy and again, they didn't give up much to get him, just 5th and 6th round picks in 2012 and 2013, respectively.

    KC Jones had a great question for me this morning:  "So, what are the chances that Ochocinco and Haynesworth turn Tom Brady back into a man?"

    Lets look at the evidence in addition to the water slide fiasco:



























    Child, please.  The good thing is that Tom Brady trimmed the hair a bit for training camp, which can only be a good thing; he is like the opposite of Sampson.  I think Ocho keeps Tom loose, helps him lighten up a bit, and keeps him feeling young.  How could he not:























    Also, Ocho should be able to help him with his dance moves (2:40 mark for the dancing):



    Bonus: Tocho on Fat Albert:



    I suppose Fat Albert could teach Tom how to sexually assault women?

    -Big Ran

    Don't Cross These Two


    Dudes, I have to say, Whitey is looking pretty good for an 80 year old dude who has been on the run for years.  Also, let me say this for the record:  there's no way I screw with either of these people.  Everyone can feel bad for Catherine Greig, but look into her eyes.  That's one BAD BITCH.  You piss her off and there's no way she waits to tell Whitey.  She's putting a switch blade in your kidney all on her own.

    -Big Ran

    We Have a Lot to Catch Up On

    Here's a quick rundown of what I am going to try to cover at some point (hopefully) today:

    Pour a little out for Amy Winehouse:

























    Is that a real before and after pic?  Good god.  Don't do drugs.

    Randy Moss, the NFL's Allen Iverson:





















    Insane talent and amazing sound bites.

    Fat Albert and Ochocinco to the Pats:























































    -Big Ran

    Stuck in My Head

    OK, I know I'm nuts, but I may have serious problems.  I am sure many people wake up with songs stuck in their head.  Every morning I have a song stuck in my head for no apparent reason.  It isn't something I normally listen to or I have heard for a really long time.  Well, this morning, I wake up singing a combination of two songs; perhaps the most random pairing in the history of the erf.

    Katy Perry's "Hot 'n Cold," and a song from the Can AM Roadster commercials (the motorcycles with three wheels).  I can't find the right song yet, but I'll get there at some point because I don't want to do actual work I am paid for.



    And, just because these dudes are awesome...



    -Big Ran

    Bonus:  Katy Perry side boob:

    Monday, August 1, 2011

    Has Anyone Seen Santa Claus Lately??

    Man who died in chimney found 27 years later

    Updated: Thursday, 28 Jul 2011, 7:44 AM EDT
    Published : Thursday, 28 Jul 2011, 7:26 AM EDT

    ABBEVILLE, La. (AP) - Authorities say bones found in the chimney of a bank in Louisiana have been identified and belong to a man who has been missing for 27 years.

    The man's remains were found in May when the bank started renovations. Abbeville police Lt. David Hardy says the remains belong to Joseph W. Schexnider. He was 22 years old when his family last saw him in January 1984.

    At that time, Schexnider was wanted for possessing a stolen car, but it's not clear exactly why or when Schexnider entered the chimney.

    Officials couldn't determine how he died, but police speculate that he starved.

    The bank closed off the chimney in the mid to late 1980s.

    Copyright © 2011 The Associated Press. All rights reserved

    Read more: http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/offbeat/mans-body-found-in-chimney-27-years-later-25-apx-20110728?obref=obinsite#ixzz1ToGxaUVp

    Okay, so all I want to say is, seriously? Honestly, a human being goes 'missing' for 27 years and his bones are then found in a chimney? Also, if it's true that he starved to death, that must have been a very long and painful process. Also, if you were stuck in a chimney, or anywhere for that matter, wouldn't you make noise? And, it's not like it's air-tight or soundproof. Somebody must have known SOMETHING! I know it's Louisiana, so I shouldn't expect much, but I'm having a really hard time with all of this, so I'd like to reflect by putting together a brief, but appropriately themed playlist:

    1. Up On The Roof-The Drifters: Because this is where it all began obviously.


    2. Nowhere to Run: Martha Reeves & the Vandellas: If he stole the car, as reported, he was obviously on the run from law enforcement, although I have no idea who would think a chimney would be a good hiding place.


    3. Chim Chimney: From "Mary Poppins", possibly one of the WORST movies ever. I hate it, I hate this song, but at least I've found some use for it now. I don't need to explain any further, the title says it all.


    4. Up on the House Top (or in this case, Bank Top): How do we know the bones that they found do not belong to Santa Claus? Just a thought....


    5. "Trapped in the Closet"-R.Kelly: Ok, so again, we know he was trapped in a chimney, but being trapped is being trapped, regardless. Plus it's R.Kelly, so it's extra ridiculous and it would be a waste to NOT feature part of his collection any time it is appropriate (and when ISN'T it appropriate, really?)


    That is all for right now!

    -KC Jones

    LeEgo Strikes Again


    I can't decide what LeEgo's problem is.  Is it that he's really, really dumb?  Is it that he's an immature, petulant man-child?  Is it that while he secretly wants everyone to love him, he tries to pretend will take on all the haters?  Nice Heat themed Akron t-shit, you douche.

    Just stay in Miami and go ringless until the new CBA kicks in and forces the Heat to trade you or Bosh.  The only thing that makes me happy about this picture is the hope that one of those kids turned around and slugged him square in the nuts as soon as that lovely picture was taken.

    -Big Ran 

    Ethical Question?


    OK, I have an ethical dilemma here at the ol' workplace.  We have a sweet new wheelchair in the office just in case anyone ever visited that had some mobility issues.  Can I cruise the hallways in this thing?  In no way would I do it to offend anyone, I just really want to try it out.  I have enough comedy cache in the office that I think people would be cool with it.  WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!!?!

    -Big Ran

    KC Jones Says: Stem Cell research is an ethical dilemma,  embryo harvesting is an ethical dilemma-- an unused wheelchair hanging out in your office is an invitation!!! There is absolutely NO reason why you can and/or shouldn't take it for a spin. And, if anyone has an issue and gets offended, let's be serious: 1. You don't care Big Ran and 2. You could always play the "I'm just trying to understand what other people go through" card. I hope you're already in it, cruising around! HOLLLLLLLAAAAAAA!