OK dudes, I am a little out of it today since I have been out of the office for a couple of days and I came in at 1 PM today. Coming in for a half day at or just after lunch time is really weird. Its not all bad, you get to sleep later, take your time getting ready, and drive in when there is no traffic, but you are staring down the barrel of having to go into the office all morning, which isn't a lot of fun. But, I digress...
Onto the Late Lunchtime Look-a-like, and today I am going to give you the old double boner bonus: two look-a-likes. On the heels of Dirk Nowitzki just crushing the souls of the OKC Thunder and their fans, our look-a-like is in his honor.
First, we have Dirk, who, while I would love to match up with David Hasselhoff, but has a serious twin in Barry Pepper. Pepper always seems to be "that guy" when you see him in something. Like, "hey, it's that guy from that movie about stuff!" He's been in 61*, Saving Private Ryan, is in the Kennedy mini-series now, nothing major, but he doesn't work in a cube.
Does everyone remember the crazy story about Dirk's ex-girlfriend who was arrested for pretending to be pregnant and extorting money from him? Well, we'll do a look-a-like for that pretty lady as well.
What I really never understood about this was why Dirk was dating/harboring such a homely woman/fugative. I've been to Germany and you could throw a rock and hit a beautiful woman. Plus, he's like 7 feet tall and plays in Dallas. Couldn't he get a better looking gold digger? This is what I figure would be at his disposal:
Fresh off the news that Macho Man was taken from us far too soon, and/or Raptured, Ford has announced seats that could predict drivers' heart attacks.
USA Today - Ford Motor will announce today that its research team in Aachen, Germany, has developed a car seat with six sensors that can monitor a driver's heart by its electrical impulses. Such a seat, if brought to market, could help heart patients monitor their health and provide an early warning of a heart attack.
No longer will Americans live in fear of our aging, roided-out wrestling heroes leaving us too soon. Or, at least won't have to worry about them losing consciousness, drifting across lanes, launching off of concrete medians, and landing into oncoming traffic. The Hulkster could be the next one saved. Of course, if Hulk Hogan is being driven around by his douche bag son, Nick, he could have other problems.
-Big Ran
KC Jones: Hey Big Ran- did you hear that both Summer's Eve and Massengill are trying to negotiate contracts with Nick Hogan to be their spokesman? Just sayin'.....
This is something I've always wondered about and now I'm going to drop some knowledge on all of our Takeover readers.
Where does the term "peanut gallery" come from? Seriously....could you even guess? It's one of those phrases that doesn't even lend itself to reasonable speculation. What is a peanut gallery anyway?
Well, according to the Wikipedia, which has the answers to everything (note that I didn't say they are always the RIGHT answers), the explanation is as follows:
A peanut gallery is an audience that heckles the performer. The term originated in the days of vaudeville as a nickname for the cheapest (and ostensibly rowdiest) seats in the theater; the least expensive snack served at the theater would often be peanuts, which the patrons would sometimes throw at the performers on stage to show their disapproval. The phrases "no comments from the peanut gallery" or "quiet in the peanut gallery" are extensions of the name.
Big Ran- should we get one of these for each of us?
So, basically, Big Ran and I are the "peanut gallery" in all areas of our lives. Constantly heckling, poking fun, and rowdy. And, we're not too good for the inexpensive snacks....that's just how we role.
These guys are the ultimate peanut gallery in my opinon
So, there you have it---at least you can't say that you didn't learn something new today. The Takeover is proving to be both educational AND fun! YESSSS!
Just a quick update, be sure to mark your calendars for October 21, 2011. Apparently, our boy Hal was 5 months off. This is good news for all of us though as we'll be able to enjoy our summer (if it ever stops raining) and the beginning of the nice fall weather before we are picked off the planet. Also, I feel better knowing that our original playlists and menu items won't be going to waste. Guess we'll just have to focus on other things until then....
Um, in regards to the clip below, all I really have to say is "wow". I know we usually keep it light and funny here at "The Takeover", but this dude is the captain of all douches (he was second in command until Teddy's passing) and needs to be called out. Honestly, why is this zero even allowed to SPEAK? I guess the bigger question is why should I be surprised in regards to this? After all, here's a dude whose father, Ted Kennedy, drove drunk, killed a woman, and literally got away with murder and was still celebrated throughout his entire life as the people's champ. So obviously, it's only natural that his son would be sympathetic to a cold blooded, calculating killer.
Are there muzzles available for people? If so, I think this guy should be able to use the undue privileges associated with the Kennedy family name to cut ahead to the front of the line for his. Yup, you heard it right people, his comments towards the gunman who shot and killed and seriously wounded so many in Arizona were "It's an irony, but we think no stigma towards Gabby and her brain injury, but [Loughner] has a brain injury as well, because clearly his brain was not working properly when he picked up that gun and shot all those people." He then proceeds to turn this bottom feeder's behavior into OUR fault with the comment "We failed as a society, because every time we see someone who's -- and we use the pejorative words -- 'crazy,' 'psycho,' 'nuts,' we look the other way". WHAT?! Damn right there's no stigma attached to a woman who almost had her brains blown out and there is a 'stigma' attached to an evil person. Typical of some in society trying to make excuses for those with no respect for life.
This dude is CLEARLY still hitting the sauce and the Ambien BIG time if he's running around saying this sort of garbage. I'm sorry, but I've reached a zero tolerance policy for ass clowns and that's just what he is.
Ok, so it's Monday, May 23rd and "The Rapture" was scheduled for Saturday, May 21st. We're all still here, so I guess there were some miscalculations. Hey, it happens, right? Sometimes predicting the end of the world is more difficult than it seems. Personally, I'm just bummed that our playlists are null and void now. But I'm thinking of Harold (can I call him Hal?) Camping and how embarrassing this must be. Actually, for him, I'm sure it's not embarrassing at all because he's clearly a headcase. So, in his honor, I'd like to toss out another playlist of the songs he might be listening to right now as he reflects on his mistake and gears up for his next attempt:
"Harold Camping's Recalculating The Rapture Mix"
1. "Oops I Did It Again"-Britney Spears: Yup, Hal 'did it again', 'it' being incorrectly predicting the end of the world.
2. "I Missed Again"-Phil Collins: Like the great former Genesis front man sings, "I'm waiting in line, but it seems like I wasted my time...cause I missed again!"
3. "You're Only Human (Second Wind)"-Billy Joel: Hal, don't be so hard on yourself, like Mr. Joel says, "you're only human, you're SUPPOSE to make mistakes!"
5. "Stayin' Alive"- Bee Gees: Because it looks like, "whether (we're) a a brother or whether (we're a mother), we'll be stayin' alive"
6. "Try Again"-Aaliyah: He needs to remember that 'if first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again' (and again, and maybe even again after that!)
7. "Made You Look"-Nas: Maybe this was all just a publicity stunt and he achieved the end goal of making all of us look in one way or another.
8. "It Wasn't Me"-Shaggy: At this point, being wrong twice publicly might be a little embarrassing, so I can understand if he tries to deny, deny, deny....
9. "Blame It"-T-Pain: Once he finds out that he can't say it wasn't him (track 9)-I'm sure he's going to blame it on the alcohol)
10. "My Favorite Mistake"-Sheryl Crow
11. "Just My Imagination"-The Temptations: And, in conclusion, that's really all it was, his imagination, running away with him!
I can see it now. Harold at his desk with calendars, a bible (notice, not THE BIBLE because he's CLEARLY not following that) telescopes, sundials, and maps, recalculating. I'm keeping all my playlists and my non-perishables in anticipation of the Real Rapture.
With all of "The Rapture" preparation going on last week, Big Ran and I were unable to focus on a fan favorite, "LTLAL". Fortunately, since we were spared, we're getting back to basics this week at "The Takeover".
I'd like to start off by saying that every single Lunchtime Look-a-like post is something that either Big Ran or I come up with on our own. We only turn to the Internet to get pictures to substantiate our claims and to show you, our adoring public, what we are talking about. That's not to say that other people haven't come up with these comparisons before, but it is to say that we aren't biting other peeps' material. I just want to clarify in case anyone out there were to ever doubt our pure comedic genius.
Secondly, just so you all know, I'm currently trying to get through to "The Maury Show" in order to arrange for some DNA testing. How could these two NOT be related? The hair, the eyes, the glasses, the noses, the angular facial features. And most importantly, the pure dorkiness. Danny Tanner, you ARE their father!
AP – From left, President Barack Obama, President of Ireland Mary McAleese and her husband Martin McAleese, …
By NANCY BENAC, Associated Press Nancy Benac, Associated Press – 24 mins ago
MONEYGALL, Ireland – President Barack Obama has arrived in the small Irish village where his great-great-great grandfather once lived and worked as a shoemaker. (check out the link above from Yahoo! News to read more!)
I'm sure you might be wondering why I'm posting this, but there is a very good reason. When I heard this on the news, (namely the part about about Obama's great-great-great grandfather being Irish), I realized that Barack and this Mobile, Alabama resident (at the 1:06 mark) are most likely cousins or maybe even 'brothers' (in both senses of the word!)....
Now I'm left with a couple of questions:
1. Is the correct spelling of Obama really O'Bama?
2. Does Barack also have a magical leprechaun flute?
-KC Jones
*Big Ran Note: Imagine O'Bama is in a meeting with that Irish mayor or whatever and just says: "Listen, I just want the gold. I wanna know where da gold at." Hey, couldn't blame him, the US has to pay China back somehow before they invade us post Rapture.
For anyone who wants to continue defending Tom Brady, I'd like to present the most recent pic proving that he is, in fact, a little pansy:
Here he is at a water park in Mexico recently. Hmmm---wonder what the little pretty boy was thinking (or, most likely, screeching!) on his way down: "Oh no, my hair is gonna get all disheveled!", "Man, this water is so cold, it would totally result in shrinkage IF Gisele hadn't had my manhood removed years ago!". I cannot STAND this guy, seriously. And, are those moobs I see? Remember when he used to be a ruggedly handsome MAN focused on his team and perfecting his game? What the hell happened to him? Oh, I know exactly what happened---
"I love you more!" "No, I love you more!" VOM!
---Gisele Bundchen. Seriously, he chose that dead eyed drone over Bridget Moynihan? He dates a normal, down to earf' beauty (by Hollywood standards) and then after they breakup he finds out she's carrying his child and he wastes no time globe trotting with this drone. Making matters worse, she has since tried to educate the world on the 'evils' of bottle-feeding babies with formula while informing the general public that child birth and the subsequent recovery from it is actually pretty easy. (Yeah, it's pretty easy when you have the funds and free time to stock your personal arsenal with a private chef, trainer, nanny, and husband who has 1/2 of the year off). COME ON! No one is saying Tinseltown Tommy had to get back with Bridget or marry her, but have some class dude.
Beauty, the Pansy, and the Dead Eyed Drone
Is it just a coincidence that the Patriots post season success came to a screeching halt once his Hollywood lifestyle ramped up? I think not. I'll say it, I hope that for as long as T.T. continues to act like this the Patriots lose. And it's too bad, because I used to like him, and I still do like the Patriots.
WNBA Player? Oh, no, it's Tom Brady!
This humidity is wrecking havoc on my mane!
I'm thinking T.T. definitely grooms himself each morning while listening to this song on replay:
Sorry Big Ran, I know you probably totally disagree with this post, but I just can't take it anymore.
-KC Jones
*Big Ran Note: I really can't argue with any of this. That picture from the water slide is just embarrassing. Even Mrs. Big Ran made a comment about his doughiness and asked simply: "What's wrong with him?"
TMZ - Florida Highway Patrol tells TMZ ... Savage was driving his 2009 Jeep Wrangler when he veered across the concrete median ... through oncoming traffic ... and "collided head-on with a tree."
Savage was transported to Largo Medical center, where he died from his injuries.
Savage's wife was a passenger in the vehicle during the collision -- but survived with "minor injuries." She was transported to a different local hospital where she was treated.
Forget everything we have written, it's official, the Rapture has started. Mach Man clearly needed to head out early in order to become one of the four horsemen.
Everybody pour a little out and snap into a Slim Jim for Randy tonight.
