Lunchtime Look-a-Like

OK, this is a wild one, but trust me.  I was pursuing YouTube and came across a Lonely Island video I hadn't seen before, featuring Michael Bolton.  I'm obviously watching that, so join me in watching the video and then we can move on to the Look-a-Like.



First of all, who knew that Michael Bolton had a sense of humor?  Now, when he flashes on the screen dressed as Erin Brockovich, did anyone else immediately think of Sarah Jessica Parker?  I did and not just because of the fair.  Look at that mug, almost identical.

Michael Bolton as Erin Brockovich

I feel like Sarah Jessica Parker could be featured on "Is This Person Good Looking?"  Personally, I think she needs an airbrush to avoid looking like a foot, but you never know.

-Big Ran

Supportive Bra Offers Encouragement to Japan. Awesome Pun Intended.

TOKYO (Reuters) – A Japanese lingerie maker Wednesday unveiled a bra that carries messages of encouragement from overseas as the country struggles to recover from a devastating quake and tsunami that struck exactly two months ago.

The white, bustier-style garment and matching skirt by Triumph are covered with messages from 36 different countries received in the aftermath of the disaster, each accompanied by a tiny flag of the nation that sent it.

Messages ranged from simple good wishes, such as "Japan, with you 100%" from France, to expressions of admiration for Japan's strength and dignity. Others were poignant.

"Those who have already left us let us know life is so fragile, and those who are alive let us know life is so strong," said one from China.

The company, known for its concept designs, said it came up with the bra after receiving messages of support from branch companies around the world, along with relief supplies. The bra is not for sale.

"I read each message myself, and I realized that everyone around the world is sending their support," said 20-year-old Hikaru Kawai, who modeled the outfit. "So I decided that I needed to do my best as well."

Nearly 26,000 people were killed or are unaccounted for after the disaster, which triggered the world's biggest nuclear crisis since Chernobyl in 1986 -- and which a few messages couldn't resist alluding to.

"Our thoughts are with you! Future without nuclear power, for our children!" read a message from Greece.

Previous efforts from the company have included a solar-powered bra and a "Welcome to Japan" bra, which featured greetings in three different languages.

Well, the people of Japan must feel better now.  We can all put this earthquake/tsunami/nuclear disaster behind us because we have underwear with encouraging messages.  Unless this underwear somehow prevents radiation poisoning, I don't know how this really helps.  They would be better off with that solar-powered bra the company came out with previously.  With all the rolling black outs in Japan, at least chicks could have charged an iPod or something.

-Big Ran

Humpday Holla-back

I've been sitting on this idea for a humpday holla-back for a while now, waiting for just the right time. Given that the Celtics are down 1-3, the weather is crappy, and it's still not Friday, I figured we all could use an absolutely amazing video. So, enjoy this wonderful creation from MC Hammer, oops sorry, Hammer, BEFORE he filed bankruptcy.

MC Hammer - Pumps in a Bump

Ok, so I'm writing my commentary under the assumption that you haven't gone blind during the viewing of this video. Have you stopped laughing yet? What is going on here? This makes "Rico Suave" look like a country music video. Obviously, he must have borrowed his phone from Zack Morris and the Saved By The Bell kids, and, I'm not sure WHERE he got the Speedo. It's zebra striped! It's unbelievable! And speaking of the Speedo, what are the odds that it's stuffed with tube socks? Parents complain about how things are so out of control on TV today, but guess what everyone? I think this is probably one of the most 'inappropriate' things ever and I fully support it! (The video and the, well, you know...)

And, even though I firmly believe that Speedos should be outlawed, have you ever seen anyone wearing one with a pair of lifting gloves and black combat boots? Oh, you haven't? Well, you have now! No one will make fun of you as long as you pair the banana hammock with combat boots. What is that move he's doing at the one minute mark? This same move, or variation of it, is featured throughout the video and I'm just not sure what to say. Fortunately, despite the over stimulation caused by all the action and colors,  this video is very simple. Hammer found out he was going to be forced into foreclosure because he supported all his homies and mismanaged his money. So, he figured he'd throw one last party with a mandatory dress code: For women, you could only come if you wore a bikini and pumps. For men, you can't upstage the Hammer's hammer, so you have to wear shorts or be fully clothed. He's the host, he gets to wear the festive Speedo.  And men? Only a few of you could attend, so make sure you get there early!

The bump? I know that he was clearly referring too the women's asses, especially when he spits the hot fire; "I don't like 'em stiggity fat! (No!) I like 'em stiggity stacked (Yeah!) You wiggity wiggity wack if you ain't got biggity back (Awwww!)". However, ironically enough, I think the 'bump' may also be referring to what is so clearly presented in the Zeedo (Zebra Speedo, like that?).

Around the 2:40 mark, a think a call to 911 is in order because that chick is having a seizure. Clearly too much time out in the sun, she must be dehydrated. And at 3:00, the pool party seems to end for the guys as they are all fully clothed, including Hammer. For the women? They have to stay in their bumps and bikinis and wait around for the dance routine performed at the 3:30 mark. Once this happens, EVERYONE can change into their evening wear and get ready to dance the night away.  A++. Beautiful. When is he dropping his next hit?

P.S. If anyone knows where I can get a pair of sunglasses like his and a speedo like that, please let me know. Summer is coming and I'd like Mr. KC Jones to give it a shot. We can find the combat boots on our own.

-KC Jones

Carmelo Anthony Bought a Camel. I Repeat, Carmelo Anthony Bought a Camel.

carmeloanthony Carmelo Anthony 

Everybody got dogs and cats as pets, I got a camel!http://say.ly/PSTjry

Did you ever have one of those days where you weren't sure if it was real life?  Like, am I in the friggin' Matrix right now?  I had some weird ass dreams last night, one where I really thought I was awake, went into the bathroom and everything was just a bit off.  There was a delay between when I said things and when I heard them, my bathroom was the same, but rotated 90 degrees.  Weird stuff that I blamed on a combination of Benadryl and red wine last night.  So, when I saw this posted on Twitter, I began to questions if I was still dreaming.

First of all, who the f*ck buys a camel.  Like, what can you possibly do with this?  Ride it?  Secondly, why does 'Melo look like he just finished up work at a middle of the road investment firm.  Dude was just buying and selling mutual funds for clients until the market closed, then wandered down to the pet store to buy a camel.  I am so confused.

-Big Ran

-KC Jones says: Hey Big Ran, he's also working on a Hiram  right now as well. La-La thought she was his main bitch, but she better axe somebody!! Also, he'll be ridin' dirty into MSG on his camel opening night in October.....all the other players have Caddies, so he got a Cammy....


Big Ran Addition:  Anyone think Carmelo must be just like this:

KC Jones: I do, I do!!!

Gangsta Grandma Robbing Fat Chicks!

Fontana, CA - A robber on the loose in Fontana turned Mother’s Day into a frightening experience for one local woman, who said the criminal was actually an elderly woman packing a gun.

Fontana police confirmed that a woman believed to be in her 80s held up another woman who was waiting for her husband in the parking lot of Kohl’s. The victim, who is nine months pregnant, said the robbery occurred in broad daylight, around 11:00 a.m. Sunday.

The alleged victim, who only identified herself as “Shelly,” talked to KCAL9 reporter Nicole Gonzales.

“When she approached me. She seemed like a nice old lady that might need directions, that’s what I was thinking,” she said. “I just thought, I’m dead. I kind of froze, and freaked out a little bit.”

The alleged perp is described as a white woman, 5 feet 2 inches tall and about 140 pounds. Shelly said the woman was wearing black sunglasses, blue jeans and kept a pink flowered scarf over her face. “She pointed her gun at me, said ‘Excuse me, ma’am. I need your purse.’ She pointed the gun at me and took off.”

She made her getaway in a black sedan, possibly a Dodge Neon, with tinted windows and a missing hubcap.

The elderly assailant got away with the victim’s purse.

Shelly and her baby are both fine, but, she said, “It’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened in my life.”

The comments on the article are awesome!  I cannot believe people take themselves so seriously on these things.  Anyway, the first thing I thought of was this lady:

Good luck finding an 80 year old Caucasian lady, they all look they same anyway. My two favorite parts from this story are the fact that the elderly gangsta's hoopdie had tinted windows and that she did it on MOTHER'S DAY!  That's friggin' great.

-Big Ran