World Population Day!

We here at "The Takeover" missed a pretty big celebration on Monday. It was "World Population Day". I heard about it that morning on the news and was supposed to blog about it but a little something called work got in the way. So, I'd like to celebrate it today instead. As "they" (who are they?) say, better late than never. So, in the spirit of controlling overpopulation, I'd like to provide a list of the top 10 people I would like to remove from the world population. I know that the Space Program is over for now, so we can't send them into orbit, but I'm open to other suggestions.

1. Charlie Sheen: Clearly, our world would be on a "winning" track if we were able to exile him.

There are no words

2. The Entire Jersey Shore Cast: Martin Luther King, Jr had a dream, and I do too: Mine is that one day, we will have an STD free world and I figure this would be the best place to start as far as prevention and elimination are concerned.

Why America is losing its place as a super power: Exhibit A

3. Heidi Watney: Red Sox 'BROADcaster' extraordinaire! Obviously the dumb bimbo is on NESN because she's a dumb b*tch, but if I were a Sox fan or a baseball fan at all I'd be even more outraged as she's dumbing down the sport. This trick has probably slept with half of the roster and if I ever have the misfortune of going to a Red Sox game, I'll be sure to mention that if I see her. She's actually #1 on my list, but I thought of Charlie and the Jersey Shore trolls first.

"Why are all of these men wearing the same outfit?!"

4. Nickelback: This one is for Big Ran. I do not like them either, although I did a little when they first came out. However, not anymore. They make Big Ran want to punch babies and kick puppies, so we'll have to send them into orbit as well once the next space trip takes place.

5. Amy Winehouse: They tried to make her go to rehab and she said "no, no, no"....well, she doesn't get a choice with us. She and her hair will be going away.

Nope, she's clearly perfectly sober & healthy

6. Al Sharpton: Because, in his own mind, he is part of such an oppressed minority population, I'm sure he'll jump at the opportunity to no longer have to exist within the confines of such an unjust society.

7. The Cyrus Family: Billy Ray, Miley, Trish, doesn't matter, if the last name is 'Cyrus', Imma need you to take your achy breaky hearts and hit the road.

8. Madonna: To quote one of the best movies of all time, "Office Space", I must refer to her as what she truly is, a 'no talent ass clown'. Hey Madonna, you're 50-something: stop trying to act like you're still in your 20's, pick an accent (sometimes she's English, sometimes she's American!), pick a religion (sometimes she's Jewish, other times she's Catholic, and she practices Kaballah as well!), and pick a guy who is in the correct age range, preferable someone NOT named Jesus! The Virgin Mary is weeping having to share a name with you! Also, cover up those veiny, nasty arms. She can't sing, she has nothing intelligent to say, and relied on shock value to keep her career afloat for decades. Sadly, there are many suckers out there who fall for it!

GROSS!

9.  Giselle: Hey, since we're NOT going to pass a worldwide mandate forcing mothers to breastfeed and since normal women will continue to experience difficulties with pregnancy & childbirth (unlike her), I think it's time for her to go as well. Ironically, her removal from the general population will greatly increase the Patriots odds of winning another Super Bowl. I wonder why.

Remember when Tom Brady wasn't a fairy?

10. Danny Ainge: You ruined it for everyone this past season.You are arrogant, smug, & DUMB. This is why we can't have anything nice.

Smug S.O.B.

In case you want to read anything more about "World Population Day", click here....

-KC Jones

Big Ran note: Not sure what it is, but I can't stand this broad, Watney, either.  It could be because she bangs tons of the players, or some strange shenanigans at her last job, not sure.  Objectively speaking, she's attractive, but she chaps my ass.  Tina Cervasio was much better, thus her move to NY.  NESN should use Katherine Tappen.  I bet she wouldn't bang Varitek AND a Fenway security dude.

Vacation Time, Bitches!

I'm heading out of the office for a couple of weeks, so KC is going to be holding down the fort for everyone.  Who knows, maybe we have some guest writers to switch things up.  Either way, you guys win.  Rather than my quick-hitting, ADD-style blogs, you're going to get some well thought out and well written ones.

Vaya con Dios, bitches!

-Big Ran

PS:  You're welcome for including a picture of myself in St. Bart's last year.

Hide Yo' Husbands, Cause She's Mutilatin' Err'body!

Police: CA woman cut off husband's penis

Updated: Wednesday, 13 Jul 2011, 6:37 AM EDT
Published : Wednesday, 13 Jul 2011, 6:34 AM EDT

GARDEN GROVE, Calif. (AP) - Police say a Southern California woman drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed, cut off his penis with a knife and threw it down a garbage disposal.
Garden Grove police Lt. Jeff Nightengale tells City News Service the attack occurred Monday night. He says 48-year-old Catherine Kieu Becker was booked at the Orange County Jail for investigation of aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse.
The 51-year-old victim's name was not released but Nightengale says he is in serious condition after surgery at a hospital.
Nightengale says the woman told responding officers the victim "deserved it."
The woman is due in court Wednesday. A telephone listing for her residence could not be located.

Read more: http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/national/police-ca-woman-cut-off-husbands-penis-25-apx-20110713#ixzz1S01MDBDO

Having been the recent victim of a serial cheater and con artist I cannot say that I blame this woman. We have no idea what this man (now unick*) has done to her.  I don't know which charge I like the best, but I find them all awesome. I am not condoning this behavior, I'm just saying that when you hurt someone repeatedly and violate and victimize them, there's no telling when they'll snap. You know what they say, if you mess with the bull, you're going to get the horns! On second thought, I feel like my whole life is "Aggravated Mayhem" (caused by someone else) lately, so that's definitely my favorite charge.

Here are the questions I have after reading this article:

1. Are penises garbage disposal safe?
2. How was she able to do all of this without him fighting back?
3. What exactly IS "Aggravated Mayhem" and why does it sound so funny?
4. If the genital was put down the disposal, what did they do at the hospital? I've never heard of a penis transplant. Even in death, you know the average man isn't going to be donating that to science or others.
5. Is this woman related to Lorena Bobbitt? I'm sure you all remember that incident.

*Unick: According to Urban Dictionary.com:  Americanized version of the word "Eunuch".

1. A man with his balls (testes) removed. Often used in royal courts to guard female royalty and concubines.

2. A man who is incapable of reproduciton.

3. A guy who doesn't seem to be interested in women, but also excluding homosexuality. They are just not the dating type.

4. A gutless wonder.

5. The third sex. The Non-sex.

"Mike is such a Unick, he's never dated a girl in his entire life!"

-KC Jones

Check Out Paul Pierce at the WSOP

Can't believe he's wearing his wedding ring!

So Young, So Angry, Damn that Rap Music!

See, this is what you can do when you have a championship.  In the off season, you can play in the World Series of Poker, wear shades, big headphones, an awesome customized Inglewood hat with a shamrock and your number on the back, and your championship ring.  "No big deal, I just happened to win the 2008 NBA Finals for the greatest NBA franchise around and was named MVP of the series.  You guys playing poker?  Sweet."

-Big Ran

R. Kelly's Gonna Be Livin' In a Closet

R. Kelly fails to pay mortgage for a year on $2.7 million house

US grammy-winning singer R. Kelly faces a $US2.9 million ($2.7 million) foreclosure on his suburban Chicago mansion.

JPMorgan Chase Bank filed the foreclosure lawsuit last month in Cook County Circuit Court. The complaint states that Kelly hasn't made monthly mortgage payments since June of last year.

Crain's Chicago Business publication reports that the Olympia Field home's appraised value fell 26 per cent in a year, to $US3.8 million in 2010. The original 1999 loan was for $US3.5 million

The principal due is more than $US2.9 million.

The R&B superstar's spokesman Allan Mayer declined to comment on the foreclosure. But he said Kelly isn't having financial trouble.

Mayer said the singer now lives in Chicago. Mayer said Kelly's recent tour and 2010 album, Love Letter, have been successful.

Something tells me that I couldn't go a year without paying my mortgage, just a wild guess.  However, maybe I could make a video where I pee on a teenager and make some extra money to make the payments, you never know.

KC can attest to the fact that I came up with "Molesta" as a parody for R. Kelly's "Fiesta" way before anyone else.  JAMN 94.5 stole my shit!

KC Jones note: Yes, Big Ran did, and he should be getting MAJOR royalties!

-Big Ran