Irrational Rant....The Bearded Lady

I don't know about you guys, but I can't think of anything I find more disgusting than women with facial hair. Wait just a second and let me explain my position before any of you start calling me a jerk (or worse!). I know it's not my face, so some might argue that I should mind my business. However, I counter that by saying that since I have to look at it, it IS my business. And,  I'm just saying this: It's 2011, not 1102, and we have plenty of ways to eradicate unwanted facial hair. And, if you're a woman, facial hair SHOULD always be unwanted. Any female who is okay with it should probably join a traveling circus.

Many times I've been out in public, or on an elevator at work and I've seen a woman with a 5 o'clock shadow that rivals what most men are sporting after a day or two of not shaving. Listen, I'm half Italian, and that could very easily be me, but fortunately I dodged that bullet.  I know it's not their fault, but it IS their responsibility to clean it up! And fortunately, in this day and age, there are a plethora of wonderful hair removal products and processes in all price ranges---some are even permanent solutions! 

Available at all drugstores, grocery stores, etc, under $10!

So, if you are an "XX" chromosome and have a hairy upper lip, sideburns, a goatee, unibrow, or hair on your cheeks, either remove it or stay in the house forever. I get so sick to my stomach when I see this, especially when I know it's such a quick and easy fix. What, are these (wo)men afraid of a little pain from waxing, tweezing, laser, or electrolysis? Oh, that's right, I guess the emotional pain of being shunned by society is far easier to deal with. It's bad enough when it is a 90 year old woman looking like this, but at that point, at least you can rationalize and hope that maybe she's so demented she doesn't see it. Because, other than being legally blind, there is no other acceptable excuse for this. (Note: If my mother ever has this issue and doesn't address it, I will put her in a headlock and take care of it myself---otherwise, I would expect to be charged with elder abuse as her caretaker. What can I say, sometimes love hurts!)

Ok, ok, maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get the point!

This issue became particularly upsetting to me one day when I was at the mall. I'm in The Gap (where white people and Kanye West shop), and I saw this middle age woman with her very awkward teenage daughter (probably around 13 or 14). Well, I don't know what kind of care she was getting because the poor girl had a dark black mustache AND a unibrow. Come on lady!  The teenage years are hard enough and kids are so cruel, so why are you letting HER walk around looking like she's your son? Apparently she didn't understand this.  Listen, I'm sure she loves her, regardless of appearance, as any parent would. However, most parents I know would have had that situation rectified ASAP. I'm thinking this might qualify as child abuse.

Takes 5 minutes, max and gives weeks of relief to the general public!

We live in a world where women are suppose to be equal to men, but apparently some of them need clarification. Yes, you can be their equal, but you don't have to LOOK like one!

-KC Jones

That's What I'm Talking About!

Study Shows Most Successful People Work Four Hours a Day

Yahoo Canada - It sounds too good to be true: Leave work earlyfor greater success on the job.

Psychological Review recently published a study that claims that the key to success is working hard in short bursts of time.

It comes down to focus and choosing specific tasks over multitasking and taking breaks.

The study found that "deliberate" four-hourviolin rehearsals accomplished more than seven-hour sessions of steady practice. The best performers set specific goals, practiced with greater intensity for shorter periods of time, and took planned breaks.

The study graphed their hours of productivity, noting that the most intense periods of work were before noon and again after 4. Eventually they found that successful individuals in other professions mirrored this work-less-for-success model.

Business Insider quotes the study:

"While completing a novel, famous authors tend to write only for 4 hours during the morning, leaving the rest of the day for rest and recuperation. Hence successful authors, who can control their work habits and are motivated to optimize their productivity, limit their most important intellectual activity to a fixed daily amount when working on projects requiring long periods of time to complete."

Tim Ferriss' bestselling The 4-Hour Workweek made similar conclusions, subscribing to the Pareto principle; 80 percent of outputs come from 20 per cent on inputs.

So instead of slaving away for 12 hours a day, try focused work intervals; your new-found productivity will set you up for success.

Do I care that this came from Canada, America's Hat?  Meh, maybe, maybe not.  When you have a study that backs up your own, unfounded theories, you take it and you run with it.  My job is very streaky; sometimes I can go days without doing any real work, then other times when I am working 12 plus hours a day for weeks at a time.  Most of the time, when it is more normal, I could easily finish all my work in 3 days a week, or 5 half days, essentially.  So, do I bring this up at one of my favorite staff meetings or do I slip it into my self appraisal?

-Big Ran

PS:  How awesome are those dudes in the picture.  They totally look Canadian.

KC Jones concurs with your thoughts Big Ran. Like last week, I worked over 60 hours, my eyes were about to bleed and I was so foul I was about to lose my mind. This week, I'm still steady, and next week, I'll  have a lighter work load. I think most people would agree except for those who are 'so important' and they will be highlighted in future "Office Etiquette" posts.

PPS: The dudes are awesome. AND how about this: Canada: The Hideous Growth on the forehead of the United States while Mexico is the Painful Hemorrhoid on the Ass of the United States. HOLLA!


*Big Ran Note - Don't forget Mexican food.  I mean, Mexican food is friggin' awesome and makes all the drug killings easier to rationalize in my mind.  I actually love Canada, well, I loved Canada when the exchange rate was awesome for Americans.

Hide Yo' Wives, 'cause He's Terminatin' Err'body....

 

Despite the fact that the Celtics lost last night, I am in a wonderful mood today! Why, you ask? Well, if you're a female and you've heard the news, you know why!!!

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver Separate

 

Yup! That's right ladies! We've only had to wait 25 years to get this piece of man meat back on our plates! Who cares that you can barely understand a word he says and that he's a human robot. Seriously, what's not to love? I don't know how I'm going to break the news to Mr. KC Jones, but I think we're through! And husbands? Hide your kids, hide your wives, because he's terminating err'body up in this place! Big Ran, this includes you too!

Rumor has it they've been having trouble for a while, but I think Arnold was growing more and more terrified of Maria's strong jawline, which seems to be getting bigger than his! Seriously, she's like a human nutcracker with that jaw, not to mention the spitting image of Ted Kennedy. Could you imagine being Arnold, waking up with Ted Kennedy's clone each morning?

 

And just when I thought the news couldn't get any better, I discover this juicy piece of information on People Magazine's Website:  "there have been reports he'll re-start his movie career, including a role in another Terminator film." YESSSSSSSSSSS! 

 

I can die happy if he also resurrects his body building career:

 

Funny, the Nazis used to strike this same pose....

Who needs Michael Jordan when you have Arnold wearing your kicks?

It's so nice he did this naturally.

Does this make my jaw look big?

 -KC Jones

Tuesday Trivia...

So, here's something I think I USED to know the answer to but have forgotten in my old age:

Why is the Republican Party represented by an elephant and why is the Democratic Party represented by a donkey?

Here's the most concise answer, copied in from factmonster (check them out!):

The Democratic Donkey and the Republican Elephant

Ever wondered what the story was behind these two famous party animals?
The now-famous Democratic donkey was first associated with Democrat Andrew Jackson's 1828 presidential campaign. His opponents called him a jackass (a donkey), and Jackson decided to use the image of the strong-willed animal on his campaign posters. Later, cartoonist Thomas Nast used the Democratic donkey in newspaper cartoons and made the symbol famous.

Nast invented another famous symbol—the Republican elephant. In a cartoon that appeared in Harper's Weekly in 1874, Nast drew a donkey clothed in lion's skin, scaring away all the animals at the zoo. One of those animals, the elephant, was labeled “The Republican Vote.” That's all it took for the elephant to become associated with the Republican Party.
Democrats today say the donkey is smart and brave, while Republicans say the elephant is strong and dignified.


*Personally, I think pretty much all politicians should be represented by the donkey, because they are all jackasses!*

Hope you've enjoyed this edition of "Tuesday Trivia".

-KC Jones

Big Ran Note:  These are both terrible animals to represent political parties.  If I was Obama, I would change this before the next election and let the Republicans do it as well.  If I am his advisor, I tell him to surf the wave of his best week ever and get really fired up and say:  "We found Osama.  We killed him.  The US political parties deserve some kick-ass animals representing them.  So, we're going to vote on what the new animals will be.  Now, I'm off to put the wood to Michelle...again."

For the Democrats, I think they should have a wolf.  How sweet would a Democratic wolf pack be?  I would vote for that so hard.  Wolves are awesome and badass.  Canines are the balls.

For the Republicans, they probably want something classy, so they could have a Clydesdale.  That would be cool too.  They represent strength and beer.  How much better would this be?

Democratic Wolfpack

VS.

Republican Clydesdales

That would be awesome and they could even make cute cartoon and stuffed animal ones for kids.

Kick ass t-shirt update:

Nuggets of Love

Charlotte Observer - A Rock Hill student has been suspended indefinitely from elementary school after witnesses say he threatened to stab another student.

Officers spoke with an employee at Sunset Park Elementary School who said last week the 10-year-old told another student that if he didn't give him his chicken nuggets he would stab him, according to a Rock Hill police report. Nothing more happened between the two.

Another student who witnessed the incident reported he had also been threatened with a knife from the same boy, according to the report.

The knife was recovered in the student's book bag, the report states. He has since been suspended indefinitely and recommended for expulsion.

Neither student wishes to press charges against the student, the report states.

No kidding these students don't want to press charges.  If a dude is willing to stab you for nugs, he is capable of anything, especially taking your nugs.  Honestly, nugs in school are like cigarettes in prison, they're currency.  You need to copy homework?  Trade that geek some nugs.  You want Susie to be your girlfriend?  Give her your nugs.  Protect your nugs.

When I was in college, for some inexplicable reason, Chicken Nugget Night was ALWAYS packed, lines going out the door.  You better get there early or else you are not going to get your nugs. 

As soon as I heard this story, I thought of Latarian Milton, the 7 year old that took his grandmothers car for a joy ride and smoked real cigarettes, then got in trouble for hitting his grandmother in a Walmart because he wanted a hot dog or something.  I could see him mugging someone for chicken nugs.

  

Honestly, I'm writing about anything I can just to not think about the Celtics game last night.  And, if you don't want me to ruin chicken nugs for you, don't keep reading...

This is the mechanically separated meat used for nugs.  It's all the parts they couldn't or wouldn't use for something else.  I haven't eaten nugs since seeing this.

-Big Ran

*KC Jones:  I will probably never eat them again now either, but maybe that's cotton candy...or maybe it's just building insulation. Either way, thank GOD my tater tots are still safe...

Do You Want to Go to the Conference Finals or Go Golfing?

Well, that sucked.  Turnovers and no offensive rebounding killed them.  KG going 1 - 10 killed them.  Ray eventually got a little something going, Delonte had a nice game of the bench for the most part, and Pierce was the only person keeping them in it.  I hated seeing it, but LeEgo was great and its too bad the Cs couldn't convert anything off of his late turnover.  There's two ways we can go:  pack it in and hope the Heat lose the next series, or hope that with their backs up against the wall, the Cs bring it back to Boston for a Game 6.  If they take it back to Boston, I'm going to be in the building, its going to be a Friday night and I will personally guarantee a victory.  Time to ride or die, bitches.  I choose to ride.

-Big Ran