Breaking News From God....

*Disclaimer: As with all of our posts, this is meant to be funny, and not offensive to any of our loyal readers who MAY have done what I am calling attention to below...and I'm not speaking of anyone specific as I saw at least 12 of these posts on my FB page within 10 minutes of the Patriots winning today (might be more tonight, but I haven't noticed)*

Ok, so I am a rabid NBA fan, and I become insane and irrational when I really get into the games. So, with that being said, I can understand the break from reality that occurs when your team wins. I cannot, however, understand the plethora of Facebook posts, texts, and other forms of communication, trying to insinuate or point blank say that the Patriots won today because God allowed Robert Kraft's late wife to pull some strings in Heaven. I HOPE that people are just joking with these posts, and I bet some people are, but others, I'm not so sure about.

God has a lot of things going on right now; people have cancer, people are struggling (emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually), there are wars, poverty, and illness in the world. While God may have given individuals certain gifts athletically speaking, I'm sure He could care less about the outcome of ANY sporting event. 

Plus, if He REALLY cared, Tebow and the Broncos would be heading to The Superbowl AND to Disneyworld.  Just sayin'....get it together people!

P.S. How did I miss the fact (until Big Ran posted about Tebow and Katy Perry) that Tebow is a virgin? Good for him, seriously. Good for him.

-KC Jones

Newt /Schrute 2012?

Just a quick post. My boss sent me this image the other day, and every time I look at it, I laugh harder.

Newt Gingrich & Dwight Schrute

Seriously, this should probably be a lunchtime look-a-like, but I already have one scheduled for tomorrow...plus, I needed to put this in a category of its own.

Am I the only person who thinks that the creators of "The Office" might have based Schrute off of Newt? The looks, the personality (or lack thereof), the ridiculous beliefs and proposals?

Seriously though, I'd vote for Dwight and his beet farm before I'd ever vote for Newt. Actually, maybe they should combine forces. For the love of God, I pray this country isn't faced with Newt come November.


-KC Jones

He's Got 99 Problems....Healthcode Violations Being Some!

Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club was shut down for a slew of health-code violations just a day after its celebrity-drenched $10 million relaunch -- and now it faces a dreaded “C” grade, The Post has learned.

An inspector found perishable food at dangerously warm temperatures inside the walk-in refrigerator and discovered “hot” food left out on the counter on Thursday, Health Department sources said.

A worker was also seen mixing salsa with his bare hands.

The refrigerator was at a rancid 60 degrees instead of 41 -- jeopardizing the safety of 50 pounds of raw chicken wings, 5 pounds of raw shrimp and 100 turkey burgers, the sources said.

Five pounds of cooked mashed potatoes, meanwhile, were left out at a temperature of 89 degrees, while 10 pounds of cooked rice and 50 turkey burgers were kept at 67 degrees.

All the hot foods should be at least 140 degrees, the sources said.

The club’s restaurant was immediately closed, and new patrons were barred from entering. Those already inside were allowed to remain.

“If you have a walk-in place with food like this, you put a hell of a lot of people at risk,” said the source. “A night of dinner and dancing should not include the risk of contracting food-borne illness.”

The nightspot corrected the problem and was cleared for business last night.

Click for more on this story from the New York Post

Ummmm...just some comments and questions:

Why was someone mixing salsa with their hands? Bare hands or not, I tend to think mixing with utensils would be the better and easier option. Gross.  Also, good thing I wasn't planning on going to the 40/40 Club -- I've spent my entire life without food poisoning, and I'd love to keep it that way.  The Takeover would like to advise Jigga to stick with rapping and Rocawear. HOV!

-KC Jones

The Big Payback...Revenge

The last time these two teams faced off in the playoffs, the Ravens absolutely manhandled the Pats.  Over the last few years they have typically played games that went down to the wire with the Pats sneaking them out.  As much as I want to hate the Ravens because Suggs and Ray Lewis are outspoken maniacs, they are just too damn good and tough not to respect.  Plus, honestly, I could listen to Ray Lewis talk all day long.  I wish I could have him hang around my office just to get me pumped up to process TPS reports or at home when I have to work on some home improvement project.  Have Ray Ray just get me amped up and want to run through walls.

With that said, I want the Pats to win this game and win it soundly.  I do, however, think it is going to be a tough one.  I'm not getting into analysis, you can go a million other places to hear the same exact thing about containing Ray Rice, running the no huddle, and the desire of both teams to win this game and get to the Super Bowl.  I'm not going to do that.  You'll get my prediction, then some Ray Lewis and Gronk clips, because I would pay to have the two of them hang out with video cameras present.

My guess:  Pats 27 Ravens 20.

Advantage: Gronk.  His "questionable/awesome" press was twitpics with a porn star.  That beats going on trial for murder/obstruction of justice any day of the week.

-Big Ran

*KC Jones' comments: I have to agree with Big Ran that I too could listen to Ray Lewis talk all day long. If you haven't had a chance to hear him speak, I suggest you take a listen. It's frigin unreal! He also has some pretty nasty dance moves---He's clearly insane and if it weren't for the NFL, he's be in jail or a backup dancer in a rap video.

Irrational Rant....Show Us Your "O" Face....

I have to say, I despise Oprah Winfrey. I will be adding her to this year's "World Population (Control) Day" list. I've never liked her, ever. I feel like she exudes some sort of subliminal control over innocent women and, like Ryan Seacrest, I'm pretty sure she is plotting a hostile takeover of the world. I blogged some time back indicating that I didn't care for her, and now, after a recent revelation, I'd just like to present further proof for anyone who would like to TRY to argue that she is NOT the most egotistical human being in existence:

Exhibit A (through Z): The woman not only has a magazine that she NAMED after herself, but EVERY MONTH it is HER picture on the cover. Are you serious? How highly would you have to think of yourself to feature your OWN picture on the cover of your magazine EVERY SINGLE MONTH? I realized this the other day at the gym and I became probably irrationally enraged, but I don't care. I'm entitled. And, naturally she uses the magazine to stroke her own ego. Gotta have stories about "Oprah's School In Africa" and "Trust Your Gut" because Oprah says "It's Never Wrong".

Add this to the fact that she also has a television network named after herself, and the fact that she basically threw herself a going away party as her originial talk show was going off the air, and I don't know how anyone can try to defend her against my accusations.

For those of you who might say, "She's charitable" and blah blah blah...I'll give you that--with a friendly reminder that she does all of it with PLENTY of media attention directed towards her. Her audience members get their gifts on national television. She has camera crews following her for her other endeavors.  To me, it means more and is with greater sincerity when it's done under the radar. And granted, sometimes, for people in positions like hers, it's nearly impossible to do things under the radar. But, she also makes sure to give HERSELF plenty of press and accolades on a regular basis.

I, for one, couldn't be happier to know that Ellen DeGeneres is on television in place of her now.

What's better than ONE Oprah? Yup, obviously TWO!

-KC Jones

Big Ran Note: From one of my all time favorite movies, this MUST be included:



*Big Ran Update:  Terrible, terrible oversight on my part.  I can't believe I let this happen...

Dave Gets Oprah Pregnant

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Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

I should get suspended without pay for leaving a Chappelle Show reference out.  For shame.  For shame.  I disgrace my famiry!  A double shot to make up for it!

Pixie Stereotypes - Asian Pixie

www.comedycentral.com

Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story