Holy Sh!t Will this Kill Some Time

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45121167#.TrQz8fSa9GU

Awkward photos with pets.  Awkward school photos. Awkward family vacation photos.  I didn't know The Today Show brought this level of entertainment to the table.

-Big Ran

Oh No She Didn't!!!

Woman Burns Down Friend’s House For Defriending Her on Facebook

One day, years from now, Jennifer Christine Harris will scroll back to this week on her Facebook Timeline and regret everything she sees. (She'll also be, like, "I still don't get the point of Facebook Timeline. The interface is so confusing and the pictures are way too big!") The Des Moines native was arrested for having allegedly set fire to the home of Nikki Rasmussen, an old friend, while Nikki and her husband Jim were fast asleep. The person Jim instantly suspected was Harris, with whom his wife was having an ongoing dispute. It had played out on the pages of Facebook.

A police report says that when an officer asked Nikki Rasmussen about Jen Harris, Rasmussen said "… the two are no longer friends due to a dispute over Facebook. According to Nikki, Jen is angry with her because she ended their friendship on Facebook."

It's not as simple as just that. Were that it was! But, like Facebook itself, this story gets way too complicated and bogged down in the everyday minutia of narcissistic and profoundly lonely people with way too much time on their hands:

"Things were posted on Facebook," [Detective Jack ] Kamerick said. "Jen asked Nikki to create an event on Facebook for a party. Nikki did that. As the date for the party approached "there were a lot of ‘declines,' on Facebook, the detective said. It was looking like the party might be a bust. The dispute apparently blossomed. So when the garage went up in flames, Harris became the first name that occurred to the victims.

Luckily, the couple emerged unscathed. This had the potential of being the deadliest social-media-invite-related act of vengeance since The Great Evite Christmas Party "Maybe" Massacre of '03! And as for Harris, she is currently being held in Polk County Jail on $100,000 bond. It's probably not the poke she was hoping for. [desmoinesregister.com via The Daily What, Mugshot via Polk County Jail]

With all of the bad news in the world, it's nice to read such a refreshingly INANE story. Seriously? This sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit. How are you going to justify setting someone's house on fire simply because they 'defriended' (made up word, awesome) you on "The Book"? Could you even imagine what this broad would have done in retaliation for a serious, legitimate offense? 

Something tells me a mental health evaluation is going to be ordered as this case progresses and Ms. Harris will fail horribly. With behavior like this, it's no wonder that people weren't accepting e-vites to her stupid party. They were probably concerned for their safety. (Also, she probably asked Ms. Rasmussen to sent out the invite because had it come from her she already knew what the responses would say).

I wonder if Ms. Harris will be barred from Facebook now? If not and you happen to accept a friend request from her, just remember what might happen if you change your mind. Make sure your homeowner's insurance is up to date!

-KC Jones

Big Ran Note:  Two things:

1.  Imagine if Left Eye Lopes had been defriended by Andre Rison?  Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.  She burned down his house way before facebook.

2.  Cue the music...


Talking Heads - Burning down the house by Dan_of_the_Land

Friday Mutha F*ckin' Jam

Please Bieber, don't hurt 'em!  I told you, I'm on the Bieber Bandwagon.  I'm with Biebs!

It's Friday!  Throw 'em up, throw 'em up, throw 'em up!

-Big Ran

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Takeover Mailbag

OK, so we got an e-mail from a reader that I think strikes a chord with a lot of people: 

One of my coworkers eats carrots every day. He is at least 10 feet away from me - I'm in my office and he is in his. The sound of his crunching is so loud and unbelievably distracting to me. Like nails on a chalkboard. I feel I need to address it, but have no idea how. 


I can totally understand this.  One of my friends from a previous job had this problem.  Initially, she thought she just hated the sounds of people eating, but then she narrowed it down to being disgusted by people she didn't like when they were eating.  For example, we were friends, so I could eat something loud like an apple next to her and she didn't have a problem.  However, if someone she didn't like was eating something near her, she would be on the verge of throwing up.


I feel this way a lot too.  If there is someone I don't like, everything they do will piss me off, but if someone is a friend, even mildly annoying things will get a pass.  So, my advice would depend on how you generally feel about this person.  If you generally like them and you get along, you could just say something to the effect of: "Hey, I know this is going to sound crazy, but for some reason, the sound of people eating drives me nuts.  Again, I know this is crazy, but do you think you could close your door or warn me when you are going to eat something crunchy?"  If a friend were to say that to me, I really wouldn't mind and would just make fun of them for it, but would close my door or go somewhere else to eat my carrots.  PS:  this dude must have night vision if he is eating this many carrots everyday.


However, if you don't like them, that's another story and will depend on your office culture.  Personally, I am a dick, so I would totally start doing passive aggressive things.  For example, whenever they start crushing carrots, you could start playing music really loudly in your office, or slam your door shut.Now, I know you can't do this all the time, or in every office, so that makes it tougher.


You could always bring a loud food in and when this dude starts eating carrots in his office, you go in there and bust open some Sun Chips and just shovel them into your mouth while you talk to him, maybe grossing him out a little but.  Fight fire with fire.


-Big Ran