Never Thought I'd Say It....

Top 5 Reasons Why I Like Hockey

1. Toothless men who just don't care. As long as this sport exists, dentists will be making bank!

2. Canadians acting tough because we all know that's just not their nature!
3. Organ music---did anyone hear "If You're Happy and You Know it" playing in the second period tonight? That really sets the mood for the boxing on skates that may ensue at any moment.
4. Mullets and 1970's/80's style facial hair! Tim Thomas, in particular, looked like he spent a little extra time on his 'stache tonight. From the locker room footage prior to face-off,  it looked like he may have been going for a handlebar look, but I can't find a picture of it yet.
5. Fights erupting for absolutely NO reason besides the fact that they CAN. 

*Side note: Can anyone imagine Mike Tyson on skates? I think he'd be a valuable asset to any NHL team....for a few reasons: Besides his obvious size and stremf', he enjoys biting (which apparently happened during the B's game tonight) and he doesn't  really seem to care about his teeth....

GO BRUINS!

 -KC Jones

Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife, and Hide Yo Husbands too, Cause Tornadoes are Rapin' MA

Uncut: Reported Tornado Churns Over River - Video - WCVB Boston

I was about to make jokes about how my commute home was an awesome combination of a car wash and fireworks show, then I get home and my wife and dog are chillin' in the basement because that's what they said to do in our town on the news.

Also, I saw the linked footage from Springfield.  Wow.  No joke.

If this is the Rapture, I'll see you guys in Hell, I guess.

-Big Ran

KC Jones' Note: I was unaware that we were REALLY having tornadoes in Messachusetts, so I didn't understand why the gym and the packy were both ghost towns when I stopped in after work--I thought it was just because people were gearing up for The Bruins tonight. This is the Rapture, fo' so'.......

On a lighter, happier note, check out some of the peeps in the background of the coverage from Springfield...my bet is that they gon' be lootin' err'body shortly!

Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife, and Hide Yo Husbands too, Cause Sarah Palin Might be Coming to Boston

Boston Globe - Sarah Palin’s mystery tour/summer vacation/media scavenger hunt is headed toward Boston, perhaps as soon as this afternoon.

The former Alaska governor, who has been visiting historic sites across the Northeast (and eating pizza with Donald Trump), as part of her One Nation bus tour, spent the morning in New York City, visiting Ellis Island.


Now, reporters for ABC News, CNN, and Real Clear Politics, who have been chasing after her bus, are reporting that she’s headed to Boston en route to New Hampshire, which holds the nation’s first presidential primary. 

As has been her practice throughout the tour, Palin is not saying where, precisely, she will stop in Boston. The city, of course, offers many historic sites that would resonate with her message. So Palin watchers are wondering: will she stroll the deck of Old Ironsides, walk along the Freedom Trail, or admire the Bunker Hill Monument?

We’ll have to wait and see. Palin has acknowledged she is interested in running for president, but has insisted that her unusual tour is not about her, but about highlighting America’s great historic sites.

One of her potential rivals, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, is formally announcing his presidential candidacy tomorrow. In New Hampshire.

This has been an odd trip for Palin as she insists it is not part of a possible presidential campaign, but rather a tour of historic sites in the US.  I guess it's just a coincidence that Romney is announcing his candidacy tomorrow in NH.  I really hope that Romney, Palin, and Trump all run in 2012, because Saturday Night Live would be awesome. 

-Big Ran

PS:  If you go to see Palin in Boston, don't dress like a moose or a Russian, cause she will shoot your ass.

No Rapture Last Week, But Proof There is a God

@SHAQSHAQ

Shaq ooout. #ShaqRetireshttp://www.tout.com/9944wo

2 minutes ago via Tout.comFavorite Retweet Reply
Boston.com - Celtics center Shaquille O'Neal announced on his Twitter feed minutes ago that he is retiring from the NBA.
"We did it," said O'Neal. "Nineteen years, baby. I want to thank you very much. That's why I'm telling you first, I'm about to retire. Love ya. Talk to you soon."
Listen, I actually like Shaq a lot and I was OK with the signing last year by the Celts.  Obviously it didn't work out on the court so much since he played 5 minutes after February 1st and his presence was one reason for the Perk trade.
On the plus side, he got to pretend he was a statue in Barbara Square (How he originally tweeted it):

He participated in the pine wood derby contest with some Boy Scouts:

And, just before the playoffs, he rehabbed hard with the help of his wife, Hoopz:

So, Shaq, Godspeed, best of luck becoming a full time volunteer sheriff, and thank you for the chance the Cs have to sign another over-the-hill big man for next season.

-Big Ran

I Want an Electronic Cigarette So Bad!

I know you are supposed to use an adverb there (Badly), but doesn't it sound better the way it is?  I think so.  Anyway, I don't smoke, never have other than smoking once in a bar when I was 19 back when you could smoke in bars and I had a fake ID.  Later that night I managed to throw up in my friend's back yard and sleep in the back seat of my car for no real reason other than man did that butt F me up.  So, I have no desire to smoke for real, but wouldn't one of those electronic cigarettes be sweet?  You could have all the benefits of smoking (looking AWESOME) without second hand smoke, stinking, and cancer.

Let me tell you, I would drag on this thing ALL THE TIME.  I would especially do it at work just to freak people out.  Imagine people walking into a conference room for a meeting and you are in there first puffing away with your feet up on the conference table?  How great would it be to see the looks on people's faces?  I'll tell you, it would be AMAZING.  As it is, when I go out with buddies (back when we actually could go out anyway) all we typically do is talk to random people and/or act super hammered for our own enjoyment.  I would love to puff on this bad boy and talk to smokers outside and complain about the no smoking laws, taxes on butts, that would be great.

A while ago they would always run ads that you could get a free one if you CALL NOW!  My wife never let me call and that's too bad because I know she would takes hauls off of a fake cigarette too.  So, if anyone wants to know what to get me for a present, now you know; an electronic cigarette.

Plus, how can it be bad if Danny Bonaduce and Jose Canseco endorse it?

-Big Ran

PS:  Without spell check, I would have spelled cigarette 14 different ways in this post.

The Bumpin' Bruins Playlist

Foreigner - Cold As Ice



This will be a good one to prime the pump a little bit, just get it going as you head into the game or drive home from work.  Plus, anytime you can post a video as bad as this, you have to do it.  I mean, I think they blew a real opportunity to have a horribly cheesy video.


Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby



Sorry for the ad, but its obviously worth it.  This is like the perfect storm of music videos.  It took the perfect artist, with the perfect song, the perfect time period, and a perfect video to come together all at once and it happened.  From the florescent colors to the perfect 90s Miami sweatshirt and tuxes, to the dance moves, the director really nailed it.  The only questionable part is the strange dance move around 2:25 when all the dudes are grabbing each other's hips.  Not sure about that one.

As a side note, is everyone aware that Vanilla Ice, aka Robert Matthew Van Winkle (for real) is now on the DIY Network in a show called "The Vanilla Ice Project," where he renovates houses in Palm Beach?  I haven't seen it, but my wife said that he is probably the most normal person on the network.

Britney Spears - Break the Ice



Is Brit a hot mess?  Absolutely.  Do I have any idea what this song or video is about?  No.  However, you have to hand it to Brit and her producers, the beats are tight.  This will get it going a little bit too.

Ice Cube - It Was a Good Day




Hockey is played on ice, Ice cube - see the connection?  Plus this song is just awesome.

I think I just lost my ability to be funny.  If I ever actually had it.

Zombie Nation - Kernkraft 400



This is the joint they play after the Bruins score at home.  I know they open in Vancouver, but whatever.  Like I said, I think my brain shut off half way through this list.

Ugh.  I'll try again later.  I hate when the job I get paid to do gets in the way of screwing off.

-Big Ran

PS:  D- for this one.

Humpday Holla-back

In honor of the Bruins taking on the Canucks in game one of the Stanley Cup Finals tonight, we thought we would bring you a Humpday Holla-back from 1990, the last time the Bs were in the finals.  You know what 1990 means?  That's right.  Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em!

-Big Ran