Bruins - Habs Game Seven Preview

OK, I've broken down all the film, called all my sources in the Bruins organization and I think it all comes down to this...

If the Bruins score more goals than the Habs by the end of the third period OR score first in overtime, they should win the series.  People, you normally have to pay for analysis like that.  You're welcome.

To all you real hockey fans out there, enjoy the game and stay away from the Tobin Bridge if they lose.

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Am I the last person on the planet to find out that Troy from Community raps?  I heard about this a couple of weeks ago, and right now, the dude is on tour.  That shit is crazy.  Not only that, but this dude is really, really good.  On Community, Troy and Abed are clearly the best characters on their (apologies to KC's comedic crush Joel McHale).  Here's a little sampling of their work:

Now here's some of Troy's (aka Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino) tracks:





You know what would be pretty sweet?  If I had some sort of discernible talent like him.

-Big Ran

Fast Forward....You've Got Mail

I'm pretty sure we all have at least one person who we strongly dislike at our P.O.E (Place of Employment for those of you who skipped the post where I first defined this abbreviation). The type who is always pushing their work off to others, taking advantage of people, and not pulling their weight. There might be many of these people around actually, especially if you work for a large company. Since we can't (or shouldn't) resort to blatantly childish measures to deal with them, I've thought of another way to help them find new opportunities to pursue. It's quite simple and might even achieve the intended end result of getting this person (or people) out of your hair: Ready? Set up a job search FOR them on a job website (such as monster). Simply supply their work email address, which you already know, and select the correct criteria. When they start getting updates sent to their work email address on a regular basis, a few positive things could happen (some are positive for them, all are positive for you):

1. They find a new job, this is clearly the happiest ending for everyone involved (except for the new people they are going to terrorize and annoy).
2. Someone (such as their boss) sees the emails on their screen and assumes they set it up and are looking for a new role. A discussion will ensue and hopefully the person will start pulling their weight and being less annoying--this is the least likely outcome, but anything is possible. 
3. In setting up a search for them, YOU might unintentionally find a great new opportunity. You'd be able to say goodbye to this person (or these people) forever!
4. If worst comes to worst and it doesn't work, at least you'll know you tried. And the time you spend setting up the searches will help pass the time on a slow day (hence the "Fast Forward" post).

*Note: This technique has not been employed by me or anyone else I know at this point so I cannot quantify it's effectiveness.*

P.S. In the spirit of Big Ran's email about googling pictures of people reading, I challenge you to go to google and search "Pictures of people checking email" and take it all in. This is one of my favorites, no email, no people:

-KC Jones

I See London, I See France...

...I see Paul Pierce's underpants....well, kind of. In another unforgettable move, back in the day when he was still with the Pacers (and throughout his entire career), Ron Artest struggled on court against the Celtics' Captain. When he became frustrated that nothing was working to stop him, he resorted to pulling his shorts down. This also didn't work to stop him. The clip below shows both the incident itself and Artest's priceless apology in song form. I don't know about you, but I love this game.



-KC Jones

Ladies Man...

What could a Toni Braxton video possibly have to do with Ron Artest Day at The Takeover? Well, you'll just have to watch and see for yourself. Wait for it.....wait for it....yup, you're seeing that beast Brooke Hogan as 'the other woman', ruining the relationship between Toni and LA Laker Shannon Brown, but wait a little longer. After Toni says goodbye to Brown, someone appears at the 2:55 mark. Is that Ron Artest? Why yes it is! Here he comes to save the day! This is phenomenal. I am wondering why Ron was the 'chosen one' for this video. We know he's an R&B fan (based on his work promoting Allure), but I would expect to see him in a rap or hip hop video. Like Big Ran said, he's like an onion, many different layers, some of which make us cry! Here's to happy tears and happy endings with Ron Artest:


-KC Jones

Irrational Rant...Office Birthday Parties

Why?  Why does my office celebrate people's birthdays?  As a little background, my office, once upon a time, celebrated every single person's birthday with a separate gathering, cake, lighting of candles, and singing of "Happy Birthday."  No joke, the whole shabangabang.  There are probably 20 people in my department, so one to two times a month we would go through this excruciatingly awkward process.  Now, we just do one birthday per month, but people are responsible for signing up to make a cake for a certain month.  Fucking brutal.

The scene from Office Space, which I cannot find anywhere online, absolutely nails the pain of this celebration perfectly.  Some people that are WAY too excited for a birthday, the cake that get's passed ALL the way around the room, the sad and pathetic rendition of "Happy Birthday."  It's all brutal.

In all honesty, I don't like most people; mostly because a lot of people are irritating and/or dumb.  I do not want to celebrate the anniversary of you slip 'n sliding out of your mother's birth canal.  Also, I'm 31 years old. I don't want to have people sing to me and have to blow out candles on the day that reminds me I have done nothing with my life other than find awesome stuff on the internet.

Unfortunately, I couldn't embed this video, perhaps because the creator actually takes this seriously.  However, this original co-worker birthday song is SENSATIONAL on every level.

Happy Birthday, Co-Worker!

-Big Ran

KC Jones says: I also detest when I get a birthday card from a large group of people and see that someone has signed it in their native language, generally, that involves symbols of some sort. I have NO idea what this is really saying and it could be telling me to go F myself....and that's fine, but could they say it in English?  I also agree w/ Big Ran, I dislike most people as well. And the more birthdays I celebrate, the greater number of people I will dislike. BOOM!

Lunchtime Look-a-Like

 
When I said that Rapper Common and Chicago Bulls Forward Carlos Boozer looked very much alike, Mr KC Jones naturally disagreed with me, as he always does. This thought has been in my head for a while now and came up while I was forcing him to watch one of the Bulls/Pacers Playoff games. After being contrary, Mr. Jones fell asleep and I went online. Imagine my surprise when I went on Facebook, looked at Common's fan page randomly, and saw the picture below in his profile pictures folder:

Tell me these two don't look alike. They are not twins by any means, but there are many similarities. Their similarities extend past their physical attributes.  In addition to their dimples, bald heads, smiles, and facial hair they have the following things in 'common' (pun intended!):

1. -The Chicago connection. Common was born and raised in Chicago, Carlos Boozer now plays for the Chicago Bulls.
2. -The Basketball connection. Carlos Boozer is arguably one of the top players in the NBA. Common is a huge NBA fan and has played in the NBA All-Star Weekend Celebrity game and, for not being a professional, he's not too shabby. Also, Common's father is former ABA player Lonnie Lynn.
3. -Both are award winning professionals. Boozer has won a bronze medal (2004) and a gold medal (2008) with Team USA in the Olympics. Common has won two Grammy Awards (2003 & 2008) and has been nominated many other times.
4. -Both share a great sense of fashion (sorry, I know Big Ran will not care about this at all, but it's true)

-KC Jones

Notable Quotes

Some of Ron Artest's most hilarious and puzzling quotes, in no particular order:

-"Having a record company and putting out my own CD. There's clothes and shoes. There's also an upcoming book deal that I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be positive. I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize." -- Ron Artest's comments when asked what he had been doing since his suspension stemming from his part in the "Malice at The Palace" in November of 2004.
If you are unfamiliar with the brawl referenced above, please see the following:



-"Hi, Pacers fans, my name is Ron Artest. I'm from the housing projects of Queens, New York. I play tough defense and every night I feel I'm the best." -- Ron Artest, in his diary on Pacers.com This is one of KC Jones' favorite quotes--sounds like he's at an AA meeting!

-"I'm playing like a frog. I've got web hands." -- Ron Artest. In all 32 years of my life, I've never heard someone compare themselves to a frog. We hear you Ron, it ain't easy being green! Also, I just noticed, Kermit doesn't have webbed 'hands'....odd...

-"We gave it all, considering most teams in the NBA have good enough airplanes where they don't break down." -- Ron Artest, on the Pacers performance against the Knicks, after getting to NYC just six hours before tip-off due to plane issues.

-"I didn't hold up no middle fingers. My middle finger is crooked so it sticks out. Maybe that's what was showing." -- Ron Artest.

-"You break it, you bought it." -- Ron Artest, on having to pay for the camera he broke.

-"I like David Stern, I think he's from the hood." Ron Artest on meeting with David Stern after the "Malice"

-“That's gonna be fun, ... I love the tension. I love when everything's going wrong ... In the NBA, they don't promote guys like me. They like guys who like Cheerios, good guys. But I find a way to promote myself.” Apparently if you like Cheerios, it says a lot about your character...how does he come up with this stuff?

-"I'm not a homosexual or nothing like that, but Kobe had no clothes on." Ron Artest commenting on his interaction Kobe after the Finals in 2008.

- Response when a member of the media told him that Coach Rick Carlisle's said that he "compromised the integrity" of the Pacers organization through his actions during the brawl in Detroit: "I dont know what that means". Hey Big Ran, it figures math was his favorite subject in school, and I guessing the verbal section of the SATS weren't his favorite.

-"Stay focused and stay away from unknown females." Definitely words to live by. I'm sure Rasheed Wallace would agree with you Ron, I bet he'd say that 'them cats (the unknown females) are felonious'.

-"I'm not a dirty player. I'm a veteran. I know some tricks. Richard Jefferson's a dirty player. Jefferson punched me in my stomach last year in the playoffs. And the ref saw it and the ref didn't say nothing. He just let him punch me in my stomach. So tell Byron Scott about his player, that Jefferson's a dirty player." -- The end of this quote reminds me of Antoine Dodson at the end of the Bed Intruder Song "So you can run and tell that, Byron, Byron, Byron, Byron"....And, apparently, if you're a veteran, that excludes you from the category of 'dirty player'.

-“I’d buy it and tell him to sign it.” Ron's admiration for Blake Griffin's insane dunking ability and his desire to have a poster of Griffin dunking on him. He also commented, “I hope he dunks on me. His highlights is stupid.”

There are plenty more where these came from. If you're interested, and to actually see and hear him in action, go to http://www.blazeoflove.com/2009/05/10-classic-ron-artest-videos.html . This site is awesome and the clips are INSANE!


-KC Jones

So Many Layers: Ron Artest is Like an Onion

The video below is an interview Ron Artest conducted with HIMSELF. We learn a lot in the video; his favorite move? Titanic. His favorite singer? Celene Dion. Planet he would most like to visit? Pluto.Major in college? Math.

Who knew?

Ron, near, far, wherever you are, you may be a Laker now, but our hearts will go on.  Congrats on your award.



My favorite comment from this youtube video:

"Saw this film in theaters when I was 13. The tragedy always got to me, but the love story never did. I'm 25 now, and re-watched it recently. After so many years of not understanding the love story, I finally did, and ended up crying like a baby. Then again, I had never fallen in love before. It's a beautiful film, and a beautiful love story. To think how many Jacks and Roses were on the real Titanic that night just breaks my heart. And I'm not referring to the social class aspect."

-Big Ran

-KC Jones Comments: First off, I'd like to give Big Ran MAD PROPS for the title he gave this post. Secondly, who knew Ron was so sensitive? And finally, Big Ran, I'm still searching for the person who signed me up for the Celine Dion Fan Club. Are you SURE it wasn't you? I'm thinking it must be the same person who signed me up for the Jalen Rose Fan Club as well.

And The Winner Is...

...Ron Artest. Yup! That's right, Ron Artest is the winner of the NBA's Kennedy Citizenship Award. "The award is named for the second commissioner of the league and honors an NBA player or coach for outstanding service and dedication to the community." (see the full article at nba.com). If you are well versed regarding Ron Ron's history in the league, you are probably sitting here laughing, scratching your head, and wondering how this happened given his ridiculous history. However, it seems as though our boy has turned over a new leaf, taking on the cause of mental illness, something which he is very familiar with as we look back on all of his antics. Despite his troubled past, he's trying to have a positive impact now, and regardless, he is one of the most unintentionally funny dudes in the public eye. That being said, I'd like to declare today, April 27th, 2011, "Ron Artest Day" here at "The Takeover". We will be celebrating the man, the myth, the legend, all day.

I'd like to start by recalling some of his funnier moments:

1. -After his rookie season playing for the Chicago Bulls, he applied for a job at Circuit City. On the application form, he listed "NBA Player" as his most recent job and then listed the president of the Bulls as a reference. When asked why he did this, he simply stated he wanted to get the employee discount.
2. -Suspended early on in the 2004-2005 season when he was playing for the Pacers after asking his coach for time off because he was really tuckered out from his efforts in promoting the R&B girl group "Allure". Guess he got what he wanted!
3. -When he was signed to the Lakers in July of 2009, he chose to wear the number 37 on his jersey. Why? Well this was done in order to honor Michael Jackson, whose album "Thriller" remained at the top of the charts for 37 straight weeks. I'm not kidding--if you don't believe me, head to Google right now.
4. -When the Lakers lost to the Celtics in the 2008 Championship series, Kobe Bryant was a baby about it. He stayed in the team's locker room, in the showers for a while after the loss drowning his sorrows. When he heard someone back there, he assumed it was a teammate, but instead, it was Ron Artest (prior to his signing with L.A.). According to an article on bleacherreport.com , Ron approached Kobe, stating “I want to come help you, If I can, I’m going to find a way to come to LA and give you the help you need to win a title.”. If you go to this site, you will also see a whole slew of other incidents that we haven't noted here.
5. -After the Lakers Championship win in 2010, Artest veered off the beaten path of traditional thank yous adding his psychologist and his 'hood warriors' to this very important list. He then took the opportunity to plug his then new single "Champions" while ESPN Analyst Doris Burke attempted to interview him (see below for interview and then "Champions" video).

This is just the beginning of a day long celebration of Ron Artest. Congrats homeboy! Raffling off your Championship Ring in order to raise money (over $500K!) to donate to the cause of mental illness was a great move! Look at you now!!!


Watch this video- it is simply remarkable:



-KC Jones

Big Ran:  Pic of Ron Ron with the baseball on his head?  Best picture ever.

Humpday Holla-back

Since Big Ran is always doing nice things for me, like calling me a sports commy, a sports bigamist, and poking fun at my beloved, but aging Spurs, I wanted to do something nice for him today. I thought long and hard about it and decided to express my appreciation via the "Humpday Holla-back" weekly post.

Big Ran, I know that this is one of your favorite groups, so this one's for you my friend, it's the least I can do (Unfortunately there's a commercial at the beginning since this group is so full of douchebags that they have blocked embedding videos from YouTube):

-KC Jones

Note from Big Ran:  Thanks KC, and as a bonus there was no commercial.  Quick Nickelback story:  I was in Scotland (BALLER!) like 10 years ago and in some bar where there was live music.  A Scottish dude asked me what was going on with American music, and I was like "what do you mean?"  he said, "What's up with that bank Nickelback?  They're rubbish."  I responded with, "They are terrible, but they're from Canada.  I'm not taking the blame for that one."  KC, remember that time you asked me if the song playing on the radio was new and I said that it wasn't.  It was Jimi Hendrix and it was 1997.  Good times.

Here's my favorite Nickelback Cover:



Note from KC: Yes Big Ran, unfortunately I do remember that Hendrix situation. How I did not realize that is still beyond me, because even though I don't listen to him, he surely has a very distinct sound and style. Good catch on Nickelback being from Canadia---we CAN'T be held accountable for that.