The Loser List

Since it's Friday, I am out of ideas and I want to avoid actual work I get paid for as long as possible, I figured I throw some sort of list out there.  Today I am going to throw up (literally and figuratively) what at least right now are my five LEAST favorite movies.  These were all brutally painful to watch and with Netflix and Redbox, hopefully I can help you avoid some clunkers.

The Beach

This one is funny because this is literally, one of my best friend's favorite movies, but since we have pretty much opposite taste in just about everything, I guess that shouldn't surprise me.  Watching the trailer is great because it is so dated by the music.  Moby, Live, pure late 90s action there.  This movie is pretty brutal though, the plot is so thin and it is so overacted, maybe it is worth the unintentional comedy, but not sure.


Australia




Let's put it this way.  I fell asleep for 45 minutes in the middle of this movie and I still saw over two hours of it.  They tried SO hard to make this an epic Oscar winner by including everything possible:  racial strife, class strife, war, forbidden love, terrible effects, everything.  So, so bad.  This may be #1 on my list.

Just Go With It




You know when you are on a plane and you don't have your own TV, but they are playing a movie so you just start praying that as you flip through the airline magazine to see the schedule that it is something good?  I think I was flying from Dallas to Boston and this played.  Terrible script, terrible acting, I wanted to punch the children in it, and the other comedian, Nick Swardson, is brutal.  The only positives were Brooklyn Decker and Jennifer Aniston in bikinis.  However, you know my philosophy: T!ts or GTFO.  This movie can GTFO.

Hall Pass




Mrs. Big Ran and I saw this last week and I thought it might be amusing and entertaining enough for a rental.  I had no idea the Farrelly Brothers directed this movie, but knowing that they did just illustrates their downward spiral.  They should have hung up the 'ol directors chairs after Dumb and Dumber, or at least after There's Something About Mary.  Individually, I like the four main actors: Jason Seduksigfhazgklsdjghdf$%& from SNL, Owen Wilson (the Wilson bro with the weird nose), Pam from The Office, and Kelly Bundi.  However, it looked like they got the script five minutes before filming and that the script had been finished on the drive to the set.  F*cking terrible.  I thought funny hi-jinks would ensue.  Nothing funny ensued.  


It's Complicated




Big name cast with Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Martin (also Jim from The Office), but no support from the script.  Just let these people go and it will be fine.  Instead their characters were all neutered versions of themselves.  The part that set me over the edge was when Streep and Baldwin's characters get back together for a bit, all their adult children freak out.  There was a scene where all the adult children were huddled in a bed together because they were so upset.  The characters were supposed to be from 21 to early 30s and this is what is going on?  You are adults whose parents have been divorced for 10 years.  It was at this point I wanted to murder these people.

So, in conclusion, these movies blow, you will not get the time given back to your lives if you choose to watch them.  Also, if you have seen these movies and actually like them, I am very, very sorry that your parents dropped you on your head as a child.  I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.



Happy Friday, bitches!

-Big Ran