KC Jones' Top 5 Songs That Ruin Christmas....

...in my humble opinion.

5. "Little Saint Nick"- The Beach Boys


 I don't know if it's the fact that some of the high pitched notes can only be heard by dogs, or my general disdain for "The Beach Boys", but this song makes me want to punch babies and kick puppies....

4. "Santa Baby"- BY ANYONE


Hate isn't a strong enough word. Add Madonna to the mix and I'm in a blind rage. Why is she even singing a Christmas song? At age 50-something, she hasn't even decided on a religion or an accent yet! Also, no need to bring sex and Santa Claus together you whores!

3. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"- Again, BY ANYONE...

...but particularly by The Jackson 5. The shouldn't have been singing Christmas or any holiday songs as they were raised as Jehovah's Witnesses and therefore do not celebrate. I guess dollar signs trumped religious ties as far as Joe and Katherine were concerned. Again, why are we sexualizing (is that even a word?) Santa Claus?? FAIL!

2. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"

Seriously? The voice is so enraging that I'd rather slide down a cactus plant than listen to it. Also, nobody wants a hippopotamus for Christmas, or for any other holiday.

1. "War Is Over"

First she ruins "The Beatles", and then she puts her grubby paws into the mix and ruins Christmas. When I hear this song, it doesn't put me into a festive mood, it actually makes me depressed. The actual music video starts at the 6:10 mark and it's full of morbid, depressing, and horrific images. I fail to see the connection to Christmas. I fail to understand why the radio stations play it after Rudolph and before Feliz Navidad. I fail to understand why John Lennon and Yoko were so obnoxious, greasy, and hairy. It should be mentioned here that I DESPISE "The Beatles" and am not afraid to say it. I respect their robotic, head bobbing place in musical history, but I hate them...however, I hate this song far worse.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and may you all avoid these songs over the next few days!

P.S. I would have included "Dominic The Donkey" here, but I didn't even want to give it any validation as an actual song.

P.P.S. I was going to do a supplemental post to Big Ran's Top 5 Christmas Songs, naming my own, but then got this idea and he supported it, raising a very valid point that I misinterpreted (read from the bottom up down below) and we almost got a friendship divorce:

From: Big Ran
Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 1:47 PM
To: KC Jones
Subject: RE:

 

No, you misunderstand.  I mean, what else would you need to your personal top five?  That’s why a worst list is a great idea.

Damn, woman.

From: KC Jones
Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 1:45 PM
To: Big Ran
Subject: RE:

Dude, Wham’s Last Christmas is the ONLY song you need at Christmas! Blasphemy I tell you! The baby Jesus would be devastated to read such a hurtful comment!

From: Big Ran
Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 1:43 PM
To: KC Jones
Subject: RE:

I like that a lot.  Other than Wham, what do you need?

From: KC Jones
Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 1:43 PM
To: Big Ran
Subject: RE:

Actually, should I do the Top 5 WORST Christmas Songs of all time? (In my opinion and then you can add?)

-KC Jones