AMERICA F*CK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COCOA, F.L. - GOP hopeful Newt Gingrich is unveiling a dramatic new vision for America's space program, which he promises to implement should he become president.


"By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon," Gingrich vowed at a campaign stop on Florida's space coast. "And it will be American."


The former speaker went even further, calling for a significant increase in the number of trips into orbit.


"We need to figure out how to do five or eight launches a day, not just one," he insisted. "If we’re going to get to the moon permanently, we have to do this. Does that mean I’m a visionary? You betcha."


Mitt Romney [2] has sharply criticized Gingrich over earlier space proposals, specifically pointing to a lunar colony plan to mine minerals from the moon as a waste of money.


One Gingrich idea Team Romney didn't seem to catch - statehood for Americans living on the moon.


"At one point early in my career I introduced the Northwest Ordinance for space and I said when we have 13,000 Americans living on the moon they can petition to become a state," Gingrich admitted.


"I wanted every young American to say to themselves, I could be one of those 13,000. I could be a pioneer."


That's a plan Gingrich now hopes to revive.


"I will as president, encourage the introduction of the Northwest Ordinance for space to put a marker down that we want Americans to think boldly about the future and we want Americans to go out and study hard and work hard and together we're going to unleash the American people to build the country we love."


OK.  Now we're talking.  Now we're getting to the good stuff.  Instead of all this back and forth of "You've had three wives."  "Well, you don't pay enough in taxes."  Now we have someone really upping the ante and essentially saying "We're gonna go to the moon, we're gonna take it, AND WE'RE GONNA PUT SOME MUTHAF*CKAS ON IT!"

Dubai has all their fancy sky scrapers, hotels, man made islands, and indoor ski mountains.  Dude, F*CKING MOON SKIING AND SNOWBOARDING!  I just blew my own mind.  Sick backflips and sh!t, right?

Granted, you have to have sweet moon bases because the lack of oxygen and the big swings in temperature could be a roadblock.  Maybe some sweet moon condos and country clubs for the 1%.  Good luck with Occupying the Moon, you God D@mned hippies!  Suck it!



Dude, imagine hitting a doobie on the moon and listening to Pink Floyd. The more I think about this, Newt may have totally convinced me to join his camp. If you can make the moon the 51st state, what can't you do? Those Rooskies will be running scared. Suck it commies!



-Big Ran

PS: Is Charlie Murphy on Newt's team or what? Chappelle had him beat on this by eight years. F*cking genius.



PPS:  I tried to post this Chappelle clip, but in a big surprise to me, it was not approved by Fox News.

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•  Dave Chappelle thought of this first anyway:  http://youtu.be/iRygA_sM6lM

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Read more: http://politics.blogs.foxnews.com/2012/01/25/gingrich-talks-plan-put-colony-moon#ixzz1kamTWSiy

R. Kelly's Gonna Be Livin' In a Closet

R. Kelly fails to pay mortgage for a year on $2.7 million house

US grammy-winning singer R. Kelly faces a $US2.9 million ($2.7 million) foreclosure on his suburban Chicago mansion.

JPMorgan Chase Bank filed the foreclosure lawsuit last month in Cook County Circuit Court. The complaint states that Kelly hasn't made monthly mortgage payments since June of last year.

Crain's Chicago Business publication reports that the Olympia Field home's appraised value fell 26 per cent in a year, to $US3.8 million in 2010. The original 1999 loan was for $US3.5 million

The principal due is more than $US2.9 million.

The R&B superstar's spokesman Allan Mayer declined to comment on the foreclosure. But he said Kelly isn't having financial trouble.

Mayer said the singer now lives in Chicago. Mayer said Kelly's recent tour and 2010 album, Love Letter, have been successful.

Something tells me that I couldn't go a year without paying my mortgage, just a wild guess.  However, maybe I could make a video where I pee on a teenager and make some extra money to make the payments, you never know.

KC can attest to the fact that I came up with "Molesta" as a parody for R. Kelly's "Fiesta" way before anyone else.  JAMN 94.5 stole my shit!

KC Jones note: Yes, Big Ran did, and he should be getting MAJOR royalties!

-Big Ran

Buck Nasty's Mama Gets Busted

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. (WCCO) – A 46-year-old woman pleaded guilty Monday to hiding a stolen mink coat in her underwear.

Stephanie Moreland was arrested New Year’s Eve by Bloomington Police after the Alaskan Fur Company reported a short mink coat was stolen by a woman who had been in the store and acting suspiciously.

Moreland pleaded guilty to one count of felony theft of property. Police say she hid the mink coat in her underwear for three days while being questioned by police in jail.

The coat was valued at $6,500.

According to police, a sales associate accused Moreland of taking the coat, but she denied it and took off. The sales associate took down Moreland’s license plate number and called police. When police located the car a short time later, they found the coat’s hanger but no coat.

They searched Moreland for weapons and booked her into jail for the weekend on possible theft charges. Three days later, a detective interviewed Moreland who admitted she stole the coat but claimed she had already sold it.

When the investigator informed Moreland he would be sending her to the Hennepin County Jail downtown, he was shocked when she lifted up her dress and pulled out the mink coat from her underwear.

“She had modified her underwear. She actually cut the rear of the underwear out so that from the back it appeared she was not wearing underwear and then stuffed it down the front,” said Bloomington Police Commander Mark Stehlik, at the time of the incident.

Moreland’s sentencing has been set for Aug. 8.

:30 second mark:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=8sf_Dd0Eke0#t=31s

First of all, by now, you know that whenever I get the chance for a random Chappelle Show clip/reference, I'm going to put it in there.  Second of all, this is one of many reasons why I could never be a cop.  I mean, if you go into this interrogation room, you know and she knows that there's a fur coat in her underwear.  However, I'll be damned if I'm fishing around in her drawers for $6,500 is straight cash, never mind a mink.


-Big Ran


PS:  Anyone heard about Chappelle bringing a show to web tv?  He denies it, but I would pay to have that back on; one iof the best shows of all time.

LET'S GO MAVS! LET'S GO MAVS!

Unfortunately, the Heat came back to snatch a victory from the Bulls yet again to win the East and head to the Finals.  At this point, the only thing sane people can do is hope the Mavs go buck wild all over the Heat's a$$es.  I still really wish there had been a game six for the Cs against the Heat and I was in the building.  I definitely would have used the Chappelle line and told LeEgo that his mother wears underwear with d!ck holes in them.



-Big Ran