Getting Boned

iVillage - Chaz Bono is close to completing his gender reassignment transition with a surgery that will construct a penis for him. But the child of Cher and the late Sonny Bono plans to pay for the expensive procedure on his own.

"I could get a phalloplasty, which builds the phallus from a donor site on your body," the Dancing with the Stars veteran, 42, tells Rolling Stone.

But the transgender activist, who recently called off his engagement to ex-girlfriend Jennifer Elia, is considering a different procedure that will leave a smaller but more functional penis.

"I'm leaning more toward a metoidioplasty. It's a procedure that uses what you already have [the clitoris] which has grown larger from the testosterone," he explains. "You end up with a smaller phallus than with the phalloplasty, but it's fully functional, it gets erect, and the sensation is all there."

And it's not exactly the cost of an in-and-out tummy tuck, the Becoming Chaz star says. The cost "depends," he explains. "There's different ways to do the surgery, from real basic to more and more options. It's like a car."

He clarifies: "The doctor I want to use is in Belgrade. It's going to be a little cheaper there. Probably $25,000, maybe $45,000, I really don't know."

Bono tells the magazine he hopes to be able to afford the surgery soon (he already had his breasts removed), but that even without it, he's already man.

"You have to understand, though, for me the life transformation has already happened."

It's really been quite a day for me, mostly because it was a recycling Monday which means I utter more profanities before 7 AM than most people do all day.  I am the cursing equivalent of the U.S. Army.  Also because I go to start my car this morning and it just isn't having it.  Awesome start to the week.

So, I then see this story and have to say something about it.  Now, isn't it just mind-blowing how different lives can be?  Here I am, trying to save money to pay my mortgage, maybe a car that starts, or a replacement iPhone for the one I shattered, and Chaz here is saving a money for a fully functional dong.   Hey, whatever pulls your trigger, right?

My questions is this:  we're still in America, right?  If you're gonna buy a dong, wouldn't you want the biggest and baddest one out there?  Chaz, bro(?), what's up with the metoidoplasty?  Bring some heat with the phalloplasty, homie.

Do you think that's why Chaz's fiancee split?  She invested the time and obvious effort in dating Chaz hoping for a payoff in the form of a ride on the old bologna pony, right?  Then he (?) goes and chooses the smaller version?  That's just selfish.

-Big Ran

PS:  If anyone wants to give me a car or an iPhone, hit me up.  Will blog for stuff.

PPS:  You know what's awesome?  Getting ads for transsexual dating on websites after doing google searches for and writing about Chaz Bono.