Big Ran's Nominee for Mother of the Year

First of all, anytime you can embed a YouTube video and the opening image is "GANG BANG," you have to do it.  Secondly, this story is absolutely blowing my mind.  Here's the Big Ran Cliff Notes if you can't watch YouTube at work or if the idea of a gang bang video at work doesn't feel right.

Mom (I use that term loosely.  Pun not intended but awesome if you get it.  Gross.) had multiple gang bangs with six dudes at the same time and had her six year old daughter film them on a cell phone.  She did them when her live-in boyfriend was at work.  The same boyfriend who Mom told that the girl was his daughter, but it turns out she wasn't.

I really don't know where to start on this one, so I will start here:  Cell phone video?  Really?  If you're going to have a gang bang and film it, at least step it up and get one of those HD Flip Cams.  You are going to want to save this for posterity.  It's obviously something you wanted your daughter to share with you, so at least get some quality video.  None of that grainy Zapruder film sh!t.

I kid, I kid.  One of the YouTube commentors nails it with this:  Answer to this problem = tripod.  I couldn't have said it any better than that.  I mean obviously the Mom is demented and needs to go to jail and the kid needs to find at least a somewhat normal family.  That's obvious, so I don't even need to go into it.  I want to tackle a couple underrated aspects of this story.

First?  That poor f*cking boyfriend.  You move in with the Mom because she tells you it's your kid, then you find out that she is banging six dudes at once while you are at work.  To make matters worse, she has the daughter you think is yours, film it.  Then, I am assuming when custody issues arose, you find out the kid isn't yours from a DNA test.  That's a scenario that will gang bang your life.  How do you come back from that?



Second, how do you convince guys to get in on a gang bang with that type of ratio?  I literally do not know any man that would be willing to do that.  Sloppy seconds is like Sunday Brunch with Grandma compared to what the guys further down in the lineup got with this broad.  Bar Refaeli shouldn't be able to talk you into this idea.

Look, we've all seen stuff online and sometimes stuff pops up that you can't unsee.  6-on-1 is one of those things you can't unsee.  Why you would want to experience this first hand is way beyond me.



Anyway, just as a piece of advice for our reads, make sure you have an accessible tripod for whatever you are doing.

-Big Ran

How Does this Happen?

That's Pee Wee Herman with Tony Romo at the Cowboys training camp.  How does this happen?  Can you imagine something like this at the Patriots camp?  I am going to go out on a limb and say this:  The Cowboys are going to suck.  If they had Pee Wee in his hay day, you know, Big Adventure Pee Wee, they might be on to something.  However, this is old, sad, washed up Pee Wee.  Get your sh!t together, Dallas.

-Big Ran

PS:  You might want to keep the Cowboys cheerleaders of site while Pee Wee is around.

Wikipedia - In July 1991, while visiting relatives, Reubens was arrested in Sarasota, Florida for masturbating while secluded in a darkened adult theater. Detectives would periodically visit pornographic theatres and observe the audience, arresting those engaged in indecent exposure. After arresting a number of other men, a detective who had been observing Reubens stopped him on his way out. While detectives examined his driver's license, Reubens told them, "I'm Pee-wee Herman", and offered to do a children's benefit for the sheriff's office, "to take care of this". The next day, after a local reporter recognized Reubens's name, Reubens's attorney made the same offer to the Sarasota Herald-Tribune in exchange for withholding the story. This was not Reubens's first arrest in the county; in 1971 he was arrested for loitering and prowling near an adult theater, though charges were later dropped. His second arrest was in 1983 when Reubens was placed on two years' probation for possession of marijuana, although adjudication was withheld. The night of the arrest Reubens fled to Nashville, where his sister and lawyer lived, and then to New Jersey, where he would stay for the following months at his friend Doris Duke's estate.