TGIF

I just got a text from someone that I don't know and all it said was "TGIF."  I texted back asking who it was, but they didn't respond.  I should have responded with something awesome, like, "Damn right, wanna bone?"  I didn't because I'm not awake yet.

Here's a little something to get your day started.  Party Like a Rock Star, but a piano cover, hey, it's still early and if you crank it in your cube, people will think you're classy.



-Big Ran

Update:  I got a text back that said "Sorry, wrong number."  I responded with "No problem, TGIF like a mofo anyway."

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!  Here are some Cinco de Mayo Drunks for everyone to enjoy as we celebrate our Mexican Pride!







-Big Ran

Fiesta!

I know he's from Equador, not Mexico, but really, what's the difference? The song is Spanish and we're celebrating Cinco de Mayo here at "The Takeover" and I'm sure Gerarado would be honored that we're including him. So everyone, get out your leather coats (with nothing underneath), shine up your dancing shoes, and get ready to bust a move to one of the most wildly popular songs of 1991.



Couple of thoughts:

First off, this video is absolutely amazing. Please note that this is the original video, not the American version that featured much longer hair, a DENIM jacket, a crocodile pool float, and some English verses (I've posted the link to that one below).  There's just SO much going on it's unreal. Who came up with this story line? Hey, let's have an Ecuadorian rapper dressed in super tight jeans, cowboy boots, and a leather jacket over a bare chest alternate between dancing with two of his amigos in a parking lot and grooving on a beach with crowds of brightly dressed women. I don't know who came up with it, but they are awesome, regardless. The video is basically 4 or 5 scenes that rotate for the entire length of the video, with absolutely atrocious lip-synching, so I'd like to make some observations:

1. The buildup for the first 10 seconds of the song. Gerardo and his homies crouched down, back to the camera, ready to pounce as soon as the beat drops.
2. Dios Mio! Look at his backup dancers! Not only are they both sporting Dirty Sanchez 'staches, but they each have a MULLET! One is all business, corralled in a ponytail while the other is more casual, flowing in the breeze from the industrial fans that were surely on set during this video shoot. Not only that, but they are COMPLETELY synchronized. This is like Christmas morning! 
3. 21 second mark, obligatory shots of brightly clothed women grooving. *Side note: much like "Party All the Time", these women are also anti-bra. Also, I find myself worrying that I'm going to see parts of their body that I shouldn't.
4. Just pause the video at the 35 second mark. What is going on? Why is that woman up in that concrete structure? Is G-Dog doing the running man? How happy is Dirty Sanchez #1? Everyone seems to be doing their own thing. Over-stimulation at it's finest.
5. 55 second mark. Ummmm...is that Gerardo in swim trunks? And is what he's simulating on that woman even allowed on television? No wonder why my mother was always trying to stop me from watching MTV. 
6. 1:06 mark: Wow, what a trio. I'm wondering if the hombre in the middle with the trumpet has his head down with his hat blocking his face from the camera because he's humiliated. He shouldn't be, this is the best day ever for him and he doesn't even know it yet.
7. 1:43 mark: Uh-oh. Gerardo was wil'in out with one senorita and another appears to literally jump into the frame. Are they about to have a dance off?
8. 1:52 mark: There is a God, and He has a KILLER sense of humor. Look at the crotch thrusting as he's crouched down. Wonder how the woman on the right feels about him caressing her leg when he's clearly more into himself than her.
9. 2:12 mark: Quick outfit change, white pants, but obviously still topless. Also, is that Saddam Hussein to the left in his younger days? Around 2:17 we see a Gerardo sang'wich being served. He doesn't care about the ladies on either side of him. Again, he's really taken by himself.
10. *Side note: The woman in the pink getup, she's an exception to the rule, she's definitely either wearing a padded bra OR she has MONSTER implants. Either way, I'm sure they pale in comparison to Gerardo's pecs (in his own mind anyway)
11. 3:03 mark: Again, what the hell is happening? What are those women wearing in their hair? If they get caught in the industrial fans, someone might be decapitated or at least scalped. ALSO, the style of the bottoms they are wearing would be classified by Victoria's Secret as a "HIGH LEG BRIEF". Sexy.  And look at G-Dog's curly locks flowing now that he lost his bandanna!
12. 3:08 mark: Is that a church in the background? Suddenly, I think God might not be happy.
13. 3:22 mark: And this is how Gerardo might end up as a level 3 sex offender. Although, this woman was stoic, leading me to think she may have been a mannequin. And, what is on the top of his left arm? What IS that? A nicotine patch?
14. 3:33 mark: New scene. We haven't seen this before. Clearly things are wrapping up for the day a la playa and he's getting ready for a fancy (but still shirtless) night out on the down with these two ladies. (They will spend the evening talking about his aversion to shirts and his killer pecs).
15. 3:38 mark: They are breaking it DOWN (or having seizures, I really can't tell) and of course, 4 seconds later we are blessed with an even closer crotch shot. 
16. 3:45 mark: Saddam's brother is the unsung hero of this video. Look at him dj'ing, topless, but with that ginormous hat. I'm just happy that he's protecting his delicate facial skin from el sol.
17. 3:52 mark: Oh shit! He's serious now! The prized leather coat just got ripped off and tossed to the ground!
18. 4:06 mark: Look at the pride in his posture as he looks to the left, surveying his kingdom and all he has accomplished in the past 4 minutes. Again, I know he's Ecuadorian, but you KNOW the Mexicans want to claim him as their own.

VH1/MTV Version: Seems like a slightly different story line, and obviously he'd been working on his hair for a while prior to this taping.


HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO PEEPS!

-KC Jones

Sexy Sax Man Taking You to Lunchtime

I literally laughed for five straight minutes.  Which came first though?



-Big Ran

Happy Cinco de Mayo everybody!

From Wikipedia:  

Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for "fifth of May") is a holiday held on May 5. It is celebrated nationwide in the United States and regionally in Mexico, primarily in the state ofPuebla.^[1][2][3][4] The date is observed in the United States as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride,^[5] and to commemorate the cause of freedom and democracy during the first years of the American Civil War.^[6] In the state of Puebla, the date is observed to commemorate the Mexican army's unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín.^[7][8] Contrary to widespread popular belief, Cinco de Mayo is not Mexico's Independence Day,^[9][10] the most important national patriotic holiday in Mexico, which occurs on September 16th.

You really do learn something new everyday.  We could be having a bender of epic proportions on September 16th and 17th as Mexican independence day runs right into St. Practice Day/Halfway to St. Patrick's Day/Halfway to KC Jones' birfday.  So, don't forget to celebrate your Mexican pride today (I'm looking at you, middle America) as well as really getting into it on September 16th.  

The more you know...

-Big Ran

Super Terrific Happy Hour!

Well, in a day and age where political correctness is running a muck, I probably shouldn't be surprised by the story below, reported by MSNBC last week. However, I still am. Seriously. Get a life!  Couple of my favorite parts are highlighted and underlined. And below the article, I've listed my questions. Don't worry my Asian friends, we know that most of you are awesome and would be dancing and singing along. Enjoy the video and article below.



Man arrested for singing 'Kung Fu Fighting'
Singer says police questioned him after Asian man filed a race complaint

Simon Ledger, 34, told Britain's The Sun newspaper that he and his band were performing the 1970s classic at the Driftwood Beach Bar on the Isle of Wight off the southern coast of England.

"We were performing Kung Fu Fighting, as we do during all our sets," he told the newspaper. "People of all races were loving it. Chinese people have never been offended by it before."

But Ledger told The Sun an Asian man walking by with his mother hurled an expletive and made an obscene hand gesture at the performers during the Sunday afternoon performance, then took a photo with his cell phone.

"We hadn't even seen them when we started the song. He must have phoned the police," The Sun quoted him as saying.

The man claimed he was "subjected to racial abuse," police told BBC News, and complained to the police the same evening. 'I thought it was a joke' Ledger told The Sun that police called him later that evening — while he was eating at a Chinese restaurant — to arrange a meeting. It was at that meeting that police arrested him, Ledger said.

The BBC report said police released Ledger after his arrest, intending to question him further at a later date.
"An investigation into this allegation is continuing to establish the full circumstances surrounding what happened," a Hampshire Constabulary spokesman told the network.

"I thought it was a joke but they were serious," Ledger told The Sun. "They seemed pretty amazed but said the law is the law and it was their duty. It's political correctness gone potty (a British term for crazy)."
The owner of the bar defended Ledger, telling the newspaper that he doesn't believe the song or the singer are racist, and that there "is no way he would abuse anyone."
© 2011 msnbc.com 

KC Jones' Questions:

1. Has anyone even ever HEARD of a 'race complaint'?
2. How does one "HURL" an expletive? Shouting, yelling, screaming? Yes. Hurling? Not so much.
3. What obscene hand gesture was made? I'm thinking of a couple, but I want a more precise description.
4. Is there anything that Brits say that isn't awesome? I'm definitely going to use the word 'potty' from now on. "I've gone potty".... "Potty training"...."I feel like I'm taking potty pills"...Doesn't really translate the same here in the states--awesome.
5. Does anyone know the local police station's phone number? I have to file a race complaint. As a person with Italian heritage, I've suddenly realized "The Sopranos" is racial abuse.

-KC Jones

Lunchtime Look-a-Like

I'm not even sure I need to say anything about this comparison. Chris Bosh looks like a dinosaur and that's all there is to it. He also reminds me of a meerkat Don't get me wrong, I didn't mind Bosh at all prior to this season---I actually really like him, but unfortunately, he's part of the "Axis Of Evil" in Miami now.

Nude Picture of C-Bosh

-KC Jones

Big Ran Addition:

KC Jones: Great additions Big Ran...perfect. So many choices!

So, bin Laden's Hideout is Worth More Than My House. Terrific.

Guardian, UK - Osama bin Laden's house, described by the US government as a $1m (£605,000) mansion, is in fact worth no than $250,000 say property professionals in Abbottabad, the town where he was killed.

The revelation is the latest of several erroneous descriptions about the nature of Bin Laden's hideout – and the manner of his death – which have dogged the White House in recent days.

On Tuesday US officials retracted claims that Bin Laden was armed when killed, and that he had used one of his wives as a human shield.

Descriptions of Bin Laden's hideout have also been prone to exaggeration. After Sunday night's dramatic raid by US Navy Seals, a senior Obama administration official told reporters that the property, an "extraordinarily unique compound" in an "affluent suburb", was valued at around $1m.

But two property professionals in Abbottabad – a quiet, military-dominated town – said that much of that was incorrect. Based on the size of the plot and the house, which was built in 2005, and using recent property sales as a guide, they estimated that it would fetch no more than $250,000 on the current market.

"Twenty million rupees, maximum," said property dealer Muhammad Anwar, a 22-year veteran of the local market, at his Abbottabad office. "No swimming pool. This is not a posh area. We call it a middling area."

I wish I could put my house on the market for 20 million rupees right now.  How come the housing market is booming in Pakastan and not in MA.  We've got the ocean, they've got a war.  Here are some more pics:

Now, granted, my house doesn't have a 15 foot concrete wall with barbed wire and the back yard seems a little greener than I anticipated, but come on.  I have done a bunch of landscaping, have a new front door AND a new front porch.  I have a deck off the back of the house, all bin Laden had was that red fence that is falling down.

I love that property dealer who said: "No swimming pool. This is not a posh area. We call it a middling area."  The balls on this guy, huh?  Dude was the world's most wanted man and this guy is basically calling him a pussy for not having a swimming pool.  Eh, I'm guessing Osama sure could go for a pool now.  I'm guessing it's a bit warm where he is now.

-Big Ran

*KC Jones Says: Good find Big Ran, I wish the U.S. would start dealing in 'rupees', it just sounds so much cooler than 'dollars'. Imagine hearing the term 'rupees' in rap songs? Yessssssssss...Also, good thing Osama Bin Hidin' didn't have a pool- the filter would have been continuously drained with pieces of hair from the ferret that was growing off of this chin. 

P.S. Why wasn't this compound ever featured on Al-Jazzera's equivalent of MTV Cribs?

"Socker" Balls

Have no fear Celtics Fans, with Delonte on our team, we've already won more than anyone else in the league. At this point, the trophy is just icing on the cake. Pay attention starting at the 29 second mark to this interview conducted during his first stint with the Celtics. D-West just doesn't give a f***. He's a player, got that Greg? I would argue that this is true both on and off the court. How do you think he got all hugged up with Gloria?

Desperado

-KC Jones

Now I Ain't Sayin' She a Gold Digger,

Just a quick follow up to Big Ran's post about the Shaqnastics tournament that was being held this weekend with Shaq and his 'girlfriend', "Hoopz":

Hey Shaq, I'd get tested STAT if I were you considering this trick competed for and won the affection of FLAVOR FLAV on season one of "Flavor of Love". Flavor Flav as a grand prize? Seriously, unless she was legally blind and deaf, how could she even STOMACH the hot tub with him (among other things)? Money talks.. and I think she's furthering her fame whore tendencies by 'shaqing up' with you! (pun intended)

No idea who the dude is on the left, but he's definitely better looking than FLAVORRR FLAAAAVV!!

-KC Jones

Big Ran Note:  Love the term "Shaqnastics."  Add that to Webster's ASAP.