Has Anyone Seen Santa Claus Lately??

Man who died in chimney found 27 years later

Updated: Thursday, 28 Jul 2011, 7:44 AM EDT
Published : Thursday, 28 Jul 2011, 7:26 AM EDT

ABBEVILLE, La. (AP) - Authorities say bones found in the chimney of a bank in Louisiana have been identified and belong to a man who has been missing for 27 years.

The man's remains were found in May when the bank started renovations. Abbeville police Lt. David Hardy says the remains belong to Joseph W. Schexnider. He was 22 years old when his family last saw him in January 1984.

At that time, Schexnider was wanted for possessing a stolen car, but it's not clear exactly why or when Schexnider entered the chimney.

Officials couldn't determine how he died, but police speculate that he starved.

The bank closed off the chimney in the mid to late 1980s.

Copyright © 2011 The Associated Press. All rights reserved

Read more: http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/offbeat/mans-body-found-in-chimney-27-years-later-25-apx-20110728?obref=obinsite#ixzz1ToGxaUVp

Okay, so all I want to say is, seriously? Honestly, a human being goes 'missing' for 27 years and his bones are then found in a chimney? Also, if it's true that he starved to death, that must have been a very long and painful process. Also, if you were stuck in a chimney, or anywhere for that matter, wouldn't you make noise? And, it's not like it's air-tight or soundproof. Somebody must have known SOMETHING! I know it's Louisiana, so I shouldn't expect much, but I'm having a really hard time with all of this, so I'd like to reflect by putting together a brief, but appropriately themed playlist:

1. Up On The Roof-The Drifters: Because this is where it all began obviously.


2. Nowhere to Run: Martha Reeves & the Vandellas: If he stole the car, as reported, he was obviously on the run from law enforcement, although I have no idea who would think a chimney would be a good hiding place.


3. Chim Chimney: From "Mary Poppins", possibly one of the WORST movies ever. I hate it, I hate this song, but at least I've found some use for it now. I don't need to explain any further, the title says it all.


4. Up on the House Top (or in this case, Bank Top): How do we know the bones that they found do not belong to Santa Claus? Just a thought....


5. "Trapped in the Closet"-R.Kelly: Ok, so again, we know he was trapped in a chimney, but being trapped is being trapped, regardless. Plus it's R.Kelly, so it's extra ridiculous and it would be a waste to NOT feature part of his collection any time it is appropriate (and when ISN'T it appropriate, really?)


That is all for right now!

-KC Jones

LeEgo Strikes Again

I can't decide what LeEgo's problem is.  Is it that he's really, really dumb?  Is it that he's an immature, petulant man-child?  Is it that while he secretly wants everyone to love him, he tries to pretend will take on all the haters?  Nice Heat themed Akron t-shit, you douche.

Just stay in Miami and go ringless until the new CBA kicks in and forces the Heat to trade you or Bosh.  The only thing that makes me happy about this picture is the hope that one of those kids turned around and slugged him square in the nuts as soon as that lovely picture was taken.

-Big Ran 

Ethical Question?

OK, I have an ethical dilemma here at the ol' workplace.  We have a sweet new wheelchair in the office just in case anyone ever visited that had some mobility issues.  Can I cruise the hallways in this thing?  In no way would I do it to offend anyone, I just really want to try it out.  I have enough comedy cache in the office that I think people would be cool with it.  WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?!!?!

-Big Ran

KC Jones Says: Stem Cell research is an ethical dilemma,  embryo harvesting is an ethical dilemma-- an unused wheelchair hanging out in your office is an invitation!!! There is absolutely NO reason why you can and/or shouldn't take it for a spin. And, if anyone has an issue and gets offended, let's be serious: 1. You don't care Big Ran and 2. You could always play the "I'm just trying to understand what other people go through" card. I hope you're already in it, cruising around! HOLLLLLLLAAAAAAA!

I would love to tell you I am relaxed and refreshed and pumped to be back in the office.  I am not.  The last two weeks went by in a flash and all I got was this stupid sunburn.  I will have more as the day goes on.  I have to ease back into this.

Uggghhhh.

-Big Ran

Movie Review - Whatever Harry Potter is in Theaters Now

Hey errbody!  So I am on vacation this week and had a little date night with Mrs. Big Ran last night.  We went to dinner, then saw "Harry Potter 8:  The Revenge."  I have seen all the Harry Potter movies, not because I am some creepy dude who lives in his Mom's basement (just an aside, the thought of not having a mortgage to pay, makes that pretty appealing), but because I have seen all of them since I got married.

Anyway, I saw the last movie in the theater whenever it was out (last summer? Just researched it, last summer is correct), so I figured I would remember all the things I would need for this latest edition.

Wrong.  I had no idea what was going on in the first 30 minutes of this movie.  Not that it wasn't well done, I just have the information retention of a four year old.  Anyway, I always expect more out of these movies, but it seems to always come down to Harry and that snake-faced dude shooting lasers out of their wands at each other until someone or something gets blowed out.  They need more car chases.

Also, this is what I have never understood:  Harry Potter is the man in these movies, right?  This dude should be balls deep in witch pussy.  ALL THE TIME.  There is a scene in the movie where he and his buddies go back to their old wizard school and you can see these chicks want a piece of his meat wand.  Nothing.  Then (SPOILER ALET), after he kills the snake-faced dude, he walks back through the school, which is in ruins, but he should be a conquering hero and have wizard chicks at his beck and call.  That's my problem with this movie.  In real life, Harry wouldn't settle for that super average red head, he'd be casting spells on big breasted British chicks.  I would see that movie.

On the ride home from the movie, I said this (well, some of it) to my wife.  She had a lot of great reasons why he wouldn't do that and I realized two things:

1.  She pays way more attention to the details of a story/movie more than I do.

2.  I definitely have some demented thoughts that run through my head and pretty much come up with my own plot while watching a movie.

So, I give this move 3 out of 5 stars.  It would have been 4 if he hooked up with a bunch of chicks.

-Big Ran

Toys for Tots....

Just when I thought nothing could shock me, I heard this on the news tonight:

 

A controversial new doll is leaving some parents wishing for the good old Cabbage Patch days.
A Spanish toymaker known as Berjuan has developed a breast-feeding doll that comes with a special halter top its young "mothers" wear as they pretend to breast-feed their "babies." The halter top has daisies that cover the little girls’ nipples and come undone just as easily as the flaps of a nursing bra would.
The doll — called Bebe Gloton, which translates as “gluttonous baby” — makes sucking noises as it "feeds."


Like many other dolls, Bebe Gloton can cry, signaling she wants more milk. Although many health care providers promote the benefits of breast-feeding, parents around the world have criticized Berjuan, saying the idea of breast-feeding is too grown-up for young children -- and may even promote early pregnancy.

"That's not cool," Lori Reynolds, of El Paso, Texas, told KFOXTV.com. "No, I would never get that for my child."

But other moms said they support the product.

"I think that it’s great that people want to have a doll that promotes breast-feeding,” said Rose Haluschak, also of El Paso. “Most dolls that are purchased come with a bottle. That is the norm in society, an artificial way to feed your baby.”

Dr. Manny Alvarez, managing health editor of FOXNews.com, said although he supports the idea of breast-feeding, he sees how his own daughter plays with dolls and wonders if Bebe Gloton might speed up maternal urges in the little girls who play it.

“Pregnancy has to entail maturity and understanding,” Alvarez said. “It’s like introducing sex education in first grade instead of seventh or eighth grade. Or, it could inadvertently lead little girls to become traumatized. You never know the effects this could have until she’s older.”

Alvarez said breast-feeding reduces childhood infections, strengthens maternal bonding and increases the child’s immune system. But introducing breast-feeding to girls young enough to play with dolls seems inappropriate, he said.

“What’s next?” wrote Eric Ruhalter, a parenting columnist for New Jersey’s Star Ledger. “Bebe Sot — the doll who has a problem with a different kind of bottle, and loses his family, job and feelings of self-worth? Bebe Limp — the male doll who experiences erectile dysfunction? Bebe Cell Mate — a weak, unimposing doll that experiences all the indignation and humiliation of life in prison? "Toy themes should be age appropriate. I think so anyway.”

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,537261,00.html#ixzz1SWC0cqiM

Ok, so I don't care what anyone else thinks, this is just plain ridiculous. There is no need for it, but at the same time, it's absolutely hilarious. The best part is the English translation for the name of the doll, 'gluttonous baby'. Really? So now, not only are we promoting little girls attempting to breastfeed, but we're also supporting childhood obesity. This is really mind-blowing. The thing is this; if a little girl is playing with a doll and wants to pretend to breastfeed it, they are going to do it anyway. There does NOT need to a be a special halter top with flowers to hide nipples and a baby that makes 'sucking' noises. As for the people who are concerned that the doll will make little girls want to get pregnant (that is what 'speed up maternal urges' means), I'd have to wholeheartedly disagree. Something tells me the "Leche League" is lapping this up and will be milking it for a while! (Puns Intended!)

 

I hope Santa and his elves are already getting to work, because this is obviously going to be a hot item for Christmas 2011. I mean, at $112 a piece, what parent WOULDN'T want to get this for their child. Quick question; what would the people quoted in the article above say about a little boy playing with this doll? I say YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! 

 

P.S. Notice on the picture of the box the Spaniards say "BLUUURP" instead of "BURP". I had no idea Spanish babies made different noises than American babies.  

P.P.S Look at the doll, it's just plain scary with it's beady little eyes. It's making me nervous. I'd let it starve before I mock breastfed it.

-KC Jones

We're #1 (Again!)!!

Well, for the second time in two weeks, Boston has locked up a superlative. Last week, as you may remember, it was decided that Boston was the worst dressed city in the country. This week, it gets better. Not only should Bostonians (made up word?) be featured on the TLC hit, "What Not To Wear", but they are also the reason why the capital of Massachusetts captured the #1 spot in 'least friendly city in the U.S. poll'.  This is awesome!

Couple of thoughts on this:

First, after residents of the city had the 'worst dressed' title slapped on them, did anyone expect them to be friendly? I would probably be a little standoffish if my wardrobe was called out as heinous.

Also, with Deval (aka Devolve) Patrick as Governor of the state, the astronomical costs of living residents of "Taxachusetts" face, the Big Dig (and other traffic disasters), the Boston Harbor being a filthy mess, brutal winters, terrible public transportation, and Danny Ainge running the Celtics, what did we expect to happen? If I lived in that city day in and day out, I'd be unfriendly as well.  

Boston MIGHT be the most unfriendly city, but the French are still the most unfriendly and rude population, period.

Survey: Boston least friendly city

Updated: Monday, 18 Jul 2011, 2:44 PM EDT
Published : Monday, 18 Jul 2011, 6:55 AM EDT

BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Boston is known for many things, including great seafood, a rich history and our love of sports. But apparently being pleasant isn't one of them, as Boston was named the least friendly city.

Two psychologists took a national survey where Americans measured certain "character strengths."

For each of the country's 50 largest cities, they came up with an average score. Boston came in dead last.
The mayor is not buying the results.

"I think look at here today, everybody's friendly here," said Mayor Tom Menino. "I go to all the events in the city of Boston. People say gee what a friendly city. Ask the cab drivers. They think we have a friendly city also. I don't know who did this poll. I never heard of it. It's one of those polls that some people I don't think there's any credibility in it at all."

A Boston College professor tells the Boston Globe one reason why we might be seen as unfriendly is our history, which has been shaped by periods of discrimination.

Read more: http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/local/survey-boston-least-friendly-city-20110718#ixzz1SW6aitX7

-KC Jones

We're #1!!

Sadly, I'd have to say I agree with this.....but only because they obviously didn't look at Worcester or Springfield while doing their research. Had those 2 cities been included, Massachusetts would have the top 3 seeds locked up and Boston might not have looked quite so bad! Just another reason to consider moving to Providence.

BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Boston is a city known for its rich history, institutes of higher learning and dominance of the sports world, but apparently not sartorial splendor. GQ has named Boston the worst-dressed city in America.

According to the GQ article :
Boston is like America's Bad-Taste Storm Sewer: all the worst fashion ideas from across the country flow there, stagnate, and putrefy. To be fair, it's hard to be a fashion capital when half of your population is made up of undergraduate hoodie monsters...

So, in essence, Boston is a bad fashion city because of college kids, mostly not from Boston, dressing sloppily.  OK.  Maybe we have the most annoying public transportation for the same reason.  When does that list come out?

If you're still feeling bummed out about our city's poor couture designation, check out the rest of the list, it's filled with, essentially, every major city in America.  Just think of it as another championship for Boston.
Here are the bottom 10 of the 40 Worst-Dressed American Cities
10. St. Louis
9. Miami
8. Salt Lake City
7. Maui
6. Philly
5. Manhattan
4. Chicago
3. Pittsburgh
2. Los Angeles
1. Boston

Read more: http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/local/gq-names-boston-worst-dressed-city-20110715#ixzz1SBhZAzci

-KC Jones

Irrational Rant....Christmas in July

This will be a quick one, but good nevertheless!

I was on my way into work this morning and as I was driving by this one house, I noticed that they had Christmas decorations up. It was all out. There was a wreath on the door, and lights were still on the house.  The house wasn't abandoned as I saw someone coming out of it. I'm not sure if they are in a time warp or if perhaps they don't know that it's July 15th, NOT December 25th! The fact that we live in Massachusetts and it's been in the 80's and 90's lately is a pretty clear indicator that the holiday season is very far off.

I've never understood people who don't take their Christmas decorations down within an acceptable time frame. For me, the deadline is February 1st, and even that is pushing it. However, given how bad the past winter was, I was even willing to accept lights remaining on people's houses until all the snow went away. People definitely shouldn't be risking their lives climbing onto icy, snow covered roofs in order to take their decorations down. But, as I mentioned above, it is now July 15th and there is absolutely no excuse for this.

"Christmas in July" is appropriate for retailers only, not civilians. Also, it is perfectly acceptable to keep the Christmas spirit alive all year, but there is no place for decorations in doing this. If people are THAT lazy, I don't know what to say. I'm thinking of going after work and 'helping' them. Somebody might be going home tonight with a new Christmas wreath and a few strands of lights!

 Happy Friday!

-KC Jones

The Life & Times of Big Ran....

I'm sure that you're all sad that Big Ran is traveling for work and then on vacation, so he wanted me to keep all of his peeps up to date on his travels and whereabouts...I'm thinking that despite having to fly from Boston to Dallas in order to get to Calgary (riiiiiiighhhhhhhhht), our boy Big Ran is definitely enjoying himself! Canada (aka the hideous growth on the forehead of the United States) has no idea what it's in for! Hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your husbands, cause Big Ran is gon' be harassing err'body up in there!

-----Original Message-----

> From: Big Ran

> Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 10:36 AM

> To: KC Jones

> Subject: TX

>

> Hey if you want you could update the blog with my travels.  I am

> currently in Dallas having second breakfast consisting of Guinness and

> mini burgers.

>

>

>

> Sent from my iPhone

>