Red Sox On Swole!

The Sox took two out of three from the Yanks this weekend, which is always nice even if it is overrated.  Both of these teams are at least 8 games up in the Wild Card race, so they'll both be in the playoffs.  However, it is still always nice to take a series from them because you know if the Yanks won two of three, their fans would be all fired up about being ahead in the division.

How about that guy behind Ochocinco, huh?  Kind of looks like Bill Clinton a little bit, who coincidentally, is KC's favorite President EVER.  Also, Chad is marrying Antoine Walker's ex-fiance?  Interesting.  That's about all I can say on that.

From People:  The couple have also grown closer through adversity, after Lozada – the ex-fiancée of former NBA player Antoine Walker – was attacked on her VH1 reality show Basketball Wives after revealing she had slept with a castmate's ex-husband. She said Ochocinco helped her get through the episode. 

"I was having a hard time [watching]," she says. "I have a lot of followers on Twitter, so everyone has an opinion on your life, and they think they know you. Some of the things they say are hurtful, but he made me keep it together. He's very supportive with everything."

Yeah, nothing could go wrong here.

-Big Ran

PS:  I am going to use "on swole" as much as possible today.

Stuck in My Head

This wasn't stuck in my head right after I woke up, but after hearing Brandon Merriweather's song on The Sports Hub this morning, it is obviously the only thing I could possibly think about.  I had heard this when they first played it (audio below), but I am really feeling it now.  Maybe it is because the NFL season will be starting soon.  Everything is on SWOOOOOLE!



-Big Ran

PS: I should probably add a little more info for those of you not familiar with Brandon Meriweather. He is a safety for the Patriots, drafted in the 1st round out of Miami in 2007 and he's on swole.

Time to Make the Donuts....

So, I was watching the Red Sox/Yankee series this weekend & I was reminded of a topic I've been wanting to touch on: Professional Athletes who are in horrific shape! The irony here is incredible. These men get paid millions upon millions of dollars to BE IN GOOD SHAPE AND WIN! Unfortunately, some of them have missed the memo and have let themselves go. Sometimes, these athletes excel in spite of their tank asses and beer guts, but more often than not, when they let themselves go, they fail to reach their full potential. So, I'd like to provide a quick list of professional athletes who you'd expect to find in McDonald's rather than on the field/court/etc....here are my top picks....

1. C.C. Sabathia: New York Yankees: He is my one of my favorite examples. This dude has moobs, a beer belly, and his uniform could be cut up and made into uniforms for the entire team. Out of shape appears to be an understatement in this case. Look at this picture, can you see the sweat? Yes, athletes sweat, but this pic was probably taken while he was throwing out the first pitch of the game. I get winded just watching him. From what I've seen and heard, he's successful despite his weight (although he does seem to struggle against the Red Sox). Obviously seeing him this weekend reminded me that I wanted to blog about this topic.

2. Robert "Tractor" Traylor: NBA Player: Sadly, he recently passed away from a heart attack at the young age of 34.No longer playing in the NBA, he had 'taken his talents' (shout out to Le'Douche James) to Puerto Rico. This guy had big talent during his time at Michigan, was heavily scouted and left college to be picked #6 in the 1998 draft, but his full potential wasn't even CLOSE to being recognized as a professional. This is my favorite picture of him because first of all the uniform is just ridiculous--seriously, the Toronto Raptors have NEVER been taken seriously and this jersey proves why! And secondly, I think he MIGHT have been given a size "Small" when he needed an "XL". RIP Tractor.



3. John Daly: Professional Golfer: Let me preface this by saying that I do not view golf as a sport. It is a hobby, a past time, and surely it does require skill, but so doesn't knitting, cooking, and painting, and none of those activities are considered sports. However, since many people DO consider it a sport, I have to include the biggest (literally) disaster of all time in this list. The man smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish, and probably eats a full meal at least once an hour, so I can't believe he's even alive, let alone able to walk the golf course. I guess that's why they have carts----wanna bet his cart (and bag) are full of scooby snacks for the long walks between holes?

He looks good for a pregnant man!

4. Vince Wilfork: New England Patriots: No doubt about it, this guy is a beast! He's lived up to his full potential and then some and has the championships to prove it. I'm sure his sport of choice is a huge reason for this, because if he were a baseball, basketball, or hockey player things wouldn't be so rosy for him. There is almost no difference in the width of his head and neck, and his jersey looks like spandex on him! I love this guy----fun to watch play, fun to listen to, and someone any team would be proud to have!

5. Glen "Big Baby" Davis: Boston Celtics: Even at his best, this guy is doughy and lacking in the muscle definition department. Baby has his great spurts but there are always disastrous spurts intermingled. Granted, he's in much better shape now than he was at LSU, but I guess that's not really saying much. I'm sure all Celtics fans were as proud as I was to see him topless on the parade route during 2008, proving that you don't have to be ripped like Ray Allen to be a champion.

6. Antoine Walker: former NBA Player, various teams: 'Toine's talents were sadly overshadowed by his tremendous lack of discipline off the court. This guy had so much potential, but a series of poor decisions both professionally and personally have left him bankrupt and playing for the Idaho Stampede--one of the D-League teams. It should also be noted that this member of the 2006 Miami Heat Championship team was also sent home from the team at one point because he was so out of shape and gaining weight. Seriously?! How awesome is that? That's something you don't hear about every day!! The Walker Wiggle was no joke!

And the list goes on....but again, these are my favorites....

Happy Monday!


-KC Jones

*Big Ran Addition:

David Wells - This dude was sloppy fat and was somehow a decent pitcher.  He also pitched a perfect game drunk from the night before.

Dante Bichette - This was the type of guy the old regime for the Sox would always sign or aquire.  The over-th-hill, slow, fat veteran, who maybe had some talent 10 years earlier.  God, I hated this guy.

Stuck In My Head

So Big Ran isn't the only one who constantly has random songs stuck in his head. However, he's a genius as he decided to turn this affliction into a 'regular' topic here at "The Takeover". So, this morning, this is what I woke up with (It should be noted that this particular jingle pops up into my mind weekly and has ever since I first saw the commercial years back):



This commercial ranks in the top 10 of all time as far as I'm concerned. It's not necessarily hilarious, but it's just awesome...and it was a great idea in my opinion. PLUS, even people who HATE it couldn't stop singing it when it was out and popular. It's also extremely true---who HASN'T had an 'alarm clock catastrophe'? Hope it's on repeat in your heads for the rest of the day as well.

-KC Jones

Public Enemies....

Iran Arrests 17 Youths For Water Fight

Updated: Sunday, 07 Aug 2011, 9:35 AM EDT

(NewsCore) - TEHRAN -- Iranian police arrested 17 boys and girls over a water fight at a seaside park in the Islamic Republic's south, a senior judicial official said Sunday.

"Seventeen young boys and girls who were squirting water at each other were arrested on Friday in one of the beach parks" in the city of Bandar Abbas, Homozgan province's justice chief Ali Alia said, quoted by ISNA news agency.

Alia added that "five were immediately let go" and that the rest were released on bail Sunday but could face sentences for publicly committing an "act forbidden" by Islam and "insulting police officers."

On July 29, several hundred youths took part in a large-scale water battle using water guns and empty bottles at Ab-o-Atash (Water and Fire) park in central Tehran after organizing the event on Facebook and through text messages.

Ten of them were arrested as photos of the event emerged on social networking websites and eventually made their way into the media but were released Saturday on bail, the Shargh newspaper reported Sunday.
Officials and conservative media denounced the event in which, according to circulated photos, soaked boys and girls -- some with their mandatory hijabs askew -- attacked each other with water pistols in the heat-weary capital.

By law, the hijab is obligatory for all women in Iran.

General Ahmad Rouzbahani, the head of the morality police, warned recently in a television appearance that police forces, in accordance with the law, "will act forcefully against this type of action and will not allow such events to happen in public places, or anywhere throughout the country."
Copyright 2011 AFP. All rights reserved.

Read more: http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpps/news/iran-arrests-17-youths-for-water-fight-dpgonc-km-20110807_14469730#ixzz1ULxI19ly

Ok, Couple of things:

1. I read things like this and I want to get down on my hands and knees and thank GOD for allowing me live in the best country in the world.  

2. I would be really bad at being Iranian because my mandatory hijab would CONSTANTLY be 'askew'. Seriously. If a woman WANTS to wear it, cool, but we all know they aren't given that choice.

3. Hmmmmm. "The Morality Police".....WHAT?! A country full of violence, hatred for so many, and that treats women as second class citizens has something called "morality police"?? I'm having a tough time wrapping my weak little woman's mind around that. That country has FAR bigger issues than children having water fights in the hot summer months. Something tells me that THEIR idea of morality and OUR idea of morality might be slightly different.  

4. Can you even imagine the chaos that must ensue in Iran when a snowball fight breaks out? Wait, does it even snow in Iran? I don't care enough to Google that right now..... 

-KC Jones 

Life's a Beach....

This summer has been absolutely perfect weather wise. Nobody in their right mind could honestly or seriously complain. Summer means hot and humid weather with plenty of sunshine. This is the time of year we all pine away for throughout the months of December through February or March.

For me and many others, the best way to spend these days is by the water. Whether it's a pool or a beach, count me in. I love the water, it's so calming, healing, and relaxing.....But, the beach can also be the biggest shit show going! Because I'm a jerk, I thoroughly enjoy people watching and engaging in commentary with my friends. I've decided to kick it up a notch this year so I snapped some pictures of the lunatics we saw during one of our beach days. I've chosen the top three from a recent trip to one of the beaches in Rhode Island.

Before anyone says or thinks I'm mean, let me just remind you: If these people DIDN'T think they were awesome and/or DIDN'T want to be seen, they wouldn't be parading around like this:

Ummmm....what? You should have seen this dude's female counterpart. They were happily oiling each other up and Jersey Shore was in the HOUSEEE!!!! And after their day at the beach, they went home and she shot him up with 'roids and he applied more self-tanner to her body and they lived happily ever after. For some reason, I have no doubt in my mind that this dude is looking into hair plugs so he can hang out with the REAL Guidos.

Ok, the only time these shorts would be appropriate on a male is if/when they were being used as boxer briefs UNDER a pair of regulation shorts or pants. I guess these nuthuggers MIGHT be acceptable in Europe, but guess what? We're in the goold old U.S.A. and if you dress like this, you're automatically on the chopping block.

As a woman with respect for other women and sympathy for the body issues we ALL have, I feel slightly bad about posting this picture. Anyone who knows me knows that I do NOT judge people by their weight and I think it's awful when people make fun of others because of it.  HOWEVER, as a woman with common sense and respect for the eyesight and stomach of those around me, I know better than to parade around like this. Listen, we ALL have trouble spots, and obviously, women seem to have more of these trouble spots than men. This woman shouldn't have to stay home and hide her body. However, if I were her, I would have been sporting a really nice cover up. As it is, I throw on a cute little beach skirt as soon as I get out of the water and when I was slightly more insecure than I currently am, I used to opt for a 'skirted' bathing suit bottom. Because if I don't want to see my cellu-ass, I'm gonna have to assume no one else does either!

So, in closing, I'd like to say: I love the summer, I love the water, I love the beach, and I ADORE people watching.

-KC Jones

Office Etiquette...Bring Your Children To Work Day(s)

Everyone has heard of "Bring Your Child To Work Day". Many companies have this event on an annual basis, it's advertised, and people know it's going to happen. Like it or not, it's understandable and it can sometimes be fun and one of those days where nothing gets done. Some people's kids are awesome, cute and funny and full of personality. I look forward to seeing some of my cowokers' children. However, some people's kids just suck. They are obnoxious, THINK that they're cute, and are super annoying. Unfortunately for the general public, these children are the ones whose parents allow them to roam free and annoy everyone in the general vicinity.

Ok, so I can cope with something like "Bring Your Child To Work Day" because I have to pick and choose my battles. The purpose of this post is to address the people who choose to institute their own 'bring your child to work' days randomly and when it's convenient to them. 

I've been in the working world for half of my life, and in an office setting for 10 years. I can't stand when I hear the pitter patter of sick children in the cubes or offices around me. I'm sorry, but if your child is sick, it is YOUR responsibility, as a parent, to stay home and take care of them. First of all, how unfair is it to the child to make them spend their day in a cube when they are sick and should be in bed? Secondly, none of us are that important (except in our own minds), that we can't take a sick day. Contrary to certain people's beliefs, the company WILL continue to exist in their absence. And honestly, if your job really is that critical, you aren't going to be able to bring your child into your P.O.E anyway. Third, sick days and personal days are available for a reason. And finally, how about consideration for others? Last time I checked I work in a Corporate Office, NOT in a Pediatrician's Office.

My other issue related to this topic is this: Why is this behavior acceptable for people who work in offices? This wouldn't be tolerated in the fields of medicine, law, education, or retail, for example. Could you picture a lawyer showing up for court with their child in tow? Or a doctor coming into the exam room and greeting you along with their child.What a double standard!

I don't feel like being at work in the first place, so I shouldn't have to sit there listening  to a sick child hacking away, blowing their nose, and/or whining. Little Timmy and Jane are gross anyways, as little kids can often be. Miniature, mobile germ factories. This is how the Swine Flu and SARS are spread and also why we can't have anything nice.

The moral of the story is this: Office Etiquette is being violated when sick children are being brought to a P.O.E. Proper Office Etiquette Dictates only one of the two following solutions:

1. Stay home with your sick child.
2. Have someone come and stay with your sick child.


 *For a good time, go to Google and search Images for "Sick Children".....How does the following picture factor into this? Maybe Google THOUGHT I meant, "Children Who Make Us Sick"---damn you autocorrect!

-KC Jones

Late Lunchtime Look-a-Like

I'm not exactly sure how this one popped into my head, maybe it is because Jaromir Jagr has been in sports news a bit because he is coming back to the NHL and has talked a little trash to his old fan base in Pittsburgh.  It certainly isn't for John Stamos aka Uncle Jesse, because he ain't doing sh!t.

Jaromir Jagr:

Uncle Jesse:

Now, sans mullets:

Welp, that should do it for me, everybody.  It's about time I head out on that dusty trail and beat the Cap traffic.  Vaya con Dios, bitches!

-Big Ran

PS:  Can you tell I totally mailed this one in?  This is really a hair style look-a-like.  You got my C+ game today.  I don't want to make any big promises, but KC Jones could have some stuff in the pipeline this weekend.

The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat

AUBURN, AL (WTVM) - The Lee County Sheriff's Department came up with a creative way to arrest parents who have failed to pay child support.


Authorities set up a phony fan organization, which sent out letters to various residents in the county who are not paying child support.


The letters told them they had won tickets to this year's Iron Bowl contest between Auburn and Alabama at Jordan-Hare Stadium. They were invited to a huge tailgate party Friday where they could pick up their tickets. Investigators called their sting: Operation Iron Snare.


The officers, clad in Auburn and Alabama gear, were waiting at this ‘tailgate party,' even applauding the so-called winners when they entered the building.


When the deadbeat parents arrived, they had to show a driver's license to win their ticket, but then the tables turned. They were cuffed.


After their arrests, the parents were taken by bus to the Lee County Sheriff's office to meet with a court administrator.


They had a choice to pay either a percentage of what they owe to their children or stay in jail until they saw a judge.


"We have totaled it up and so far, the arrests equaled to about $250,000 in child support. We want to send a message: ‘If you don't pay child support we are going to get you one way or another,'" said Major Tommy Carter, Lee County Sheriff's Office.


The Lee County Sheriff's office says Operation Iron Snare was such a success that they are planning on doing it again, but this time they will have to come up with something even more creative than tickets to the Iron Bowl.


The first guy getting pinched in this video made me feel really bad for a second, then I remembered he was totally screwing over his kids.  However, my obvious favorite was the last guy who asked if he still got the tickets.  A close second goes to the fact they are playing The Black Eyed Peas when that lady got busted.  Hey, you gotta set the right mood for a sting operation.

-Big Ran

How Does this Happen?

That's Pee Wee Herman with Tony Romo at the Cowboys training camp.  How does this happen?  Can you imagine something like this at the Patriots camp?  I am going to go out on a limb and say this:  The Cowboys are going to suck.  If they had Pee Wee in his hay day, you know, Big Adventure Pee Wee, they might be on to something.  However, this is old, sad, washed up Pee Wee.  Get your sh!t together, Dallas.

-Big Ran

PS:  You might want to keep the Cowboys cheerleaders of site while Pee Wee is around.

Wikipedia - In July 1991, while visiting relatives, Reubens was arrested in Sarasota, Florida for masturbating while secluded in a darkened adult theater. Detectives would periodically visit pornographic theatres and observe the audience, arresting those engaged in indecent exposure. After arresting a number of other men, a detective who had been observing Reubens stopped him on his way out. While detectives examined his driver's license, Reubens told them, "I'm Pee-wee Herman", and offered to do a children's benefit for the sheriff's office, "to take care of this". The next day, after a local reporter recognized Reubens's name, Reubens's attorney made the same offer to the Sarasota Herald-Tribune in exchange for withholding the story. This was not Reubens's first arrest in the county; in 1971 he was arrested for loitering and prowling near an adult theater, though charges were later dropped. His second arrest was in 1983 when Reubens was placed on two years' probation for possession of marijuana, although adjudication was withheld. The night of the arrest Reubens fled to Nashville, where his sister and lawyer lived, and then to New Jersey, where he would stay for the following months at his friend Doris Duke's estate.